Inquiring Minds want to know / number 2

[FAB Forum Mods]

Thank you everyone that gave input in our first post.We really appreciate your help.

We have some more questions and as always if it does not apply just put N/A

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

[STACY B]

I think youth has the most to do with it an hormones ,, When your levels get down from age or whatever the reason your thoughts change .

[RADER]

Well the first thing is I am 66 and Widower; My wife was very OK with my dressing.
I dress at home only, and as much as I possibly can.
I was in a skirt, top all day yesterday, and have my form & bra on with womans jeans,
and fem top. I have to go meeting later on today, so I will have to lose the bra and top.
My wife would say to me when I got grumpy..."Go an put your bra on"
It always calmed me down.
Rader

[Katey888]

Members...! Please answer the questions or I'll be getting the deleting stick out some more.... :Angry3:

[SarahBJackson]

Ooh, fun questions! Here's my answers.

"1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO?"

I am 40 years old. I dress under my clothes almost every day. If I'm performing, which I haven't since before Thanksgiving, I'm dressed about twice a week. I also go to a once a month support group meeting. I resigned from my job a couple weeks ago and now, while I'm working around the house and job hunting, I dress thirty to sixty minutes every day while my wife is at work. I love playing with myself while dressed, but I don't have any sexy with my wife.

"2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads?"

I don't get this question.

"3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead."

Never. She and I have different styles. I'm a much bigger girl than her.

"4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time?"

Sometimes, yes. I like to experiment and look good, but sometimes professional life gets in the way.

"5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?"

Whatever.

"6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?"

Not at all. I'm very happy when I dress. I get a little sad sometimes when I can't dress, but depression, well, that was from other issues in my life.

[Mistyjo]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.
Once or twice a month age 48


2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

N/A

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.
Five or six times

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

No

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

It would depend on what it was so i can not really answer this question

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

No i have a very supporting family

[Lorileah]

well once again, I have to answer in past tense


1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer. N/a


2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? well I want to be with someone I really like and would spend my life with, gender unimportant. My opinion as to why this comes up all the time is that many are conflicted when they dress. They either do HAVE desires for the same sex (latent homosexual or latent Bisexual) and they need to get reinforcement (in either direction) from others. OR they believe that since they dress they MUST have that desire. That because they like women's clothing it is logical they should like men. Maybe some just like to brag :)


3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead. Um..N/A now. When I had women in my life, I didn't compliment them enough. I rarely wanted what they were wearing


4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? yes I did


5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it? OMG rip that scab off again. I have discussed this many times here but for the edification of newbies. My GF kept two major secrets from me that I found out after she died. It felt like someone punched me in the gut for months. It hurt, truly hurt. That is why I say that you should ALWAYS tell your SO. If you keep anything from them you are being deceitful and selfish. You are making a decision for them and not allowing them to decide on their own. It is not fair and it shows a true lack of trust. You married an adult, let them make adult decisions.


6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do? I did. I did because I thought I was strange. I did because I was convinced there was something wrong with me.

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

Thank you everyone that gave input in our first post.We really appreciate your help.

We have some more questions and as always if it does not apply just put N/A

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

I'm 57 and I under-dress about 50% of the time and hardly think about sex (self or spousal)

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

When younger was very sexually curious male or female but monogamous now

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

not very often, she is a beautiful woman and while we share some fashion likes, I know she will always look much better in anything than I will. I can look at something and look at it and tell if it would look good. usually if i see something and point it out to her, it is for her

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

No, not now. I used to tho

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

same as she would if i lied... angry We are very open and talk about everything

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

When I was younger (up to 30's) saw several therapists for depression, but over the years i came to realize that life is a test and nothing is put on your shoulders that can not be handled

[sandra-leigh]

#1) Any given month my partner would reject me even asking about sex, so if I "self-pleasured" even once, the comparative frequency to sex with my SO would have been "infinite". If you happen to be thinking that perhaps I asked too often, then you should understand that to gauge the relationship, I would leave it 6 months or more before asking once and the answer would still be "Sex is all you think about!" "Birthday sex" was the hug as she was on the way to the airport to go shopping 800 miles away.

#3) I was fairly clear in my mind about there being a difference between what would look good on my partner and what would look good on me. Complimenting my partner on something she was wearing need not be exclusive of thinking that it would also look good on me. There is no clothing equivalent of "soul-mates", each skirt or dress "destined" for only one person in the world.

#4) My dressing time is "real life". Dressing is in no way a "fake life", and it is insulting to imply otherwise. Are we to understand that women never get "sulky or moody" for missing their favorite TV show, or are TV shows somehow more "real life" then dressing is? I would suggest to you that it is quite common for people to get sulky or moody when their comforting routines get disturbed; not many people thrive on chaos.

When my grandmother was dying, I took some of my clothes with me when I flew to visit her, and I went out at night dressed. It was the first time in literally years that I had been able to overcome my depression and agoraphobia (yes, both officially diagnosed) to travel, and I was going to a stressful situation. I took my comforts, just the same way that someone else might have taken their teddy bear (don't laugh, a lot of adults still have and sleep with stuffed creatures.)

#5) 15 years ago, my partner was living and working about 150 miles away and disliking there quite a bit. She started actively looking for new employment. She was applying for jobs in Canada, in USA, in Europe, even one in Asia if I recall correctly. And she wasn't asking me where I would like living, or whether I would be willing to go with her, and her search criteria did not include thinking about whether I would be able to get a job there. I was rather distraught at seemingly not being part of her plans, but I didn't challenge her on it, as she is a free person. She eventually found a job in the city I live in, and she moved in with me.

