Hard Question...

[Aly Cat]

So Ive been giving this a lot of thought lately and I really am coming up short. I start transitioning in about 2 weeks and have my first laser treatment for hair removal in about an hour.
I have two boys who are 7 and 9. They dont know about me yet and my ex wife has told me to never tell them. Obviously, that will only last so long before questions are asked.
My question to those in a similar situation is this.... What do your kids call you when you can no longer present as a man? Do they still call you Daddy? Mommy? Im at a loss and this is a question that is haunting me because I literally have no answer. Please, someone help me with this. :idontknow:

[Angela Campbell]

All my kids are grown, with the youngest just graduating college last year. Two of them will not talk to me so no problem with what they call me, but my other daughter I told her to call me what she wants to. Her kids call me Aunt Angie.

[Chari]

Congrats on moving your life in a positive direction. There will be moments in transition that will be difficult, but there is always a solution, and a choice. IMO your children should not be denied the knowledge of who you are now and will become in the future. Although you will always be their Daddy, your new name/title should be comfortable for your two boys to say, perhaps using just your first name "Eve", or Aunt Eve. Having to call you "Mommy" will be too confusing for them, and will cause more problems with their Mother. Consider talking with a therapist for other ideas. I wish you well with your new life.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

well never tell them means never transition..
so at some point you tell them..

my own opinion is that when you know you are going to transition you tell them....and you just tell them flat out...no waffling...you keep it simple..

As far as what they call you I can tell you that in my own situation I am their dad... and they call me "he" sometimes and I don't correct them... I told them at ages 12 and 14 , and they are 19 and 17 now... we are very close, we have had tough times...my youngest still gets awkward but its not a "problem"... we laugh about it...they joke that their dad is a girl... ..

you have boys, and they are younger but in my opinion you face it head on and you do what's right as a father...you make it clear to them that you aren't going anywhere...you make it clear to them they are not losing their dad...and you never force them to do anything... in effect, you let them catch up to you.. you can't control them, you can't not transition, so you just plough ahead and do your best to be a wonderful dad...

I have never felt sad or upset when they misgender me or call me dad...they are my kids...

[PaulaQ]

Seriously, your boys will be fine with this. They won't catch "the trans" from you, and will deal with this way better than your wife.

My kids call me whatever is comfortable for them to call me .

[Sandra]

Nigella is has always told our daughter that she will always be her Dad, and wouldn't have it any other way but having her call her Dad.

[Sally24]

I know a transwomen that transitioned when her kids were young. They chose to combine mommy and daddy into Maddy. Let the kids figure what they want.

[Aly Cat]

Thank you all for the suggestions. I guess Ill just let them decide what they want to call me. They never call me by my name because I am their dad, so it would probably be weird for them to do so now. As of right now, they only know that I have dressed like a girl for a TV show (they found my wig and an explanation was required) and that I paint my toenails. They want me to paint my fingernails too. We were talking about it last night. They want black fingernails with blue sparkles and planets painted on them lol. I am somewhat easing them into it without making a big fuss. That way when the time comes for a real explanation, they wont think its all that out of the ordinary. The ex is not going to be happy about it. She wants me removed from their lives completely as soon as I can no longer present as a male. I think that is a massive mistake and will eventually backfire in her face. I just want to be the best parent I can be while still being me. I guess the rest will be figured out later on as the situation arises.

[arbon]

My daughter and my mom call me Poppy. My daughter does not like calling me dad to awkward she says, and referring to me as mom is out of the question. She gets really annoyed when other people refer to me as her mom which happens quite a bit. When she identifies me to people she says this is my "poppy" sometimes it confuses people a bit.

[Angela Campbell]

Hell.....my very existence confuses people a bit

[bas1985]

looking forward to hear from you some suggestions too. I am in your same situation, girl 9 and boy 5. The divorce battle is finally settling down, at last... I still present as male when I see them but I no longer pass too well as male. My ex wife has noticed my long nails and long hair but she thinks that I am too lazy to cut them :)... I still do not know how things may work... but transition for me is already a decision done, so the world will take its course, and I will take mine.

