One year since walkin out that door!

[Ms. Laura]

Hi,

I am coming up on that 1year mark since the first time I ever left the house presenting as Laura. I'm writing because I need to express some feelings, because some who are at home like to read stories like this, and finally in case any veterans want to share what year 2 might be like!

Last March I attended a Tri-Ess meeting. I had NEVER been out before. Never a late night walk, never a drive, no gas stations, nothing. I hit 40 and just felt like I HAD to get out and meet someone like myself. I talked it over with my wife and I went. The people there were wonderful. So nice, so welcoming and sincere Ifeel so lucky to have met them and built relationships with many of them. That day, I went there, changed there, hung out, changed back and went home to babble incessantly.

It wasn't all good moving forward. I began to question "What the hell am I doing?" I was afraid, guilty, and ashamed. I missed a bunch of meetings. Then in the fall I hit rock bottom and realized I couldn't face a future without this outlet and my new friends.

Since then I haven't looked back. I no longer feel ashamed or guilty. I fear the blowback from being outed but not actually being outed. I still take precautions but I drive en femme now, I show up with my ladies coat and bag and have a grand old time.

I've been to a wig boutique, to our Holiday Party at a local hotel, to First Event, made a girl FB page, and lastly I've been to our local club. I love it!

Now, I've never been to a Main Stream venue, among the muggles, though I have had some minor muggle contact. Maybe next year? I SO want to go to Kohl's, sigh...

But Beware those who would venture forth! I have a longing for more that feels as though it will pull my heart out of my chest. This is a problem since I'm married with children. But, a longing that is occasionally fulfilled is better than hating yourself, I think.

I couldn't have gotten here without my TriEss sisters, but I would NEVER have gotten there without my sisters on this board who are always so encouraging and positive!

Thank You,

Laura

[Katey888]

Thank you for sharing Laura... :) Especially for us girls who are still at home, for one reason or another...

Your openness and insight is much valued and helps with those feelings I have about getting out - maybe similar to yours - and the potential pitfalls of doing so, but as you so rightly express, perhaps occasional fulfilment would be better than pent up angst.

I'm so pleased that your journey to date is an overall positive for you - and I'm sure, like others, I'll be looking forward to any future forays...

Again - big thanks to you for taking the time and effort to share your experiences and feelings... :cheer:

Katey x

[Lorileah]

:thinking: Trying to remember year 2...Nope nothing that stands out, it was just better than year 1

[Kate Simmons]

The fact is that since this is a real part of many of us, it's better to address it than try to ignore it. Sounds like you are doing well with that Hon. :)

[MsVal]

As you reach out to veterans of year two, remember that others will look to you as a veteran of year one.

It sounds like you are in, or at least very near your place of personal comfort and satisfaction; your happy place. It makes me feel good just thinking about it.
Thank you.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Kristina_nolagirl]

Hi Laura,

It's so wonderful to hear about you finally coming around to loving yourself and losing the guilt and shame! It makes me so sad to hear when people have shame simply for dressing up and/or going out. You're not doing anything wrong and you deserve to be loved most of all by yourself. When you love yourself it makes you a better husband, father, friend and person in general. So in my opinion, you going out to meet with others like you and make yourself happy is a benefit to your family, not something to be ashamed of. Plus, according to your profile image, you make a beautiful woman!

Good luck with getting out shopping this year - it's so fun and most retail workers have seen CDs before so I find them to be very friendly overall.

Xoxo,
K

[Kristy 56]

Ms Laura, very well written account with insight and candor. Happy Anniversary ! :)

[Stephanie47]

I think with a wife and children and probably a job and privacy of the family to protect you have a sane approach. I'm an at home cross dresser and have always be guarded as to how I may expose my cross dressing to the detriment of the family. I would think any wife would prefer your outings among similar minded men and women than venturing out into an unknown world. There is a degree of safety in attending your meetings. Frankly, I think hanging out with people with similar interests makes total sense. As a modeler of military models, I would see no benefit in attending a modelers meeting or convention attired as a female. I would be totally out of place.

[PaulaQ]

Congratulations Laura - it's really scary going out at first. You get used to it after a while though. I think you've made amazing progress.

A year ago, I bought my first wig and breastforms, and an actual dress. I'd never had any of this stuff before! The first time I dressed outside my home was at a TG support group meeting in Tulsa. The second time was the same meeting, but I went out to dinner afterwards with a couple of the other girls there.

This year, I'm no longer using the wig or breastforms because I have my own hair and breasts. I am about 100 hrs into electrolysis on my face, and have very, very little shadow left. I've had some voice coaching and my femme voice is starting to come together. With a little makeup, I pass most of the time. (I can greet other women at the sinks in the women's washroom with no issue.) I'm not sure what year 2 will bring me yet, other than divorce though. Hopefully some surgery, but that may not happen this year. Oh - name and gender marker change, definitely getting that done this year.

[Nadine Spirit]

Congratulation for you!

For me, as time has gone on I have just felt more and more normal living a half and half sort of life. Instead of focusing on anything trans, I tend to focus more on just living my life, part of which happens to include some trans related stuff.

