Being able to relax

[Donna tv]

I have noticed that a lot of the pics you girls have submitted look like they are taken in motel rooms. Like the rest of you I love to take pics and I have bought my own digital cam but find in very risky taking pics at home for fear of getting caught . My wife knows I dress as is totally ok with it but not so sure she would accept pics. I was considering getting a room locally for the day and having a relaxing "me" day with no fear of anything and taking all the pics I can. Have any of you just got a room for the day to play. I don't get chances to travel for bussiness so thought this would be the next best thing
Donna Tv

[Julia Cross]

Hi Donna,

I totally understand your desires, but keep this in mind. If you fear your wife finding out about possible pictures you may want to take, imagine her rage if she were to find pics you took in a hotel room. If she already accepts your dressing, ask her to take the pics for you. Tell her you want to see how you look, and not just in a mirror.

You have gained her trust in regards to your crossdressing, I would suggest not to risk losing that without trying to involve her in the picture taking first.

Julia

[MsJanessa]

I'm assuming that your wife knows but really doesn't want anything to do with it---a very common situation---also if you have kids, doing things at home may be difficult---I think going to a hotel is a real good idea---if you might be worried about what your wife might think---as indicated by the post above---tell her---If you think this would cause problems then don't tell her---after all unless you are going to meet other people there for sex, you aren't breaking your mariage vows or being unfaithful---you will be suprised how relaxing it is to have your own space to play---enjoy yourself Ms Janessa

[Donna tv]

My wife has no problem with me dressing we have shopped and played together many times but having one child still living home needless to say we don't want "Donna " to be found out. The oppertunities to dress are too few and far apart, and jumping out of my skin everytime I think I hear something just takes all the fun away. We have gone away together for me to dress but like I said those times are rare. I just noticed a lot of pics from motel rooms and was curious how it works out for the girls. The pic taking part is what my wife would object to she would feel as though that being some kind of evidence that would let my secret out. I have taken pics in my home before and love it. I have to delete them soon after but it is fun to do, just nerve racking.

[Julia Cross]

Once again, now that I (we) know more of the whole picture, things look different. I see your point, and don't see any harm in it. It actually makes sense. My point was merely, if she didn't know, it could hurt her. I was just erring on the side of caution.

I say, find a nice hotel, and treat yourself. Spend a few extra dollars to pamper yourself and make the experience worthwhile. If you are able to take pics, try to understand your camera so you get the best pics, hopefully someone will be able to help you if you are unsure about your camera.

Hope your wish comes true.

Julia

[kathy gg]

Can I say something and I hope no one takes this the wrong way. But if I was in yoru wives shoes and saw pics that were obviosly taken at a hotel the first thought that would come to my mind is "why is he in a hotel room?" and "who was the person taking the photos". To me all that seems like a big can of worms about to be opened.

Surely there has to be a way to have either her participate and explain that the pics are for you to measure how your look is in a real photo. I just think there has to be a way to keep her informed in a manner which will not cause suspicion.
....go back to the drawing board.

[Sam-antha]

I tend to agree with Kathy's note. Me, I would have first thoughts of who was he with......... is your wife camera knowledgeable... ie does she know of the delay shutter action ? If she is not familiar enough, then you do see the problem..
That apart, if you could in the past keep your clothes away from her, which you do not now, could you now really want to keep the photos secret from her.
Alright, you can hide them somewhere in cyberspace, but why ....I would say be very, very careful and I do understand the urge for pics.

[Julia Cross]

Thank you Kathy! That is the point I was trying to make, I guess I was too subtle.

While we, CD's have our rights to expression, if we are in a relationship, some of those rights are forfeited by the fact that our actions do indeed efect someone else.

let's not be selfish all the time. Keep your partners feelings and emotions as well expectations in mind when doing anything, crossdressing included.

julia

[RenaCD]

Donna if you have an excepting wife now as it sounds like you do Why o Why would you put that in jeopardy? Respect her rights and feelings as she does yours. Don't blow it over a couple of photos. Wait and talk to her some more and if its meant to be it will happen. Just to let you know my wife is the one that wants to do the photos and I'm the one being the Stick in the mud.

