Why Do You Feel The Need To Step Out In Public

[Adriana Moretti]

So...I was reading in another post someone wrote "I don't get this going out part - I really don't."....and it made me think....Why DO we go out ?? What is your reason or need to go out?
Here is mine..
I go out dressed for 1 reason...to go out dancing,have a drink,and meet people...and honestly it is pretty much the ONLY reason...I enjoy it...it is a natural part of me..I grew up doing that since I was a teenager growing up in the NYC drag queen culture..not much changed..I just put on makeup & heels now. Here is where it gets weird ( for me) I have no desire to simply drive around dressed...go shopping..do any other activities while dressed ( going to the beach and to another cd's house for a good old fashioned girls night is the exeption for me...ok maybe thats 3 reasons ) but yea...NO interest what so ever for some of those others mentioned. I get asked from time to time to go shopping with other girls and stuff..and I always turn it down. What is YOUR reason for wanting to step out.

[natcrys]

Many many reasons which I have probably already written down in posts in other threads, but pure and simple.. I got bored sitting at home! :P

I like dressing up and I like doing a lot of stuff outside the house.. and I didn't want those to be mutually exclusive activities!

[AllieSF]

Do a search here. There are so many threads asking and discussing the same topic. This question has been many, many times asked about once or twice every other month. I go out primarily because I want to, I can and thus I do, and I have so much fun every time.

[dana digs sweaters]

I go out so as to not spin in circles. That wears out the carpet and put heel marks in the wood floor.
I got a warning from my mom about the wood floor when young.
When going out after high school it was to experience myself as the fem person I created.
Shopping in drab then going back to the stores to show the SA's what I looked like dolled up.
Many big eyes from them as they figured it out.
Now as an adult, it is to enjoy the movies during the day with a GG or another CD.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Many many reasons which I have probably already written down in posts in other threads, but pure and simple.. I got bored sitting at home! :P

I like dressing up and I like doing a lot of stuff outside the house.. and I didn't want those to be mutually exclusive activities!

This is why I go out...

[Barbie Anne]

Because wearing all my formal gowns and party dresses at home ONLY, is just sad.

Hon, I'm a party girl too. Always have been. But I also enjoy doing the more mundane tasks en-femme. Trouble is I can't down here in redneck heaven lol......Well can't safely :)

[MssHyde]

I think for me it's to be seen or experience things as a woman would.

to be treated as a woman is a real plus, but try to emulate a woman in every way when dressed.

when I look in the mirror I want to see a woman looking back, on the same token I don't want to look like a dude in a dress.

going out in public seems to validate the woman in me.

my biggest problem is beard cover, it's about a 3 hour job for me to get ready.. most of the time is spent on covering the beard.

I like to dance as a woman, primp as a woman, I strive to be attractive as a woman. the validation for me is to prove it in public.

one thing I want to add. it's not a turn on for me, its just a very strong desire be a woman, even for a vapor in time

[Confucius]

I believe our brains are hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. When we cross-dress the brain reads it as "female contact" and releases dopamine and a host of other neurotransmitters. These neurotransmitter produce the sensations of well-being, pleasure, sexual gratification and bonding. It affects the reward centers of your brain, instant gratification, and thus the apparent addiction response. However, the way the brain works: If you do the same thing over, and over, and over, it causes the brain to fatigue and release less dopamine. If the pleasurable sensations associated with cross-dressing are due to dopamine, then you are driven to keep your levels of dopamine up high. So you need to escalate your cross-dressing and go further and take greater risks. That is why you feel the need to step out in public.

[Eryn]

I go out to have fun with my spouse and friends. Going out dressed gives me a different perspective and lets me express myself and interact in ways that are only accessible to GGs.

When I go out in drab I feel as if something is missing.

[mikiSJ]

Because that is where my friends are!!!!

I spent a perfect Saturday evening with two girls friends and a party happened and 8 more girls showed up. I now have a much larger group of friends that I wouldn't have if I had spend Saturday night watching TV.

[Sally24]

I believe our brains are hard-wired to interpret cross-dressing as actual contact with a female. When we cross-dress the brain reads it as "female contact" and releases dopamine and a host of other neurotransmitters.
This is junk pop science right up there with autogynephilia.

I personally go out because "that's where the people are". I love interacting with other people as a woman and having them treat me as such.

[Caden Lane]

I want to go out...because that's what you do when you have life left in you. I've spent a vast majority of my life in a closet. No sense in spending much more of it there. I'm a social person, I like people. I like going places. Its only natural that I'd want to go somewhere nd do something. I also need validation. I may pass... I may not...but in some weird way, i need people to see me as Caden, which validates that I am her for that moment in time.

[melissakozak]

Going out is NOT an option for me. I must go out otherwise my GD would drive me absolutely nuts. It is the only thing keeping me from transition in many, many ways.

