Conflicted Thoughts About Dressing

[Adriana Moretti]

So..I am usually never a debbie downer in here but I am having a weird day today...I feel ..I dunno..conflicted I guess..a friend of mine brought up a point in an email to me, and the same point has been bothering me too. I am comfortable with dressing...but getting to a point where I am questioning it...like when you a get to a certain "level" with your dressing should you be happy about that? Or should you be scared? I cant tell right now and although i love it very much..I question it, then I think of life without it, and I know I would miss it. Its not a control issue either...maybe its a "I miss the male side"...or a "Whats the point" kinda thing..or "Maybe you are taking this too far" Has anyone ever felt like this? Its like a ying and yang? What do you think...I am going to do what any girl would do when they are feeling down and do some shopping...maybe that will help...but its sitting on my mind right now. Anyone else ever feel this way.

[Nadine Spirit]

Yup, I occasionally feel that way. Instead of aiming to dress any or every chance I get, I prefer to try and keep some sort of balance between my male and female aspects.

I am not happy as one or the other, I find I am most happy when I am closest to balancing all that is in my life, including my gender.

[zorianacd]

I think it's a slippery slope to base happiness on crossdressing alone. I think it can enhance your happiness, but that means you have to have other parts of your life in pretty good orfer. I question my crossdressing at times too. Do I really enjoy or is it just certain aspects? I think if it was socially acceptable wear long acrylic nails as a male, I might forgo crossdressing completely. I agrees with Nadine Spirit in that it's a balance of everything. Most of us are still trying to find that balance.

[Katey888]

Hmmm - thoughtful Adriana today...

I think weird days come with the territory here in what we do - I know I have days like that... Someone recently made a point about the forum here contributing to some feelings and I think that has a lot of validity - this site can be a catalyst for all sorts of things: some positive; some scary! It is easy to forget that talking here, we do that amongst folk that understand, and even while we may not all share exactly the same feelings, there's enough commonality and decency that we can, and do, support each other in the right way...

But of course to the rest of the world, we're totally screwball!!! Wear women's clothes!?! Worry about how your makeup looks!?! Wacko! :bonk:

Can it go too far? Yes - I think for some of us it can and does... Do we need it? Undoubtedly - an absolute need to reflect these feelings somehow... and to bottle them up completely would be bad...

That's a long way of saying, harmony and balance are good - extremism, of any sort, can be not so good, or downright bad!

I was unbalanced a week or so ago - it comes back - at the end of it all, life is for living, and if our life story is driven by these needs and desires, who are we to repress them as long as we're not hurting anyone else...? Enjoy in moderation, Adriana - that's your shopping, obviously... :)

:hugs:

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

Chocolate helps Hon, ask Karren :heehee:. I know what you mean though. I've come to embrace all of my feelings and I'm good either way. In fact I can have just as much fun dancing at the club as Rich. The point is, sometimes I just FEEL like being Ericka (my club name) and have fun doing so. Perhaps the fact that I never take myself that seriously helps and I just enjoy it for what it is. So does my GF by the way as she knows when all is said and done, her man is there ;). I do do it, however, partly because I like expressing myself en femme and partly because I consider it an art form. :battingeyelashes::)

[Rachael Leigh]

This is for sure a common thing with me and I have a tendency to blame this on my non accepting spouse, but really that's not fair so I try an dismiss that.
Im so much more into my dressing than ever but somedays I just want to hit something and ask why? what the heck is the point of this. Today Im all made up and so love how I look and I feel so good so days like this I guess it answers the question but not always.

[kimdl93]

Everyone has doubts. Did I pick the right career? Do I want a sundae or the cheesecake? Should I call her back again? For us, the doubts understandably revolve around our identity - who we are; and where we are going. When you get to a certain point, realize that you enjoy living a significant part of your life as a woman, the question of who you are almost has to be asked. Our answers are uniquely own and may change, one direction or the other, overtime. Where we are going - some of us have a very clear destination in mind, but I doubt that many of us do. For example, I know I would like to spend more of my time as a woman and less as a man. My choices and how this works out in the future are dependent on circumstances uniquely my own. What's the point...for me, this is who I want to be.