[Jenniferathome]

Laura, I'm moving in to year three now. I do not go out a lot nor do I think I need it more now than before, but every time it feels more "normal" to me. THAT's the big change for me.

[kimdl93]

Laura, in some ways I'm surprised that it's already been a year but time does rush by. You possess such a great sense of style and poise that comes through with your pics...one might think you were a veteran.

So that first year is past. And you're wondering what's ahead. Well, experiences vary. For me the first year of being out was followed fairly quickly by a second year of coming out selectively to a few friends and neighbors and a third year doing more of the same. But my path has differed in that my first forays were daylight ventures to public venues...the mall, the grocery, my hair dresser, etc.

With kids and other concerns you may quite reasonably elect to take a different approach. The main thing is, please resist the self doubt. When you have a low, get dressed and do something. Nothing better to counter those needless fears.

[Beverley Sims]

Laura,
At least you have made a life change that has helped you better things for yourself.
Congratulations.

[GenieGirl]

You look great Laura and congrats on your anniversary. My first time out was 1 year ago last month. I started on the other extreme though, going to restaraunts and shopping and such amongst these muggles, the muggles don't seem to cair. Even got my nails done before in femme. I later on started reaching out to other tgs/CDs in October and have made so many new girlfriends since whom I go out with very often. I hope in year 2 you are able to muster up the confidence to go out with these muggles! They really don't care and neither do I whether its getting beer at a gas station or getting a dressing room to try on some new outfits at any store and I don't even try to sound like a girl, just talk normal smile and remember that you should act like nothings a bother because there isn't...unless you get a run in your hose :O

Congrats,
Ginger


Hi,

I am coming up on that 1year mark since the first time I ever left the house presenting as Laura. I'm writing because I need to express some feelings, because some who are at home like to read stories like this, and finally in case any veterans want to share what year 2 might be like!

Last March I attended a Tri-Ess meeting. I had NEVER been out before. Never a late night walk, never a drive, no gas stations, nothing. I hit 40 and just felt like I HAD to get out and meet someone like myself. I talked it over with my wife and I went. The people there were wonderful. So nice, so welcoming and sincere Ifeel so lucky to have met them and built relationships with many of them. That day, I went there, changed there, hung out, changed back and went home to babble incessantly.

It wasn't all good moving forward. I began to question "What the hell am I doing?" I was afraid, guilty, and ashamed. I missed a bunch of meetings. Then in the fall I hit rock bottom and realized I couldn't face a future without this outlet and my new friends.

Since then I haven't looked back. I no longer feel ashamed or guilty. I fear the blowback from being outed but not actually being outed. I still take precautions but I drive en femme now, I show up with my ladies coat and bag and have a grand old time.

I've been to a wig boutique, to our Holiday Party at a local hotel, to First Event, made a girl FB page, and lastly I've been to our local club. I love it!

Now, I've never been to a Main Stream venue, among the muggles, though I have had some minor muggle contact. Maybe next year? I SO want to go to Kohl's, sigh...

But Beware those who would venture forth! I have a longing for more that feels as though it will pull my heart out of my chest. This is a problem since I'm married with children. But, a longing that is occasionally fulfilled is better than hating yourself, I think.

I couldn't have gotten here without my TriEss sisters, but I would NEVER have gotten there without my sisters on this board who are always so encouraging and positive!

Thank You,

Laura

[Angela Campbell]

I can testify that joining a group is a really good way to begin in getting out and comfortable. Your experiences will be unique and you may be already ahead of some 2 and 3 year vets. I am in my second year but I have transitioned and live as me now, so it can vary quite a bit.

It takes time to get used to it, and at first there is safety in numbers. I have found that now the only time I get clocked is when I am with someone else who is dressed. The more in the group the more likely it is going to happen. When it is just me it never happens.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Laura, That was a great story, I'm so happy for you .

[Laura912]

Congratulations on your progress. There is a very poignant statement in your post that really struck me. "I have a longing for more that feels as though it will pull my heart out of my chest." But then you go on to comment that there are other things that are more important. Have you been reading my mind? If all those more important things went away, heaven forbid, then what?

[slamddoger]

so what is your plane for next year

[Contessa]

Genie your absolutely right about the voice thing and all. Although I am transgendered I still understand all the insecurity stuff to. But I think the more TG's and CD's that go out and come out makes it easier for those whom will do that later. Laura I am happy for you and proud of your first year. We nned to have a ceremonial dinner. With music and such. Year two will be exactly what you make it to be.

Tess

[BillieAnneJean]

I am in year two. Year one was exciting! Year two is still exciting but with more confidence. I like being a guy. I like all my guy activities and stuff. I like being able to scratch, spit, cuss, weld, tear things apart, tools, getting dirty. I never want to transition. I am married to someone who is the light of my life. This has not been easy for her, even harder for me as a result. But I still get a kick out of the whole dressing process, going OUT, and most of all having some OUT enfemme time with other girl in our group. I am a guy 100% and maybe 57.319% female when so dressed. I am more than me. I am us. And I am happy with us. So year two is going great. My wardrobe, shoes, bling, wigs, and makeup all are beyond anything I could have imagined. I can now put a look together and if the lights are dim enough, if the people forgot their glasses, if the magic fairy dust is free flowing, I can fool at least myself.
Going OUT enfemme is certainly the best part. I wish everyone could experience it. Find a group that helps girls make these steps and join them. This is the most fun you can have in women's clothing.
And please take a look at my threads with photos so you can see that even a pitiful look can go out in public and not be stoned.

