Reality check

[Ilsa]

When you dress do you look more like a crossdresser or the woman you always wanted to be? How hard do you work at it and do you get discouraged if it just doesn't work out the way you want it to?

[Marcelle]

Hi Ilsa,

I have way too many tells to even remotely pass so I have just come to accept that I am who I am. I try to blend but when I have to interact up close with others it is obvious I am a CD. Once I accepted this it ceased to bother me.

Hugs

Isha

[Eryn]

When I get dressed I look like Eryn. When I ask Mimi how I look she usually says "you look great!"

If I were to look at myself critically I'd never get out of the bedroom, let alone the house. So many details aren't perfect.

Sometimes we have to go on how others perceive us and, by that criteria, I seem to be doing OK. Strangers have occasionally complimented me on my clothes and jewelery. Nobody misgenders me.

Some may have private doubts about my true nature, but as long as they stay private I'm happy.

[Ilsa]

Thanks for your response Isha,

More often than not, you'll get a response from someone who is trying to be kind to you rather than honest and such a response can sometimes make you over confident about how you perceive yourself which can lead you to do something you shouldn't do, like go out in public when you really shouldn't. I joined this site because I believe I would get that honest opinion and so far I'm glad I did. Responses from you, Eryn, Paula and others are giving me a realistic outlook as to who I am and what my limitations are. When I was younger I was much more brash and forward in presenting myself to the public, but now that I am older I find myself to be much more reserved on how I present myself and if I'm ever to go out in public again I want to make sure it is right and that is what this forum is doing for me right now.

[Sallee]

I think I usually look ok occasionally I get clocked but not to often or maybe and most likely people just don't care. It is all inour head anyway

[Kristy 56]

Probably look just like a crossdresser, but I do try hard to improve on that. Some days more successful than others. I probably could use a few make up refresher lessons. :)

[RenneB]

I'm with Isha on this one. Oh, 20 or 30 years ago, I'd pass without a problem. Now, it's much more work. I still pass, kind of, but mostly from a distance. Up close it's another thing. Eventually, I graduated to the IDC 'tude. As long as I try (that usually takes at least an hour in front of the mirror), I'm out and about.

I am my own worst critic and have never asked for criticism. If you say I look nice, I just say thank you and go on.... If you say "OMG it's one of them (yea, it's happened to me)" from say 5 feet away, I still move on.... just a little faster...

Renne.....

[kimdl93]

Ok...I doubt anyone dresses "to look like a cross dresses" and unless one is incredibly juvenile, we don't expect to look like the woman any of us always wanted to be. Anyone with that expectation is seriously out of touch with reality.

That said, it's entirely possible to set and meet or acheive realistic expectations not based in adolescent fantasy.

[ShelbyDawn]

I look like a guy in a dress. Not much hope there but I don't intend to let that stop me.
Plans are in the works for a professional wig fitting and a visit to the local MAC store for a make-over/lesson and my first time out as Shelby.
I agree with Isha, it makes a big difference when you come to terms with yourself.

As for Isha and Renee, I only wish I looked as good as you girls do.

:hugs:

Shelby

[Launa]

Thanks for your response Isha,

More often than not, you'll get a response from someone who is trying to be kind to you rather than honest and such a response can sometimes make you over confident about how you perceive yourself which can lead you to do something you shouldn't do, like go out in public when you really shouldn't.

If you're look is nailed down to be the best it can be then its always a good time to go out in public. I'm not fooling anyone, I just dress my very best and head out when I have the chance

[GroovyChristy]

Instead of trying to look like a cis-female, I try to think in terms of "do I look pretty?" If you think you're pretty, then that's all that matters, and no one gets to define "pretty" except for YOU. :)

[Jilmac]

I'm at the point in my life that I'm no longer concerned whether I pass or not. I completely enjoy the femme experience when out and about and if I'm read, it's no big deal because I love who I am.

[GeminaRenee]

When you dress do you look more like a crossdresser or the woman you always wanted to be? How hard do you work at it and do you get discouraged if it just doesn't work out the way you want it to?