You might not happened to have read my other threads, so you might not know that presently (14 1/2 years after she moved in with me) she is actively working on moving out, and that the emotional relationship has been declared to be over.

Yesterday morning, she was saying that she regretted that she hadn't acted to end the relationship earlier. That maybe she shouldn't have moved in with me at all.

So that was 14 1/2 years of me stressing about the relationship, stressing about her never appearing to commit to me, stressing about how she refused to go to any kind of counseling or therapy with me to try to get our communications working better and trying to get us to be able to open our feelings and find better connection. Thousands of dollars in therapy for me. Official medical reports saying that my health was being profoundly affected by the stress and uncertainty in the relationship and by her distancing. 14 1/2 years (longer, really) is an awfully long time to wait to say, "I'm just not that into you and never really was."

There is a model relationship that gets floated around here, unspoken, in which the crossdresser is the one slacking in the relationship and is the one doing the more fundamental "hiding", with the wife / partner / SO being the long-suffering emotionally-open person who would appreciate the crossdresser being completely open, and that while the wife / partner / SO might have difficulty accepting that she would at least research the situation and try to come to grips with it. There is a "self-selection bias" in this forum, in that the GG SO's who are not interested in trying are unlikely to be here at all.

But the truth is more complicated. For some relationships, it is the cross-dresser who has been holding the relationship together and struggling hard for openness and bi-directional commitment in the relationship, the one volunteering to go to therapy, almost in hopes of being told, "Ah, here's where you are being unreasonable and what you are doing wrong" -- because if there is something they are doing wrong then they have hopes of "fixing" the relationship. 'Cuz if the relationship isn't working, the cross-dresser knows that he "isn't trying hard enough".

[Vanessa5]

1) I spend maybe an hour or two dressed every week. Once every three months I'll get fully dressed (make-up and all). I don't have sex with my wife and haven't in about 10 years.
2) N/A
3) I compliment my wife everyday on what she wears and no I don't think about wearing what she wears. We have very different taste in clothing.
4) I do get moody when I am unable to dress. That is why I try to dress when I can. I feel it balances my personality.
5) This depends on what exactly the lie was- "Honey I haven't been paying the mortgage" will get a different reaction to "I didn't use a coupon for those"-for obvious reasons.
6) I do get depressed and sad when I am unable to dress. What I do is just find some time to get some femine things on. Usually I just underdress at work and that seems to help. As far as anything you can do I think you already have. This forum for me has been a tremendous help. Just knowing I am not alone and can come here for support is really all I need.

[Katey888]

1) I'll PM you with answer to that, if you don't mind - I realise it's an emotive subject and important to try to understand but I'd rather that wasn't on the public part of the forum... :o
2) I've asked a question about this to try and understand more about the differences between CDers and specifically sexuality. I don't feel any attraction to other CDers (but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate someone who presents as being attractive to me..) but I know that other CDers do feel a genuine attraction when the gender that is being presented is feminine, even if the individual is anatomically male. I don't think that makes them gay or bi, btw, I think it is an example of a more fluid gender attraction in those CDers. The question gets asked a lot probably because it is very confusing to both those who suffer the feelings directly and for those who sit on the outside looking in.
3) Never - in terms of clothing. I think we're quite different in our tastes and body shape. I do admit to complimenting her a lot on her nail varnish over time, and after my recent treat (nails red for a day! :)) I do hanker for luscious nails again... :D
4) Not really.. no more than if something impacts other social events.
5) My wife has admitted to hiding/ lying about things to me... there may be other things I still don't know about - but I'm not one who believes that it's necessary to be completely open. Great if you can do it, but not necessary if you love someone. I do love her - and have forgiven and forgotten.
6) Probably in the past, yes. And probably this was over the bad feelings and confusion over whether it was wrong, perverse, bad - since I have been more accepting of myself and this thing; and that this thing is shared with many other folk - I don't feel so bad. The best way for an SO to help is to be understanding - perhaps obviously - if not accepting. I really believe we can't help what we feel and what drives us... I can't believe so many of us would go through the torment of potential stigma, humiliation and pain just to do what we do, without there being something completely irrepressible.

Katey x

[MsVal]

Thank you everyone that gave input in our first post.We really appreciate your help.

We have some more questions and as always if it does not apply just put N/A

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

Zero - 64 - Crossdressing is not sexual for me. I get no sexual stimulation or gratification while crossdressing.



2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

I am not among those posters. I want to be with my wife, traveling to places we've never seen, enjoying each other's company.



3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

Although I often compliment my wife on the way she looks, it is not a look I wish to duplicate.



4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)[\QUOTE]

Not at all. At this point in life I've had plenty of "Real" disappointments. A temporary loss of dressing time doesn't rate very high in comparison.

[QUOTE=FAB Forum Mods;3444137]
5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

I would feel badly that she thought she couldn't tell me. I would first tell her that whatever it might be, it is nothing we can't handle together. We both have shortcomings and have leaned on each other for support many times.



6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

Oh, boy, do I.

I recently came to the realization that I want to wear women's clothes. I disclosed that to my wife and it made her very sad. That in turn saddens me to be the source of her unhappiness. I am caught between two compelling and incompatible desires, to dress, and to please my wife.

Speaking for myself only, I would be helped by a generous dose of "unconditional love". If not because of who I am, then at least in spite of who I am.

Thank you for asking.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Barbie Anne]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

Very little alone time, not needed, accepting loving wife:) Allthough there's no need to pleasure myself,(highly receptive wife), I do occasionally but not like a single teenager. once a month or so......49 years old.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

n/a happily married but my preference doesn't change based on what I'm wearing.

