Questions about post op

[kaylyn]

After all is said and done and I get my surgery will my vaguna look natural, and how big will my boobs get or will I need to get a boob job. Also how does sex feel after. I have so many question! Lol

[Aimee20]

Lets slow down sweetie. Before you can jump straight to an end result, there are a few years of processes to go through and decisions to be made. To answer your first question, modern surgery techniques are very good but there can always be complications. Secondly, breast tissue development relies on a number of factors such a genetics and age; some individuals are happy with their neural development and others will opt for surgery but there is no way to see the future. And your final question is very personal and something better left to private messages.
The best advice I could give you right now is to find a therapist experienced in transsexual care because that is the first step, the rest takes time and more often than not, a lot of sacrifice.

[Jorja]

Today's technology, techniques, and procedures make it look pretty much like the real thing. Unlike back in my day where I had to have several additional surgeries to make it look like more than just a hole. As for sensation afterwards, for me, it has all of the magic and wonders of the real thing, I would imagine. It works for me. Breast, well that one can be a crap shoot. Some get really good results from HRT and some don't. Breast augmentation is one course of action.

[Frances]

You asked three questions and here are my answers: (1) It's a matter of opinion, (2) There is no way to foretell and (3) I have not had penetration, but orgasms are pretty much like they used to be.

If any of this is a dealbreaker, you are barking up the wrong tree.

[kaylyn]

Thank you all so much for your answers I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist through my college for next week. I'm super nervous no though because I've never told anyone face to face and also I've never been to a therapist. Any advice

[Frances]

Be completely honest about everything, including your sexual fantasies. Do not try to direct the conversation.

[Kathryn Martin]

I will also answer the three questions:

1. My vagina cannot be distinguished from any other vagina unless you know what you are looking for and have magnifying glass and a really bright light handy;
2. There is no way to tell what your boobs will look like, imagine smaller that your mom or your sister if you have one;
3. Sex is better, different, and completely satisfying;

Really, you are way ahead of yourself.

[kaylyn]

I was just trying to see what i could expect as I go through the process. I know it takes years to complete the transformation.

[Nigella]

As a few have alluded to, try to walk first, you have yet to see a therapist

[annaaustintx]

I strongly second the recommendation of exploring your thoughts with a therapist specializing in gender issues, and I am glad to see that you are going ahead with that. I will add that going to a therapist specializing in gender issues can be a two-edged sword: they are definitely more experienced with, and may be more knowledgeable about, gender issues, but a less objective & professional therapist [-] is [/-] may be as likely to advocate too strongly towards transitioning as a non-specialist therapist is to advocate the opposite.

[kaylyn]

I understand that I have to see a therapist, that's the first step. I'm doing that this week. I wasn't saying I was just gonna go in and opt for the surgery. I was just trying to get a picture in my mind what it would be like after the road so I know what to expect.

[bas1985]

but a less objective & professional therapist is as likely to advocate too strongly towards transitioning as a non-specialist therapist is to advocate the opposite.

have you some "objective" experience with this? I have mine, which is in some way supportive. I have seen several therapists in my life, not gender specific, most of them of Freudian heritage. With them we never talked about transitioning, they never told me as an option, and I was too in denial to even think that it might be what I was looking for, even if they knew all my cd past, my desire to be a woman, etc...

In the first appointment with the Gender clinic the therapist immediately asked me my feminine name and talked with me for an hour treating me like a woman, as if transition was already fixed.

Oh, maybe I rephrase that: I think that a gender therapist knows that he-she is the "last" call, when a person goes there he-she has already part of the fog cleared. It's like if I go to a generic Italian restaurant because I want to taste "generic" Italian food (but maybe incoherent, for example mixing Tortellini with Cassata -- a dish of the North with a dessert of the South --), or if I am clearly determined to go to a particular Italian restaurant specialized maybe with 2 or 3 specialities (fish or meat or something like that). In this latter case the waiter knows that I am searching maybe for a particular dish, matched with a particular wine, served in a certain way like they do in Florence or Venice, etc...

[PaulaQ]

@kaylyn - you should think about whether or not you really want a vagina or not. You can transition without SRS - many do this.

Reasons why you might want a vagina:
- You have serious gender dysphoria about your genitals - your junk has gotta go!
- Your partner simply isn't willing to have sex with you while you have a penis
- Over time, after you've been on HRT and living fulltime, you realize your genitals simply aren't congruent with your mind

Reasons why you might not want a vagina:
- It's an expensive surgery, and is frequently not covered by insurance plans
- It's a pretty complex surgery with a pretty lengthy and unpleasant recovery process
- Your partner may not care anyway, and neither may you

Anyway, this is not a checklist item - nobody but your partner knows what's under your skirt. Some of us absolutely need this - but for many it's lower priority than surgeries to feminize their faces or bodies. This is one of the most personal decisions you can make in transition, and it's a hard choice especially if you have to balance the cost of it against surgeries that enable you to pass more easily.

[princessheather86]

I don't know if I want SRS. In a perfect world, yes, I would want 100% female anatomy, but my dysphoria seems to be focused mainly on the shape of my body, my face, and voice. I can't say I have the same degree of resentment for my anatomy that some trans women have described. Plus, I'm terrified of surgery and don't relish the prospect of needing to dilate for the rest of my life. As long as it's not visible when wearing clothing, I think I would be OK.

