It has been a wild couple of weeks

[Robert]

Hi all,

Two weeks ago my wife confronted me about my crossdressing habit. Effectively, she dumped all my lingerie, and fem clothes in the middle of the floor while I was at work, and, upon my return, demanded that I explain what was going on. That led to a pretty crazy night, and a couple of very upsetting days.

At some level I always knew that she knew, but for months we both pretended everything was 'normal'. Her actions, though fuelled by anger and depression, have turned out to be a blessing, because things are out in the open where they can be dealt with.

In the wake of this, I resolved that I was going to be totally upfront, and answer any question she asked of me. She has asked a lot of questions, and some of the answers have blown her mind. To her absolute credit she has taken most of this in her stride. And, has admitted that, at some level, the whole thing turns her on.

Anyway, long story short. Tonight when I got home from work she took me to the local beauty salon, and I had a pedicure (my first ever) and my toe nails are now bright red. And, tomorrow she is taking me lingerie shopping.

We still have a bunch of things to work out, but I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off me.

[kimdl93]

My guess is that most of her greatest fears were put to rest by that difficult confrontation. It sounds as though there was a catharsis, perhaps for both of you, in coming to the truth through this difficult process.

[Katey888]

Sounds like your biggest hurdle has been crossed..? But you still may have some stormy times ahead - although her acceptance does sound very sincere.... Still - tread carefully..

A very good sign that your wife has wanted to be involved to the extent that she has (although she may have ulterior motives... :o) - so applause is definitely in order! :cheer:

I guess our SOs can also surprise us sometimes too... :)

Katey x

[Barbie Anne]

So glad it seems to be working out for you hon. Could have easily gone the other way, and cheers to your wife for embracing it.

Could be she wasn't as mad about the dressing so much as the deception, but as we all know, deception is something we live with on a daily basis.......well most of us :)

Hoping to hear some updates and that it all goes well dear.

p.s. gratz on the first pedi but be careful, they're quite addictive :)

[Jaylyn]

I have always thought this is the best advice in marriage and life and my spouse and I practice this " honesty and being up front with all our feelings helps to make a marriage grow. My wife has helped me many times as I have helped her in various things from medical, to deaths (of family members), to advice and sometimes just a hug and say everything is going to be ok. Remember that marriage to be a success has to be a team effort. Sounds like after your wife found that you are not loving the dressing more than her, that the dressing is not going to affect your love for her, and that you will work with her on your feelings about, then she is going to maybe work with you also. Let the whole dressing thing develop slowly. Same as a working relationship, every thing has to fall in place on its own time. She will realize that this can be fun for her and you. You both have more in common. I talk with my wife more now about her clothes and makeup and she says she loves the attention.... Yes give them your attention more and spend quality time with them and most marriages will flourish. Good luck on the small things ahead, just take baby steps and let her start helping you but you also make sure you tell her everything and share your feelings with her. Be sure to also listen to her feelings and reward her for being so kind, give her a special gift. Don't be scared to tell her how much you love and appreciate her every day. Those two things can go a long way.

[SheriM]

Wow! So glad it seems to be working out. For her to actually take you shopping for CD stuff is a giant hurdle. Wish my wife would accept my fem side a little more.
SheriM

[Robert]

... make sure you tell her everything and share your feelings with her. Be sure to also listen to her feelings and reward her for being so kind, give her a special gift. Don't be scared to tell her how much you love and appreciate her every day. Those two things can go a long way.

Yes. This is excellent advice, and we have both been trying really hard to come to terms with issues we both have. I feel closer to her than I have in the last couple of years.

I will try to keep you all posted on this journey, and hope it may prove useful to others who are facing similar situations.

Reading, and participating on this forum has helped more than you could possibly know. I realise that I'm not alone.

Thank you to everyone from the bottom of my heart. I am sincerely grateful to you all.

In addition, everytime I look down at my feet I get a little buzz - I think my nails look awesome, but, more importantly, my red nails are the best gift anyone has ever given me. They signal her acceptance of the weirdo she married.

[MsVal]

First off, I am so very happy to read that your scary unintentional disclosure ultimately turned out well.

In many cases, thankfully not all, unintentional disclosures turn out very bad. Intentional disclosures have gone badly too, but it appears they are somewhat more successful than the unintentional ones.

Now that the closet is open you two can begin a dialog about limits, expectations, and shared experiences (such as your pedicure). The accumulated wisdom of the forum seems to be to take things slowly, progressing at the wife's pace, never exceeding her comfort level.

I suggest that you take advantage of this forum. It is a great resource for advice.

Best wisdom
MsVal

[Robert]

I suggest that you take advantage of this forum. It is a great resource for advice.

Best wisdom
MsVal

Thank you for your kind words.

I agree about power and usefulness of this forum. I think that me finally joining here, after months of lurking, has been (is) part of my journey out of the closet. It was a fundamental acknowledgement to myself that I am a crossdresser. I've been lying to my self about this for years and, as a result, lying to everyone else as well.

[Beverley Sims]

Robert,
I am pleased for you, but a word of warning, do not advance too quickly with this new found freedom and only advance at your wife's request.
If you go too fast she may go cold on you and that would be disappointing.

[Glenda58]

I'm happy things are working out for you. I know how scary it can be when you come home and fine your things out. Mine hasn't worked out yet but I'm working on it.

[Robert]

@Beverley Sims

This is very good advice. Baby steps.

@Glenda

Yeah. Being confronted with your deepest dark secret is terrifying. When I walked in the front door and saw that pile of stuff, I almost died. But, there was no turning back from that. It is hard to deny your proclivities when you are standing in front of a mountain of satin and lace. While it was a horrible experience it was incredibly cathartic too. I finally said the words out loud to another person 'I am a crossdresser'. Now every time I say it, it is a little bit easier. And, tomorrow when I buy some lingerie in the company of my wife, if anyone asks, I'll tell them it is for me.

The very best of luck with your situation.

[carhill2mn]

You have a great wife! Be sure to let her know that and keep up the communications.