Nicole_P
01-08-2006, 02:11 PM
Hello gals-
I thought I would share a little story I wrote- which is basically true- Maybe some of you can relate :o
The Dis-Ease
When I was a little, I grew up as a normal, easy going, and very active child. I had many friends and was always playing with them. One day when I was about 5 years old, I was playing with my brother and sisters, and during the course of that particular day, realized a profound feeling I had never felt before. A switch inside of me turned on.* I asked my brother if he felt it, and he said no! I couldn’t figure it out, but I felt sooo good. It was later in my life that I came to realize, that at that moment, I had acquired the dis-ease.
I didn’t realize it for many years, and simply tried to ignore the feelings that were inside of me, but they would never go away. To everyone else, I appeared normal. But I knew different. I didn’t know why or how, but I knew I was different.
As I grew older, I felt the dis-ease affecting my brain. The feeling of being different was growing fast by the day. The dis-ease was affecting me at the core of my being, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I tried to figure out ways to kill it, but I didn’t know if it could be killed. I just had to kill it. It was killing me!
It was about this time in my life that I fell in love. I was so happy that my dis-ease was hidden from sight, for I felt if my spouse knew I had the dis-ease, I would be dropped like a bad habit. I was thankful for my partner, but I didn’t know how the dis-ease would affect us. I felt that in order for us to be happy, it must never be brought up. I did not know how bad the dis-ease was. I thought I could live with it and not let anyone else know. I was wrong.
Right after turning 40, my dis-ease was beginning to affect me in ways I could not bear. I needed to tell someone about this- I needed to tell my spouse. But, what kind of a reaction would I get? Will I be left alone? I couldn’t bear that thought, but I had to do something. I saw no way out. One night as I lay in bed tossing and turning, my spouse asked what was wrong. Talking through the tears, I shared the story of my dis-ease. When I had finished, my sympathetic mate still said-‘I love you’. I was very relieved, but what was even stranger, I felt so much better. Was I finding a cure? Was telling people I had the dis-ease helping to cure the dis-ease?
My euphoria was short lived, as I continually was reminded that this dis-ease would not go away. But I knew there was something to the ‘telling’. I needed to find out what that was, so I decided to slowly tell as many people as possible. I had not find the cure-yet, but maybe an aspirin ? What I did find however, was that with every person I told of this soul torturing illness, I felt I was closer to a cure. With each person I told, I felt better and better. And then it hit me! I was feeling better and better, because people were now meeting the real me. I was onto something. I was feeling better and better, but some people started to feel sick. Maybe that is when ‘they learned that they had a dis-ease’ too. And then I finally figured it out- I was not the one who was sick. Everyone who couldn’t accept me was….
My dis-ease, was nothing more than a ‘dis-easiness’ with myself. Once I found myself and let others see me, I was ‘cured’ happy and free!! But for some it was their misfortune, for I found that a lot of people in this world have a 'dis-ease' of there own that they MUST find a cure for...
*I had put on a cute little flowered dress ;)
Hugs-
Nicole
I thought I would share a little story I wrote- which is basically true- Maybe some of you can relate :o
The Dis-Ease
When I was a little, I grew up as a normal, easy going, and very active child. I had many friends and was always playing with them. One day when I was about 5 years old, I was playing with my brother and sisters, and during the course of that particular day, realized a profound feeling I had never felt before. A switch inside of me turned on.* I asked my brother if he felt it, and he said no! I couldn’t figure it out, but I felt sooo good. It was later in my life that I came to realize, that at that moment, I had acquired the dis-ease.
I didn’t realize it for many years, and simply tried to ignore the feelings that were inside of me, but they would never go away. To everyone else, I appeared normal. But I knew different. I didn’t know why or how, but I knew I was different.
As I grew older, I felt the dis-ease affecting my brain. The feeling of being different was growing fast by the day. The dis-ease was affecting me at the core of my being, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I tried to figure out ways to kill it, but I didn’t know if it could be killed. I just had to kill it. It was killing me!
It was about this time in my life that I fell in love. I was so happy that my dis-ease was hidden from sight, for I felt if my spouse knew I had the dis-ease, I would be dropped like a bad habit. I was thankful for my partner, but I didn’t know how the dis-ease would affect us. I felt that in order for us to be happy, it must never be brought up. I did not know how bad the dis-ease was. I thought I could live with it and not let anyone else know. I was wrong.
Right after turning 40, my dis-ease was beginning to affect me in ways I could not bear. I needed to tell someone about this- I needed to tell my spouse. But, what kind of a reaction would I get? Will I be left alone? I couldn’t bear that thought, but I had to do something. I saw no way out. One night as I lay in bed tossing and turning, my spouse asked what was wrong. Talking through the tears, I shared the story of my dis-ease. When I had finished, my sympathetic mate still said-‘I love you’. I was very relieved, but what was even stranger, I felt so much better. Was I finding a cure? Was telling people I had the dis-ease helping to cure the dis-ease?
My euphoria was short lived, as I continually was reminded that this dis-ease would not go away. But I knew there was something to the ‘telling’. I needed to find out what that was, so I decided to slowly tell as many people as possible. I had not find the cure-yet, but maybe an aspirin ? What I did find however, was that with every person I told of this soul torturing illness, I felt I was closer to a cure. With each person I told, I felt better and better. And then it hit me! I was feeling better and better, because people were now meeting the real me. I was onto something. I was feeling better and better, but some people started to feel sick. Maybe that is when ‘they learned that they had a dis-ease’ too. And then I finally figured it out- I was not the one who was sick. Everyone who couldn’t accept me was….
My dis-ease, was nothing more than a ‘dis-easiness’ with myself. Once I found myself and let others see me, I was ‘cured’ happy and free!! But for some it was their misfortune, for I found that a lot of people in this world have a 'dis-ease' of there own that they MUST find a cure for...
*I had put on a cute little flowered dress ;)
Hugs-
Nicole