I'm sure I look like a crossdresser. I don't find that discouraging, per se. I find my shoulder to hip ratio a little disappointing sometimes, because it makes filling out a dress properly difficult. But when I look in the mirror, I am generally happy, because I am fulfilling that part of me.

[Leah Lynn]

Maybe 40 years ago I'd have had a chance at passing. I don't now, but I'm transitioning anyway. I've seen some gg's that could stop an eight day clock, so I don't feel too bad.

A couple months ago, on a GNO, our group was leaving a restuarant. One of the girls was slightly ahead of the rest of us. We passed a few young males, who turned to examine the lead girl, not paying any attention to the rest of the group. I wish someone would look at me walking away and say "Wow!"

Hugs,

Leah

[Ms. Alexis]

The reality check for me is that I live in a rural bible belt area (and I'm not saying that is bad), I would never come close to passing and I would never go out in public because that may well be dealt with harshly, and even if it wasn't directly it would definitely have some serious ramifications in other areas of my life. So the reality I could, but the negatives outweigh the positives in many ways and when it comes down to it I don't need to make a public statement, just being able to me in the privacy of my own home is plenty enough. Someday the world will be Ok with all gender types and combinations, but that isn't something to force as it will happen on it's own, I just hope that I am around to see it!

[Isabella77]

I was taking some pics of myself today and it took me a while for me to get one that I was satisfied with. I think sometimes I do think I look like a crossdresser. It takes a rare perfect image for me to actually see myself as that girl but I know she's there.
I want to put one as my avatar but some of my pics won't upload on this site. I was so wanting to show off my sexy new pics. :battingeyelashes:

[Eryn]

...20 or 30 years ago, I'd pass without a problem. Now, it's much more work....


...Maybe 40 years ago I'd have had a chance at passing....

I read statements like this, but my friends who are enjoying the senior discount seem to be more naturally passable that my 20- and 30-something friends. As we get more mature men's and women's appearance tend to converge and strangers tend to pay less attention to us.

[Rachael Leigh]

I agree with Isha here, no way I have the features to totally pass and I will say when I don't quite get the makeup right I do get frustrated but I just keep working at it. Since I don't put it on on a daily basis I have to work harder than a real GG.
I have to say I'm most happy with most of my looks makeup or not

[Rachelakld]

Really hard to "pass", very happy to just blend.
People look / stare and I smile back

[Beverley Sims]

Some days I just can not get it right.

[TrishaMarie]

The only time I ever feel like I can pass is when I have someone who really knows how to do my makeup to make me look feminine. Like the times I have been to Vegas and have had Amy at Just You do my makeup. It was awesome. She made me feel like I was a real girl. I felt pretty. Otherwise I just feel like a guy in a dress. I wish I knew how to do what Amy does. I have never felt so complete.

[paulaprimo]

30 years and 20 pounds ago i might have looked close to the woman i wanted to be. now i try to dress and look the best that i can for me.
i enjoy going out and it makes me feel good! i understand that no matter how good i think i look i'm probably not fooling anyone. but if i
can put the slightest amount of doubt in their mind...rather than instantly looking at me and seeing "CROSS-DRESSER", i would rather they have
to stare at me for about 15 seconds before they reach that concluesion. :)

[donnalee]

Another advantage of aging is that your evesight gets progressively worse - what you see in the mirror becomes more and more a matter of wishful thinking.

[Felicia Dee]

I thought quite a bit about this before posting my 2 cents... It changes from time to time. There are days when I feel like everything comes together just right and I am fully Wednesday. Then there are times when all I see is my maleness. Those times used to really upset me. Now-a-days, I have a more positive outlook. If everything comes together, then whatever the day is, it's Wednesday! ;) And if it isn't, it isn't. As to how hard I work at it... well, "passing" is really important to me. Not because of what people may or may not think, but because Wednesday deserves my best efforts. The more fully I become her, the more "in tune" I feel. That said, I have recently become more aggressive in how I achieve my look ... better padding, more diligent hair removal -- smarter fashion choices... I work hard to hide my tells and play up my assets and am grateful for every part of me that is feminine and beautiful.

