Stress

[Shadeauxmarie]

I have talked before about how crossdressing relieves my stress. Since December 13, I have had levels of stress I never contemplated before. My company went through an evolution called "Human Capital Management." At each level of the organization people were:

1) allowed to keep their job
2) take another job offered to them
3) separate from the company.

Separation included 1 week's pay for every year of service.

For me, I was offered option 3. I've applied for many of their job openings since then, but no interviews yet. Since I turned 55 in January, the separation pay was essentially a bridge to retirement. I am officially retired, but without the means for my wife and I to pay all of our bills. (Mortgage still) I have been home since December 13 looking for jobs. Several recruiters have contacted me in the past 6 weeks, but as of yet, no job offers.

Looking back, I noticed I dressed while my wife went to work every day for the first few weeks. It tailed off, and now I can't seem to get any enthusiasm for dressing. I believe I have reached a point of depression where no amount of girly time can offset it.

Has anyone else reached a stage like this?

[CynthiaD]

Yes I have. When I get depressed, the desire to dress disappears. I'm sorry to hear about your unemployment. I've been through that, and it's really tough to take. Don't give up though. Put everything you have into it, and keep hoping for the best. I started my current job when I was 54, so it certainly can be done.

[Georgina]

Thankfully I have never been in that situation. I don't get stressed and I don't know what depression is. I know I am lucky and I hope your situation improves.

[Annaliese]

You did not talk about level 4, take some class to enhance you job skills, there is financial help for retraining.

[Tina_gm]

Not sure why, but sometimes when I feel stress I get more of a feminine desire, but other times less. I can only think that maybe stress further enhances how I am feeling inside.

[carrie2014]

When I have a bad day at work with lots of stress. I come home change clothes and become Carrie. By the time I pick out the clothes I want to wear and fix my hair the stress is gone. Its like becoming a different person.

[Anna H]

Yep, it's happened to me. It's tough to feel at ease enjoying anything
when there's no income, and even worse when it's left up to someone
else...(SO)...to cover the expenses.

Advice in that situation isn't worth much, but focusing on getting some
type of job is about the Only thing in the world that will get things back to
any level of comfort anytime soon.

At least with us, we Always have something to look forward to....and the
time will come again.

[Shadeauxmarie]

Thanks for the words of wisdom. My wife is having a difficult time dealing with this as well.

[Beverley Sims]

Yes it will affect you that way, your mind is on getting income and living from day to day.
Rightly so too.
When you get another position and are able to relax again it will all come back.
Do not let things upset you too much, I am sure it will all turn out for the good.
I mean your future not the dressing. :)

[Katey888]

Yes - I'm guessing many of us know where you're coming from... :hugs:

I've worked most of my career in high tech areas - hardware, software, consultancy... - nature of that beast was continual change and so have been through downsizing four times... and it is depressing, and it brings home to one what is really important in life, although it's also not the worst thing that can happen. The one thing you have to do is keep going... Edison's old quote about invention also applies to re-employment: 99% perspiration (or something like that..) - it's a grind but you have to just grit your teeth and keep grinding out the applications, the interviews, keep positive, keep practicing, keep going... and it should come good...

Don't worry about the dressing - that is honestly less important right now :)

Good luck - and keep going!!

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hey there. Stress effects people differently so in your case the depression is most likely influencing your emotions which are muting the desire to dress. It is your minds way of keeping you focused on what is salient at a given point. I am sure once things stabilize the desire to dress will come back. I am sorry to hear about your employment woes and I wish you luck. All I can offer is to stay positive as pessimism will only drive your depression deeper.

Hugs

Isha

[Kate Simmons]

Even under beneficial conditions, work termination or retirement is a life changing event that takes some time getting used to.:)

[Erica Anne]

I too have gone through the recycle bin. I worked for a company for 14 years, designed just about everything the company sells. I got married and within one month I was laid off. My wife was unemployed at the time. Things were rough for a while. Unemployment did not cover my expenses, let alone was only 1/3 of my mortgage payment. Severance, none. It took me 10 months to find a new job. I could have taken any job, but there were no positions open. You are not alone with your job situation. Many Americans are facing this issue. Needless to say I had to tap into my retirement to make my mortgage payments ( I also paid off my vehicle loan). My new job required me to move to another state. I was not depressed and if I was it was short term. Loosing my job was a blessing in disguise since my new job has more responsibility, projects are not stale and are very challenging, and my compensation is much better than the old job. Sharpen your resume is all you need. You may want to look it over again, try to condense it as much as possible. It is not the end of the road for you even at your age. Your experience alone is what gets you the job. Most companies would prefer a seasoned individual over a green college student. Also there are laws against age discrimination.

