Have I become the housewife?

[Miss Mandy]

Dear Ladies,

Over the past few months, a new dynamic has arisen in my relationship with my wife. She recently got a new job that requires her to be away about 14 hours per day, 3-4 days a week. On the other hand, I have a job that allows me an incredible amount of schedule flexibility. I can often work from home.

Once she took this job, she handed me a list of daily chores that she would like me to accomplish. Almost every day, I vacuum our home, take care of our pets, clean dishes, etc. In fact, I have probably done more in the last few months than in our previous 16 years of marriage. Now, my wife has known about my dressing since our second date and has had a positive to lukewarm acceptance of it.

Recently, after she acknowledged and accepting that "this" would not go away, she started passively encouraging my dressing by buying me clothes, wigs, cosmetics, and jewelry. She even purchased a makeup table for us today. Moreover, she is OK with me dressing in front of her and hanging out and even occasionally sends me on late night errands to the store while I'm dressed. Yet, it seems her level of tolerance and encouragement is directly related to me accomplishing the housework and getting business taken care of while she is at work.

It seems that if this "arrangement" is to work, I must assume the role of housewife! I am not opposed to this. Yet, I guess everything comes with a cost :)

MJ

[DonnaT]

Sounds like a good, and fair, arrangement.

[KristinaP]

Not in a dissimilar boat! Certain events lead me to medically retire and I get to stay home. In return I cook, clean... All except laundry as she does not like how I fold clothes haha.

So now she says "goodnight my beloved wife" as I usually wear a long nightgown to bed :)

[mikiSJ]

MJ

Does your wife's new job pay her more than you? I think you should be prepared for a major husband and wife role reversal. There is nothing wrong with a reversal, except that it appears that you are a CDer, not transgender, and may not want to subsume your previous role.

[Rachael Leigh]

Sounds like a great arrangement, now for me I might have trouble getting it all done in between wardrobe changes lol
Yeah enjoy it hon don't abuse it
Hugs Leigh

[Katey888]

Miss Jessica,

I am a firm believer that life is Faustian in it's nature - (everything, but EVERYTHING, can be distilled down to a pact with the, or a, metaphorical Devil..) - in other words, a trade or a compromise.

You seem quite happy with your compromise here - I think I would be inclined to enjoy it while it lasts, as all good things come to an end.... :devil:

Just don't be a Desperate Housewife... :D

Katey x

[DonnaT]

Does your wife's new job pay her more than you?
Not sure what one earns has do to with it.


It is the number of hours one is out and working. A good husband/wife team share responsibilities, and if one is working longer hours, they should not be expected to come home and do all the cooking/chores as well. Regardless of gender identity.

[Jorja]

Once she took this job, she handed me a list of daily chores that she would like me to accomplish. Almost every day, I vacuum our home, take care of our pets, clean dishes, etc. In fact, I have probably done more in the last few months than in our previous 16 years of marriage. Now, my wife has known about my dressing since our second date and has had a positive to lukewarm acceptance of it.

Recently, after she acknowledged and accepting that "this" would not go away, she started passively encouraging my dressing by buying me clothes, wigs, cosmetics, and jewelry. She even purchased a makeup table for us today. Moreover, she is OK with me dressing in front of her and hanging out and even occasionally sends me on late night errands to the store while I'm dressed. Yet, it seems her level of tolerance and encouragement is directly related to me accomplishing the housework and getting business taken care of while she is at work. MJ

It has to start somewhere. This is as good of a place as any. Keep up the good work and I am sure you will see even more good things happen.

[Michelle789]

Jessica, just be open to trying it out. I've had plenty of fantasies about being with a girl who would turn me into a girl, and make me her housewife.

Maybe you'll discover something about yourself that you never knew before. Maybe you really are transgender. And if it turns out that you are a cross-dresser and not transgender, and you wish to have your male role back, just remember this is only temporary. However this turns out, pay attention to your feelings, and be ready to work with your wife on this so both of you can be happy in your newly found roles, or that both of you can be happy should you decide to reverse the roles back to it's original role, or maybe you'll reach some compromise where you switch roles periodically. Good luck :)

[Leslie Langford]

Not to pry, but has your sex life improved as well since this quasi role-reversal?

The reason I ask is that numerous studies have shown that many women find it "sexy" and a turn-on when their man participates more fully in doing the domestic chores.