Am I taking too far? How does one define "too far"? Are you happy when you're dressed and out? Are you hurting anyone or yourself in any meaningful way?

Believe me, I've asked myself the same questions. Thus far, with minor adjustments along the way, I've kept moving in the same direction. I can't predict the endgame, but I don't need to. I'm happy just enjoying the journey.

[brassieres]

I have my doubts at times too.

[PaulaQ]

Why wouldn't any of us have doubts? Society does it's dead-level best to put 'em in our head. It tells us we're perverts, that we are failures as men, and that our very existence is a threat to the natural order of things. (Untrue - it's a threat to their rather unnatural order of things.)

Also, I think many reach a kind of a crossroads - am I a man, am I a woman, some of both, or neither?

I know for me, I had a lot of doubts at first - I was really well conditioned to fight to stay a man. It was killing me in my case, but the guy mask I wore had a life of it's own, and it fought HARD, at least that's how it felt to me.

[Kristy 56]

Yeah,I too get those days. Sometimes I just want to walk away from it,and wonder just how easier life would be. Always plenty of thoughts both positive and negative. I guess in the end Adriana you have to go with your heart. I hope you find your path to what works for you. :)

[Jenniferathome]

If I was asking myself, "What's the point?" I wouldn't be dressed. I dress when it feels right and don't most of the time. I'm with Nadine, balance is the key to everything in life.

[KellyTeddyBear]

there are times when I feel the same way, I am not in to dressing far enough that I am passable but some times when I am dressed, i wonder should I continue with this, what would my sons reaction be. Then I remember how I feel when I dress and how free i feel. we are who we are and shouldn't allow negative thoughts to change us.

[Adriana Moretti]

thanks for the interesting points there are lots in there....and for reminding me why i dress in the first place...it was out of pure fun, and I usually never take myself too seriously...somewhere in there i guess i lost focus a little...it can be tricky sometimes....no luck on the shopping LOL...BUT I was able to clear my head a little...and coming back and reading your input really helped !!

[Beverley Sims]

Adriana,
If you start deep thinking about what you do you spoil the whole ambience of what you do.
Just enjoy the feel, freedom and relaxation you can achieve dressing.

I only worry about where the next dollar is coming from so as I can pay for my next holiday. :)

[Isa]

In my humble opinion, there is a time to be a man. And a time to be a woman.
Feed them both and you are appeased. Starve one and you are both left wanting.

[~Joanne~]

I think about it quite a bit at times. I get dressed, spend hours on the makeup and such and then just start questioning it afterwards. I know this can't be just shaken off, it's been with me since I was 10 so I already know it's not going away. I just embrace it when I feel the desire to dress and let it ride when I don't.

My SO actually asked me yesterday, "I thought you were going to do your thing today?" I was, I planned on a nice relaxing day en femme but I wasn't feeling it so I let it ride. the days you feel the desire you hardly question it....forcing it because you feel "you have to" is always the wrong reasons to dress.

[Stephanie47]

There have been many times that I wonder "Why am I doing this?" Yesterday I had the opportunity to be en femme and I did don my feminine attire without thinking. I wonder sometimes, when I do have the opportunity to do whatever I want, which is every day, why the heck am I doing it? Is it a compulsive disorder? I use to dress as a matter of stress relief. When I was still working and under stress at work I would schedule a 'therapy day' to get my head straight and have some relaxation. Then, Stephanie made sense. Now? Every day is therapy day. Sure, I enjoy being en femme, but, then again, there are more days that I enjoy being totally male.

I read posts of many who are tormented by the inability to dress at all because of their personal circumstances. I can understand the pent up need to just relax doing something that someone may have been convinced is relaxation. Why dress? Why not just go fishing like others? Is it because of this forum that propels some to go deeper? I chuckle sometimes when I read postings of some men stashing their minute wardrobe in a small suitcase. What's with that? A collection so small it fits into a small cardboard box?

