Question and Answer Period with a Guy Friend

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

So, I was approached by a male friend of mine at work today who said he wanted to talk to me. Now I didn't think anything of this because I figured he wanted to talk work things as we do that a lot. So I say "sure let's get a coffee" and off we go.

Now I have known this guy for years and can tell when he doesn't want to say something because he gets all fidgety and he was very fidgety. So I sit drinking my coffee and waiting for him to speak, getting worried he is going to tell me his dying or getting a divorce. Then he say takes a deep breath and says "Dude, I have been hearing a few things about you and just wanted to verify if they were real or not". He takes another deep breath and then blurts out "Are you a cross dresser? :eek:

For all intents and purposes, I am out to quite a few work colleagues who happen to be friends so I was not really shocked that others would hear about it. I chose some time back that if someone was to ask I would tell them the truth as I have nothing to hide. So I said "Yes". Figuring this could go either way as this guy is a typical Alpha Male, I was prepared for the worst . . . Didn't get it. He looked at me and said "That's cool man, I just wanted to hear it from you" :)

So we talked for a good hour after that and I invited him to ask me whatever questions he wished to ask and I would answer them if I could. We went through the old standards (Gay? No, SRS? No), we talked about what I do when I go out, why I go out and so forth. When we finished he said "makes no difference to me brother, you are the same guy I have always known and respected. Then he cracks a bit of a smile and says "so should I buy you perfume for your next birthday?" He meant it in good fun. :)

It was a nice conversation and gives me hope that most people can understand and accept.

Hugs

Isha

[Princess Grandpa]

That's a great story! Thank you for sharing it.

Hug
Rita

[PaulaQ]

Tell him yes to the perfume!

[cdmorganashley]

thats great Isha, you should have said panties would be better as a present and given him a wink--haha

[mikiSJ]

Only good friends feel uncomfortable enough to ask tough questions - anticipating the answer he already knows. I am glad he is a good friend - even if only in a work environment.

[Christen]

Wow, Isha, that is a great story to hear. You must be regarded very highly by all your friends, and rightly so.

Christen x

[Nadine Spirit]

Great story Isha. Good for you for willing to be so upfront about yourself. It takes courage. :)

[mechamoose]

That's really cool! Thank you for sharing that!

- MM

[Kristina_nolagirl]

That is such a great story Isha! I think most people are much more open minded then we give them credit for.

So far, everyone that has found out about me has been the same way -hopefully that continues.

[MsVal]

Isha, you have a great deal of humor, humility, and honesty. I look forward to reading whatever you write, and if I were to ever have the opportunity to meet you in person I would feel privileged.

If you come across at work as you do here, it's no surprise that you have his acceptance.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Abbey11]

Thanks for sharing your experience with us Isha.
Hugs
Abbey xx

[Bima]

Really Cool! I'm happy for you.

/Bima

[dana digs sweaters]

Glad that you got that type of reaction Isha. Also glad that he is secure enough to still be friends and respect you.

[Katey888]

Nice experience and a good response from an obviously cool guy... :cool: I'm sure your real friends are going to out themselves by following that same path...

And like Paula says - defo yes to the parfum!! Can't go wrong with #5 and it will probably suit you... :cheer:

Katey x

[Erica Marie]

Awesome story and a wonderful friend. Sometimes I wish a few friends would do that so I could maybe just be me one day. I think if they ask first they may be openminded enough to accept.

[TxCassie]

I am happy for you Dear! Not many get to have co-workers and a place of employment so open and accepting.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Wonderful!! I'm not out to any of my male friends...

[DebbieL]

I just had a very similar conversation with a co-worker. The difference was that I have been living as a woman full time, and he realized I wasn't always a woman (something I said). He started asking a few questions and before long he was asking dozens of great questions. I happened to be sitting at a table with another 5 co-workers. In about 20 minutes, all of my coworkers understood why I was doing what I had done, how I had done it, why I had done it, and that there was more to be done. I don't think I like people knowing what's still between my legs, especially when they don't know for sure.

Since the breasts are real, I'm pretty much accepted as female, at work, at restaurants, and most other places where they don't know me. At church, I spent about 5 minutes doing the elevator speech version. Answers to general questions in short 30 second (or less) responses that make it clear without overloading their ability to process.

I've written a book about my life, called "Debbie's Secret Life" (Amazon), which has helped me with sorting out my own feelings and choices, as well as being able to help others to understand them.

