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anaissa
03-05-2014, 06:24 AM
Years ago, while hurtling headlong into puberty, I began to develop fleshy breasts, a condition in boys known as gynecomastia. As time went on, my chest became quite feminine in appearance and I became the victim of much teasing, bullying, and, sad to say, even worse. The unthinkable happened to me after gym class one day when a trio of thugs forced their way onto me and made me "do what girls are meant to do." (Their words)

Needless to say I was traumatized by the sexual assault and I started hating myself more and more. I was greatly conflicted because deep down inside I really felt like a girl, wanted to be a girl, and even had my own pair of starter breasts :)

But my life was miserable and I lived in fear and frustration. It seemed to me that God had gotten it half-right. But then he went an spoiled it by giving me male reproductive organs. There was no one to talk to and support was not really available in those days. I didn't have a friend to talk to about this and my parents were pretty devout Catholics with a judgmental streak that was pretty sharp and caustic.

So I struggled with gender identity issues and just to make sure that I was fully tormented, I struggled with sexuality issues. Despite the attack and brutality of it, I found myself wanting to be with other boys--not as my male self, but as a fully transformed, honest-to-god female. I would look into the mirror and I was terribly confused. Who the hell was I?

Deep down inside, I knew that I was a transsexual, even though at the time I wasn't aware of all that that entailed. I knew that I was attracted to men and I looked with envy upon my female classmates who could go after whatever boy they wanted.

So what did I do? The product of an Italian-Catholic home, I did what I was bred to do--repress, eat, and repress some more. In order to challenge the thinking that I was a freak, I set out to bed as many of my female classmates as I could. I tried to act all macho, but it did not come naturally to me. I was a mess and a half.

Ultimately I would explore my homosexuality but something was still not quite right. I entered into the subculture of female impersonation, but that, too, seemed to be off the mark. An FI would never have sex dressed as a woman (maybe never is a strong word), but FIs tended to be gay through and through and so the feminine illusion was not part of their repertoire sexually.

As years went by, my feelings of being an alien in my own body became stronger so I repressed harder. Eventually, I would marry someone and together we would have a beautiful, wonderful son.

So here I am, just north of middle-aged, and I continue to wrestle with my identity and my orientation--two very separate, but powerful conflicts waging war inside me.

As I began writing this I was heading in the direction of asking, "does this sound familiar to anyone?" But now that I have almost finished writing this post, it occurs to me that I simply needed to get this out. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to express myself in a safe place.

Hope you all have a great day.

Anaissa

Kaitlyn Michele
03-05-2014, 06:40 AM
First off I hope you are in your own safe place and can deal with this problem head on..

I struggled with different questions (I never thought about being homosexual from a guy's point of view), I did a lot of the coping behaviors you are talking including eating... I crossdressed constantly and ended up being part of the subculture that would go out and go to events, parties and outings.. I even attended a Halloween party as a hooters waitress (a 210 lb one...ugh)... I also failed to address the reality of my situation until my late 40's...

Anyway, the conflicts you describe are common and manifest in all kinds of ways.. ...i'm glad you mustered up the courage to get it out and it leaves the question open as to what you do about it (if anything)...

I Am Paula
03-05-2014, 09:18 AM
No gynecomastia here, but as a teen I was a skinny little runt. I hated sports, hated macho behavior, and hung out with girls. This was considered very gay behavior (???).
My instincts told me that if I'm told I'm gay enough times, I must be. Can peer pressure create a homosexual? I tried sleeping around with both men and women, to prove something, either to myself or others. I'm still not sure which.
My identity is now rock solid. I am a woman, and I have severed all the ties to my past male identity. That part was black and white. My orientation still confuses the hell out of me.

whowhatwhen
03-05-2014, 09:47 AM
I know the feeling about having boobs as a kid, I had full hooters in middle school and getting groped as a joke was definitely not fun.
Seeing a therapist would probably very beneficial, no matter how things end up having someone to talk to that you can trust is definitely a good thing on the road to wellness.

traci_k
03-05-2014, 02:04 PM
Anaissa, My heart goes out to you as someone who has felt different all my life, trying to fit in. And I am sorry to hear about the abuse you had to endure. It is cathartic to be able to talk about things and I'm glad too that we have this safe place to able to sometimes spill our guts. I remember trying to do the "boy" things like sports. I joined Little League and had a batting average of .000 8th grade football was almost as bad - I never even got into a game. Got married -TWICE and this second time, I too have a wonderful som whom I love. That's why considering transition is so hard. Some days its Yes dammit, I'm going to move forward and then other days, I pull back, trying to keep it together for my son.

I remember fighting the feelings I want to be with a man, but I'm not gay. I rememberI wanting to be with a man as a woman would.

Being it a little further north of middle age, like you I understand trying to find peace and happiness.

