You get a free card because you are in costume!

[PaulaQ]

Said to me by a woman at the door of an event at my AA club last night.

Sweet - except I wasn't in costume, I was just wearing my normal clothes...

:(

[Frances]

That's horrible!

[Michelle789]

That sucks. You should ask her what she is on, and tell her that she needs to reset her time.

Woman at AA Meeting: You get a free card because you are in costume!
Paula: What are you on?
Woman at AA Meeting: [Gives blank stare]
Paula: You're not sober, you need to reset your time and take a newcomer chip.

[natalie edwards]

Should have handed it back and said you get a free one for being an a$$

[Barbie Anne]

Wow just wow, of all places to be treated that way. btw I'm a friend of Bill's so I know. Maybe she was having a crappy day? Was she being insensitive or just didn't know you? Still sucks either way, but you know the short version of the serenity prayer right? Apply it here hon and go on with life :)

[PaulaQ]

It was a themed bingo night at the GLBT AA club I attend. There were lots of people in costume. Apparently I didn't pass so I was obviously a gay guy in a costume. It is a natural assumption. I think I'm probably the only trans woman in the club, so if I don't pass - gay guy in drag is a logical conclusion.

It tells me that I still have work to do. Not a surprise, because I do. She didn't mean anything by it.

It was a reminder that I'm an "other", even amongst "others".

We didn't know each other. I don't know that many women in the club. I need to start going to meetings at different times I guess.

I'm not crushed or even depressed about it. It kind of sucked, and was a little disappointing, but it wasn't deliberate either.

[Barbie Anne]

Even so hon apply the short version and put it in file 13. Don't let it get you down, I need you happy lol.

[Bria]

Paula, I have followed your posts for some time and am aware of some of the trials and tribulations you have encountered, and the fact that you have surmounted them, I would view this slight as juist one more test of you rmettle, I know that you will come out in the end as a strong person having been tested by fire and anything else that can be thrown at you.

As always I remember you in my prayers, Hugs Bria

[PaulaQ]

Don't fret too much y'all - my AA club really is great, and is very accepting - they even accept straight people! ;)

Hey, alcoholics do weird stuff sometimes, it's just how it goes. Principles over personalities and such.

The other really weird thing I had happen this week is that I showed a couple of newcomers my "before" photo, and they commented that I was really handsome, and they'd have dated me. They were both really good looking men who I'd totally date now, except they don't like girls, but back when I was living as a man, there is no freaking way I'd have been attracted to either of them. I'd probably have freaked out at the attention!

So my feelings were conflicted and hard to understand. I still don't understand how someone can look at my old photo and not be repulsed - I sure am, lol!

There's never a dull moment in that club, I really do love it.

[PretzelGirl]

It is an interesting environment to deal with that in. I have family members that I have been to many group therapies and meetings with. My take as a familiar outsider is to first not do anything that challenges your sobriety. That is always the most paramount thing. Next I probably wouldn't ask someone what they are on as it isn't appropriate for the environment. Everything needs to be mutually supporting as it should be a safe and open environment. So although it may require an additional effort of going outside and screaming, I would have approached it as a time for educating someone. I assume you will run into people in these groups again as that is my experience. So there is nothing helpful to yourself to have them continue on with an incorrect perception and then they misgender you again later on.

[Badtranny]

I stopped wearing costumes because too many people thought I was a dude in drag. Last Halloween was the first time I wore a costume and didn't get read.

My poor little tranny heart has been broken a few times over the years at costume events. Maybe it's because of my size but the more glammed up I get, the easier I get read as a dude, but put on a T-shirt and yoga pants and nobody looks twice.

[PaulaQ]

@Sue - I was in a long line of folks waiting to buy bingo cards for a charity AA benefit. It really wasn't the time or place to educate anyone.

I blow this stuff off in AA when it happens anyway. It doesn't happen very often. I'm open about being trans - I tell my story, particularly in closed meetings, because I think it helps make others feel comfortable to talk about themselves, especially newcomers.

Sometimes straight guys show up at the late meeting I generally attend - it's the latest meeting on a week night here in Dallas. Some of them have asked questions that weren't very appropriate - but I just blow those off too, as I figure they have to have kind of a white knuckle grip on sobriety at that moment to brave going to AA in the middle of the gayborhood. So I am just happy they are there, instead of at a bar. Most of the time, it's not a problem.

I'm mostly just trying to figure out why I seemed to be in a costume. I don't wear forms anymore. I don't pad my rear-end. (HRT has been good to me so far.) I don't wear a wig anymore. I just wear - clothes. :) I was wearing eye makeup and lipstick - and just the clothes I'd been wearing all day long, lol! I wasn't in costume at all!

Honestly, feedback like that is helpful, even though it sort of sucks too. Here in the 'hood, they are so accepting that at some places I've been ma'amed while having 5 days of beard growth prior to electrolysis, so it's a little hard to judge "am I passing, or not?"

But anyway, I never say anything rude to people in the club during these situations. I do sometimes inform them that "I live as a woman full time", when they confuse me with a DQ.

BTW, I can't really tell any of the hilarious stories from this club on this forum. The mods would have a stroke! More really funny stuff happens than other things though. :)

[Jessicah]

Mean people suck. I think the best way to handle them is by delivering a swift kick to the shin and then run away laughing. But in the real world... I haven't yet mastered the art of running in heels.

[Angela Campbell]

I would have thought it odd, but a free card is a free card.....ya know?

Very likely I would have said "thank you! I guess we both chose the same one!"

[arbon]

I decided the next costumed event I got to I am totally going as a drag queen

[Barbie Anne]

Arbon; can't go wrong with big hair and lots of sequins :)

[TessInJxn]

It was a reminder that I'm an "other", even amongst "others". []

I'm not crushed or even depressed about it. It kind of sucked, and was a little disappointing, but it wasn't deliberate either.

Fortunately for me, here, I've always felt fully accepted by the "others," so-to-speak. But, you do raise a very important point about being a trans person. Even the Human Rights Campaign recently caught some heat (well-served) for excluding trans persons.

I'm sorry for your experience. I agree, too (while obviously not there) that she likely didn't mean anything by it. I'm often read as a gay man in drag. But, honestly, what makes me a trans person is what is on the inside, not how I look on the outside. So, it can be difficult to decipher in a split second by someone who doesn't really know you.

[PaulaQ]

I would have thought it odd, but a free card is a free card.....ya know?


Well, hey, that was another reason I didn't make a big deal out of it, lol!

[GabbiSophia]

Paula I find your lightness refreshing. People just don't "know" and I get it though I don't feel in this case it was done to be mean. Sometimes though I want to rip someones head off but that is a different time.