As for dressing during that time, every day. There were other factors that may have influenced my desire to dress. Loosing my job was not one of them. Depression, that will definitely deflate any desire to do anything. Remain positive no matter how negative the responses may be. Head hunters are the way to go today. The only interviews that I got after unemployment hit were coordinated with head hunters. 3 years after new employment, I am now getting interests from my resume that was posted long ago.

[Sharon B.]

In the same situation except I'm divorced with no kids and I am 59 and still have mortgage payment to make, between what needs fixing and finding employment it does cause a different type of stress but one thing I do find that helps is dressing as a woman. In my mind I would like to find employment where I could work as a woman but in the area that I live in I could make more money working as a male but life might be happier if I could work as a woman.

[Karen kc]

Yes, now, I am the best in my field, I took a lay off back in Sept. Now I cant buy a job. Crossdressing and the rest of my life have taken a back burner. I"ll admit there aint much work around here, Im really letting it bog me down,
I know Im depressed when I dont shave my legs or wear a bra..BUT, I will survive
Something has to change!

[donnalee]

Getting a job after 50 that pays enough for you and your family to live on is tough, even if you have special skills. Having done this twice, I know how difficult it can be. It took about 18 months to secure a new job that was worthwhile and that was in far better economies than now. I suspect that there were a lot of people around your age who were given the same "option"; it may be worthwhile to check with some if you can contact them.
Meanwhile, check with State Employment dept. (or whatever they call it where you are). Do it on the web if you can; I doubt that you will find anything permanent, but they often have seasonal work. As for something permanent, look for and apply to as many Government jobs as you think you can qualify for; they can't use your age as a basis for not hiring you and they usually have decent pension and other benefits.

[kimdl93]

All I can counsel is to be patient...being contacted by head hunters is a good sign, but hiring always takes time. Beyond that, take care of your health, get regular exercise and, get out and volunteer or find other activities that get you out of the house and among people.

[Sarasometimes]

Being aware of your mental state is important for your health. You have heard here that others have survived your ordeal so try to stay positive. Also try to keep and open mind. When I was much younger 35 I was somewhat in your shoes and i took advantage of a state Nj retraining program and learned to do hair (A desire of mine for years). It was a great stop gap profession for me.
As far as the change in dressing that is common. A great way to combat stress and depression without meds is exercise. If you can still be active, run, cycle, walk...
In the job hunt two bits of advice I got years ago:
"A job interview is the last place you want to be humble." Go in and sell yourself appear confident at all costs.
"If you spend a working day actively looking for work you will find it." Today this may not be entirrely true.

Good luck, try to open your mind to new and maybe even wacky jobs to try.

[MsVal]

You're THAT depressed? Oh, no, we've got to turn that around somehow. Gals, what can we do to brighten this thread? It sounds like someone died.

As for employment, the only original (to this thread) suggestion I can offer is to consider something outside your specialty. Even something FAR outside.

I went from a leadership position in information technology to driving a school bus for disabled children. I have a friend that did that and liked it. Let me tell you, I had more fun on that job than I thought possible. Seriously, all I needed to do was drive a route while keeping the bus between the lines. No long range planning, no budgeting, no politics, no firefighting, and no evening or weekend work. It paid "just enough" to make the difference. The kids were fantastic, the other drivers and the teachers were fun to be with, the parents brought me goodies. It was the best job I'd had in decades. (You want to hear a few "knock-knock jokes" - I know 'em.)

Then a place offered me more money to get back into management. I took the money, disliked the work, tolerated the workers, and was thankful when the contract ended.

In late summer when they're hiring, I'm going to ask to get my bus job back.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Shadeauxmarie]

Thanks for the help ladies. It's good to know I can come here and get good advice.

[traci_k]

Slightly different situation here, stress inflames my GD and I desire to transition. causing depression. On the other hand a word of encouragement, I'm 58 got let go last year and was out of work for several months. did land a new job. Less pay but near a clinic where they've got TG programs. But for years I've encouraged people to look at setting up some sort of business on the side, even if it's network marketing. As we age companies are going to want to replace us with younger, not as well paid employees.

Believe that things happen for the best.