This is one of feminism's major remaining bones of contention in that while many women have made great strides over the last several decades in the workplace in terms of careers, job advancement, pay equality etc., men as a whole have not kept pace on the domestic front. Many women see themselves not only bringing home the bacon nowadays, but also still frying it up, serving it, doing the dishes afterwards, and then putting the kids to bed. In other words, her second shift begins right after getting home from her regular job.

A male who is willing to do his fair share of these formerly "house-wifey" duties is still a rare gem these days, and while the macho types may still deride this as "women's work" even while enjoying the benefits of the additional paycheck, women see this differently. They find it sexy that a man can relate to them on that level, and I would imagine that in your case, this has probably also helped your wife become more comfortable with your crossdressing as you bridge the gender gap there as well.

As Dr. Phil would say, "When Momma is happy, everybody is happy!", and greater intimacy usually leads to more and better sex... ;)

[Tinkerbell-GG]

No, you're not the "housewife". You're doing the jobs she used to do before picking up more work hours. Any sane wife would expect that of her husband whether he's a CD or not. I guess it's good you can see a benefit to this as many men wouldn't, but I'd be cautious at actually saying this to her as I doubt many women are actively seeking a role reversal.

Remember, if we wanted a housewife, we'd marry a woman!

But I agree with Leslie, if a man does help around the house, it is very sexy :)

[Michelle V]

I don't see it as a cost like you say, i believe relationships are build on cooperation among many other things, it takes two to make it work and since she is stepping up and working more I believe it is only fair to step up at home and pick up more housework. I've been doing it for years and work as many hours as my wife, she however is the CEO/CFO at home, and it works for me. I hope you get use to it soon and enjoy being the "housewife" I don't think it gets better than that, do you?

[CynthiaD]

There's nothing wrong with being a housewife. In fact it's one of the most important jobs in the world. And one of the hardest.

[mechamoose]

Well, 'housewife' can have some negative connotations. To me, you have a set of tasks that are needed to run a household. Some things one of you will do well, and the other won't. For instance, I'm the cook in the house.. I always have been. My wife (love her) doesn't cook food without microwave directions on the side. You do what you can to support each other.

I'm also in a situation where my wife & I are in a accidental CD/CD arrangement. When my wife comes home she drops to gym shorts & a tank top. I go get into a skirt. She is color & fashion challenged, I help her pick stuff out. She does the bills, I do her nails. With the kids She is the 'pull my finger' parent, and I'm fussing about manners. (I still have "Spider Duty")

She referred to me as "Her Wife" this past V-Day card (AND sent me roses at work!) while I called her "My Husband" in my card to her. No, we didn't coordinate that first. :daydreaming:

Roles are.. well, roles. Parts to be played. They don't have to be the same every day. If you keep it balanced, you will both be happy.

- MM

[MsVal]

Interesting... My wife and I have a similar kind of role reversal. She didn't hand me a list though, I just took over. Now I do all the domestic things but the finances. She's a whiz at finances whereas I'm ... well ... it's better that she do it.

I really like doing this stuff. It's a whole lot different than being a manager in a corporation. I had to (and must still) develop a whole new skill set. I find that challenging and interesting. I get a kick out of fawning over her, making sure her dinner is ready when she comes home, her clothes are clean and folded, the house it clean... The whole stereotypical housewife thing.

Oops, I better get off the computer and finish my chores. Bye for now.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Christen]

I've just become a slovenly housewife. I'm tapping away at the laptop in a skirt and blouse while I'm looking at a sink full of dishes and an pile of ironing, and I've still got laundry to hang out.
Seriously household chores are not gender specific (except, apparently, washing cars and mowing lawns), I've always done my share, that's just the way my wife and I work.
Anyway, if you 'must' assume the role of housewife, demand a fifties (think Mad Men) housewife style. I'd be very happy if that was the case.:heehee:

Christen x

[Kate Simmons]

That's okay if you like housework I guess. I hate it but know it needs to be done, so would insist it be shared. Besides doing things together as a team is sometimes a lot more fun than doing them alone. ;):)

[Maria 60]

My wife also started a new job a few months back that involve her to work longer hours, at first she was rushing home and then cooking and cleaning. I was raised a spoiled Italian boy with my mother and grandmother as my full time servants and never really learned to cook much. I couldn't see her anymore rushing home and doing everything so I asked her to teach me how to do anything so I could make her day easier. Now with her help when she gets home dinner is ready and I help her clean up a little around the house. The kids don't come home for dinner much so it's much more fun cooking when dressed in fem and she likes to make fun jokes on how I have become the lady of the house. She really thanks me for the help and she does buy me fem things in a way of thanking me

[Allisa]

Maybe there's something wrong with me but from the time I moved into my first apt.I have done all the daily chores and now in my home I still do all the womans work and then some, I guess being single has alot to do with it. I'm just a cleanaholic and neat I even wash the windows both sides. I have been told that I would make a great wife to someone; if only they knew ;and this was from women. Well enough said.