[Bootsiegalore]

That is a great story. On the other hand my honesty with someone has gotten me several very graphic death threat e-mails calling me a transgendered piece of sh*t and so on.... I all depends on who it is. It can go a bad way too..... I have reported to police and do not know what the final outcome will be. I am an engineering professional and this person did subcontracting work for me and has noticed things in my office and came out and asked. I was honest.

[Amberhea]

Fantastic approach and I would have answered yes, Coach please. :) Glad you had a positive experience and that this person was open minded enough to understand.

[GenieGirl]

Sorry to hear about your aweful experience Bootstie. I'm an engineer as well and am a little surprised that their are others in the same profession who are so small minded and hateful! So aweful!

Congrats Isha, you are very lucky to have such understanding, professional and considerate co-workers/friends. Hope your coming out at work continues to be a positive experience for you. Maybe even one day, if you ever choose to you will be able to be yourself at work if/when you choose to, that would be awesome.

Take care girls. Off to a concert for tonight :)

[Bria]

Isha, from the way he said "I just wanted to hear it from you" makes me think that he yhought that some people were spreading rumors about you and he needed to clairify it in his own mind. It says volumes about your relationship with him that he was not going to believe what he thought were rumors until he asked you.

You have been and will continue to be a fine role model for those of us on this forum, Thanks Isha!!

Hugs Bria

[Leah Lynn]

Isha, that's so cool! Real friends are hard to come by. I think about the guys that were in my team back when. Each of us would have taken a bullet for the others, without a thought for himself, but believe they would beat me to death if they knew about me now.

Hugs,

Leah

[RADER]

Isha;
That is a cool story; But I would have asked him if he ever tried it.
Or if he might try on a dress or a bra. You never know, the ones who
ask the most questions are the ones most likely to be doing it themselves.
Rader

[Tiffanyselkoe]

That is so awesome Isha! It is nice to see people who are accepting.

[Shellycd12]

That is a great story. Love to hear about accepting people.

Hugs, Shelly

[PaulaQ]

BTW, it really is exceedingly brave of you to be so out about this at your job, Isha. Your friends reaction was great, too. I guess times really are changing.

Have you run into any not so accepting people there?

[Teresa]

Hi Isha,
His approach did sound a bit scary at the time, but did you think afterwards he was testing the water ?

[Di]

Very very cool!!!

[Caden Lane]

Awesome story Isha, and handled very well by you and your colleague.

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Thanks very much for your comments. Yes it was a bit scary at first as I have shared a lot with the guy in the military including several combat missions together. So I was a bit concerned how this would play out . . . not afraid of violence just loss of a good friend.



. . . Have you run into any not so accepting people there?

Hi Paula,

As my occupation is the military and being TG is not against policy you still cannot change attitudes or beliefs. I still have my share of "not so accepting" reactions. These tend to be more along the lines of "Huh? You're joking right?" Some work colleagues who know refuse to make eye contact so for the most part I write them off on the list of people I don't care to associate with. Never had any death threats or implied violence, just indifference. However for the most part all have been quite good.

I did however loose a very close friend to this and when I say close I mean as close as two brothers can be. I still keep tabs on him through his wife (we are good friends . . . I introduced them) and he is slowly coming around. I think he just needs time to process.

Hugs all.

Isha

[jjjjohanne]

Please let him know that the Internet approves of his perfume joke. That was really a tasteful wisecrack. Also, your story makes me appreciate this man. He heard a rumor about someone he respects. He came to you to validate. That is honorable. Now, if it were me, I would be in Q&A mode. "What are people saying about me?" "Do people laugh at me behind my back?"

[Caden Lane]

@jjjohanne- to ask those questions, you have to care what they think and empower their words to mean more than they do. The best bet is to just not care what they say, as it has little bearing on who you, Isha, or anybody really are.

[mykell]

i was anticipating that the story would end that he was a member of CD.com also,
how cool/weird would that have been....

[Raychel]

That is awesome Isha. Best way to approach a subject, truthful and straight on.
I am glad that all worked out good for you.

[junemay]

good to have someone like him so supportive and understanding ....

[mikiSJ]

As my occupation is the military and being TG is not against policy you still cannot change attitudes or beliefs.

I read this line and said 'WT..' then I realized you are in the Canadian military. Attitudes are changing towards CDing to the south of you, but as of now it is against policy to CD in the U.S. military.