[Adriana Moretti]

. Now-a-days, I have a more positive outlook. If everything comes together, then whatever the day is, it's Wednesday! ;) And if it isn't, it isn't.
I feel the same way...somedays it is on...others not so much...i noticed the "off" days happen when I have limited time so I rush...and mentally I am not as relaxed because I know I am on a timeline...cant help but notice on an "off" day this occaasionally happens....also if I go a while without dressing a few days/weeks...it takes me a day to get my makeup groove back. When it IS off though I take a good look at what is wrong, what needs work, the mistakes I made etc..and I write it down so I can improve next time...I get geeky like that. Keep some of these things in mind if you get frustrated..."Did you rush" "Was your head in the game?' ..."Are you rusty?"....dont let it bring you down.

[trisha kobichenko]

for me, it's all about dressing, no illusion of passing, and I don't go out dressed. I have had a full beard for about 40 years now, and I have a few relationships that expect that beard to be on my face when we get together. So, I will never look like the woman I always wanted to be in public, but I do have some fun dressing in private every chance I get. I am still in pretty good shape, so if you cut off my head, my pix look good ;)

[noeleena]

Hi,

I know many of you here go to great lengths to look like a woman and yes i allso know you do very well fact is so well that we would have a problem knowing if you were a male or a woman, as iv said many times most of you far out dress look and pass in a way i would never catch up.

or even be in the running , yes you take the time and go far beyound what i would even try doing .

Okay ill use my saying this is about women yet in some ways works for you here,

clothes ,

a woman can wear her clothes and bring them to life, i wear my clothes and thats all i can do i cant bring them to life .

Theres a lovely woman who is a dancer and her clothes are just so so lovely she does Spanish dancing and its wow the colours are just lovely and she brings it all to gether, you see i dont have that, im not jelous i just think she has that something special about herself,

Dont get me wrong i like my clothes and really thats all they are, any way theres other aspects of us that make us who we are and i relie on those, .

...noeleena...

[Helen Grandeis]

My realistic goal is to pass at twenty feet or a least at that distance required to slip into the ladies room unnoticed. On a good day I might even pass across the counter at a department store - until I talk.

[Katey888]

i understand that no matter how good i think i look i'm probably not fooling anyone. but if i
can put the slightest amount of doubt in their mind...rather than instantly looking at me and seeing "CROSS-DRESSER", i would rather they have
to stare at me for about 15 seconds before they reach that concluesion. :)

Paula - I think that's a great attitude and probably sums up how I'd like to be if I ever venture out... close enough for folks to not get 'beyond a reasonable doubt' before declaring me guilty. :)

But that isn't why most of us do it, is it? Blending or passing is actually a secondary aim compared with just getting out... But to answer the OP - I'm a CD - I'm sure I look like a CD - and it can be discouraging, but only when it really shouts D-in-D at me, and then it's back to the drawing board - get the posture right, get the look right, get the feel right... and keep trying! :cheer:

Katey x

[Cheryl T]

I'm at the point in my life that I'm no longer concerned whether I pass or not. I completely enjoy the femme experience when out and about and if I'm read, it's no big deal because I love who I am.


My sentiments exactly.
I spent far too many years hiding and feeling guilty about how I felt. Now I love who I am, I dress for me and I try to look my best, but I know that as the saying goes, "You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time".
I have gained my confidence as a woman and love expressing it and I no longer worry about being "read". I'm me and others will just have to deal with it.

[Tina B.]

Umm, do I pass or look like a guy in a dress, well that depends, some days things work out better than others, but on my best days, if I spend the time on all of the little details, and if the makeup flows smooth, then on a day like that, if I take off my glasses, and step back a little from the mirror, I look great!
Of course, I have a hard time getting others to take off their glasses.