Cherish what you have it sounds Great

Rena

[JoAnnDallas]

It seem to me that first you should ask you wife to take some pictures of you and if she is not up to that then ask her if it would be OK if you rented a hotel room so you could dress and take pictures. Make sure you explain and even show her that the camera has a self timer, so you can lay away her fears that someone else has to take the pictures. Also get a good tripod. That way you can take pictures at various angles and do long shots and closeups . If your camera can use a shutter extender, use it. It is a long cable that attaches to the shutter button and allow you to snap a picture remotely without having to use the built-in 10sec timer. I have seen some that even have a remote control, which is even better. If you want to create a 360 site and put pictures up, show her some other 360 sites so she can see that no way will it be traced back.

[MsJanessa]

If your wife goes shopping with you and helps pick your outfits, why don't you just invite her to the hotel room with you---that way she will know its on the up and up---also I'm assuming that you will use a digital camera---give the photos to her for safekeeping---that should allay any unfounded suspicions. If she objects because somebody may discover the photos and know your ''secret" ---Relax---I've been posting My photos on the internet for years and never have had a problem---most of us look so different en femme than male that it would be impossible to tell your male self from an femme photo. Taking your wife along also may do something to spark up your sex life---(dressed and made up, alone with a beautiful woman in a hotel room, no kids around---know I ask you what immeadiately comes to mind) Anyway have fun.

[pattied]

Hi Donna,

I totally understand your desires, but keep this in mind. If you fear your wife finding out about possible pictures you may want to take, imagine her rage if she were to find pics you took in a hotel room. If she already accepts your dressing, ask her to take the pics for you. Tell her you want to see how you look, and not just in a mirror.

You have gained her trust in regards to your crossdressing, I would suggest not to risk losing that without trying to involve her in the picture taking first.

Julia

This is key!!!

When I came out to my wife, expressing just how strongly I felt about crossdressing, she told me she was hurt because I hadn't emphasised how much it meant to me ealier in our 10 year relationship. She was very accepting of my desires, but, in her words, was "trying very hard not to make this a trust issue." That is to say that she thought my not telling her was due to a lack of trust on my part. I explained it wasn't, but the damage had been done.

Now, I am completely open with her with regards to my desires. I have to admit that it is hard sometimes to share with her what I want, out of fear of rejection, and in my case, fear of losing her, the love of my life and my best friend. When I have something tough to say, I struggle, but once said, the feeling of being able to talk about it openly is such a fantastic relief. So tell her. She may not understand all the rationale on your part. I don't think my wife understands it all with respect to my crossdressing either. If your wife is supportive, then she'll try to accomodate you in some fashion.

[Julia Cross]

Hi Pattie,

I absolutely understand your frustration, and there is no easy answer. What you described is generally what I went through. In a nutshell, I told my wife(ex) and she emphasized, appreciated the honesty even though we were now married and even encouraged it to a degree. Then as time progressed, and our relationship went through some turmoil, she began to resent the dressing and even said it was unfair that I DUMPED this on her after the marriage. I didn't tell here before because I didn't understand what crossdressing was and it's implications - I thought it would go away. So, now she was unwilling to accept what before she encouraged, she wasn't prepared to talk about it and refused to allow it in our lives, knowing full well it was here to stay. She asked me to move out.

I have been there, I know the feeling of mistrust, the fear of wanting to talk but being ridiculed or made to feel ashamed.

As many very wise people have commented on this forum, if your partner truly loves you, they will find a way to accept your dressing in part, out-of-sight or wholly but they will stand by you, if they can't do this, then either they don't value their relationship as much as you thought or they have some very deep issues they themselves need to overcome and this simply is too much for them, in which case you may need to evaluate your need to be yourself with the reality of possibly losing their committment to you and your marriage. It's not easy, but that may be the reality. Only you know how important your dressing needs are versus your marriage and your love for your wife. You may need to compromise or you may need to draw the line, that's your decision and your consequences to deal with.

Crossdressing shouldn't be such a heavy burden on any of us, but society has made it so. We have to deal with it. it's ironic that alcoholism and spousal abuse which are far more harmful are more acceptable.

