Coming out to work update

[Billiejosehine]

So as most of you may or may not know, I have been through a lot these past couple of months and I still have a lot on my plate. Getting back on my feet, divorce, dealing with ex over custody, transitioning, and so much much more. As the old saying says, when it rains it pours. As far as transitioning, Im going about things slowly and taking it a day at a time. For the past 20 years, I have hidden my GD from the world, but it has become completely the opposite in where I want to tell everybody. I even wrote a thread a while back about coming out at work. Since then I have been debating if I should or shouldn't especially wince all my coworkers are behaviorist and therapist. I have told a few people at work and I have received a lot of support. What's cool is that most of my coworkers have family members, friends, or know somebody that has transitioned or is gay. As of yesterday, I made the decision to talk to my supervisor about transitioning at work. After talking to her, I found out that she has a relative that transitioned from ftm. She is very supporting, has my back, and will help me any way she can. I feel so much relief by sharing this with my supervisor, next step is my clinical manager, hr, and the rest of the employees that don't know yet. I'm still not in a rush and I'm giving myself a year it more before going full time at work.

[Barbie Anne]

I've followed your progress through your writing, and I'm very happy for you. It's great that something in your life is going so smoothly. It may not all be a bed of roses but there is beauty in between those thorns.

Congratulations!

[traci_k]

That is awesome. I talked to HR the other day and although it's new to them, they figured there should be no problem. So happy for you that they are SOOOOO supportive!

Hugs,

[Dawn cd]

Congratulations, Billie. It's a comfort knowing that while your family life has taken a blow, your professional life is supportive. If one axis is anchored, you can manage the other. I feel sad for those whose personal AND professional lives are left in chaos by the necessity of transition.








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[DebbieL]

Coming out at work was the hardest part for me. I had been living 120 mode (120 hours/week) as Debbie for almost 18 months, but Debbie was also "bleeding over". Laser got rid of my dark facial hair, and my hair grew longer, I started wearing nail polish, and I had my eyebrows waxed. I'd always had large hips and a big but tight butt, so switching to women's slacks was actually a substantial improvement in my appearance. Co-workers would notice, and ask me about the little changes and I'd just tell them "I'm transgender", and let them ask any questions they wanted. The key was that I would tell whoever asked regardless of who else was in the room. There were a few times when I ended up having a question and answer session with 5 or 6 people at a time, and often, after about 15 minutes, we could get back to work, and nothing changed except that women started giving me more compliments on my feminine aspects. Shoes shifted gradually from men's moccasins to women's flats to low heeled casual, to booties with 2 inch heels.

On casual Fridays, I began wearing golf shirts - which showed my still small breasts. Other days I'd wear a camisole under my dress shirts to keep from "pinging". Finally, last summer, it was getting harder to hide (B-Cups), so I put a feminine picture on my corporate profile, and changed my preferred name from "Rex" to "Rexy", and when I was looking for my next engagement, I was presented to the client as "Rexy is a good fit, and She will make a great addition to your team, she can be on a call tomorrow, and we can have her start next Monday". After the phone interview, they said to my boss, "We'd like to meet her". When I showed up, I wore a blousy feminine shirt, light make-up, and had a good manicure as well as 2 inch black oxford heels.

They started talking with me, and then another manager came in and the people I was talking to told him "She came in to talk with us, and we'd like her to start tomorrow if that's possible". In 15 minutes, it was clear to everyone, including me, that I would be there as her and she. People have been wonderful with me. Both my employer and my client have strong diversity programs, and have been very supportive and polite. In fact, a few do a double take when I mention my wife, or talk about past life as a boy. In a few recent situations, I've actually had people who were quite surprised when I let them know I had been a boy when I was younger. Even in the ladies room, there is no hesitation when we meet each other in the common area, we just do our business. Sometimes, the other women will even start conversations with me. I've been experiencing more women wanting to meet up with me at the coffee pot. I really started feeling accepted when they started asking where I got my boots, or a dress, and they would suggest places to shop.

I'm part of a work team that is still mostly men, and I've actually found that I've been more comfortable with them. They sometimes get into head butting sessions, but I have found that I can relax and listen rather than feeling like I have to compete against the "Alpha". I can still be tough, and have even said "If I have to ride my broom to get things done, I will". That goes over pretty well.

[AllieSF]

Way to go. Yes, when it rains it pours and like today, there may be some sunshine in between. There are some local ladies here going down the same path, I know a small few. I am sure they would be most happy to offer their opinions and recommendations into your mix of ideas on how and when to proceed. Keep up the good work and as most say, one step at a time. Sometimes rushing causes unneeded complications, grief and suffering, not only to you but those around you.

[vikki2020]

Yeah,once we make that decision, things seem to move fast,huh? Good luck with everything. We are in simular situations, at work,with me telling co-workers, as I move my way up the food chain. So far, so good!

[Billiejosehine]

Today I got a txt from my supervisor saying she shared my concerns with the senior clinical supervisor and office director. My supervisor also said that they are both supportive and that the office director wants to talk to hr for me; but she also wants to meet 1:1 with me before she does. The meeting was probably going to happen today, but since I work remotely, it may be later this week. Things are truly moving fast now that I made the decision to notify work. Now I just have to wait and see what happens.

[Rianna Humble]

It's great that they are being supportive, but in your place I would say to the director that you will inform HR but would appreciate her support when you do. It is your life, you want to make sure that what HR hears is the right thing.

[Maria in heels]

Sounds like you are in a very good place, especially at work. I can only imagine how tough it has been, but if work is a safe place, it only makes the journey that much easier. Keep us updated