So, I don't think SRS is necessarily a must. I do not consider any trans woman who chooses not to have SRS any less of a woman because of it.

[kaylyn]

I never thought of still having a penis as an option. I thought that taking the giro ones would basically render it useless. That's something I will talk to the therapist about this week when I see them.

[ColleenA]

I never thought of still having a penis as an option. I thought that taking the giro ones would basically render it useless.

Render it useless? Keep in mind the penis has two main functions. Why should the way it performs one of those functions change?

[gonegirl]

I will add that going to a therapist specializing in gender issues can be a two-edged sword: they are definitely more experienced with, and may be more knowledgeable about, gender issues, but a less objective & professional therapist is as likely to advocate too strongly towards transitioning as a non-specialist therapist is to advocate the opposite.

I disagree with that statement. Can you provide evidence to back that up?

Advising that specialized gender therapists will likely advocate for someone to transition is completely counter to my experience and that of every other TS I have spoken to about this. This forum isn’t the place to post bullsh*t advice like that.

And to anyone here who has that happen to them: get the hell out of there as quickly as you can and find someone who will actually help you, not harm you.

[Angela Campbell]

I agree with that. avoiding a therapist who has experience in gender issues because they may be more likely to urge transition is like avoiding a cancer specialist because they will be more likely to diagnose cancer. If you have gender issues you will want someone who has experience in that area. It is not a double edged sword.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Some of my clients have had the exact opposite problem: The therapist wanted them to wait until they had more therapy (or in more self serving cases, strung them along for a long time and try to get as much as they could out of them before writing the letter; not all therapists do this of course, but some TS I know have claimed to have that experience.) I don't think anyone has ever told me their therapist pushed them into SRS.

[annaaustintx]

I disagree with that statement. Can you provide evidence to back that up?

Advising that specialized gender therapists will likely advocate for someone to transition is completely counter to my experience and that of every other TS I have spoken to about this. This forum isn’t the place to post bullsh*t advice like that.I edited my post.

I said "can be a two-edged sword", not "is a two-edged sword". I should have followed through with: "... a less objective & professional therapist may be as likely..." instead of "...is as likely..."

And BTW, that's not what I said. I did not say "specialized gender therapists will likely advocate for someone to transition".


I agree with that. avoiding a therapist who has experience in gender issues because they may be more likely to urge transition is like avoiding a cancer specialist because they will be more likely to diagnose cancer. If you have gender issues you will want someone who has experience in that area. It is not a double edged sword.It's not like avoiding a cancer specialist because they will be more likely to diagnose cancer. It's more like avoiding going to a cancer specialist who advocates a remedy inappropriate for the disease.

[Rianna Humble]

The way that you put the two sentences together definitely conveys the false idea that a specialised gender therapist would be more likely to push someone to transition and your reply to Angela makes it clear that you are saying that despite your disclaimer.

You have failed to provide any evidence for that claim, it's time to put up or shut up.

[Angela Campbell]

It's not like avoiding a cancer specialist because they will be more likely to diagnose cancer. It's more like avoiding going to a cancer specialist who advocates a remedy inappropriate for the disease.

more like going to someone who doesn't know what they are talking about and isn't trained in the area. If GD is the issue and properly diagnosed there is only one treatment that has ever had successful results. Transition. (historically the results are overwhelmingly successful) At that point it is a matter of how far. Someone who is not trained and experienced in gender issues is much less likely to be able to diagnose GD and is just as likely to not be informed as to how to treat it successfully.

[gonegirl]

Anna, perhaps you would like to share your own anecdotal experience with a gender therapist and then your friends' experiences with theirs. Also, as a point of reference for your evidence, where would you describe yourself as being on the so called gender spectrum?

[Sally24]

I'd have to say that the gender therapists my friends and I are familiar with are quite conservative. Mine thought I was quite comfortable in the dual gender role. Another friend was urged to try a low dose hormone treatment. Full time and surgical transition are usually reserved for those that nothing less will help.

[annaaustintx]

Anna, perhaps you would like to share your own anecdotal experience with a gender therapist and then your friends' experiences with theirs. Also, as a point of reference for your evidence, where would you describe yourself as being on the so called gender spectrum?My anecdote is of my own therapist. She had been very helpful in helping me explore my gender. However, I also felt that she was not sufficiently neutral in helping me with my decision whether to transition, being more biased towards transitioning as an outcome for me.

In the end, I came up with a question for myself that helped me in my decision, and still guides me today. I do give her credit for exploring that question with me.

About me:
I crossdressed for about 20 years. I had considered myself a fetishistic crossdresser until a couple of years ago.
I had been in therapy for a year, with a therapist specializing in GLBTQ issues, at a large counseling practice here in Austin that specializes in GLBTQ issues.
I now identify as a MtF transgender person.
I started my HRT four months ago.
I came out to my wife last September.
I came out to my parents and some of my siblings a few weeks ago.

[Janelle_C]

Kaylyn in my opinion it is very important to try and find a therapist that is experienced in transgender issues. I went to my brothers therapist with him to try and help him. He was seeing this therapist because he was struggling with me transitioning, this therapist had no transgender experience. I spent a third of the time we were there educating him. My therapist has a lot of transgender clients and she is wonderful.

[kaylyn]

Finally getting to take the first step on Wednesday if next week. Had to reschedule twice now but it's going to happen. Gonna have to woman up and take care of business. Thanks ladies for helping me with your answers!!