[Jennifer S]

Haven't done it yet but I am working up to it... Why do I want to? I think because I want to feel like the real me when I'm out. I'm tired of confining my happiness to the four walls of my house.

[Marcelle]

Because it is not fair to Isha if my "boy self" hogs all the out time . . . men can be so greedy sometimes :)

Seriously though I go out because Isha is part of me and I owe her some time in the light to interact, see the world and just do things.

Hugs

Isha

[GenieGirl]

I never really wanted to go out in public as a girl before my girlfriend sort of pushed me out there and I am so glad that she did. For me its still
A search to feel accepted as me to the general public and I feel that I am for the most part. To feel normal. Even if there are some who might laugh at us when we turn the corner. Now its becoming more about being able to do the normal things that I normally would do while doing what I like instead of having to hide indoors. It also can be fun when you go out with others as can be the case whether male or female.

[Caden Lane]

I think the one thing we all seem to be missing tonight with this topic is; if we stay indoors, then we accept the false belief that there is shame in what we do. By stepping out, we thumb out collective noses at the belief that there is shame. Not all of us can step out, and that's okay. We are all in different places, or have different reasons. But those of us that can step out, should. Otherwise the terrorists win...lol

[GeminaRenee]

For a long period of my life, crossdressing was something that only happened behind locked doors and drawn shades. For a while that didn't bother me; the act itself was enough of an expression of the feelings I had. With time, that simply wasn't enough.

To me, the inside of my home feels like an artificial place - sort of a laboratory. If I stay here, I'm not going to have any of the real, tangible experiences that make life what it is. The air is always the same. The floor is flat and clean. There are only twelve places I can sit.

Going out affords me the opportunity to do something I love in a setting that is much bigger, more uncertain, and less stifling. I'll never forget the first time I went out in a pair of heels. I thought I had it mastered in the lab. But the ground was uneven, there were cracks in the sidewalk, and things I didn't want to step in. I was wobbly like a gazelle again, and by the time I got home, my feet were on fire in a way that I'd never imagined possible. But I was more alive that night than I had ever been in all of those years tucked away.

So I guess you could say that I do it because I get to feel the wind in my hair, hear the click of my heels on the pavement, to see the sun through eyelashes heavy with mascara, and to just breathe a little for once.

I still haven't had a ton of interaction with others while out dressed, whether due to insecurity or uncertainty or whatever. But the road is still long ahead, and that gives me new, exciting experiences to look forward to and immerse myself in. Being outside is quite a thrill ride.

[Adriana Moretti]

I have to agree...sitting home all the time would be VERY boring !!! I am going nuts with cabin fever now cause it is like 11 degrees today...I made it a goal to get out & socialize more after my purge....meet like minded people etc....I really cant sit home anymore LOL!!!

[Jilmac]

For me there's really no burning need to go out dressed, I just do it because it feels natural.

[PamelaMiller]

Going out is new for me, maybe the past 6 years or so after dressing in private for 25 years. I dress to be pretty and my ego needs others to think I am pretty. So I must go out now in order to fulfill part of my purpose.

[Keri L]

Caitlyn demanded it. She could no longer be repressed!

[GeminaRenee]

I made it a goal to get out & socialize more after my purge....meet like minded people etc....

Exactly... I want - no, need - to meet more people who like this sort of thing.

[Sarasometimes]

My reason for crossdressing is a desire to show the feminine part of my being in that way. If I only do that by myself at home I'm not expressing that to others. I also love spending time in salons getting primped and prettied, dressed as a female. I find salons to be very welcoming and accepting places. My reason, I'm not posting to see if others agree.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Adriana, Thanks for bringing this up, I never have put much thought into this, but
heres my current reason for wanting to get out of the house.....................
Home alone? Frickin bored out of my mind, same ol' stuff every time.
I need to get out and actually interact with real people. The dog just doesn't
give Kristyn the attention she desires.
Besides that, I think meeting other CD'ers would help give me the confidence I
lack, and is keeping me from mingling with the rest of the world.
I'm not spinning in circles, it's more like stuck in a rut around here!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Suzanne F]

I need to experience the world as the woman I suppressed all of those years. It's like someone took the blinders off finally. I love my time out as a woman and could never go back. For me it's not just about fun it's about who I am. Of course I do have a great time out with all of my girlfriends! I understand this is not for everyone here. No pressure! However if you dream about it go for it!
Hugs
Suzanne

[JenniferLynn0370]

As many have said, it's about experiencing the world as the woman I that am. Nothing like practical experience in learning / refining your womanhood...they say experience is the mother of learning...what better way than going out into the world? Plus, as others have also said, that's where everyone else is; why let them have all the fun? :-)

[KaceyR]

It's a validation to me.. while I've not gone out as much (dang winter,work timing, and budget has just really pushed me into lazy mode recently..I'd like to experience the female side out and about..just not at -4 degrees :) )
But it's exciting to get out there, to prove that I'm doing things the right way to blend.
Plus..The Kacey side of me wants to get out.. The guy side of me has been too stuck in and boring, and I'm just trying to be a bit more freer to express as Kacey.
I think in general I'm still feeling out what the role CDing plays in my life, where I'm going with it, and so on. I can't say I've had a stronger GD issue as others have had. At least not on a constant basis.
But some days...

