Outed ??? to next door neighbour (by accident) - advice please !!!

[Rachel292]

I just went shopping for a couple of items, down the local shops. In normal drab mode.
Argos didn't have what I wanted went next door. Couldn't decide what I wanted in Boots (that's another story). missed the temptation of NewLook). So went into the next shop on a whim.
Shop looked dead quiet. Only one young male SA doodling in the middle of the shop. Well the shop is Brantano Shoes and I just couldn't resist having a browse.
went over and looked at the boots 'cos I need a pair (they do up to a UK 10, not much there I liked) so wandered down the back to the 'mens' (didn't want to buy any, just wanted to make my way to the Womans 'larger' sizes area) wandered accross to the Woman's and glanced along the 9's and 10's , one pair of courts with open toe and a 3 inch heel we marked down in the 'sale' couldn't see the price. So went in for a closer inspection. Only to hear 'hello XXX' and my next door neighbour and her 12 year old daughter were in the end of the next isle. I could have fallen through the floor. Couldn't do anything else except go over and say hellow.
She then asked the question, Are you looking for shoes and anything in particular. I said no just browsing. Thing is how many single men (divorced 15 years aged 58) go looking in the womens shoes department. I have no excuses.
I get on really well with my neighbours, but they no nothing of my CDing.
Will it be mentioned to my family members (son, daughter etc) when they see them.
He's training to be a vicar (he wears a black frock with a white collar) and is well involved in the local community.
If only I had taken my own advice, not to shop on my own doorstep.

[Stephanie47]

I wouldn't say anything further. If she does not bring up the issue and nobody else does, then gossip has not spread. If she is a gossip you'll know sooner or later. Yep, unless the clothing is really for a female family member I avoid shopping near where I live.

[arbon]

I don't think you should worry about it, why should you care what they think of you for it?

[Dana M]

Hi Rachel,

If you are afraid she might say something to your family, maybe take you neighbor aside and have a little chat with her about what happened. You might be surprised by her response. She might turn into someone who you can shop with and get advice. Good luck.

[Teresa]

Hi Rachel,
At some point it's going to happen, I learned a lesson when shopping for underwear in my own town. Your neighbour has probably got enough to think about to give it a second thought, paranoia is part of the game but every time it happens you'll worry less.

[AllieSF]

That is one of those situations where our normal quick response mind goes suddenly and very unfortunately dead! If you see her again and she brings it up, just tell her that you were curious how anyone could even walk in heels and how much women were willing to pay to self tortured themselves wearing high and uncomfortable shoes. You just turned an embarrassing moment into a humorous one thus diffusing or mitigating any possible damage.

Your initial comment about just browsing is perfect. Some people do that. Walking down the aisles of stores and touching, picking up and looking at items. I have done that before in women's sections of stores while on my way to the men's section. Curiosity is a very natural thing in a lot of humans. The key thing is not to get embarrassed when "caught". Just act like it is the most normal thing to do adding what ever side comments to reinforce that curiosity, like how does a woman or girl walk in high heels. Don't bring it up and try not to get flustered when you see her. You need to own the conversation and then steer it where you want it to go. Good luck.

[Rachel292]

Thanks for the advice girls. I'll just have to give it time and wait and see what happens. At least I can plan for it if she does ask me later, or says anything. i'll deal with it then.

[Katey888]

Rachel - I'd agree with Allie's comment... there's no law against browsing - it's easy to just be browsing and daydreaming and there's no reason anyone should think anything really suspicious other than: "Daydreaming guy..."

If anyone mentions it in the future, just say it's possible, but you don't remember... :)

Any issues - send them to me, I'm just down the road from you... <grrrrr> :)

Katey x

[Jenniferathome]

You were lost in the isles. Women believe men are kind of idiots when shopping. It's nothing

[carhill2mn]

You were just browsing. There is no reason that your neighbor would say anything about it to anyone and even if she did, so what! No one is going to make a huge jump to the conclusion that you CD.

[Rachel292]

I'm OK i've calmed down now. I was just a bit paranoid.

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

And beside if she is training to be a Vicar, she will probably keep it to herself and if she's married she know how men tend to get lost in stores also

[Caden Lane]

Thinking that if she thought enough to ask, she may be okay. But just browsing is as good an excuse as any.

[Rebecca Cross Bracer]

I'm with Carole on this one. It seems like too huge a jump to make to go from seeing someone looking at shoes, to assuming they are a crossdresser. Unless your neighbor is extremely involved in your life, and they are 100% sure you weren't buying them for someone else, there are many reasons you could have been there that would make more sense to an outsider than to assume you were shopping for yourself.

[Glenda58]

If she says something about it again say you heard a voice and you thought you knew who it was and walked over to see. But they most likely won't put 2 and 2 together.

[Barbie Anne]

Yes I wouldn't worry too much. It's not like she actually saw you trying on a pink pumps hon.

[Adriana Moretti]

i woulnt worry about it...reverse the roles in that situation...you woundnt think twice or jump to conclusions either.....i understand your paranoia...but she diddnt think what you THINK she thought.

[Christen]

Honestly, don't worry about it. Same things happened to me plenty of times (although I'm married with daughters). She might wonder, but people have too much other stuff in their lives to worry about other little things.

Christen x

[Jilmac]

I shop in my area all the time and it really doesn't bother me if anybody knows about Jill, however that's me and not you. If your neighbour questions you, the best thing would be honesty, but if nothing else is said, your secret seems to be safe. On a side note, some clergy can be very understanding of alternate lifestyles and it's possible that your vicar neighbour could be among them.

