Explaining the difference

[Donna Joanne]

I need some help/input. I was having a discussion with an online friend about my Gender Dysphoria and being Transgender. She was constantly asking me if I "got turned on" by wearing women's clothing. I kept trying to tell her that no, that isn't what excites me, but I do love the feel of smooth and silky material against my skin. It is a sensory pleasure, not a sexual one.

She was under the impression that Transgender were like cross dressers and only dressed for sexual pleasure. I tried to explain that that wasn't necessarily true even for cross dressers. She was really trying to understand, but just couldn't get past the sexuality of it all.

How would you answer this question? I'm trying to explore coming out more to people, and want to call on the plethora of experience and wisdom y'all have. Thanks.

[Inna]

fetish starts with objectification of an item or for that matter a person. One can wear pretty garments and yet be nicely reinforced with the image in the mirror resembling the gender markings of the innate gender. However, if not the presentation but simply objectification of a garment is at the core of emotion, fetish is present.
Fine line between objectifying an image and Not objectifying it! Usually, given the presence of abundance of Testosterone in ones brain would tend to objectify observed world. Then in time when under Estrogen rich environment due to HRT, one can find their sexuality turn to sensuality. A huge leap of understanding how natal women see the world.

[Angela Campbell]

I would ask them if they are turned on by the clothes they wear.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Seems like you already told them. They don't want to listen.

The culture and media dehumanizes us all the time.

[Megan Thomas]

As already mentioned, I think she has succumbed to the typical way the media presented us for so many years, and still do to some degree. To be fair, it's not helped by the clothes some crossdressers choose to wear, which can be said to be far from modest and best reserved for private or club use.

The only thing you can do is keep educating her as best you can. Perhaps liken the sensory differences as comparing exfoliating scrub to a skin cream? It can be an uphill struggle, one I've experienced when people assume as a TS I must be gay despite my telling people gender and sexuality are 2 different things.

[Donna Joanne]

Excellent point Megan. She asked me how I liked to dress and I told her my favorite outfits are yoga/workout pants or shorts depending on the temps that day and cute t shirts or top, usually with a jacket and sports bra. I do like dresses, but not for everyday. And living in Louisiana, 90% of the year I'm in flip flops, if not then sneakers. She had the hardest time understanding why I didn't want to live my life looking like a lingerie model...LoL

[Kathryn Martin]

This is really a tricky subject. Studies have shown that a man or a woman dressing for an evening out or a date become turned on/sexually aroused by the clothes they wear in preparation for and anticipation of their date or potential meet up with new attractive people. Except if that happens it is not considered to be perverse or fetishistic. It's really quite funny when you think about it. The whole purpose of dressing for an occasion is become attractive and in a sense flaunt or emphasize your physical attributes often with a very explicit purpose, namely to derive pleasure. One of the largest multi billion dollar industry, fashion, is built around it. The studies measured (with monitors attached to various areas of the body) vital signs and bloodflow through various areas of the body which would indicate arousal. The monitors were worn over an extensive period of time (days) and the activities tracked.

So,when I get that kind of a question, I say "of course, don't you". This is all substantial bullshit based on the Blanchard postulate of the universe. Ridiculous!!!! We have to stop victimizing ourselves.

[kimdl93]

well, I think all you can say is, no I don't get turned on by dressing up in women's clothing. The fact is some cross dressers are into the sexual aspect, but many are not. People who dress expressly for sexual fulfillment are typically characterized as "fetish dressers". But I think you're confusing her with the stuff about the non-sexual, sensory pleasure.

A TG person and particularly one who identifies as TS, as you do, isn't dressing for tactile pleasure...there may be some...but that's not the real motivation, is it? Isn't your motivation that you feel more yourself...that your gender presentation and interior feel better matched when you're dressed as a woman. You might ask her if she chooses her clothes for sexual pleasure - because they turn her on, or because they reflect her sense of taste, style, and gender identity.

[PaulaQ]

I'm in 1000% agreement with Kathryn on this issue.

There's not one thing wrong with being turned on sexually by wearing women's clothes. Just because some uptight PHd's in the patriarchy are all worried about sex doesn't mean that sexual arousal is some sort of fundamental difference between CDs and TSs. MANY TS girls I know were originally sexually aroused by CDing. I certainly was once I was old enough to BE sexually aroused, and not merely confused. I'm not so much any more, but I don't think that has much to do with anything either.

My opinion is that we are sexual beings, male sexuality (which many of us inherit, unfortunately) objectifies *everything* and that GD, which I believe both CDs and TSs share to differing severities will use any lever it can find, or any crack in your psychological armor to find it's way out. And sex is a big damn lever!

I'm not generally excited by the clothes I wear day to day - they are just clothes. I *am* excited sometimes if I put on fun lingerie for an evening with my girlfriend, because I know she'll really enjoy what I'm wearing, or if I put in effort to look really nice to go out on a date with her. It's fun and arousing to anticipate her reactions.

I really think the question of sexuality in all of this is just a red herring - it's yet more bullshit from the patriarchy, who want us to feel just awful about sex, while selling it to us at every possible opportunity.

[Michelle.M]

I would ask them if they are turned on by the clothes they wear.

You took the words right out of my mouth. Folks need to understand that trans people are just people. We don't have any obsessions, habits or activities that are any more strange than anyone else's.

[mechamoose]

Well, my day to day dress doesn't turn me on. Its just that I want to look nice.

There are times that I put on something skimpy with stockings & gloves.. but that is when I'm meeting up with my wife or boyfriend and then its specifically FOR the purpose of sex. So that DOES turn me on.