Sometimes I think the drive to cross dress is more of the denial to cross dress. The little kid cannot cross the street. What on the other side? Once the kid crosses the street he realizes it's no big deal. How about the next street over? And on and on it goes. In essence I tried it. I ventured out into the world that is forbidden. I went for the evening drive fully made up. I strolled the street in the evening and was honked at by a passing guy. I intentionally encountered humans in the store. Now? I am content, when dressing appeals to me, to leisurely rest at home or the back yard.

Sometimes I do question why I still wear women's clothing. Right now I can take it or leave it. When I do finally decide to leave it there is going to be one heck of a task to eBay off my collection of lingerie and dresses.

As Beverley said (#14) "Just enjoy the feel, freedom and relaxation you can achieve dressing." I'll add, just don't destroy yourself getting to that point in your life.

[Erica Marie]

I feel that way EVERY day. Kind of a "Whats the point" feeling. I dont have the strength to come out to everyone, nor do I think in my small town will I be accepted. So Im doing little things to blend my male and female sides into everyday life without giving up my secret. Does it help? Not quite sure, there is always that part that would rather be full female instead of part time.

[mechamoose]

I think that perhaps dressing is a way of helping to reach a mental place that you can't get to otherwise. Mode of dress affects head space.

I see this in business (suits), martial arts (Ghi), Services (military, police), even when working from home. You get more done if you dress like you were at work than if you stay in your jammies.

I think that people are trying to reach a place where they can express feelings in a way that they can't in their normal physical mode. Can it be taken too far? Well, yes, anything can. Especially if you feel like you have to prove something instead of just reaching a natural level of comfort. When I dress, I'm just being me. My wife doesn't see a girl when I dress, she sees me. Different facets of me come out when I slip on the skirt.

I do it as a form of expression.

[Felicia Dee]

I was in a similar headspace today. Isa makes a solid point about appeasing both halves of a whole... I went 7 years trying to "put baby in a corner" and I just felt ... incomplete. Now that I am celebrating Wednesday again, I feel more in sync... I will add this: when I start to question it, it's usually because I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go... this is what brought me to this forum. Like-minded grrls building a community... sharing experiences... but I am starting to think that I need to go out. I'm a social grrl, darnit! ;) Big hug to you, Adriana!

[Wildaboutheels]

The common groupthink here [not mine] is that "progress" is inevitable and that "we" will always want more. Is it possible you have reached a "good place" for yourself at this time [at least temporarily] and feel guilty about it?

I think it's easy to forget that the RIGHT way to CD is the way one wants to/is comfortable with.

[Felicia Dee]

The common groupthink here [not mine] is that "progress" is inevitable and that "we" will always want more. Is it possible you have reached a "good place" for yourself at this time [at least temporarily] and feel guilty about it?

I think it's easy to forget that the RIGHT way to CD is the way one wants to/is comfortable with. Good point.

[Jaymees22]

I notice I'm conflicted about this some days too. Then other days everything is wonderful, I feel I'm in the right place and really don't want to go any further. So like they say in AA "One Day at a Time", that sort of fits here as sometimes it does feel like an addiction.

[Laura912]

Google Sisyphus from Greek mythology. CDing becomes like the boulder. Almost to the top and everything is wonderful and then it rolls back to the bottom.

[Hell on Heels]

It's probably got something to do with all that spinning in circles!
I'm certainly spinning along with you Adriana. Thankfully there is no such thing as perpetual motion.
The spinning will stop, your head will clear, and all will be ok. Just take it slow for awhile.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Jorja]

There is nothing wrong with taking a brake from CDing. Go be your guy self once in a while. Get some dirt under your fingernails and drink a few brews with the boys. It might make your CDing much more enjoyable and creative.