If you ever want to talk fell free to PM .

Hugs,

Annaliese
03-05-2014, 02:17 PM
Yes it sound familiar, this is a safe place to just that, thanks for trusting us.

charla42
03-05-2014, 02:52 PM
Anaissa : At the age of 12 or 13 I developed a good case of Gynecomastia. Keep asking my mother if I was turning into a Girl. She took me to the DR and he stated that they would disappear as I grew older. They did not disappear. I was a competition swimmer through High School and having a nice pair of AA cup breast the verbal abuse was terrible. Have suffered many years with my GD After my wifes passing I joined a transgendered support group and started dressing. Within three months I was on Hormones. That was six years ago. I have been on and off the Hormones many times. Steady for a year now. The one thing that I have found out about Hormones is: It will make the GD almost disappear. I have no desire to transition. To All have a great day.

Donna Joanne
03-05-2014, 04:20 PM
Anaissa,

My heart goes out to you. I can feel the pain in your post. I began dressing at 15, and dreamed of having the breasts you felt cursed with. Today as I am at "that age", I still hope for natural developed breasts by gynecomastia. Hang in there and things will get better, just can't tell you when.

Hugs,
Donna

lingerieLiz
03-06-2014, 12:00 AM
I was one of those who got groped. Told I walked, talked and looked like a girl. When I was about 5 a cousin molested me. About the same time my mother had me wear panties. The first time I put them on I knew I wanted to wear them from then on. As I grew up I became a very active CD but thought I was meant to become a housewife not knowing anything about cross dressing. I worried about what I might be. Eventually I moved to my own place and began to experiment with who I was. I found that I wanted to me a guy who wore fem clothes. I had several offers to be with guys, but I never found it appealing.

There is no easy answer as to why and what one should be. Gender issues are as many as there is sand each of us is unique. Be the unique individual that you are.

bas1985
03-06-2014, 01:09 AM
gynecomastia : present
Italian Catholic family : present
teased in Junior school (12-14 years) : present

I can relate to 90% of your post, not so much in the gay department, even if I gave the first kisses to a man,
but it was a forced act (not with violence, but... well, not with an exact consent by me, I was 15).

I remember that the greatest feeling was of envy towards my girl school mates, because they could be proud
of their femininity which was sprouting and I had to hide it. Not only breasts, but also ample hips, loss of
body-facial hair, feminine voice.

My body was feminine except for the genitals, it was a rather awkward sensation to look at the mirror.

I developed an attraction to the female body, but it was not a "common" hetero attraction, but rather a
divide and conquer attitude, in which I was pushed to like certain aspects-parts of the girls around me,
and also women, I was attracted also to older (30-40) women, like teachers, mothers of my friends, etc...

Curiously I was attracted to males but only in a Platonic point of view, as a Catholic I did not want to be
a homosexual and transition was something too dirty even to be imagined... (but I imagined it!).

Well, welcome. I suppose that the first thing to do, and maybe the only, is to accept this as is... and move on.

JohnH
03-06-2014, 08:15 AM
I didn't have gynecomastia but I developed wide hips in puberty like a woman. And when I had my weight under control my waist was above my naval just like a woman. So I had to cope with looking like something like a woman and yet having the flat chest and the scent of a male.

The M2F HRT is helpful since I now am getting the breasts and the feminine scent to match the rest of my body. Even though I am a basso (deep male voice) I feel much better about myself and get along with people a lot better. My wife has even commented she likes me much better with the HRT.

I may not ever totally present myself as a woman but things are much better for me than before HRT. I am attracted to females like a normal heterosexual male and am not attracted to males.

Johanna (John)

Babette
03-06-2014, 09:46 AM
Oh how I indeed felt your pain Anaissa. As we both know, there is no worse time for gynecomastia to manifest than than you early teens. Back then, I also had the misfortune of developing no facial or body hair until my 20's. Compound those issues with an incurable baby face and your life as a teenager becomes a matter of survival. Aunts and older ladies would pinch your face while the rest of the world wanted to pinch everything else. Back in my days, even contemplating therapy let alone asking for it was taboo. So I just endured.

Now that I am older and perhaps not any wiser, I just chalk up my past as a part of life's experiences. Years ago, I adopted the philosophical adage about lemons - i.e when life hands you lemons, then make lemonade. I truly believe that turning negatives into positives have promoted my happiness and success. Did I enjoy those darker times in my past? Absolutely not! Brooding on them can be counterproductive to my outlook and it will not change a thing. Acknowledging the strength they have given me today enriches my tomorrow.

Getting "things out" as you stated, is a positive way of kicking your past in the tail feathers. Figuring out Anaissa may take some time and perhaps some help. Thank you for sharing your life with us. I suspect there are so many that are fearful and shamed by our past. Your bringing this to light will surely help.

Babette