An epiphany

[zorianacd]

I'm married and and my wife accepts. But it has also been the source of conflict at times. I finally came to the realization that even though she accepts Zoe, she doesn't really want to be involved. More importantly, I also realize that this is OK. For too long, I wanted her to be involved with my crossdressing and anything short of enthusiastic involvement was a sign of her not being accepting. Because crossdressing is a "me" activity, it can sometimes encroach on "we" activities. It's my fault for not focusing on the "we" activities and allowing Zoe to take up too much of my time at the expense of focusing on our relationship as husband and wife. I actually fell liberated in coming to the realization that my wife doesn't want to be involved. But that just means that I have to work on our relationship which admittedly needs work. A young child doesn't help matters either lol.

[Alice B]

One should always work on their relationship no matter what the circumstances are. I am lucky in that my wife totally accepts my dressing, but does not wish to be involved and we have a very strong marriage and relationship. There has been no conflict. The door of involvement has always been open and will remain so. If I have a need to dress I simply tell her and it is OK. I can go out and to DLV without reservation and can purchase clothing, jewelry, etc. openly as it is my money. I consider myself very lucky

[Jess Marie]

You definitely have to manage the "we" time and make sure there is more "we" than "me".

I know what you are saying about wanting her to be accepting and enthusiastic about your dressing: my SO is in no way accepting of Jess. Not at all. But, I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't want my SO to feel like she has lost the man she fell in love with. I also don't think it is fair to her that I even do it since she had no choice in the matter. I didn't tell her until well into a year into our relationship. She was already a year invested at that point. I am the happiest man in the world because I have the best woman in the entire world. I wouldn't change anything about her. I feel like if she accepted Jess and wanted to hang out with her I would lose my connection with her as a couple. I think the more Jess and her became friends, the less our actual relationship would mean because rather than seeing me as me, she would see me as Jess. It's just not fair to request that your SO be accepting, unless you told him/her before they even accepted the first date.

[KellyTeddyBear]

Working on the relationship is key, it is wonderful that she understands and accepts you for you but the relationship with your wife should come first.

[Beverley Sims]

We and Me does need some balance, if you are into the latest fashions maybe that is not a good idea around your wife.
A child and wife are a great combination and need all your attention.
Dressing is a recreational activity and needs attention when you need to relax.

[MsVal]

My wife and I have a standing date for a dinner alone at least once each week, and some kind of hours-long event at least once each month.

This came out of a realization many years ago that our schedules provided only brief periods of time we could be together, and when together we tended to talk about family problems, chores, complaints, etc. The meetings were sometimes confrontational, always brief, and left us both uncomfortable. We had ceased talking about "us", our love, our shared interests, our future. We agreed that we had to formally schedule time together or it would not happen.

I am thankful that we recognized that problem and found that solution. It's now second nature and our relationship is sound.

Best wishes
MsVal

[kimdl93]

Whatever works.

[Shari]

All I can say is "dance with who brung ya" Selfishness is not a good thing for any relationship.
Your wife should come first and Zoe a distant second.
Also, you didn't mention the age your young your child was. I hope you don't intend to dress around him or her. The journey of growing up is hard enough for a child without having two "mommies"
Go slow and always consider your spouse.

[Katey888]

Others have written here before, Zoe, about the conflicts that life brings... Sometimes, if not often, other things are more important than the 'me' activities - family, children and relationships fall into that category.

For those of us who can put this on the backburner, we have to make a priority call. I think I stopped dressing for 7 or 8 years when my family needed my full attention and energy. But I know it's also not possible for everyone - we have to be able to make that call as individuals and find a bit of inner strength... :)

Good luck with that.. :hugs:

Katey x

[MatildaJ.]

The journey of growing up is hard enough for a child without having two "mommies"

Children grow up fine with two mommies, as long as they feel secure and can trust their parents to act like adults.