Back sliding

[Annie M]

I tried for several months to go the full time route, but a couple of weeks ago I came face to face with reality and went back to male mode. Lost my job and some friends due to my fail in trying to make 24-7 work. So I need an income and to cut my losses. I'll keep my hair, boobs and hormones and I won't purge again, but I have to present as a guy no room to gamble right now. Friends, well they come and go.

[Donna Joanne]

So sorry to hear that Anne. I did the same thing 8 months ago. Whatever you do DON'T PURGE! I am now starting my transition all over again. I'll be praying for you, and am here to talk if you need a sympathetic ear.

Long Distance Hugs,
Donna

[Rachel Smith]

:sad: Sorry to hear about your tough times. Hang in there.

Hugs
Rachel

[Jorja]

Sorry to hear you are having tough times. Remember, one step forward, two steps back. Transition is not easy. You must be prepared to lose everything. Keep your head up, redirect, and continue on.

[arbon]

You have to do what you need to in order to survive. Sorry you had to go through that. Did you loose your job because of transitioning? Thats what gets me sad how hard some employers need to make it on us when we need stable income the most.

[kimdl93]

could you tell us the nature of the job you lost, Annie?

[Janelle_C]

Annie I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. I don't know why you lost your job, but in California you can't discriminate against people that are transgender. I can only imagine how hard it would be to go back as a male. I hope you don't have to go back for long. Hugs Janelle

[Annie M]

I'm sure I lost my cad job because of transitioning but not do to discrimination but maybe do to the way I did it. For a while things were ok, odd but ok. folks seemed to accept but as time went on it was apparent I wasn't a guy nor a girl. You can't force feed this stuff it's like silly puddly if you throw it it will bounce but if you just let it be it takes the shape of what you put it on. I bounced, no longer accepted nor comfortable there. I'm ok, I am evaluating and thinking this part through. If I try it again or not, I don't know yet, it can be very lonely.

[Starling]

I removed the post I made here a few hours ago. I don't disavow what I wrote, but after I reread it a couple times I could see what I was doing was pleading my own case. It was not responsive or helpful to you, Annie M, and I apologize for stepping on your thread.

:) Lallie

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I'm glad you see it that way. Based only on posts I recalled from the past (and then went back and looked) it was tsurely he way you did it.. if you want to work you have to respect the lowest common denominator at the work place...one person hating on you can change everything...people in your workplace must ACTIVELY support you...that's why your communications matter.....its unfair but we have to earn people's support..they don't understand unless we tell them...

I have read your comments in the past. I don't want to make anything worse but if you want to transition, you are best served to take more time thinking through your plan. It looks to me (perhaps i'm wrong) that you went with the flow and your feelings about yourself.. people complimented you...people told you it was about time... nobody busted on you at work...HRT was going fine...etc...that's all great, but that's not what makes a transition successful.

It's unclear whether you viewed what you were doing as transition.
If you want to mostly present as female but live legally and at times as male, that's totally cool but you have to handle that as well (I wouldn't know how but i'm sure there are many gender queer people that can help you)

If you want to transition, you are right to take some to evaluate, step back and make sure you get work and then think very specifically about how you go about it.

Who is helping you think this through?? What does your therapist think about all this??

No matter what you've done or didn't do, you do not deserve to feel lonely.. you deserve your best life...what can you do to get it?

[Annie M]

That pretty much sums it up! Went with the flow but I didn't think about what might be down stream. I'm not crushed but for now I have other priorities that have to be addressed.

Looking at things now I hope others who are considering full time can take my experience to mind. It's not easy as just wearing a skirt or developing breasts. It is a whole different world. That's about all I can say at this point.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Last year you got a lot of congrats and back slapping and encouragement from Non-TS people who were very excited for you...people like to encourage "going 24/7" like its a badge of honor or worse some kind of exciting thrill...
Those are not the folks that will help your quality of life if you are seriously transitioning...
those folks all still have their male jobs

..be careful who you listen to and if you ever get serious, find a really good therapist...
and if you can't find a therapist, wait longer until you do find one..its your life to live!!

I really hope you figure this stuff out!! You probably learned a lot this last two years, I hope you use what you learned to have your best quality of life..