My wife confuses me!

[Steph_CD_62]

I told my wife with in a week of meeting her about my dressing. I will admit that when we first met all I wore was lingerie, now I am wearing women's jeans and shirts and dresses with high heels.

Last week we drove around 100 miles to shopping in a larger city. We had a great time even though we didn't find much.

My wife was fine with me wearing my women's jeans and shirt along with my panties. We had a discussion about she would be horrified if I got in a car wreck and they found out the type of clothing I was wearing.

The part that really confuses me is, that when we were in Payless I wanted to get a pair of flats. I knew what size I needed so there was really no need to try them on. After I picked out the ones I wanted, she asked me "Wasn't I going to try them on to make sure they fit?"

On the way home I asked her why she was fine with me trying on women's shoes in public, but would be horrified if I was in a crash and someone saw my panties. She didn't have an answer for me, because she really didn't know why.

She has always been supportive, even though she isn't thrilled with my dressing and I love her for that. It just seems that her attitude changes sometimes daily.

[Taylor Ray]

Not sure about how to manage the communication with your wife, but I do relate to the uncomfortable fantasy of being outed by some sort of accident. A recent fantasy of mine is wondering what if a pipe broke in my apartment and the landlord had to bring in some plumbers and they had to work all day and see my place.

"Oh, he's one of those types. What a freak."

Yes the world is a judgmental place and it is no fun being judged.

[AllieSF]

I think it all may go back to a problem about worrying about being embarrassed, you and maybe her. It could also be related to her worry about you being outed to the world, or close friends, family or work, which will also out her as being married to a transgender person. Take it slow, don't press, but maybe you could work those reasons into your conversation with her to help define what her concern is, which could be totally different from my thoughts here. Good luck and happy conversing.

[Eryn]

Fears are often illogical. We might be perfectly OK with one possibility and completely petrified by another with no clear reason for the different responses. This particular fear is often driven by the childhood admonition by mothers to "wear clean underwear in case you get hurt!"

Note that she has expressed her fear to you but has not told you to curtail your dressing. She probably realizes that her fear is somewhat unfounded and has put it aside for you. If you are actually involved in a serious accident your underwear will no longer be clean and will likely be cut into pieces on the emergency room floor. ER personnel aren't terribly easy to surprise and I can guarantee that they have seen panties (and a lot more) on a man before.

[Kelly DeWinter]

People change their minds ALL the time about things, you after all wore only lingerie when you first met, then changed your habits to other clothing items. Instead of questioning, just accept that the only thing constant is change.

[candykowal]

I agree with Kelly..."It is a woman's prerogative to change her mind."
Just be glad she know of your desires and accepts your needs!
I am one of those whose wife doesn't know....

[heatherdress]

I think it is really different - trying on a pair of shoes in a shoe store 100 miles from home - ant getting into an accident where you might need medical treatment, police reports, hospitalization. Who cares about trying on shoes in Payless which only takes a few seconds? If you are in an emergency room, you have a name and a face and might run into someone you know.

I think it is awesome that she supports your dressing and seems to participate and accept your CD development. That's great.

She is probably just concerned for you. She may expect you to have the pleasure of trying on shoes in public which is a lot of fun.

You are lucky and it is OK for her to change her mind.

[Kate Simmons]

For the same reason your Mother always wanted you to put on clean underwear before you went out in the car. :battingeyelashes::)

[Jenniferathome]

panties are "intimate" shoes are just shoes,particularly flats!

[Jess Marie]

I think that is comes down to control over the situation.

I think she is comfortable with you trying on shoes because she is in control. When you are trying on shoes, you are choosing to out yourself to those who see you. But when you are in an accident, it is completely out of her control. You are not in control of who you are outing yourself to. There is also probably a slight fear of an accident itself.

I don't think she is being unreasonable. I think her thinking is perfectly logical. She fears what she cannot control, just like everyone else.