[Laurie Ann]

My 7 y/o calls me grampma

[lizbendalin]

My kids (6 and 7.5) call me Deedee when I am presenting as female.

[Rachelakld]

My kids call me Rachel when dressed

[I Am Paula]

My nephew calls me Aunt Paula. He asked his mother 'When I am old (!!!) like Aunt Paula, can I still be a boy?'
At four years old he has a very good grasp that I used to be a boy, but I'm not anymore. Kids are just little sponges, the information just soaks in, and it needs no further explanation.

[Rogina B]

Aunt Rogina while out..Dad at home except when her mother calls me DivaRogina and she decides that's the thing to do...You will always be their Dad,no matter what.They should be comfortable with your name of choice in public and around friends..

[PretzelGirl]

The way I look at it, as long as they are calling you something. I could see getting called differently by each of them. Whatever rocks their boat as long as it is socially acceptable. I also think about it with my brother. At the end of our phone calls he always says "love you little brother". Real simple and I wouldn't want it to change. It would seem to be the end of some of our closeness.

[Ann Louise]

My kids are both freshmen in university, and I asked them to just call me "Ann," which they readily do. We joke about the old honorific titles, and we're all ok with just dropping them entirely. When I talk with my brothers on the phone I usually open the conversation with "Hi, this is your big sister Ann!" It breaks the ice, sets a nice light tone, and we all realize the irony of the situation. I then rag on them about not eating vegetables, being pigs around the house, and dressing like slobs. Fun all around!

[thechic]

My Girls all call me dad and im ok with that as I proud of that, even though I do get some odd looks when its said out in public.

[noeleena]

Hi,

There's 18 in our family, three grown up kids now , 36 - 39 , 11 grand kids, plus wife's though im different im still the father to our three and grandad to the 11, i still get called dad, grandad, noel - no-el.,

granchild = Dejarn is 12 and has allways called me grandad and out loud at camps when she could not see me and id answer ... im here, and 30 people all around looking for a grandad they figgered it out after , it was me then they realised im female as well i have a good repore with our family and more so with our grandkids, ages are 3 months up to 19 apart from Jos and i, 61 and 66,

To explain to family members my difference it was Jos first then our three and then was explaind to thier children no major hassle's a bit of time was all that was needed, this has been over 20 years, and the oldest grandchild is coming up 19..

The earlyer you tell your children and show as well. dont hide it , the better and for most its not a major issue there is of cause some kids as they get older will go through the rebelling and denying then when they understand and find out the why youll find most are okay with the changes, some of cause never do, each one is different just dont treat them like they wont understand just tell them in thier way of understanding and dont talk down to them.

We all understand things in our own ways so getting it right is very importaint, all the best,

...noeleena...

[Nigella]

As Sandra has already said, Amy calls me dad and I am happy with that. I know of one TS who told her children, I'm not your dad, I'm your mum, wrong move IMHO. Our neighbours kids call me Auntie Nigella, even though they knew me as Nigel originally.

IMHO let your kids decide what to call you, let them be comfortable in being with you.

[gonegirl]

There is no right or wrong here. Circumstances and feelings dictate what your kids will call you. The age of your children will have a large influence on what they are comfortable with. The younger they are, the less of an issue this will be. It might take some time to figure it out, but you and your kids will know when it feels right.

[MsVal]

I recommend that you avoid over analyzing this decision. Whatever you do will have some amount of wrong and right. The saving grace is that kids are remarkably resilient. Much much more than adults. Until they learn otherwise, everything is "normal" and is accepted at face value.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Jorja]

My kids were grown up, 18 and 21, before I was allowed to see them. At first, they called me dad which did not sit well with any of us. Since then they just call me Jorja or mama and yes, even bitch sometimes when they don't get their way.

[EnglishRose]

We talked with our oldest son and decided on Maddy. He's still only 6 but has adapted really well, but apparently refers to me as Daddy at school. However, that's up to him and he's the most important factor in this. our other son can't talk yet and has only ever known me as a woman.

[Aprilrain]

My kids call me April, sometimes my youngest calls me momma but usually it's April.