Coming out or bringing in

[Robert]

Recently I revealed all to my SO.

Now two of us know about this predilection of mine. Am I part way out of the closet, or did I just pull my SO into the closet with me?

I'm kinda suspecting the latter is the case. I get the feeling I might have just saddled my wife an extra burden to manage.

[ChelseaAnn]

Out to her, but if she hasn't told anyone, you pulled her in. Wish mine had gone that way.

[Katey888]

I'd suggest one foot in, one out - and it could go either way....

And your feeling is probably right, short term.. But give it time (lots of time...) and the right support and care, and you may find the walls of your closet disappearing - or at the very least, the closet might get bigger.

Time, care and patience, Robert - I think we can be very 'enthusiastic' as a type, and sometimes that overwhelms those we are closest to...

Keep Calm & Carry On! :)

Katey x

[Robert]

Out to her, but if she hasn't told anyone, you pulled her in.

Yeah, that's what I think. I'm really bummed out about this.



Keep Calm & Carry On! :)
Katey x

Good advice :-)

[Beverley Sims]

I wouldn't be upset, at least you are not hiding it and being deceitful.

[Barbie Anne]

The important thing for you to keep in mind is that you're no longer hiding something from your so, AND that she didn't run away screaming.........See? it's all in how you look at it :)

[Chari]

You have made a big step Robert in a positive direction! Continue to communicate to her your feelings, needs, or perhaps asking her for some advice on colors/styles of clothing for you, light makeup, and hair styles. It is all new to her, so go slow and always answer honestly. Enjoy.

[Cheryl T]

I think you just put one foot out the door. You've let in some light to your dark hiding space and since she didn't run away screaming like that guy in the Mega Millions commercial I think you are very lucky. Just remember to be open and honest with her and who knows...you may soon have that other foot out too.

[Tina B.]

It is either in or out, but it's not your choice, you pulled her in, but what she does with it, could pull you both out!
But as long as you have her support, how bad can it be!

[Jenniferathome]

It is an extra burden Robert. The way to alleviate the stress of it, is by talking about it it. Let her express her fears or concerns. Let her make boundaries that she can live with and you can live within. The weight can be greatly lifted for both of you. The focus has to be on her needs.

[Nadine Spirit]

To me, it does not matter, what is important is that you did the right thing in telling your SO. I personally am not so concerned about if I am out of the closet to everyone I ever meet. It is not important that everyone know, nor do I think everyone should know. In fact I think discussing certain things with anyone is not always the appropriate thing to do. But telling your SO that you like to CD. Yeah, that is pretty important. So good for you. Don't feel guilty about it. SOs share many personal things that they will never tell anyone else. For example, is it being in the closet if you don't describe every single sex act you have ever done with your SO to the entire world? I think in most circumstances that would be highly inappropriate.

SOs are expected to have some sort of private lives with each other. It is okay. You did the right thing, so good for you! :)

[Jordan]

If she is accepting you did noy burden her with anything as long as she is accepting

[carhill2mn]

A great many SOs feel as if they have been pullled into your closet mainly, because they feel that they cannot talk to others about how they are feeling. This is very important to many women. It might be helpful to find out how she feels about that.

[Adriana Moretti]

To me, it does not matter, what is important is that you did the right thing in telling your SO. I personally am not so concerned about if I am out of the closet to everyone I ever meet. It is not important that everyone know, nor do I think everyone should know.

)

very well said Nadine nailed it.

[bobbimo]

YOUR OUT! NO DOUBT ABOUT IT!
I know from my own experience how nerve racking it was before I told my wife. After I told her and we went through the 10 questions starting with are you gay? and ending with do you want to be a woman?, The smile thats on my face is always there.
Its a great beginning, if she accepts your news. You will still be her husband but now you can shop together and talk about more feminine topics.
Walking out the door is your next hurdle and hopefully your wife will be there to support you.
Bobbi

[JamieG]

Congratulations on coming out to your SO! I know how hard of a thing that is. Unfortunately, you are right you have now create a closet for the two of you. I think this is one of the hardest things for a SO: she now has a (possibly painful) secret that she can't discuss with anyone. How does she go about coming to terms with this? You've had your whole life to do it, how long does she get? Yes, the GGs on this forum could be of great help, but some SOs, like mine, don't walk to talk to strangers about this. In my case, I gave my wife the option to share the secret with her sister; they are very close and I know her sister is open-minded. I think this helped her a bit, and her sister was cool with it. Regardless, please try to be understanding of your SO as she learns to cope with the news. There may be many ups and downs in her emotions for a while.

[MsVal]

I agree with others that you gave your wife a burden she did not have before. That's unfair to her ... but ... You also confided in your wife something that is very very personal and painful. You demonstrated your love and respect for her and the trust you have in her. It's not a foregone conclusion that she recognizes the love, respect, and trust, at least not right away, but one day she may.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Teresa]

Robert,
Age and timescales aren't mentioned but remember you are still the same person you were before. I assume you've come out because it's screwing your mind ? If your wife can understand this and let you build on it you will become a better husband ( and Father ?). You haven't dragged her into the the closet, you've done it because you're concerned about the future but now you are out be ready for the inevitable questions. Be honest with yourself now.

[Kristy 56]

Congrats on telling your wife and having her acceptance. That being said,watch out for a backlash,take baby steps,and don't push the envelope too soon, good luck and enjoy the new chapter you've just opened. :)