Hugs,

[Taylor Ray]

Yes the recession turned my life upside down. My parents taught me to hit the pavement and keep my nose to the grindstone. There will be some bad days, and then some good days. If you put some effort forth each day to better your situation, you can still feel good about yourself at the end of the day, because you did everything you could.

[Tracii G]

Whether you believe in a higher power or not prayer goes a long way.
I have been is some very trying times in my life and it has helped.Things happen for a reason just keep that in mind.
There have been times I have gone into a situation not knowing if I would come back alive but knowing someone had my back even if I hadn't been the best person was good to know.

[Peta Ellen]

At 66 and 16 years into a second career after a long time in the military I think that the thing I most dread is the upheaval if my job suddenly disappeared. I enjoy the work I do and cannot imagine retiring soon. So I have some perception of your situation.

To get on a lighter note, and I hope the mods won't mind, this is a little quote to get things in perspective.

"Stress: The confusion created when the mind must override the body's basic desire to choke the living s*** out of some a****** who desperately deserves it!"

[Adriana Moretti]

I have had this happen too...when I lost my car, then my job, then my apt...and had to take a job as a laborer..i lost intrest, purged... the whole nine yards....sometimes life will sneak up on you like that and you have to go into survival mode....the good thing is your heels will be there when things get back on track so just tuck them away for now. Priorities get shifted sometimes and those feelings will return when you can let your guard down a bit. Good luck.

[lingerieLiz]

Like many here I've been up and down. Some of the swings have been very significant. I've changed careers a few times. What I've found is that if you sit down and wait nothing will come by. Not sure what field you are in, but think about what you really would want to do. Look for new opportunities. We've had several major things in our lives that could have brought us down. Today we are able to enjoy our success while only a few years ago we thought we were about to loose everything.

Prepare a resume! Put the resume together and then have others read and edit it. Nothing will kill your prospects faster than a sloppy resume. Check for spelling errors.. Go on line and fill out job applications on line. Look at what they ask so you can expand your resume. Join Linkedin, Facebook, and other social networking sites. Clean up your on line presence.

[Katie Louise]

Never is the pink fog thicker than when I'm stressed or depressed. Hey. Some people drink and take drugs. We become feminine.

[trisha kobichenko]

I was self-employed until I was 58, then started as a contractor with a sourcing company, parlayed that into full time work. For the first time in my life I have had a 'real job' for the last 7 years. That's the longest I have worked for someone else in my entire life. Hang in there, you never know what will open up for you.
By the way, my current job brings a ton of stress...along with a paycheck every two weeks. Dressing up helps to relieve the stress :)
--trisha

[heatherdress]

Marie - Sorry for your job loss and the understandable depression. It is both unfair and commonplace. Been here myself. Some thoughts:

1. Get help for you depression. You need a good therapist.
2. Realize the effects of all this on your spouse (see above). You will have to be extra sensitive to her needs and worries and concern for you.
3. Keep you friends in your life. Work out. Go to church. Stay busy.
4. Don't hide in a pink fog. Spend your free time wisely. if you need to find employment, that should be your first priority, not crossdressing.
5. Don't put a lot of pressure on yourself to find another job right away. It takes time.
6. Make a budget and use it. Get financial planning help if you can.
7. Get help finding a job. There are state employment offices that will help.
8. Figure out what you want to do. Be realistic.
9. Put together a plan - to find a job.
10. Consider part time jobs to get started. It is easier to find a job when you have a job.
11. Consider volunteer work to fill your days and your resume.
12. Look for something you would like to do - even if the pay is less - try and find a job you will be happy doing.
13. Be aware of your age and potential age discrimination in hiring. Have a smart resume without using dates. Focus on what you can do, your skills, reliability and qualifications - not the number of years you have already worked.
14. Dress well for your interview. Present a polished, professional appearance.
15. Don't try and act like you are 25 on interviews
16. Don't act like an over-the-hill applicant. Be energetic, positive, open-minded, team oriented, relevant. Be yourself, but the best "yourself" you can be.
17. If you are a Veteran, use the many services that are open to you. File for all benefits.
18. Network. Use friends, colleagues, past bosses.
19. Stay positive, don't give up!

You will be successful. This happens to everyone. You will be OK.

[julia marie]

Lots of us have been in the same employment situation. I can relate to the feeling that CD doesn't feel right when you're down. To me, priority would be the economic/job issue, and once that is straightened out you'll feel good about being a girl again.
Best of luck.

[Shadeauxmarie]

I didn't realize so many of us went through this type of experience. To paraphrase Major Winchester, "If you folks can do it, I certainly can.":heehee: