Shocked by response

[shemike]

I have a gg friend who is very supportive of my dressing. We have been out with me dressed and have gone shopping abd dinner while I have been dresssed. In fact we used to date. She wants to have a physical relationship with me. So one day while dressed I kissed her. She pulled away said she is not into girls and can't be with me while dressed. Should I be happy that she thinks of me this way or sad that I can't be with her as a girl?

She mike

[natalie_cheryl]

I would be happy myself, maybe she will change her mind but at the very least you have a partner that accepts you and is ok with your dressing

[Eryn]

If she is not gay it would be natural for her not to be attracted to your female side. People have different ways of dealing our different presentations and it appears as if she has separated your male and female sides into separate persons in her mind. She is friends with your female side and physically attracted to your male side.

Part of tolerance is understanding how others perceive us and adapting to make them comfortable.

[dana digs sweaters]

Keep the friendship.
It should be treasured.
If she has a boundary for intimacy while you are presenting as female, that should be honored.
She is not hard wired for woman to woman contact.
How you are wired, only you know. Be honest with her about it.
If it is a must to be passionate as a woman, you need to find a woman shares those desires with you.

[annaaustintx]

The wife of a trans girl (both are my friends) puts it best: "I love being intimate with her when she's being Kristy, but that's separate and different than whether I am attracted to women and whether I will seek intimacy from only other women, were I not married." Some people are that way; some are not. I'd give your friend space and respect, appreciate her friendship, and let feelings develop on their own.

[docrobbysherry]

Why r u asking us? I think you're old enuff to decide for yourself, Shemike!

[Erica2Sweet]

annaaustintx gives great advise on the subject in my opinion. Some people are able to get under their own hood and do the required internal re-wiring to be with someone who presents his- or herself outside of common gender norms. Some folks either don't wish to (for a multitude of reasons), or don't really have the introspection skills to do it successfully. If she is having issues she is inevitably unable to resolve, then why does it matter? In that case you two would not really be compatible. Its good to be OK with the idea that we as humans are not compatible in a relationship with everyone out there. :)

[Jenniferathome]

Neither. You should appreciate that she accepts you. Acceptance does not mean anything goes sexually. An apology that you put her in an awkward position would be in order.

And I have to add that I am shocked that you were, "shocked by (this) response." I'd call it a very typical response.

[Barbie Anne]

I wouldn't be too shocked by her response. I would however grab that woman and hang onto her if she's ok with you dressing. It's not too much to ask for her to want you to be a "male" occasionally.

My wife not only accepts but encourages me to be Barbie as much as I feel I need. She has said however that she wants me manly in the bedroom :) Sure she'll kiss and hug me in Barbie mode, and I sleep en-femme but I'm Rich for sex and romance.

[lingerieLiz]

I understand her and you need to decide if you can revert to being a man. Would you find her attractive sexually if she dressed as a guy? My wife does not want to have sex with a woman. I honor that. The same as I would not want to have sex with a man. She accepts that I dress.

In the past I've dated girls that were fine with my dressing. Some I suppose were bi, but we all have preferences and boundaries.

[Jilmac]

My SO wants to know my guy side when we get intimate and I'm ok with that. Perhaps you should talk to yours and see if she wants you as a whole guy when intimate but will accept you as a girl at other times.

[Beverley Sims]

Just be happy you have a girlfriend that knows and accepts.

Maybe you can be more unhappy by finding another girlfriend that doesn't understand at all.

Be happy with what you have. :)

[Truth]

Thats really cool to have an understanding friend like that, good on you for having the courage to give her a kiss dressed!

[Ms. Alexis]

That's not surprising, as everyone has their limits. My wife accepts me as someone who is bi-gendered but even then there are limits. If I were to cross into the transsexual zone, she would be done. So be grateful that your friend accepts you for who you are, and understand that she has limits just like you do.

[PaulaQ]

@shemike - I think you should be happy that you found out that a physical relationship with this woman may not be for you. If you need to be intimate with her while presenting as female, and she can't handle that, it's liable to be a problem for both of you down the road.

I'd talk with her about what you need, and what she needs, and whether or not you can accommodate each other. If not, my advice would be to stay friends, but not get physical.

[Stephanie47]

You can't have your cake and eat it too! Obviously she wants to have a physical relationship with a male presenting as a male. You're fortunate she can accept your cross dressing and see you also as a man she wants to have a physical relationship with. Frankly, why do you want to present as a woman when having a physical relationship with a woman? That's the furthest thing from my mind. It's also the furthest thing from my wife's mind. If you want to present as a woman in a sexual relationship is there any room for you to have a physical relationship with a man?

[PaulaQ]

@Stephanie47 - amazingly enough, different people are turned on by different things from one another. Wanting to be intimate with a woman while presenting as a woman is a not uncommon turn-on for some CDs. Also, surprisingly enough, one can present as a woman - and only like women!

[Teresa]

Paula,
Thanks for adding that comment, I know why I have that problem and have explained it to my wife, to me it is so intimate that I struggle to understand the revulsion.

[shemike]

Let change the word and feeling from shocked to saddened

[Susan L]

Sounds like she is sending you mixed messages but the bottom line in my opinion is you have someone that accepts you in girl mode, is willing to go out with you shopping and dining. If I were in your shoes I would apologize and keep the relationship as they are hard to come by. Acceptance of any life style is golden, treasure it!

[Marcelle]

Hi Shemike,

My wife and I are great friends whether I am "en femme" or "en boy" but while I am Isha we are just that "friends". Intimate relationship is not in our cards while I present female as both her and I would feel very awkward so when it comes to that side of our relationship it is only "boy" me. However, I can understand if you are saddened by this revelation especially if you were hoping for more. The key thing is now that you know, talk to her and put the subject to rest. I am not sure if you already did this or not but you might want to explain why you did what you did "crossed signals" and that you hope it does not damage your friendship. You still have a great GG friend and I think she needs to know that.

Hugs

Isha

[suchacutie]

When my wife and I firsr found Tina we had no idea how it would play out. When I transform to Tina I lose my guy self. We've both worked hard at giving Tina the tools to feel/act/be, as much as possible, a woman. We've come to the conclusion that there really are two gendered people in my head limited in expression only by my physical body and experience being a girl.

Given that, I had to wonder how my wife really viewed Tina. The day she told my male self that she could never have the slightest romantic interest in Tina I really knew that she saw Tina as a girlfriend, but more importantly, as a woman for all intents and purposes. In many ways that acknowledgement has done more for Tina's self worth than any one other act. After 8 years we're still trying to figure out how to greet each othrr initially upon meeting since as husband and wife we are so very constantly intimate.

Bottom line, I think this incident is a tremendous positive reinforcement of your femininity.

[kimdl93]

You can be both. It's great to have a friend willing to go out with you when you're dressed. And it's nice that the relationship has grown to the point of intimacy.

Perhaps over time she'll come to accept that it's the same person, regardless of the clothes you're wearing at the time. If not, that ok....you can be any gender you want with your clothes off.

[MsVal]

In all fairness to Shemike, Pink Fog may be the cause of a temporary inability to see things from another person's perspective. In time, the fog may clear and this will become a non-issue.

(Spoken as one that recently drove off the road in a dense fog.)

Best wishes
MsVal

[mykell]

you should be ecstatic to have this person as a friend,
you say she wants a physical relationship, so how was this determined,
if you discussed it you need to listen to what each of you will need going forward with it.
apologize for kissing while in femme as a way to restart that conversation,
then build the relationship based on those results,
in the end she would still be your GG girlfriend, and maybe your soul-mate for life...

abd dinner while dressed is not the reason for expecting the physical relation....?

[Erica Anne]

Shemike,
I would not be worried, just be happy she accepts you en femme. Perhaps she only wants to be friends.

My wife was accepting of me and did not matter how I was dressed. She did not push me away if I was dressed, but she preferred intimate contact with me in male mode rather than girl mode which was also my preference as well. Sometimes we had some interesting times together where it did not matter.

You could try kissing her in male mode and see what happens. If she pulls away, then perhaps friendship is as far as it will go. Actually I would not push the issue. Just be yourself, if there is something there it will grow into more than friendship. I am trying to be optimistic here. Do not feel bad if nothing becomes of this, just be happy you have someone to share part of your life with.

[Tina B.]

Great girl friend that will go shopping and dinning with you in girl mode, but has no interest in a girl on girl thing, and you ask if you should have a friendship with this girl? Well I don't know your sexual needs, maybe you really need that girl on girl thing. If you do, go find a girl friend that is into that sort of thing, but why waste a great friendship just because she wont sleep with you dressed like that. Or are you already more than just friends, and going out and finding a sex partner would ruin what you have now?
I'm picky, and I want what I want, but if you offer me a new corvette for free, I'm not going to turn you down just because it's not the color I wanted. This girl is already offering a lot.

[Katey888]

Shemike - of course you should be happy...! :facepalm:

Keep her - date her again - keep shopping - take her sailing... Whatever!

But please get on with it - you are a very, very fortunate individual... :)

Katey x

[shemike]

Katy888, how did you know that I own a sailboat?

[Krisi]

I think that's a pretty normal response from a woman. Do you want a physical relationship with her? If so, do it as a man. You can only go so far in a physical relationsip as a female anyway, at some point the panties come off and there you are, no longer a "girl".

At some point in the relationship, she may start to accept you as a "girl" and things may change. You're still the same person inside, just with a wig and boobs.

[MatildaJ.]

Some people are able to get under their own hood and do the required internal re-wiring to be with someone who presents his- or herself outside of common gender norms. Some folks either don't wish to (for a multitude of reasons), or don't really have the introspection skills to do it successfully.

I see it a little differently. Some people turn out to be bisexual, and can be attracted to some men and some women (no one is attracted to all men or all women). Maybe they never thought about it before, but that's how they turn out to be wired. Some people turn out to be completely gay, and are never attracted to the opposite sex, and some people turn out to be completely straight, and are never attracted to the same sex. I think decades of "reparative therapy" have shown that the rewiring you're talking about is usually impossible. If you're straight, you're straight.

The other thing to remember is that even if someone is bisexual, they are allowed to be attracted to your male persona and not attracted to your female persona. That's how attraction works -- it's not under our control and doesn't respond well to pressure.

[sometimes_miss]

I wouldn't be too shocked by her response. I would however grab that woman and hang onto her if she's ok with you dressing. It's not too much to ask for her to want you to be a "male" occasionally.

^this. Chances are you're not going to find another women who is o.k. with having a crossdresser as a mate. At least not in the next 10 lifetimes or so. If you don't want her, there's about 30,000 of us here who would bend over backwards to meet her. If you're not interested in her, let her know there's a whole lot of nice men here who will be very appreciative of her tolerance on this subject. And I'm within driving distance.

[ReineD]

I'm with everyone else in this thread.

You are fortunate to have found a GG who supports the CDing, but do not be surprised that she is not comfortable with you sexually as a woman. Few hetero GGs would be.

If this is sexually incompatible with who you are, then by all means let her go. But, your dating pool will be limited if you are interested in hetero females, and lesbians will not be interested because of your plumbing.

I don't know if you're interested, but there are meet-up websites for people who are not vanilla. FetLife is a good one although I think it is primarily BDSM. And there are countless sites you could google if you are interested in meeting male admirers or other CDers for sex.

[lovetobedani]

All of us have our limitatons. The fact that she's supportive of you and your feminine side tell you that she has open and accepted and celebrates your fem persona but she does not and cannot see this side of you for an imtimate sexual partner. Be thankful that you ahve her for what she does accept and adjust your thoughts about the other to coinside with hers. It's a small price to pay for a healthy relationship.

[Caden Lane]

Be thankful for what you have, which is someone who obviously cares for you, and is willing to accept a side of you that most women would not. She has made a sacrifice in that she is willing to forgo the normal romantic notion of life she wanted in her younger life, and is willing to embrace a not so normal life. You not getting to be romantic with her while en femme is a small price to pay for that sort of Love and acceptance.

[Annaliese]

Sound like she wants her girl friend, and her man, but not together. When you are dress girl friend only, when in male mode boy friend. Sound good to me, I would go with it. We may all want the moon, but be happy with what we get. I sound like she a keeper.

[busker]

saddened
Maybe your lady friend was saddened as well by what you proposed. A few weeks ago there was an interesting article in the NYTimes about a Belgian therapist and that in turn led to a TED talk. Here are the links to both which are well worth reading and viewing. You get a therapy hour for free and perhaps you will have a better understanding of the lady's reaction.
The Sexual Healer
The Couples Therapy Expert Esther Perel Takes On Sex and Sexuality
Since 2006, when Ms. Perel published a best-selling book, “Mating in Captivity,” she has become a go-to speaker on sexuality and relationships in the world of couples therapy as well as in the luxury self-actualization set.
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/26/fashion/Sex-Esther-Perel-Couples-Therapy.html?hp

TED talk
http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_r elationship.html
good luck

[Taylor Ray]

Life presents limited opportunities to us travelers,
So we must prioritize in accordance with our wishes and desires.
You want your wardrobe and you want the girl too.
Life might force you to chose.
Perhaps it is having to chose that saddens you.

[SabrinaEmily]

From my point of view, she still could be, and still should be, a friend, but that would rule out a romantic relationship. I will not willingly enter any romantic relationship in which the other person does not accept me completely. For me that means, among other things, no expectation of being "her man", especially not in terms of sexuality. That doesn't work for me at all and I won't fake it. I want to be a girlfriend, not a boyfriend.

Some think that means I'll always be single. If so, that's much better than the alternative of lying about and compromising myself in my most intimate relationship, of investing myself in hiding for the whole of my one life. It's also not true. I've had that complete acceptance of my transgender nature before, and I will settle for nothing less in the future.

You may see it differently, particularly if your sexuality doesn't work the way mine does. But you need to be completely honest with yourself, as well as with your potential partner.