PretzelGirl
03-01-2014, 12:55 PM
A wonderful and insightful friend posted this to me on Facebook just a few minutes ago.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~ Mark Twain
I now know my course (well, before that saying was posted) and am nervous, happy, and excited about my decision. I still have the upper hand of not feeling pressed to save myself this minute, so I will continue to take advantage of that although waiting is obviously tough.
As I was going through therapy, I decided it would be good to tell both of my daughters what was up. I guess that was a subconscious effort knowing where I would end up. They both knew about me all along and are both very supportive in a different way. One is the carefree kind that there is zero issue and she has been encouraging. The other is one of the three people (along with my wife and brother) in my life I totally connect with and share thoughts like a best friend. Her reaction was what I expected in that she said she loves me and will always be there but she needs to process it some before continuing to talk. She had been going out with me and also going to support meetings when she lived here, so this is new in that she probably didn’t see the full time coming.
So yesterday was a biggie for me, my brother. This would be the first of irreversible actions, you can't un-tell someone. I always figured some day I would tell him face to face. Well his son is getting married in May and I am traveling to it. So when I thought about the logistics, I decided to just get on the phone with him. After chatting a bit I told him I had one thing I always never told him about and it had been with me since I was a kid. He asked if I was gay. I told him close, I am transgender. He said “Okay” without a flinch in his voice. I then said that the reason I was telling him is that I was working a plan to go full time and he said “Okay” calmly again. That kind of surprised me (instead of him apparently). But he has been through a coworker transitioning, so he told me that story. He then said that his biggest concern was using wording that was hurtful. He then said “I hope this isn’t insulting in any way but I guess it is something that is inside of you and not physical” and I said exactly. We went on talking for 3 hours with some it being education and some being about the rest of the family. I probably apologized several times for holding this back and he answered that it was okay as he understood.
Although I would like to tell the rest of my family face to face (none of them are within 2000 miles of me), I think it will only be my mother that I do that with. Time and expense would probably make the rest too difficult and an additional stressor. Since my nephew’s wedding is in May, my brother and I talked about that being my next to last time spent around the family as a guy with the last being when I fly to tell my Mom. I don’t want to have it be part of the wedding trip for my nephew’s sake and flying out to see my mother beforehand will probably cause that to happen. It can wait until after even if it isn’t the easiest thing for me. There is obviously going to be some sacrifice along the way and my mother is worth sacrifice.
So now it is time to move forward. I am ready for my letter if my therapist thinks I am ready and I will start working on how I will tell the rest of my family. Work is down the road…..
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~ Mark Twain
I now know my course (well, before that saying was posted) and am nervous, happy, and excited about my decision. I still have the upper hand of not feeling pressed to save myself this minute, so I will continue to take advantage of that although waiting is obviously tough.
As I was going through therapy, I decided it would be good to tell both of my daughters what was up. I guess that was a subconscious effort knowing where I would end up. They both knew about me all along and are both very supportive in a different way. One is the carefree kind that there is zero issue and she has been encouraging. The other is one of the three people (along with my wife and brother) in my life I totally connect with and share thoughts like a best friend. Her reaction was what I expected in that she said she loves me and will always be there but she needs to process it some before continuing to talk. She had been going out with me and also going to support meetings when she lived here, so this is new in that she probably didn’t see the full time coming.
So yesterday was a biggie for me, my brother. This would be the first of irreversible actions, you can't un-tell someone. I always figured some day I would tell him face to face. Well his son is getting married in May and I am traveling to it. So when I thought about the logistics, I decided to just get on the phone with him. After chatting a bit I told him I had one thing I always never told him about and it had been with me since I was a kid. He asked if I was gay. I told him close, I am transgender. He said “Okay” without a flinch in his voice. I then said that the reason I was telling him is that I was working a plan to go full time and he said “Okay” calmly again. That kind of surprised me (instead of him apparently). But he has been through a coworker transitioning, so he told me that story. He then said that his biggest concern was using wording that was hurtful. He then said “I hope this isn’t insulting in any way but I guess it is something that is inside of you and not physical” and I said exactly. We went on talking for 3 hours with some it being education and some being about the rest of the family. I probably apologized several times for holding this back and he answered that it was okay as he understood.
Although I would like to tell the rest of my family face to face (none of them are within 2000 miles of me), I think it will only be my mother that I do that with. Time and expense would probably make the rest too difficult and an additional stressor. Since my nephew’s wedding is in May, my brother and I talked about that being my next to last time spent around the family as a guy with the last being when I fly to tell my Mom. I don’t want to have it be part of the wedding trip for my nephew’s sake and flying out to see my mother beforehand will probably cause that to happen. It can wait until after even if it isn’t the easiest thing for me. There is obviously going to be some sacrifice along the way and my mother is worth sacrifice.
So now it is time to move forward. I am ready for my letter if my therapist thinks I am ready and I will start working on how I will tell the rest of my family. Work is down the road…..