Bye-Bye Lisa

[RADER]

My wife would insist of me wearing a dress when I did the Vacuuming or the floors.
It was fun. I always wanted a Mrs Beaver dress or similar, but could never find one in my size.
Good luck on your new job; with benefits.
Rader

[Leah Lynn]

At least you do have some benefits with it. Being a widower, I get to be breadwinner and housemouse. My benefit is no one gives me a list nor do I hear about it if something doesn't get done. Enjoy!

Leah

[lingerieLiz]

I never thought being a housewife was bad. Told my grandparents back in the 50s that I didn't think it would be bad if I was a one. They both had a heart attack. Little did they know how close I came. I can sew, iron, clean and cook better than most women. BUT, so can my wife. We share jobs.

[Stephanie47]

I've been retired for six plus years. I assumed the domestic chores which is only fair since my wife still is employed outside the home. Am I to lay around and watch television and eat bon bons all day, while she toils? I do the laundry, ironing, vacuuming, wash the dishes, bake, do meal preparation, change the linens. Of course most of the time I am totally en femme, but, not always. And, because she does not drive due to a visual impairment I also do a lot of the other family chores outside the home.

[donnalee]

And the problem is????

[ChelseaAnn]

I didn't read everyone's responses, not enough time. However, I feel like I was already the housewife in my relationship. That was when we were in college all the way up until now still. It tends to add to.my GD, and I honestly don't mind much, except my wife has a habit of blaming me for doing things wrong (food wasn't put away, clothes not washed, etc), but I get little to no help doing them. Even taking care of our 11 month old, I honestly feel my wife is threatened because I believe I'd be a better mother (but I don't say that) .

[Maria 60]

I just remembered something that happened last week, my in- laws had out of town guest and were in the area and dropped by. My wife had cut some cake and I made and served the coffee, and the gentlemen said to me, that at his house the women serve and make the coffee, I told him well in this house I make the coffee, my wife had to put in her two cents and told him, the women of the house did make and serve you coffee. He didn't laugh but my wife gave me a wink. LOL

[Teresa]

Hi MJ,
I don't see it as a bad deal my wife goes out to work, and I do the housework and other jobs in a skirt and heels which is great. I'm sure she intentionally lets the kitchen bin overflow knowing I'm going to have to venture out to empty it. She lets me do all the cooking now which I enjoy, it's very satisfying to see your wife sit down to a meal you've cooked. She doesn't approve of my CDing but approves of a clean house !

[Krisi]

Every relationship is unique so if you're happy with the way yours is going, that's great.

The days of June Cleaver vacuuming in a dress, makeup and heels while her husband works in an office dressed in a suit and tie were never really there but they are certainly gone now. Each couple works out what works best for them. If she is working at her job more hours than you, it would be expected for you to do some of the housework and not just sit in a lounge chair waiting for her to come home and fix dinner, clean the house, etc.

[Carol Elizabeth]

I am not a house wife - I am not married to a house. However, I do most of the cleaning, laundry, dishes, cooking, or simply said, I take care of the household chores. My wife doesn't care if I do all these chores dresses as a girl, it is simply less work for her since she works outside the home and I am retired.

After reading all the previous posts, I noticed that nobody mentioned bragging rights.

My wife has 5 sisters. Three of them have gone through a divorce from macho men who wouldn't lift a finger to help out in the home if their life depended upon it. I know that my wife would prefer that I wouldn't cross dress, but she feels it is a small concession for all that I do in the home.

Recently, one of her brothers ended up in the hospital. She and her youngest sister wanted to go visit him in the evening. I told her sister to stop by and have supper with us before heading up. She did and was treated to a supper of chicken, mashed potatoes, sweet corn, and freshly baked brownies for desert. She couldn't believe that I had fixed the meal and remarked that in the 12 years she has been married (to her second husband) he has not fixed one meal for her. What followed was my wife bragging about all that I do.