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

We have our own wardrobes but yes, occasionally I am jealous of what she's wearing, but that does not water down the sincerity of the compliment :)

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

Yes.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

Hypothetical. Our marriage has lasted this long because we DON'T hide things from each other. But, it has happened to me in past relationships and it hurt terribly.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

No longer but I used to, due to my confusion about my gender identity. Now it only bothers me when I have to suppress my femme self, to go out shopping or in public, but I compensate by underdressing, doing toenails and the works, even to wearing the same perfume as my wife so it's cammouflaged lol. I'm femme full time at home now, with my wife's encouragement and support, and if we lived in a larger, less conservative town I'd portray as more femme in public. The only people in the world that matter to me all know, and accept me for who/what I am with no reservations.

[Tina_gm]

[QUOTE]1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.I would say I typically have 2 to 3 times per week of alone time to dress. It can be sensual, but it does not get sexual for me.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .This one is mostly an N/A for me I do not seek out other CD's or have sexual desires related specifically for CDing. I am able and have the same sexual desire for my wife regardless of how I am dressed or how I am feeling.

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.There are times when I see what my wife is wearing and think that I would like to wear something the same or similar.... but when I compliment my wife it is specifically for her

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)Yes, there have been times when RL has come 1st, and I suppose some moodiness has occurred because of this. I do try very hard to role with the flow when it comes to this.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?It would be very difficult to deal with.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do? Bouts of depression merely for feeling like I am a round peg trying to fit in a square hole.... sure. Serious bouts, no, but it can be quite frustrating at times. What helps me is just time being me, whatever that is. How you/she can help?? just letting me be me I guess, although that can be difficult no doubt. Give and take, compromise, working it out. 49[/quotes]

[Adriana Moretti]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.


By pleasuring yourself do you mean what I think?? If so...dressing does not arouse me in that way ...I get it..but ewww...besides Im not staining up my favorite skirt...

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why

People who feel that way have a more submissive side they wish to express, yet only comes out when they dress not matter what age they are.
3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.


Never...no wife here.. but there have been girls whos makeup skills impress me..
4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

All the time...my nickname is "Moody"

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

5. Single and loving it here...see...i dont have these issues..some of you married folk have more issues than vogue...

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

6. No...Depression ,overthinking and self loathing is not healthy...you live on this earth for a short time, enjoy it, accept yourself and have fun. That stuff will eat your soul.When it came to dressing for some reason it never bothered me.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer. Age 46. My wife and I have sex 3 to 5 times per month on average. There are weekends where we will have sex 3 or 4 times over 2-3 days (especially if we are out of town without the kids) but sometimes we will go 2, 3 or 4 weeks without it, mainly because of my travel, illness, demands of the kids, etc. I stop dressing completely from early April to Mid Oct, to allow my leg hair to grow out in order to spend time with the kids at the pool, enjoy shorts in Summer as a man while biking, running etc. Mid Oct-Apr I probably shave my legs and wear thigh highs and women's satin PJs to bed 3 nights out of 7, and maybe put on a dress/skirt and heels one night in 10. My wife has stated she doesn't want to see me in makeup or a wig, and I have respected that--in fact, I don't own those items and have never tried them. If we don't have sex on a night where I have shaved and am wearing hose, I will admit that I will frequently wake aroused and I estimate I masturbate 2-3 times per week. In the Summer months, I masturbate less, so I suppose on average it's about a 50/50 ratio. When I do "pleasure myself", you may be interested to know that my wife is a central part of my fantasy, though what excites me is the thought of being with her/making love to her while being dressed as a woman...often we are wearing the same clothing, hose and shoes.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? I don't want to be with anyone but my wife (and have not been, since meeting her). I do think it would be kinky to have a threesome with my wife and a completely feminine, passable, classy transsexual call girl.

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead. Never. She is the epitome of feminine beauty and I am an ape. Have I ever been jealous or envious of her looks? Sure. But when I compliment her, it's sincere. In our relationship, what's interesting is that occasionally I will purchase a pair of heels or a skirt, and she will think it looks good, and want it for her, as well. I'm more than happy to oblige because this is part of my fantasy made real.

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies act) No, because my dressing is a small part of my life, albeit enjoyable. And it normally occurs after everything important, like the kids' homework, household tasks, etc, are done. CD is the icing on the cake, not the main course.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it? She does this with stuff she buys, money sent to her family overseas, etc. I don't mind. White lies are just that. I would never cross the line with infidelity or serious problems, and expect the same from her. Minor stuff isn't worth the drama. I think she feels the same way. Money isn't a big problem for us, so if I buy a $50 pair of heels, she is more worried about me running out of storage space than what I spent.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do? I don't get depressed because of anything my awesome wife has done or said about CD. I get depressed because at 230 lbs, I have a long way to go to look remotely feminine. My legs are decent but that's all I have.

Hope you find the feedback valuable.

Shibumi

[Caden Lane]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.zero- 39( but you shouldn't ask a lady her age...lol

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .n/a

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.only occasionally. But I surmise women do the same thing, and are even conversational about it. But compliments directed at my GF are sincere and heartfelt.

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect) dressing IS real life. It's a part of me, and I'm real. Therefore by default it's real. But yes, I do get grumpy and moody when I can't dress. It's a facet of me and my personality. And if I cannot express it, I feel pent up and frustrated.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?thats why I told her when I knew I had a relationship worth being completely open and honest in.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?i get depressed about not thinking I'll be passable or not being able to wear prettier stuff. Or not being able to dress as oft as I'd truly like. If an SO truly wants to help, set aside time to let your SO dress. Set aside time to help them, or be with them when they are dressed. Don't make them feel set aside or cast out. Or out of sight out of mind. Pick out something pretty or sexy for your SO. Buy them flowers or do something girly for them. Take them out for a couples mani pedi, even if your SO isn't dressed. If it might help you, it might help them. Just saying.