Julia

[DonnaT]

Donna, ask her to take the pictures and have fun posing.

Have you asked her to take the pictures? Don't try to second guess your wife, she'll let you know for sure. Just be honest with her.

If she is worried about 'evidence', just tell her that they can easily be deleted, but that you really want to try having fun posing for her and to see how you look. Then there is no need to go off to a hotel room and hide, i.e., keep secrets, from your wife.

If she is worried about 'evidence', hotel pictures aren't going to ease her worry, and instead may complicate things.

[Donna tv]

Well again thank you all your advice will be well taken. If you finally see a pic for my avaitar hopefully things worked out. Really though let me say that I do have a very supportive spouse that would probably let me do anything I wanted within the confines of our private lives. I envy you all who have SO's that have become members here, I'm not quite sure I am ready to extend that invitation yet so even though I am here at some point every day I do realize I am still keeping a secret so to speak. Actually I am very surprised that she has never asked if I have visited any CD sites I know she has to realize we are out here. Finally I do want to say thank you to the GG's for your input on mine and all of the rest of my "fellow sisters" trials and tribulations
Donna

[TGMarla]

I took some pics in various hotel rooms, but the reason was simply that I was travelling at the time, which afforded me oodles of time to dress and put on my makeup all nice. And when Marla gets time to dress and do her makeup all nice, the result is usually a photo session. Most of my other pics were taken at home. And although there is a bed in some of those pics, they aren't at a hotel. And Kathy, if it were only so simple to just ask her to participate and take some photos! If only. But I see your point there.

[Charlene Marie]

Donna TV, absolutely girlfriend. I was on the road selling for over twenty years and lived in hotels at least two weeks a month. I always took all my Fem stuff with me, and in the evening after work I would doll up and go out to eat, (Provided) I was in a friendly town. I did this before I was married and after.

[pattied]

Crossdressing shouldn't be such a heavy burden on any of us, but society has made it so. We have to deal with it. it's ironic that alcoholism and spousal abuse which are far more harmful are more acceptable.

Julia

Julia,

You are so very correct about the irony of alcoholism and spousal abuse being more acceptable than crossdressing.

My current predicament is this:
My wife and I have two wonderful children, whom we adore, one 6 years old and the other 9 months old. I grew up very conflicted and confused, having to deal with my desire to crossdress and my having been molested by a so-called family friend. At times I suppressed (perhaps repressed is the better word for it) everything, other times I succumbed entirely and dressed in secret. I do not want my son to grow up as conflicted, guilt-ridden, ashamed and torn as I did. My wife agrees. So while we are open to each other about our thoughts on my crossdressing, we both are trying desperately to hide it from our son. The end result: I can't dress completely, ever, when he (and eventually my daughter) is home.

It is a balancing act. Is it the right decision? I don't know. Will they eventually find out? Maybe.

I have been thinking about therapy or couseling with my wife about this. I need to get more out, and even though my wife is very supportive, I have a very hard time discussing it in the open. And I desperately want to dress. Even more, I need to discuss with a therapist my thoughts and feelings, because I think I may even want to transform... which would certainly become public at some point, and would change my personal relationships with my family forever. I am just rambling now, so I am going to close this post and try to focus my thoughts.

Coming out to my wife was a major step, and I felt wonderful after doing so, but now... I feel like I want to do so much more and can not. But I also can not imagine life without my wife.

Therapy!

[Julia Cross]

Isn't it ironic as well, that we are here discussing "coming out" and our rights to do so, and in the same breath are trying so hard to keep it hidden from our very own children for fear of making their lives more difficult. It would seem that we are promoting the very shame and fear of what crossdressing is. If we are to believe in ourselves that we are normal, and in deed have a gift and nothing to hide, why then should we hide it from our children, our spouses, our friends.

It isn't easy, children have a lot to deal with. But I believe there aare ways to raise a child to understand and appreciate all the unique aspects in all people. It wasn't that long ago that we didn't dare talk to children about divorces, homosexuality and yes, even sex.

I could go on and on, but will stop here, for now.

julia