Evolution or peeling the onion...

[ShelbyDawn]

OK, I know that's a weird title but it kinda fits where I am right now.
I have an appointment tomorrow with my therapist to discuss my dressing.
I came to terms with the fact that this is just the way I am a while back with her help and am hoping she can help me figure out how to deal with what I am feeling right now.
From some of me previous posts, you may know that I personally don't feel I have much of a chance of ever passing; I just look too much like the guy in a dress that I am.
I have however, noticed recently that I am less and less happy with the way I look in general - my body is just too masculine. I don't like my chest hair or the hair on my arms. I wish I had hips and breasts. All the stuff a lot of us wish for.
So, tomorrow, I go to my therapist to start the conversation about HRT. I don't want to transition completely, I like being a man who crossdresses. I just want to be more feminine.
So, why am I posting this?

I guess for the same reason I came to this forum in the first place; to get honest feedback, to get support and to find out if I am the only girl in this particular boat.

:hugs:

Shelby

PS. I am not anywhere near ready to make a decision, I am just starting the conversation. Who knows where it will go.

[kimdl93]

Honestly, if you're looking to HRT for the purpose of becoming a more feminine male, you may be off base. The use of hormones is serious business with serious risks. For those in need...emphasis on NEED...of transition, HRT can be a life saver and life changer. But it's not just for hips and boobs and results can very. Besides are you thinking about suppressing th testosterone in your system? Without that step, HRT may not even begin to do what you wish for.

Really though, my point is that everyone....well maybe even brad and Angela...find something's wrong with themselves.

Remember what Bruce said..."I check my look in the mirror, I want to change my clothes, my hair, my face"

Talk to your therapist about why you feel this way about your self image. HRT will depend on the answer.

[Allisa]

Well like Kim said HRT is serious business, so maybe shaving, waxing or epilating and hair and nail growth is a starting point, forms and garments for shape after all if you start hormones these changes will be permanent. But please do discuss this with your therapist. Best of luck.


Lisa

[ShelbyDawn]

Thank you Kim and Lisa.
The whole point is that I have crossed an imaginary line between wanting to "look" more feminine and wanting to "be" more feminine.
I have been struggling with this for the past few months and got to the point of actually calling to make an appointment with someone that specializes in HRT.
I did not make the appointment and after I hung up immediately called my therapist.

:hugs:

Shelby

[Beverley Sims]

Shelby,
If you can find solace in hormone therapy and it softens your features, well and good.

In time all the little mannerisms you learn will help disguise the man in a dress.

HRT will give you a different state of mind and maybe more confidence in how you view yourself.

Just try and get your body into the shape that is required.

[Katey888]

Shelby - you do seem to be taking a very measured approach to this which I think is the right thing to do...

I can't offer any advice on dealing with the feelings that you're having as I'm fortunate in not experiencing them, but being a long time observer of female-kind I would offer some reassurance: while you may think you look too masculine, I'd bet an awful lot of money that there will be more masculine looking GGs out there, and GGs that care less about their appearance than you do, and while that may not prevent them 'passing' (as they are obviously the real deal...) with the right attention to your look, dress, makeup, etc. it does offer you great scope for blending and just not standing out...

Take heart and persevere - I wish you luck with your therapist et al...

Katey x

[Debra Russell]

If you don't want to transition whats the point -- really for me after a little breast development (gyno) if you still are going to present as male it can be a little concerning, at least in my mind - just cd more and enjoy what you have/are because doing more really opens up to a never ending M/F morphing and is never really satisfying IMHO....................Debra

[Chari]

It can never be for certain how far/much the individual body will change when on hormones. If your doctor suggests and recommends a medication, please ask and do research as to the side effects of all medicine. Please go slow and take only the prescribed dosage and tell your doctor ANY changes you see or feel immediately!

[ShelbyDawn]

Katey and Beverly, did y'all talk to my therapist? :)

I just got back from seeing her and the gist of what we talked about is that I am focusing way to much on my external appearance and need to focus more on who I really am - which is both feminine and masculine.
I do love my therapist.
I guess I just had a panic attack.
So, I am much better now. No HRT in the future but I have an appointment tomorrow at lunch to buy a really awesome wig and am getting in touch with my Mary K consultant for a refill on makeup.

Thinking Friday night will be Shelby's first night out.

I'll be sure to let everyone know how it goes.

:hugs:

Shelby

PS. If you're in the Austin area, I will probably go to 'Bout Time. I'd love some company. PM me if you're interested.