Big step in the right direction !

[Teresa]

Great news the issues I raised in my "Going Ballisic " thread have been resolved.
I have been sleeping badly for months, my wife is fed up with it so I said you know why I'm not sleeping, we need to talk and sort things out.
She let me go through the whole story of how it started, the connection between women, dressing and sex, that I wasn't gay or wanted to change sex. The issue of depression and rejection after the time I told her about my CDing. We discussed the sexual issues after her menopause and how I respected her loss of interest and my continuing needs.
I told her about my clothes hidden in the darkroom and she sincerely promised not to look. I still won't be able to dress in front of her. When I asked her if she had talked to people about it she said she hadn't abut I stressed it wasn't a problem to me. The annoying fly in the ointment is a porter where she works is a CDer and her workmates ( all female) make the usual stereotype comments, one of them has recently become a Samaritan counsellor, I can't say anything but I'm pretty ****** off !
We finally kissed and said how much we loved each other ! I did point out that if I wasn't a CDer I might have had affairs, she said she knew that, and suggested in that case keep wearing her things. I asked her if she minded at Xmas to say she really understood and loved me to buy me something nice, she said that would be her surprise.
I hope my sleepless nights are over !

[Beverley Sims]

Teresa,
It is nice to see some good coming out of this.
I do remember the "ballistic" episode and I am glad that there is some resolution coming out of it.
It is all up to you as you are at the coal face so to speak and all of us out here looking in can only share our experiences with you.
I hope the forum has been some help.
Now get some sleep. :)

[Katey888]

Good news Teresa :cheer: I'm pleased for you and your wife - sounds like a good outcome at this time.

Perhaps a good example of the importance of both time - to allow an SO to absorb and consider a little - and the need to communicate appropriately, by reaching out to her at a time when you needed her support as much as she may have needed yours at other times.

I'm sure you can sleep well now.. :)

Katey x

[Carole]

Teresa, that is an awesome step forward for both of you. Your good spouse has made a promise not to look at your 'wardrobe' and in turn you have agreed to keep it away from her. Pleasant dreams, sleep soundly (no snoring mind ). The smallest steps ( normally that initial step off) are the greatest. Remeber tho' not ALL Samaritans know the answer to all the problems they may encounter, but they should have the nouse to pass on what they have no knowledge of to someone in the organisation who does. How does your wife view the work colleague who cd's? I am so pleased that some resolve and closure of your dilemma has been achieved.

[Barbie Anne]

Good news Teresa :) Communications really is the key. Hope you get your sleep hon.

[RADER]

Teresa;
You broke the ice, that is great, Now please treat her very kindly.
I remember when My wife was going through the change of life.
One day she was cold, the next day hot, the next day mad; You
get what I mean.
My wife knew of my dressing and was OK with it; but at the same time
I knew not to push the dressing at that time. Instead I treated her
with a lot of extra kindness and love.
The results where I later collected extra dividends you might say.
I hope it works for you.
Rader

[Stephanie Sometimes]

This is great news Teresa. I am so happy for you and your wife. It does sound like she is making a sincere effort to understand your frame of mind and to work towards an arrangement that will make both of you more comfortable with your dressing. It does sound like she has been negatively influenced by co-workers but maybe now she can start to see things in a more positive light after you have both been able to talk it over. It sounds like you handled things very well and I do hope you can sleep better going forward. This has to make you feel much better about dressing and make it that much more satisfying.

Hugs,
Steph

[kimdl93]

I do hope that your nights are restful from now on. I would like to suggest that your wife and her physician the subject of female sexuality after menopause. While there is no silver bullet, there are often effective courses of action which can return at least a measure of the lost libido.