[PaulaQ]

These are fun questions. :) OK, as before, I'll answer this from my perspective as a trans woman, but I'll answer based on when I identified as "just a crossdresser."

As always, ladies, please view my responses as those of "the worst case scenario" - the transitioning transsexual who selfishly wrecks her marriage and inflicts misery on her family! Fortunately, your CDer is unlikely to end up here, so it's all good.



1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

I always had a fairly active "alone" sex life. My sex life with my wife was never awesome from my perspective. She loved it - I am a very considerate lover. Unfortunately, I was never very satisfied after we made love. Some of it was because my wife has some hang ups about sex, and some of it is because I'm trans, as it turns out. So let's lay all the blame on the latter - realistically, there probably wasn't really anything she could've done to make me happy. I have the wrong parts for that. :( But I tried anyway, and had a fairly extensive toy collection and a really huge amount of pornography. Alone time was usually no more than a couple of times a month.

When my CDing restarted 2-3 years ago, that was typically once every few months, then once a month, and ultimately once a week or more. At that point, I started to realize that I no longer had the discipline to keep this hidden reliably - I was doing it too much and was almost certainly going to slip up and get caught.

Our regular sex life was typically 3-4 times per month, sometimes more, sometimes less over the years. My wife would've liked it a little more often, but by the end, geeze, I was so bored with it, and so tired of disappointment that I begged off a lot.

I'd tried communicating with her about my needs over the years - that never really went anywhere though. I finally just even stopped trying - my alone time increased at that point.

Oh, all this happened between the ages of 30 and 50.

If it makes you feel better though, ironically enough, now that I'm separated from my wife - I don't do *anything* alone. I have zero interest in it, and in fact deleted my entire porn stash months and months ago. I'm also basically incapable of climaxing right now - so there isn't much point in doing anything. Hopefully SRS will help with this, but if not, well, I guess this is not that uncommon of a problem for a woman to have, is it?


2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

Warning: You won't like this answer.

You aren't judging, but it seems adolescent? That's kind of judgmental, don't you think?

I don't find it adolescent at all. Is it adolescent to never feel sexually attracted to your mate after seeing him in women's clothes? I mean, this is commonly reported, and they are JUST CLOTHES, right? Oh? What's that? It isn't adolescent at all? Well I agree with you, and neither is this!

I volunteer at an LGBT resource center that offers counseling for people who have difficulty accepting their sexual orientation. There is nothing adolescent about this - if your sexual orientation varies *at all* from "100% hetero", society can be really judgmental, and for many of the girls on the forum, this is the ONLY place they've EVER felt safe to discuss these feelings - even if many of them are just fantasies.

OK, so why all the threads. I think there are several things going on here:
1. Fantasy. Amazingly enough, many straight people have fantasies from time to time about an encounter with someone of the same sex. This doesn't make you gay or lesbian, despite society's opinion on the matter. (Asking a guy friend "hey, have you ever imagined doing it with another guy" is an almost guaranteed way to end a friendship.)

2. Bisexuality - some of the folks here are bisexual, and this is not an especially easy sexual orientation to deal with. It really isn't.

3. If you accept that some of the girls here are men expressing a feminine side, then why shouldn't their feminine side be attracted to men sometimes - you are after all?

4. In the case of being attracted to another CD / TG / TS, it is very possible that the person has a sexual preference for TG girls. As best I can tell, this is a very real thing - there are men who PREFER TG girls (CD or TS) over genetic women. It is not uncommon for these men to be gender variant themselves - some of them will CD or even be TS.

Turns out, this is what I am, much to my surprise. I DID NOT WANT to be with a TG girl. I really didn't. At least that's what I thought. After realizing how bad my relationship prospects really were, I sort of backed off of this. Then I met my girlfriend, and realized I'd never been so attracted to another person, ever. It turns out, I'm incredibly attracted to transgender women, so much so that I'm not sure that I'm very attracted to anyone else, either genetic man or woman. It is the most overwhelming thing I've ever experienced.

It also turns out that my girlfriend is the same way - and had dated CDs before being with me.

A preference for trans people is a reality, and your man may have that. :(


3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

Basically never, but once I came out to her, she assumed this was the case every time. It drove her nuts, and caused her great anxiety. I'd advise you to not have these thoughts - this way lies unhappiness and madness. I watched this increase my wife's misery. I finally stopped complimenting her - it just seemed to make things worse. (Usually a compliment is the most innocuous thing you can say to someone, and by this point in our relationship, I needed innocuous stuff to talk to her about!)


4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

I was really depressed, anxious, and suicidal when I wasn't dressed, by the end. But then I'm trans. I'd really advise GG's to watch for signs of negative emotional issues with their spouses when their spouses aren't getting to dress. The worse that stuff is, the more serious their gender issues are, in my opinion. That was certainly the case for me, and it's been the case for many other TS girls that I know personally.


5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

Oh. Well that happened several times in our relationship. I forgave her, and got over it. It hurt at the time, but I got over it, and I tried to work through whatever issue between us (if it was between us - it wasn't always) that caused the problem.

I mean, I felt bad about it what other answer could one give? That it was my favorite part of the relationship? LOL! I 'm not sure what the point of this question is, except to flog us for lying about something that society gives us a damned good reason to lie about.