Last Saturday I was at a party where one of the girls was an O-4 level (Lt. Commander/Major) officer. During one of our chats she mentioned she was going through a divorce and her wife had let it be known to her commanding officer that she had an affair and also crossdressed. Her CO was much more concerned with the affair and that it wasn't with another member of her branch than the CO was with her CDing. Times are a'changing!

[kimdl93]

It seems that the quality of your friends says something positive about you.

[Rachael Leigh]

It's amazing how open you are Isha, I want that somedays and others I want to be behind the closet door.
Thanks for sharing this, good for you hon
Hugs Leigh

[Julia Red]

That's wonderful. I've had this kind of conversation twice now, but only with GGs so far.

So far the only people that know about my CDing are female. I have a guy friend that I plan to tell someday because I'm sure he won't mind, and would be probably curious about the whole thing, but I'm saving this for the future.

[Beverley Sims]

I agree with what you say Isha, "If asked a straight question, give a straight answer."

[Lexi Moralas]

I love that story !
Also on a side note I wanted to mention I noticed you have been changing your photo lately and in each one you look even prettier than the previous one ! You go girl !

[Sallee]

Great story It is great you are relatively out to some. I wish we all could be relatively out to some. I made the decision a while ago to be truthful if the questionis ever asked. It hasn't been. I would be curious to see how I would answer if it ever is I think I would be truthful. I also thinkvery few folks would write us off for being a CD it might confuse them and maybe they wouldn't understand it but I don't either so it is all OK

[Tracii G]

Its funny the alpha males react the best in some situations like this.
He knows you for who your are and respects you so news like this is easier to process IMO.
I had an old biker buddy ask me that question a few years back and his reply was "man I would have never thought that you dug dressing like a female but hey different strokes for different folks". Lets go get a beer.

[julia marie]

Isha. Great to hear that it went so well. It sounds like you and your friend handled it perfectly. Can't beat honesty and openness! Just a friend? Perfume may be a bit much in terms of cost. Maybe a nice scarf or something less expensive. Or earrings are always appropriate.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Isha, That was great , He sounds like a real friend.

[Rabecca]

Wow, sure took guts to tell him what's really up. I don't think I could tell all to my friends.
I like the way the handled it. Seems like everything want well.

[MissTee]

Great to read of your co-workers acceptance, Isha. Here in the US -- diversity employment laws being what they are -- he took what could be perceived as a great risk approaching you and asking questions. Perhaps that was a part of his initial nervousness. Anyway, what a great outcome. Congrats!

[rocketscientist]

Isha, you should have told him a nice VS giftcard would suffice! LOL. I too have made up my mind that if someone asks me pointblank I will not lie about it. But I seem to be in a strange situation. I think most of my good friends know about it but they don't really want to KNOW about it! Does that make sense? My Halloween costume was the first any of them have ever seen me enfemme and after the costume party about 4 of us went back to one friend's house and we partied the rest of the night as if I was dressed no differently. I dunno. Maybe they think this was a one time costume deal? But i think not. Next Halloween I intend to dress as Sailor Jupiter! That should put the icing on the cake! Soo happy for you Isha that have such great open minded friends that still support you. Hugs, Tonya

[Sarah Smith]

Glad it worked out well and there is someone else supporting you! Great tactic being honest, sometimes it must just shock them that someone can be so upfront and honest with them! :)
Clara x

[Laura Collette]

Isha, I'm proud to know you and will try to be open about myself with my friends if they ask. My wife is afraid of being asked about me and I think I will tell her that if someone does she should simply tell them to ask me directly. Only a couple of her old friends know and neither one has spoken to me about it but they still treat me as a friend. It's very difficult for a wife to keep this kind of secret from her closest friends when she needs their support. I guess I'm getting braver about this but still haven't come out of the house as Laura. Anyway my hat's off to you and your friend.

[krissy]

Great story /my freind asked me the same thing when i was 21 he was like a brother to me my exwife told him and all my freinds i lost them all but it is okay now i have accepted myself .im happyer now

[Michellegryl]

Great story Isha,

I am so proud of you for your honesty and impressed with your friend for his integrity and understanding. It is stories like this that give me hope that one day we will all be able to be ourselves without prejudice or fear.

[sonialexis]

Isha a truely lovely story, a good friend you have there. Once a few years back, a very good friend of mine caught me once and it was wierd. He asked me if I was gay because that would make him uncomfortable, he said. He didn't press it further but I do fear he may have outed me to other mutual friends. I dread that a lot. what can i do though? Anyway I should have been careful I guess.