[Beverley Sims]

If the subject surfaces again just tell some bald faced lie like it's for a party.
Highly improbable but it does work if you answer in a casual manner.

[Rhonda Darling]

It will be fine. Don't over think it. Do you socialize with her and your family together? Probably not, so it will never come up.

Aren't you glad it wasn't the "CROSSDRESSER IN AISLE 7" klaxon alarm going off? (Hate it when that happens)

Rhonda

[kimdl93]

I'd take it in stride...shoe pun intended. Don't worry about who might say what to whom.

[Marcelle]

Hi Rachel,

I agree with the others in that I don't think she made the leap from "guy in women's shoe isle to . . . cross dresser". We tend to think the worse when out and about. I would just let the situation dissipate and if she brings it up again just tell that you were just leaving the store and finding your way out. Heck I can't count the number of times I have been trying to find my way out of a store and ended up cutting through the women's lingerie department (okay perhaps a bit on purpose) and I don't think people think . .. hah cross dresser.


Aren't you glad it wasn't the "CROSSDRESSER IN AISLE 7" klaxon alarm going off? (Hate it when that happens)

LOL Rhonda . . . however it is not the klaxon alarm I hate . . . it is the follow-up "Release the hounds" that I fear as running in heels is not my forte. :)

Hugs

Isha

[sometimes_miss]

If your neighbour questions you, the best thing would be honesty
While we're taught that honesty is always the best policy, confirming something that's not generally well received isn't necessarily a good idea. We all want to be accepted and loved for who and what we are, but it usually doesn't turn out that way.

If she does not bring up the issue and nobody else does, then gossip has not spread.
You do know, that as the subject of that gossip, you'll be the very last one to hear it, right?

Although in this case, unless you picked it up it could easily be just a case of poor vision. I've used this ruse numerous times over the years when looking at something that perhaps I shouldn't, I just either pull out my glasses and act surprised at what I was looking at, or pull the glasses off and express the same (both give the same impression). The worst they will assume is that they won't want to be in the car in front of you when driving.

[Mary Lou]

The same thing happened to me a few years ago. I was pulling out of my driveway when my neighbor drove by. I was fully dressed. Nothing was ever said, but I get some strange looks sometimes.

[busker]

just tell some bald faced lie like it's for a party.
Highly improbable but it does work if you answer in a casual manner.
Rachel, this is the best advice you'll get today. There is NO WAY that anyone will believe a 58 year old divorced guy is "just browsing" IN THE WOMEN"S SHOE DEPT.
Oh how the pink fog rolls in. You were caught, and you will likely need to tell a whopper--if you so choose--but do you suspect that your neighbor is that dumb to think you were just browsing? Unfortunately, women get away with browsing and shopping in the men's dept with impunity (because a lot of men are incapable of shopping for themselves--sadly).

[carrie2014]

I do all my shoe shopping at payless or payless on line. The first time i went in to store I told the manager of the store i was 11 1/2 A mens shoe ( I really do wear that size). I told her that womens size 13 or 13 wide fit great. If anyone in the store stops me to tell me that i am in the womens section i tell them the same thing about my narrow foot. No more questions from customers or sales people.

[Eryn]

Rachel, I sincerely doubt that you have a problem!

Your neighbor was not on a "CDer hunt." They saw someone that they recognized and said hello. They likely didn't even take note of what department you were in. They were concentrating on you. Even if they did note it, there is nothing wrong with gazing at attractive women's shoes. That's why women wear them! :)

Now, if you were trying on a fabulous pair of red pumps they might have taken notice but that isn't the case.

Most of our fears are in our own heads. Yes, they do help us avoid problems, but let's not have them paralyze us.

You might want to take your shopping farther from home to avoid meeting people you know and to let you be more comfortable with trying items on.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Rachel;

Honestly you are 58, Live in the UK where cross dressing has a long long honorable tradition going back to the 1600's . And the church !, Don't get me started on the clergy in their frocks and gowns, with all the lace, baubles and trim, passing them off as 'vestments". Makes you wonder where the term Trans-"vest"-ite originated ?!?!? Hmmmm ?

If I were in your shoes , loafers (with tassels of course) or pumps, I would have picked up the nearest black 3 inch heels and explained how marvelous they would go with his best Sunday frock.

I understand the social stigma of small communities, but how many more days are you going to let someone make you feel shameful for being you. You are breaking no laws, state or church by shopping. Take a bit and read up on false guilt vs true guilt. I think it will really open your eyes and give you the freedom to shop where ever and whenever you want to.

[Rachel292]

I drove down the road a couple of streets away earlier this afternoon. Her husband was driving the opposite way. All I got was the usual acknowlegement as we passed.

[Jessica EnFemme]

If I saw a neighbor in the women's department, I'd assume they're buying a gift for a relative or friend. I wouldn't think anything of it, honestly!

[Michellegryl]

Rachel, I agree with Kelly here.

"I understand the social stigma of small communities, but how many more days are you going to let someone make you feel shameful for being you. You are breaking no laws, state or church by shopping."

I would not worry about it personally but if you are I certainly would not Lie about it. Lies have a way of coming around to bite you in the tush when you least expect it. Whatever you do, hold your head high and own it. Do not feel or display shame or shy away, as that is what people pick up on and will be more inclined to take a closer look and try and understand why you are acting that way.

Good Luck

[HelenR2]

Sorry mate, you.re busted. Fess up and free yourself.