6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

I had bouts of depression and sadness because of CDing, and especially because of being trans. When I realized "oh shit, I'm a girl", my second though was "I am going to lose EVERYTHING and EVERYONE in my life".

Being gender variant in a society that views it as perversion, and with a partner who doesn't accept it sucks, and gives one AMPLE reason for sadness and depression.

[Laura912]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

Age 72. Zero times but dress on average of once per week.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

No clue

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

None

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

Used too a little but no more.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

Would need reason why she did but would try to understand.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

Not because of CDing but the dressing is a nice place to go when feeling a little down.

[franlee]

In order:
1- (until I became a physical wreck from my back and knees a bout 3 years ago) 20 to 25 days a month and sometimes more than once in a days time compared to with the wife at least once a day. From teens on, my age is in now 59.(with the exception of the short time I was divorced or widowed)
2-All I can tell you is I am a, and all I ever will be is a straight CDer with a vivid imagination and love for games and role-play. I have no need to question any thing else because I know who and what I am, I also believe unless you have a mental block or challenge anyone knows the same and is only looking for justifications to be or do what they want to, period.
3-I can't count that high, I mean like every time!
4-yes (this is true for anything I want to do though, time is to short for being deprived of one's on needs or desires unless there is a real need)
5-I would deal with it in an appropriate manner for the situation and then stand by that solution what ever the consequences. Since the question was for me in regards my wife I can say this with certainty, I can't say or hold others to our standards good or bad.
6-Yes, I have been doing it so long that I have turned it into a stress relief tool and have become addicted to it to some degree. But like anything else it can be over come if there is a reason I considered justifiable to go though the trouble for. In short it is not something that is life threatening should I lose the ability to do it any longer. It helps that I have had so many good times doing it and even learned from it. What we can do is simple enjoy it and cherish the memories, use it to make yourself a better or fuller person. By the way if at all possible take as many pictures as you can for your older years.LOL Just don't let it or anything else stand between you and what is right.

[Annaliese2010]

1. 95% alone 5% when with. 49
2. Male self has different personality than my self. So I could be with another M2F CD but he wouldn't be interested.
3. Maybe now and then but mostly it's just a true compliment to her.
4. No.
5. I would feel very very bad and distrusting if that happened.
6. Just the opposite. If I'm feeling bad it helps.

[Eryn]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

Zero. 56. Dressing for me is not a sexual thing.


2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why.

I'm not attracted to other TG people sexually. I enjoy their company socially simply because we understand each other at a core level. When I'm dressed I have few if any sexual feelings at all.


3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

When I compliment her, it is a compliment for how _she_ looks. I really don't think about how I would look in what she is wearing.


4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

Yes, just as anyone might get annoyed when real life interferes with their golf game, yoga lesson, or other pleasant activity.


5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

I wouldn't like it. I try to be as honest with her as I can and I would like her to do the same. OTOH, if there were a good reason behind her actions I could find it in me to forgive.


6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

I had far more bouts of depression and sadness _before_ I started actively CDing. CDing has allowed me to do things that I only dreamed about before and it allows me to express myself more freely.

[Marcelle]

Hello,

In response to your questions:

1. Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

Dressing is not sexual for me so there is no "pleasuring" going on. When I have relations with my wife it is "en boy" and Isha is not part of the equation. Age: 49.

2. Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

Can't help you there as I am not attracted to other TG/CD. Friends yes but attraction "nope".

3. How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

Zero times. My wife and I have different tastes in style. When I compliment her it is for her.

4. Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

Nope. When life happens and I need to be "en boy" it is all business and to be honest I am too busy to get sulky or moody about not dressing.

5. If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

Sorry, this is a bit of a loaded question. It really depends on the situation. If my wife was a serial killer or having an affair then yes I would be upset. If my wife was a FtM cross dresser and never told me about it but wasn't hurting anyone well I would be fine with that. Her CDing has no effect on me as a person as it would be her being her . . . the person is still the same.

6. Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

Before I accepted who I was . . . yes. Now . . . could not be happier. :)

Hugs

Isha

[AmandaM]

See quotes


1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

Very infrequent, kids at home. Maybe once a week or less. In my 50's.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

We don't understand it, trying to come to terms with it, what it means, etc. It can be considered bi or gay feelings, yet it is not, because as soon as we aren't dressed, the desire goes away. It's a big mystery.

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

Never.

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

Sometimes.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

I wouldn't like it, but is it from fear, etc?

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

Yes, I have been depressed my whole life. I don't know why. Dressing helps. Or, more to the point, if I could dress when I wanted to, then the desire wouldn't grow so much.

[Jenniferathome]

2)Please help me understand WHY ...
these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, ...

Yes, this! It's pure denial. Just working to justify something they can't admit is more.

[Chrissy52]

1. Once a week with my SO one -two times a week For me 62

2. I don't know I am not looking to play with any one other than my SO.

3. Never have

4. Sure when I have time to think about it.

5. Not well but I could be for giveing

6. Yes from time to time

[Tina_gm]

Jen.... you yourself were not always in a good place, and took many years to be ok with yourself, similar to so many other members. So the GG's are seeing this. Some maybe getting it more than others, but it is a reoccurring theme amongst most of us, myself included

[VeronicaBea]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

I'll be 40 in a couple of months, and I dress up and pleasure myself about twice a month, and have sex with my wife 2 or 3 times a week

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

N/A

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

All the time

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

Not for me. I just enjoy the time whenever I get a chance.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

I wouldn't like it at all.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

I haven't been depressed because of CDing for almost ten years. CDing helps pull me out of depression.

[PaulaQ]

Yes, this! It's pure denial. Just working to justify something they can't admit is more.