[Trysha]

Casual cross dressing at home is a whole lot different from going out and blending in Public. There in lies a great challenge
for all men. We are limited mostly by our bone structure. Everything else can be worked on to present as female.
Our voice,our mannerisms, of course our clothes, makeup, hair, and most importantly our attitude.
I notice that a very important and obvious trait of woman is how they think. How we appear to others is not only a result of what I stated earlier, but a proper state of mind. For example., woman tend to smile a lot, and confidence is also a big
factor. All of these things require honest analysis on our part, and probably a significant amount of work, which makes getting the results we are after a sweet victory. There is lot of gender conditioning, from our past as far as mind set and all the above
which makes it even more challenging. So not to linger too long on the subject, I would say study a woman's mental characteristics, and attitude. It may seem very foreign to us because it is, but doesn't mean we can't study it and make it part of our thoughts. I have started watching QVC on television which seems like a good resource.
So I think if we break these things down in to small attainable goals in a structured manner instead of trying to do it ll at once
we will be more successful at presenting as woman. Patience, some discipline, and enjoying your victories, and learning
from your errors will go a long way. Be the the best lady you can be.
Hugs to you all

[Ms. Laura]

Do I work hard at it?? Well yeah!!!

Do I look like the woman I want to appear as, eh, well not really. Something like her though.

I get a lot of positive feedback from my sisters. Both here in pictures and up close and personal. You're so passable, pretty etc.

But my wife keeps it real, I'm not fooling anyone. It can be discouraging, I was discouraged lasy night at a restaurant looking at a few, very pretty, women who are so much smaller with such fine features I felt like, "Who am I trying to kid?" (I was in drab)

However, I have really come around to the point of, I want people to categorize me as Trans. This is much more realistic than as female. You know as opposed to the crazy dude who runs around in a wedding dress. I'm not quite there yet emotionally, but that's where I'm headed.

[Angie G]

When I dress I have no delusions of being a beautiful woman. I do it because it's who I am a crossdresser that's all and I'm very happy where I'm at.:hugs:
Angie

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Like the woman I always wanted to be weighing around 145. That is my life's mission. Failure is not an option, no matter how long it takes or how many body parts I destroy in the process of getting there. That's what hip, knee, ankle etc replacements are for!!

[Nadine Spirit]

Yes it happens to me but...

When I have not dressed fully in a while and then I do, I totally see myself as a dude dressed as a girl. But there have been times when I have gone several days, four, five, six or more dressed as a girl and then I go back to boy mode and then I see myself more as a girl dressed as a guy. It's a funny feeling and only happens when I have dressed for an extended period as one or the other.

Quite amusing actually.

[Lynn Marie]

My dream girls have always been well endowed raving beauties. There's just no possible way I'm ever going to look even remotely that good! The best I can manage is a classy old broad with a good heart, and that's not all that bad.

[Jordan]

I don't try and fool anyone I dress because that is who I am

[Candice Mae]

What do I look like?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bd5C4_2C988

[Marcelle]

. . . However, I have really come around to the point of, I want people to categorize me as Trans. This is much more realistic than as female.

Hi Laura,

Well put and exactly how I feel. I would prefer that people see me as TG because that is what I am. As I go out more and people interact for the most part it is a non-issue because they either don't care or they know enough to conclude I am TG. I always joke about "dude in a dress" but in reality that is who I am and I would not change it for the world.

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ilsa, When I dress I try to look as feminine as I can , It's either all or nothing.

[Caden Lane]

I'd love to "pass"...but I'm just gonna be me. If I let myself get too wrapped up in "passing" then the opposite of that is failing. Who needs that sort of angst and drama lurking over their head when they first venture out.

[Taylor Ray]

I am actually more attracted to crossdressers than men who totally pass, so it isn't as cut and dry for me. It is such an interesting question! It taps into levels of self acceptance on many levels. I know there are many women who look in the mirror and aren't the "woman they always wanted to be." So there's that too.