Because I'm single, just femming around the house is ok for some things. But while it's enjoyable and still is a bit of a stress relief to go into girl mode, with only myself as a judge on the quality, it's just a bit lacking.

I still plan to get out sometime to see the groups/people in the area. Bad problem is that my work schedule gets in the way of things so frequently (night shifts and working Wed thru Sat nights which messes with general social times). Been this way for 2+ decades unfortunately and I've not yet won the lottery to free myself of that issue :)

[Beverley Sims]

I am dressed, I do not want to change and I need to get on with life. :)

The bills come in all the time and need to be paid.

[Jenny Elwood]

Why go through all that effort only to waste it on a mirror?

[noeleena]

Hi,

Why do i go out , a few reason's to buy food for us dog and two cats , im a member of 3 groups that we dress in olden day clothes, and if i wont to partake ill have to dress and join in as i will this weekend our Edwardian group are putting on out of africa = prominarde in the park and a high tea, and a church service on sunday and saturday night will be a meal and entertainment .

dress wear is a high tea afare not sure what ill wear as yet work it out with my friend tomorow,

other than being a P R person ill wear my normal clothes, a bit like my photo.

...noeleena...

[dominique]

I just love the feeling when I'm out it gives me the validation of being a woman.

[Kate Simmons]

My reasons are pretty much the same as yours Adriana. Plus I consider CDing an art form. :battingeyelashes::)

[Jacky Aikou]

When the stars align and I do get a chance to get out, I take it. I hate that "all dressed up and no place to go" feeling, and don't want to confine my femme self to a self-imposed bubble.

[Felicia Dee]

Great topic! I have often wondered about this as well... In my teens, I was TERRIFIED about leaving the safety of my home. I lived in a rather intolerant area and it was the late 80's/early 90's ... scary times indeed! LOL. But by the time I was in college, I was living in a big city with an even bigger "alternative scene," so I felt safer venturing out. I ran with the goth/industrial crowd in those days and some of my best times was at the club with the music and the dancing- fully femme. Now that I'm older, I want to find a small group or even just a friend or two where we could get together, have some drinks and enjoy a "good, old fashion grrls night." Did someone say book club?

[Krisi]

For me, it's a test. I've gone to all this trouble to look like a female so I want to go out and see how I've done. See if people accept me, men hold doors for me or if they throw darts at me and shame me back into the car. What I mean is, I'm trying to pass myself off as a female. I have no desire to go out and shock people as a man in a dress.

[Katey888]

I want to go out...because that's what you do when you have life left in you. I've spent a vast majority of my life in a closet. No sense in spending much more of it there. I'm a social person, I like people. I like going places. Its only natural that I'd want to go somewhere nd do something. I also need validation. I may pass... I may not...

That says it for me too - but I also have this huge pressure stopping me; telling me that it's a totally mad thing to do!!!

I have come to accept that part of my nature is this variance and that I can correctly be described as TG - but there is a huge variety of depths of feeling and desires here, from those that quite validly declare that they want the world to see them as a woman (whether they would ever transition or not) through to ego and being perceived as pretty, which I can understand - and that it's partly an art form, which I can also understand. And then I know that there is a smaller sample of us that have tried it and just don't like it - so don't do it...

It scares the boy pants off me to think about it - but at the same time I feel the internal pressure to do something... aaaagagghhh!!

I think we need a special section for us tormented types to stew in until it all sorts itself out in our heads... Life can often be very Dante-esque in this business... :eek:

Katey in a Konundrum x

[Caden Lane]

Sometimes you just have to step out of the door and sort it out Katey. It doesn't resolve itself otherwise. I think you'd have wonderful success if you ventured out. I know your circumstance makes it difficult though. I also know that sometimes we do not venture out for fear that we know we will enjoy it, and crave it all that much more. But I reached a point where I didn't care if I wanted to enjoy it more often. I already enjoy dressing, and being me. Doing it more often will only serve to make me happier in the long run.

[stephNE]

I don't go out for anyone but me. I feel as though I am living my life-this is who I am. I do have a few CD friends that I meet on occasion, but mostly I go out either by myself or with my wife. Some times its shopping, and some times its a trip to a museum or park, or place like that.

[5150 Girl]

Because it's who I am.

[Sharon B.]

Because a person can only stay indoors for a short while, then she needs to go out and about as the person she is.