This is just flat wrong. People can have same sex fantasies without being gay, and sexual fantasies are a perfectly plausible explanation for some of the participants in the threads.

BTW, if they are in denial, why do they bring it up? Denial would be simply denying the feelings existed at all. Of course some people on these threads deny such feelings with great vehemence. I mostly assume these guys are really the ones in the closet. In any case, denial doesn't mean simply disagreeing with your definition for a certain type of idea or behavior.

[kimdl93]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

I dress all the time when I'm not at work. I'm uncomfortable talking about masturbation....I know that's silly...everyone has done it and sexually active people do it. I don't dress to stimulate self pleasure, if that's what you're getting at. As for my age, let's just say extremely late 40s and leave it at that!

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

NA. - personally speaking. I'm not interested in those threads. I suspect that many of these are as you say, expressions of adolescent sexual fantasy.

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

Never. If I compliment her, I'm thinking she looks great. My thought might be more along the lines of ' I wish I looked half that good '.

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect).

No, i am a grown up. I do feel a bit restive but I don't take that out on others.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

I would feel doubts about our relationship.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

I had problems before I came to accept that CDing wasn't a crime, wasn't shameful and wasn't something I had to deny or hide. The GGs can do is help a person come to terms with themselves, learn to accept and embrace this part of themselves.

[Jacqueline Winona]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

Rarely. This was something that I wish I had been better about this when I was younger, I realize I was terrible about it when I was younger. 45

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

N?A. Just a guess, but most of these are fantasy posts and I don't know how seriously some should be taken. But I get why a GG would be worried about them.
3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.

Sometimes. :) But the compliments are sincere and I'm not planning on borrowing. I really do mean what I say, and I could have answered this question "Never" as I'm never just thinking about how I would look in it.
4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

Sure, sometimes. But I get over it.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

It depends. If I specifically asked a question and she told me the opposite? Sure I would be upset. I know she doesn't tell me what will be the absolute, undisputed truth about a lot of the things that are going to happen in the future. I also know she probably intends to do exactly what she tells me she will do, but knowing her means I know what she will do and what she can't say no to. (This isn't anything terrible, so please don't read too much into it. :)) As far as hiding things, I've only known of a few things that are harmless, and I look at those things as something I can't judge.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

N/A.

[sometimes_miss]

Thought I answered this one, but I don't see my post, so here I go again.
1)What is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO?
I'm 50.When I was in a relationship, I didn't crossdress much, if at all. And if the 'pleasuring myself' is meant to mean masturbation, the answer is very rarely. The clothes don't inspire horniness, though they don't suppress it either; while watching a scene of two girls making out together in 'Cruel Intentions', I got very turned on at the idea of being dressed as a girl, treated as one, and intimate with another girl. Other than that type of scenario, sexual feelings don't usually enter the picture when I was dressed as a girl

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this.
The 'attracted to males but only when en femme' is almost certainly a response to homosexual desires that go so against what we are brought up to believe are acceptable, that his mind simply cannot accept it in any form. Same reason so many here profess to having two sides to their personality, or even two personalities. As children, little boys are taught from day one, and reinforced almost daily, that being feminine or girly is the absolute worst possible thing a boy can be. Even in this 2014, the armed forces uses the terms girls and ladies to humiliate new male recruits, and surprisingly, a lot of women use feminine terms to insult men as well (p*ssy, girl, tinkerbell, sissy, etc.). That also makes me wonder about how women see themselves, if they feel demonstrating female behavior is a demeaning thing.
3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.
I no longer have a wife. N/A. But I have learned that all women appreciate compliments, so I hand them out freely, especially knowing how much work most women go through to look good. OTOH, I won't lie and tell someone she looks good if she really doesn't. Too many women tell lies to make their friends feel good about bad beauty choices, then the poor girl winds up embracing a bad 'look' forever.
4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)
I used to. I stopped dressing a while ago, but my need for female affection has risen quite a bit, so I'm spending a lot more $$$ at the bars just for the hugs and caresses I need. Eventually I'll run out of money.
5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?
No one tells their SO everything. We simply cannot go over out entire lives before we met each other, so we leave out things we feel are unimportant, hurtful, or things we are embarrassed about. I base most of my feelings about a woman by how she treats other people in general, not by how she treats me. Many women are goal oriented, and will behave differently when they are trying to impress someone. Watching them when they have no one they want to impress gives you a much better idea of what they're really like. Women who are nice to animals, children, service staff, etc. are the ones who I've always dated, with one exception: My ex wife. I made a big mistake there. Solved, but with tremendous cost.
6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?
I get depressed because I know that the likelyhood of finding a woman who accepts and really likes me, including all the feminine feelings and behavior, is so remote that I don't feel that being honest about it all doesn't seem like an option, and I can't stand the idea of being alone for the next 40 years. So I've got a dilemma; Don't tell them, and hope they never find out, or be up front and be alone all the time (except when I literally pay for a woman's time to be with me, and I'm not referring to sex). I keep the depression at bay by paying for 'girls for hire': Lapdancers seem to accept that I'm not there for the sexual kick, just want to hold them close, play with their hair, etc., but I still have to pay them for their time, and $20 for 4 minutes adds up quickly. But often, they're my only option.

[rbluecd]

It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this........Not judging. Really?

[Princess Grandpa]

1) I will turn 50 this year. Julie and I are like a couple of teenagers. We have mostly been very active sexually over the years and I don't think the introduction of cross dressing has in anyway impeded that. If anything it has enhanced things.

