Messed Up

[joanlynn28]

Well I have to say I really messed up now. I have been trying to hide my true identities from my SO but I was dumb enough to not clear my web browser history and she found out about my online activities. My name is Joan Lynn, I am a 44 year old TV who really wants to become a TG woman. I spent 26 days in a pyschiatrict hospital for sexual addiction at the NTC unit of a hospital in the LA area. While sexual addiction is not my core issue my condition is somewhat related. I started to cross dress in my early teens, I thought that getting married would help curb my desire to do it but in the past three years it has only gotten stronger. If it was not for my life commitments I would actively seek reassignment surgery. I am in consuling for my conditions but the urges get stronger all the time. Today I find out that my wife wants to move out so that I can dress up if I want to and she does not have to see me this way. The threat of her leaving me is not making me change my mind about the situation. I know that the only way for me to make a decision wehter to not keep seeking a change or to pursue it further will only come about if she actually packs up and leaves. I find it hard but I just cannot be honest with her or anyone else because right now I cannot even be hosnest with myself. Emotionally I am a mess because I can not become the woman I have longed to become but now it is looking like I maybe getting the chance to finally explore that possibilty. The other problem is that my wife read my journal that I have been keeping since I was hospitalized and she also saw my decision matrik that I worked on with my therapist about seeking a sex change. Does anyone out there of any support groups that are in the greater San Diego area so that I can seek help with my situation. I desperately need to talk to somebody in the same situation as me.:(

[DanaJ]

I moved your thread to this section, and I think you will get more replies here. Good luck :thumbsup:

[Christina Nicole]

I don't know the answer for your situation. I can only illustrate mine as an analogy. I know now that I'm TS. Maybe not very strongly, but I feel that I wish I really could live as a woman. But, I'm married and don't have the freedom to transition. I also have commitments that transitioning would make fulfilling difficult.

When I got married, I knew I liked wearing women' clothes. I thought that I would like to be a woman, but didn't think much beyond that, mostly because I did not know much more than that. I also thought that being married would "cure" me of the desire. Now I know more, but there is not much I can do about it. I made a vow for better or for worse... until death. Either I was lying then to my wife, my friends and family, and myself or I'm lying to myself now.

I know a lot of TS women who transitioned after marriage. Very few left no problems behind them. Most left the wrecked lives of a spouse, family, and children. That does not seem responsible. They made a promise, and they self-interestedly broke it.

Think long and hard about the others in your life. We have to put others first and find happiness in their joy that we share rather than our own exclusive and selfish happiness.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[Aileen]

Sometimes a woman will stay married to man who has transitioned into being a woman, but that's rare. For the rest of us, we have choices to make, and no one can make them for us. Life is full of choices. You can't have everything; where would you put it?