[Krisi]

A hundred miles is a very long way to drive to shop unless you live in the boondocks. My wife and I shop locally and just don't worry about it. We don't know the sales people personally.

As for the panties and an accident, well there's a small risk, but who cares. The medical people aren't going to out you or put your photos on facebook or youtube. They may talk but they won't mention your name.

[Teresa]

Taylor in the Uk we've had TV programs with hidden cameras and what some of the plumbers and other work guys get up to ! Before calling them in lockup your lingerie drawer !

[Jordan]

Your wife sounds pretty much like the rest of them no answer to the question LOL

[kimdl93]

well, first of all, no woman would buy anything without trying it on first...so that's understandable. As for the concern about the car wreck fear - rather a common one - its something she can easily put to rest if she ever talks with an EMT. Seeing a male in panties or stockings is pretty common - they encounter far more unusual things without batting an eye. They are focused on the task at hand, not your underwear - which most likely will be cut off and discarded anyway in a real emergency.

I would also like to address the seemingly "daily" change in attitudes. Sure some days a person's mood is better or worse than others...and one's reactions to stimuli will reflect that mood. That's not so much an attitude change as normal fluctuation. On good days she may not be "thrilled", but on not so good days, she may be genuinely irritated. Same attitude, different response.

we all do it.

[Beverley Sims]

Just go with the flow as to your wife's thinking, if she is okay with it do it but don't push the issue.

[Steph_CD_62]

Thanks for everyone's advice. I will just go with the flow and see what happens.

We do keep the communication open, and at anytime we can (and do) talk about my dressing.

As far as driving 100 miles to go shopping, the town we live in doesn't have a lot of clothing stores. I do buy my panties, bras and stockings at local stores and we got my dress from a town near by, but it is just nice to go to a bigger city to get a better selection of stores.

[Tina_gm]

I agree about the possibility of fear of embarrassment, for both you and her. And she may likely have a fear of your embarrassment even more than her own. I would also just like to point out that women are as unique as we CDers amongst ourselves. My wife is ok with leg shaving, underarm shaving, has no problem with it, I even think or suspect she enjoys the feeling of the smoothness of it. But, the idea of me being dressed is something extremely uncomfortable with her, which can go on or off in a manner of a few moments whereas shaving areas very few guys ever do, that, while not permanent, is something that has a lasting effect. It is just a matter that she is unique and has areas of comfort and discomfort all her own. What is most important is that she accepts for you.

[Krystenw]

There must be something to it, but I don't know what it is.
We got out all the time dresses as sisters and my wife never says a thing about it.
And she insists that I try on anything I buy, but she has the same fear.
She would hate to see the looks on the medical folks face when they take off all of my clothes and find out I'm not of the gender I was presenting as.
I just smile and shake my head.

[MsVal]

I really believe that in the case of a car crash or medical emergency so significant that undergarments are exposed to emergency workers, a spouse would be thinking of quite a different thing than clothing.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Jules Spirit]

As a fellow wife of a cross dresser, it sounds like your wife was thinking emotionally, something I am guilty of as well sometimes. That combined with our societal ideas about undergarments and accidents probably influenced her thoughts. I would not think on it too much. Enjoy each other!!

[Marcelle]

I would not worry too much about it. Dressing is a lot to process and perhaps having you discovered wearing panties by an EMT is a bit harder to visualize than someone seeing you try on a pair of flats.

Hugs

Isha

[AnnaBMarie]

I'm sure it must be very confusing to our SO's at times. We are stuck in the DADT mode for now, after initial years of acceptance, then denial, then limbo.

Then recently she said she wanted to shave my legs. Said she meant it kiddingly. But then several days later she brought home a pair of pink padded panties and handed them to me..... Whoa! I can't get my head around that one. She's jokingly said that I've lost my butt over the years and wanted to see if they made my jeans look better. ????

I would like to say these are trial balloons to her accepting Anna once again, but a couple delicate inquiries went nowhere. So now I'm really confused.