[sometimes_miss]

....forcing it because you feel "you have to" is always the wrong reasons to dress.
And yet, this may be the confusing part for women, because they 'have to' dress up (hair, make up, etc.,) every day of their lives. So for us to just decide one day that it's too much trouble, it's gonna seem way unfair to them.

and

I think that perhaps dressing is a way of helping to reach a mental place that you can't get to otherwise. Mode of dress affects head space.
I think that's the most obvious thing. We can't get into either 1. our comfort zone, or 2. our excitement zone, unless we're dressed up the way we need to be. Not that those are the only two options, but just those as an example.

[Caden Lane]

The point is my or your happiness. It's reflected in what we do, it's why we do it. Among a myriad of other reasons. We all question it, we've all purged and hoped to leave it behind forever. The best any of us can hope to find is a way to balance it, and tap into it for our happiness.

[sonialexis]

I do have my moments of conflict and it is bothersome but i try not let it get to me too much. there are times when I just dress without thinking and when i'm done and removing my make up, i have at times questioned the 'act'. I also know how much i love it and it probably will not stop, like someone said here there's a time for both, so i feed my male side too and indulge my female side equally. I wish I could offer a concrete solution but hon I can only tell you, i'm paddling the same boat you'e on.

[mykell]

it is a ying and tang thing, pink and blue, male and female, balance, logo atop page,
had friends that would bust my chops "boy your miserable today" id respond "somebody has to balance out all the clowns out there",
some days are better than others no mater what you do,
most impulse buying is done by folks who are feeling depressed, the purchase picks them up,
hope you found something extra special.....

[Chari]

IMO it is always best to be comfortable and confident in who I am, no matter how I am presenting. Enjoy life - it is the only one you have!

[MsVal]

First there is the issue of defining the sweet spot versus "not far enough" or "too far". We tend to dither around the spot, going from too little to too much and back again. Race car drivers' entire career is spent on riding that sweet spot in the turns, and only one will do it well enough to win each race.

Then there is the issue of the sweet spot constantly moving. It may be because of our attitude at the moment, scarcity of time, or the ever shifting Pink Fog. The sweet spot moves and so do the definitions of too little and too much.

Together they combine to give us days where we go too far and feel silly or not far enough and feel unfulfilled. I guess it just comes with the package.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Randee]

Trying to keep it simple. I just slip into something at home when I desire the look and feel on me. As the numerous gf's I shared my dressing interests with said,'if it feels good, then wear them. After all, it's just clothes.'

[Tina_gm]

Oh yes, I have gotten those types of feelings quite a bit. Mostly of course when I am not feeling as strong of a connection to the feminine side, but even sometimes when I do have a stronger connection, I sometimes wonder if there is any real point to it, and that maybe I should try to focus more on the masculine side. I have given up trying to rid myself of my feminine side, I know it will never go away.

[Rebecca W.]

Hi Adriana,

I have to go with the "balance" of cross dressing and just being a guy. There are times when dressing as feminine as possible will pull me out of a deep emotional rut. There are days when I just feel more comfortable as a woman, pampered is the word. A nice hot bath, a freshly shaven body and the comfort of something soft and silky. I do enjoy just being a guy and staying in that mode for extended periods of time.

Let it simmer for a while and the cross dressing will pull you back in when your feminine side becomes the dominate force again. We just have a more complex emotional balance than the average person. They only have to deal with being in one gender mode for life. Just think how boring that could become!

If only there was a much greater acceptance in this world for peoples personal choices or preferences.

Take care my friend,

[brassieres]

I have to go with the "balance" of cross dressing and just being a guy. There are times when dressing as feminine as possible will pull me out of a deep emotional rut. There are days when I just feel more comfortable as a woman, pampered is the word. A nice hot bath, a freshly shaven body and the comfort of something soft and silky. I do enjoy just being a guy and staying in that mode for extended periods of time.

I was just thinking, girls get to dress "manly" for lack of a better term all the time, yet they seem to find the balance. Maybe we just need to find the balance too?

[Alice-n-wonderland]

As humans I think we second guess ourselves on stuff, on life, decisions we made. For me I just have to get back to what I enjoy.