"How do you feel about that?" questioned her sister. I simply said that all work is honorable and since I'm retired, it helps fill my day and acted as this is the way things are supposed to be.

So let me this lengthy post with: "Call me a home maker - not a house wife." And, there is nothing wrong with being one.

[MsVal]

Homemaker - One who makes a house, a home.

Yeah, I can identify with that.

Oh, by the way ... Welcome to the forum Carol. I hope to see more of your posts in the near future.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Beverley Sims]

If it works for you okay, but you needn't be completely subservient if you don't want to..

[Meg East]

My wife brags I do most of the cooking. She fails to mention some of the time I'm wearing a skirt and heels.

Personally i can't see why housework should be divided along gender lines.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Not sure what one earns has do to with it.


It is the number of hours one is out and working. A good husband/wife team share responsibilities, and if one is working longer hours, they should not be expected to come home and do all the cooking/chores as well. Regardless of gender identity.That's a good attitude.
Roles are.. well, roles. Parts to be played. They don't have to be the same every day. If you keep it balanced, you will both be happy.
Another good attitude. A lot of people have too much invested in the roles they are "expected" to play.

For myself, it works out that I do more household stuff on an hourly basis, mostly because the GF has many commitments outside of work, (let's just say she is an habitual "volunteer" ) she also drives herself too hard and runs her energy levels too low. We're still new to this relationship, and working things out , but so far pretty good. The odd thing is I was not very "houseproud" while living alone, and very disorganized. Sharing a space, and having her "structure" in place, makes it much easier for me to get stuff done.

Don't think it has much, if anything, to do with the fact that I'm most often in a skirt while doing it.

[S. Lisa Smith]

If everyone is happy, enjoy your happiness!!! Sounds like fun to me. I wouldn't be able to do this however, my wife doesn't like the way I do laundry or make the beds. Everything else I do anyway...

[Donna Joanne]

I too have been doing 95% of the "housework" and other domestic chores for years. It started for me when I was a teenager and my mother coaxed me with a driver's license to move back in with her to care for my two younger half brothers. But I didn't mind. Still don't. I can cook, clean and keep a darned good house. My kids are loved and they know that I always have time for them> I've been both a Boy Scout and Girl Scout leader. And was able to all of this independent of what I was wearing. Never found a meatloaf, load of laundry, or sink full of dishes that cared about what I had on.

My wife suffers from chronic depression and pain along with being legally blind, so I am the main nurturer and domestic goddess along with working outside the home. She tells everyone I'm a wonderful spouse and "would make anyone a wonderful wife". This is something I take great pride in.

But I'm usually doing all this in a pair of shorts or sweats (depending on temp) and a t shirt. Because I'm Donna no matter what I wear!

[BeckyRiven]

To OP you say that like there is a stigma to doing housework

[Princess Grandpa]

I have to think you're wife would hope/expect this type of assistance whether you were a cross dresser or a fisherman. (Not to say one couldn't be both). My point being as her partner in life once her ability to do it all was hindered by the job she will expect you to pick up the slack. If you help well she's pleased and will be happy with other areas of life. If you take too much time off annoyance will build over that and be expressed in various ways.

I hope increased hours is a career upgrade for her and good for you for stepping up to help more! Enjoy it. I do find housework less tedious in a skirt /giggle

Hug
Rita

[MsVal]

If it works for you okay, but you needn't be completely subservient if you don't want to..

Thanks, Beverly, but In my case anyhow it is completely different from servitude. I am not sure whether I am retired or simply between contracts, but when I did work it was mentally challenging IT project management stuff. I was doing analysis, budgets, timelines, staffing, reporting, fire fighting, meetings, ad infiniteum. I find housework to be quite useful, and very necessary, but FAR less mentally taxing. While I DO get physically tired from running around, scrubbing floors, caring for grandkids, doing laundry, etc, I find it preferable to working on yet another needless report in the minutes between senseless hour long meetings I must attend to present my 10 minute status update.

I also get a great deal of enjoyment from giving back to my wife the tender love and care she has given me over the decades.

Best wishes
MsVal

[kate473]

I don't mind doing housework because if I don't make an effort to do it, I'll become spoiled.

If I'm in a dress while doing it, I'll be perpetuating the message that it's women's work--although it's fun for me.