2) before realizing I wanted to dress up, I was questioning my heterosexuality. I found myself fantasizing about being with another man. I wasn't attracted to men. I just found myself imaging I was performing certain acts. I really think it was Rita trying to bust out. I wanted to feel feminine/girly/sexy. Now that I am spending time as a woman I found those fantasies have decreased drastically.

3) when we go out we dress as twins as often as we can. If I'm not presenting and I complement her outfit, I'm complementing her. If I am wishing I could wear it I would say so.

4). If enough time passes without Rita getting out I find myself feeling moody yes.

5) if my wife were in the habit of lying and hiding things from me we would probably not have just celebrated our 30th anniversary. That being said if she came to me and disclosed that she had this secret, I would appreciate the difficulty she might have had coming forward and I would love and support her through it. (Highly speculative. One never knows how they will react in a given situation until it comes up)

6) I have struggled with depression for many years. The introduction of crossdressing has extinguished these feelings almost completely.

Hug
Rita

[MissTee]

1) Because my wife supports and understands, there's rarely a need to go solo. If I do it's only because I'm traveling and she's not with me. Age mid-50's

2) N/A for me since I can't relate to this issue either.

3) Never (that I know of.) We always shop together and I usually pick out what I'd like to see on her because . . . well, it turns me on to see her wearing it. Also, aside from the same fashion sense in shoes and maybe skirts, we have different tastes.

4) Moody, yes, when it's been a while since I've dressed. Rarely is there a particular "thing" that sparks it other than the amount of time it's been since last I dressed, which can vary. It's like being a werewolf, you see. When the moon is full . . . .

BTW: In the case of a family emergency I'm all guy.

5) Ahem, do you r-e-a-l-l-y need to ask?

6) No. I accept myself. Also, I know that wearing a dress on occasion does not make me a woman anymore than swimming in a pool on occasion makes me a fish. Ahh, but to pretend! :daydreaming:

[Nadine Spirit]

1 - None, not now, not ever. Seems odd to me. Oh and yeah I am 42. :)

2 - I don't know, I don't participate in those threads. Again, seems odd to me.

3 - I don't think ever. But I think this question is odd; can't I complement and think what I would look like in it, without it being offensive?

4 - Used to, but I have a fairly happy mix with my dressing so I am generally not solely dressed as one gender or the other. I think this helps to balance my moods.

5 - I would feel bad. Thus I don't and haven't done that to her. It is disrespectful.

6 - Used to. I think because I have always felt like a weirdo or a freak. More recently I have come to accept myself more fully for being a somewhere in the middle of the gender spectrum, and that is okay. I think the best thing anyone outside of me could do is to educate themselves and understand that some people don't fit into the binary gender definitions.

Thanks ladies, fun questions. I love inquisitive minds! :)

[suchacutie]

1) I'm 63. Intimate time with my wife is quite sufficient for all my needs and desires.

2) I'm in a monogamous relationship with my wife, so N/A.

3) Instead? It could possibly be "also", but never "instead". My wife and I often discuss sharing items, but our body types are very different so there are very few items that would fall into this category. My compliments to my wife are heartfelt.

4) If my dressing time is minimized that means our life has been affected (like right now) and that means all manner of time with my wife has been affected, both genders, but when I get moody about it I feel terrible because nothing positive can come from such actions. One slip and I get my act together, or at least try to.

5) We have a very close relationship so if any of the things you mentioned happened we'd be talking about it as soon as it came to light, and try to figure out what the source of the problem is.

6) Nope! Tina is just a wonderful part of who I am and my wife tells me Tina is sweet! My gendered life is terrific!

[Jennifer S]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.
I'm 40. When I was in my 20's and younger dressing up was more about getting that sexual thrill. Not so much anymore. My wife is very accepting and supportive and we both enjoy being intimate while I'm dresed.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .
I don't think my preferences change at all based on what I'm wearing. We all have fantasies but I'm quite happy with my wife.

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.
Sometime but we keep our clothes pretty much separate.

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)
Not so much. You have to dress appropriately for the situation. I'm almost always wearing at least something that makes me feel feminine anyway.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?
Not good!

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?
Major depression. I'm on meds and seeing a therapist and we're working on my self esteem etc. and learning to embrace the fact that I'm not just a CD but transgender (I've always known but it was hard to admit). It's a work in progress.

[Valarie]

1. Right now if I am lucky like 2-4 hours a week, but never alone, since my wife is home too. She is never bothered by me dressing. Pleasuring my self...not that much we have a pretty healthy sex life and my wife enjoys sex with Valarie.

2. I really do not understand this question, or can not find a question in this statement.

3. Many times, but my wife is more of a jeans and harry potter t-shirt kind of girl so it was only when she dressed up for special things.

4. I do, I try not to as much since I have been going to counseling for my anger and depression so I just try to go with the flow more.

5. I would hope it was for a good reason, and if not hopefully it is something we could work out.

6. Yes sometimes I see myself and I am so so happy, and then I wish I could go out like this all the time. There are sometimes when I have to take my makeup off and I just want to cry because I feel like Valarie (me) is being locked up again, there are times I want to transition, but I know in my situation I can not.

[cathie pantyhose]

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer. Frequency is a lot less since agreeing to go back in to the work place after being retired early. Before August I was dressing daily and pleasuring myself almost each day while dressed fem. These days maybe once or twice a month at home when I work from home. I travel a lot more now and I get some time in the hotel room but usually I get back late at night from meetings and after work events, it's a nightgown, thigh highs and a pair of clean panties followed by sleep. Maybe a couple of times a week in the room.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why . I love dressing for the simple feeling of being dressed fem BUT I would love the encounter with another cd/man as I'm a very sexual person and my wife is not fond of the dressing. A few things hold me back from making that move. I'm very happily married and very much in love with my wife after 18 years. I would feel very guilty cheating on my current wife but when I was with another man 20 years ago, it was fantastic. Number two - I don't go out of the house dressed although I do drive home in one of my skirts and heels most days. It's tough to meet another if you never leave dressed. The third reason is I'm not sure I would trust anyone. It's scary out there with people that want to do bad things to gurls like us. Craig's List is not the way to meet someone.