[Connie D50]

Laura others have already said it but good for you I hope the second year is 100% better then the great first year. Connie

[Brenda456]

I am still working up to day one. Year one is hard to imagine. Congratulations!

[Christen]

Hey Laura, As one of the stay at home type of girl's I'm really happy to hear of your experience. Truly happy for you, happy anniversary!
If I looked like you, you couldn't have kept me home if you locked me in the cupboard under the stairs.

Christen x

[suspender]

Hi Laura, it was this site that helped me to no end. When I found this site I was over 40, but the revelations and experiences shared by many on this site has helped me so much over the years, increasing my confidence to go out and not look back.

[Alice Torn]

Thanks for sharing . Yes, it will be more challenging going to muggle territory. Your "veteran" will be tested a lot more there. Veteran is a shopworn word in the USA, i think. We are all veterans of something, aren't we? It is veterans of combat, war, that have the greatest right to that word. But, "rookie" may be a good word for some of us!

[Rachael Leigh]

Laura, thanks for sharing this, what wonderful thought and insight to how many of us feel and deal with this day in and out.
While I've only been on one real outing I so want to again but with my SO not in favor of such things I admire those who do but yet still have those fears.
Hugs Leigh

[Maria 60]

What a great story, makes me believe there really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I don't want to come across the wrong way but I believe your wife should get some credit, sounds like she is very supportive when you joined and I guess she still is. Again what a great story put a smile on my face and gave me hope that maybe one day I could go out and hang out with some friends here.

[Ms. Laura]

Thank you for all the congratulations and well wishes!

It seems that the 2nd year has been better for most. I hope so, I fear some sort of recoil, but then I'm a nervous Nelly. :)

Like Nadine and Jennifer said, I hope for a "normalization" emotionally. I already see hints of it. I don't quite obsess about it like I used to. There is WAY less anxiety leading up to outings now and this is something my wife has appreciated as well.

As far as muggle interaction, I don't fear it rationally, it just comes on. Like a feeling that your head has swollen to 3 times it's size. But, maybe with the little bits I get here and there, it will start to fade. Out of respect to my wife, I would only go to venues pretty far from home. Maybe closer to Boston. It's so hard to get ready that my monthly outings are about all I can handle now anyway. Ugh, to have electrolysis to simplify the makeup!!!

Heading to the club tonight, sporting an LBD! Hope to have some pics.

If you're out there, and want to go out but afraid, find a group! TriEss, sisters family, whoever! I know from my perspective, we can't WAIT for new members and we're DYING to help if you're interested in improving your presentation. If you can head straight to the mall and use the ladies room, I bow before you, teach me Sifu.

[Angie G]

Happy Anniversary Laura. I'll never beout like that I'm not 10% goodlooking enough to get out. I do get out waking the dog at night and from time to time drive also at night.:hugs:
Angie

[Marcelle]

Hi Laura,

Congrats on your one year anniversary going out and about. Unfortunately, I have only been out and about for six months so have no veteran information or secret handshakes to share. All I can say is keep living the dream and enjoy your second year.

Hugs

Isha

[GenieGirl]

Can't wait for pics of your LBD Laura! Hope you have fun!

[courtney4]

Wow, you're awesome! Congratulations!

[Eryn]

...Now, I've never been to a Main Stream venue, among the muggles, though I have had some minor muggle contact. Maybe next year? I SO want to go to Kohl's, sigh......

I was very lucky to have a friend who immediately took me out among the Muggles, in the tourist trap of Solvang, no less. There I was, all 5'14" of me, surrounded by hundreds of camera-festooned tourists about half of whom seemed to be Japanese. We shopped, dined, and attended live theater (Hairspray, no less!). We had a great time and this broke the ice splendidly!

Although I do still participate in a CDing group, most of my public time is in Muggleland. It isn't nearly as daunting as it seems. CDing is the farthest thing from a Muggle's mind and that makes blending in easy. It would be very embarrassing for a stranger to question the presented gender of another person so I am always treated as my presented gender. We go shopping everywhere and Kohls is a favorite destination. I've never had a negative issue at Kohls or any other store. I'm not naive enough to think that I am always passing, but the fact is that my money is green and CDers have the reputation of being prolific shoppers!

When one goes to a "LGBT friendly" venue people are more savvy and expect to see us so I'm almost always made. This doesn't bother me and in fact can be a fun experience. I remember sitting at a table with 12 ladies, half CDers, half spouses, and having a GG come up to us gushing how wonderful it was that we could all go out and have fun and how gorgeous we all looked. I think that she was being nice about our looks, but she was genuine about the ability to be out in the presentation of our choice.

So, Laura, resolve to get out there and enjoy a trip to Kohls or wherever. The only danger is to your wallet! :)