[Karren H]

I'm split between "because setting at home all dressed up is boring as hell" and "because I put so much work into looking this good and by god someone is going to see it besides me"!

[MsVal]

I can give two reasons that resonate with me:

(1) As has been stated in different words by others, it is not about going out. That's not the end, it's a means to the end, and that is to live a comfortable life dressed as appropriate for the situation and mood.

(2) Anyone that has restored an antique car or built a hotrod can certainly spend hours sitting in the garage admiring his workmanship, but that is not as satisfying as taking it out on the roads, or showing it in some event. It's the desire to receive validation from ones peers that a good job was done.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Debra Russell]

Because I feel free ...and what Karren said..........................Debra

[stephNE]

Karren Hutton: You nailed it!

[skirtsuit]

Because it's one of the funnest things to do?

Have you ever biked on a nice spring day in a beautiful dress? Heaven!!!

Spring? what's that??

[Joanncdnj]

I do it for myself and to get some kind of acceptance. Once you're out, it's like I don't even dress anymore unless I am going somewhere.........

[kendra_gurl]

(2) Anyone that has restored an antique car or built a hotrod can certainly spend hours sitting in the garage admiring his workmanship, but that is not as satisfying as taking it out on the roads, or showing it in some event. It's the desire to receive validation from ones peers that a good job was done.


Great analogy MsVal.

Truth is I am Vain. Ken is out in public everyday totally unnoticed by the masses. No one pays any attention to me in drab at all. I suppose I could dye my hair orange and purple or have massive tattoos on my face to get some attention but that is not what I am. I am a crossdresser, that's what I enjoy doing and I take a lot of pride in doing it well. Hopefully well enough that I am not noticed for being a crossdresser but for being a well dressed semi attractive female others will take a quick second glance at. That is the thrill Kendra receives.
The same way as the person in MsVals example would feel when noticing others checking out his ride.

[LenGray]

I feel the need to step out as a man because it makes me feel more like who I want to be :)

Going out as a woman, I'm hyper-vigilant and shrink in on myself. I can't look at people and get very nervous when they speak to me.

As a man, I'm confident and outgoing. I can talk to people and even the way I walk is different :) I'm not afraid to take up space and actually be there.

[Stephanie Sometimes]

It’s like the question of why do we CD anyway. I gave up trying to answer that one long ago.

I think I like going out for the same reason that all my dogs (may they RIP) absolutely loved to stick their head out the car window in the breeze while the car was moving (well ok, what dog doesn’t?).

Going out just seems right to me no matter how the rest of society looks at it and believe me it is exhilarating. Maybe I will try sticking my head out the car window next time, hmmm.

Hugs,
Steph

[mechamoose]

Isn't part of it about being unapologetic for being who you are?

I mean, 'going outside'.. in *public*... subjecting yourself to SCORN?!?!?

Its the same thing that the gay community went through, isn't it? "Hidden is safe? Out gets you hurt?" Look at it now. Weddings.

"Going out" is a statement of courage. It is a declaration. It is exposing yourself to injury and scorn.

And it is vital.

Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow. ~Dan Rather

[lingerieLiz]

Since I wear fem clothes most all of the time it is a natural thing. I also like the look of my body as a female. Why should I take off my bra while I have boobs to look more like a guy. I don't feel comfortable.

[sometimes_miss]

Isn't part of it about being unapologetic for being who you are?
Or is it insecurity, and desperately needing the acceptance of other people in order to accept one's self?

"Going out" is a statement of courage. It is a declaration. It is exposing yourself to injury and scorn.
Or is it a statement of foolishness, why subject yourself to injury/scorn if not necessary? Remember, we do not live in a vacuum, and there are consequences for others, not just ourselves. Why do some feel it necessary that their family be subjected to ridicule just so that they, themselves can feel more comfortable? Why make them the ones who have to explain your behavior? 'Little Johnny, why is your dad dressed up like a girl?'; 'Betty, why is your husband turning gay, was sex with you so bad that he decided he'd rather have men?' are just two of the questions that your family may very well have to endure from the uneducated, and of those, there are very many.
Some of us simply refuse to be a martyr to a cause, because it forces hardship on others who didn't have the choice of whether they wanted to be martyrs for us as well. And I don't think I have the right to make that decision for them.

[mechamoose]

Well, sometimes_miss, those are the diametric opposites to those views, yes.

I have children, and I want my children to know what the real world is like, so they know (from parental example) that gay people exist and are just fine. That sexuality and gender identity are not the same things. Also, I have my family on board and supportive (Heck, my wife raids *my* clothes and nail colors)

So, if you throw your family into things without prepping them, then yes, you are setting them up for confusion at the very least.

Having said that, I also recognize that doing what I do in Massachusetts is going to be different than doing those things in some place much more conservative. So I can see where you might take my words differently.

There is a difference between courageous & reckless.