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead. Many of her skirts and dresses I like quite a bit and I can wear many of her skirts although she is much smaller than me. She and I have very different fem wear tastes. She dresses very Colorado (flat or minimal heel shoes, pants, jeans, never any pantyhose etc) while I have 4" high heels, pantyhose and "flowy" dresses

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect) Not really because I know it will be great when I do get the chance. Although when I was retired last year, it was disappointing to not be able to dress while the kids were home for spring break and summer break because I was used to dressing fem all day from 7:30 am till 3:30 pm

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it? Of course I would be hurt it was damaging to our marriage but I don't see how dressing fem interferes with our marriage. She recently found my things again and I guess she thought I stopped. She called me while I was at the airport in Seattle and asked about the nude 4" heels in my office closet. I told her they were of course mine and it was a cold couple of weeks again. She's better again now, but not sure why we go thru this dance every once in awhile. If you know I do this and you are not that mad, just let me keep things out in my office closet that way they are out of the way for you

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do? Yes I do thus the few purges I've done. In the most recent one, instead of getting rid of the collection, I collected it up and placed it neatly under the stairs storage area. What helps me is time. Don't over react any longer. Pack it up and give it a few days to pass. Of course I just at mu smooth legs and arms and I quickly revert back because they look great to me and I'm happy with that look.

[StarrOfDelite]

For the survey, I am a divorced late middle age white male who has been CD'ing for about twenty years, and who has been sexually active with men, as a M2F trans only, for about fifteen years. I have adult children who would be upset, so I am still closeted, although I do go out in public frequently in female presentation.

1. I don't have a Significant Other of any gender, Male, Female or Trans, but assuming the question is a bit more complex than that, I would state that I masturbate less frequently when I'm dressed as a girl than I do when I'm wearing masculine clothes.

2. I think that the "who do you want to be with" threads are proof that as a group crossdressers and transgenders are simply muddled about their sexuality, and those kinds of threads are sort of a group therapy substitute. We are trying to understand ourselves.

3. I think that I wonder how I'd look in the clothes that my female companion is wearing fairly frequently, but have no idea on a percentage. I look at the clothes worn by women whose body shape is similar to mine all the time to get an idea of how I should dress to blend. I also look at the hairstyles and makeup looks of women whose features are similar to mine, or who have skin tones similar to mine. Again, mainly to get an idea of what sort of wigs and cosmetics on which I should be spending my money and time.

4. Sulky and moody are more severe words than I'd use to describe my attitude when the world closes in and limits my femme time. I'd say disappointed and frustrated would be better, and not to the point where it interferes with my social interactions with other people.

5. My experience is that wives lie to husbands, and vice versa, all the time about all sorts of things. You learn to accept it or you learn to be miserable and suspicious. I didn't tell my wife about my crossdressing, and I didn't engage in dating or sex with third parties while we were married.

6. I used to get depressed when I first started crossdressing, because I didn't understand what impelled me to do it. When I started dating men it was like an acceptance of myself, and the feelings of depression tapered off to nothing. I don't offer that as any sort of a solution to anyone else's issues, merely stating that it helped me.

[Sharon B.]

We have some more questions and as always if it does not apply just put N/A

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.
divorce no significant other of any gender, don't really pleasure myself except might use a vibrating dildo on myself once a month. 59

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .
Might have a fantasy of being with a man but haven't acted on it.



3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.
N/A
4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)
That would probably be when I would want to do it, to relive the stress.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?
Ex-wife did she hid an affair from me.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?
Have turned to whiskey but decide that crossdressing wasn't such a big deal.

[Alberta_Pat]

Thank you everyone that gave input in our first post.We really appreciate your help.

We have some more questions and as always if it does not apply just put N/A

1) Be honest .. in any given month, what is the frequency of your alone time while dressed and pleasuring yourself compared to having sex with your SO? Also, please give your age along with your answer.

Never, age 59. Crossdressing, for me, has nothing with sexual activity.

2)Please help me understand WHY all the who you want to be with threads? You know all the attracted to other cd,tg, male, male but only when I am dressed .It seems so ‎adolescent to still be hung up on this. I go back and forth thinking all these posts are because the posters are not accepting of self, or it is mostly cders where cding is just sexual.Not judging just want to understand why .

N/A

3)How many times when you complimented your wife on something she was wearing, were you thinking about how you would look in it instead.
Never. Our styles differ, but our colours are in the same palette

4) Do you get sulky and moody when real life hampers your dressing time? ( family, emergencies ect)

Life gives us what it gives us. Why get upset, and take energy from the currently important bits. When the time is right, the time is right.

5) If your spouse/SO minimized, lied, or hid things from you how would you feel about it?

WE ALL need some secrets. The values we put on ideas and concepts are our own values. I share with my Bride what is important to BOTH of us. She shares with me that which is important to BOTH of us. I am happy with that. There is no need to intentionally hide lie or cheat in our home.

6)Do you have bouts of depression or sadness because of CDing? Why do you think you do? What helps you? Is there anything we can do?

Simple answer: No. I enjoy whatever I am doing. If I lose interest, or it becomes a chore, I will go on to something else. I can always return to the earlier situation when I can be most productive.