Just a phase?

[Penny M]

I am just curious, but does the urge to crossdress ever really go away? I have read a lot about the purging phases, but that it always comes back. (I guess the really smart thing to do is to save your stuff huh? :)) Is CD a part of who one is, even when the other parts are so vastly different? What about someone who discovers CD late in the game?
PS. Thank you all for making me feel so welcome yesterday when I made my initial post! It seems there are truly some wonderful folk on here.

[PaulaQ]

As best we can tell, this is a part of you. The desire to CD is frequently episodic, and it also can vary in intensity over time. There is no known treatment, either ethical or unethical, that can eliminate these desires. This argues strongly that it is a part of you. I have other opinions as to why that's so, but let's just leave it here, for now.

[Marcelle]

Hi Penny,

Is CDing part you? I am going to say "yes". Like you noticed many have tried to purge and walkaway only to return . . . some may go months even years but they tend to return. Nobody is sure why we do what we do but one constant in our universe is . . . you always come back. So you are right . . . save your stuff in a storage bin should you decide to purge. You asked about those who come to it late in the game . . . I think I qualify there. I dabbled with CDing when I was very young (17) and then fought the urge down (although I never truly put it away). Fast forward 32 years and here I sit in a dress, make-up and wig typing this response after having come out to my wife and openly dressing since last August. Will the feeling every go away? I don't think so as Isha is here to stay.

Hugs

Isha

[PaulaQ]

I dabbled with CDing when I was very young (17) and then fought the urge down (although I never truly put it away).

:) <3 Isha - 17 isn't very young, honey. I started at 10. I have a very good friend who started at 5. A lot of us start around 12-13. :hugs:

[Wildaboutheels]

All CDers, no matter which label they might select to use for themselves are HUMAN and all humans are unique just as all men and women are unique. Even identical twins have more differences than likenesses.

If you take the time to do enough reading here, it can help you discover your own path, the one that makes YOU happy. That is the important thing, not how others do it or if they approve or not.

BTW, I think with very few exceptions, most here who purged, regretted it.

[marsha leanne]

i can only agree to whats already been posted. I tried to make it go away, i know now thats not going to happen. So now, i accept, i dress, i enjoy.

[Marcelle]

:) <3 Isha - 17 isn't very young, honey. I started at 10. I have a very good friend who started at 5. A lot of us start around 12-13. :hugs:

Hi Paula,

First time being dressed fully as a girl was 17 (going out on a date with a girl I hooked up with in Germany). I knew there was something different about me when I was about 8 and wondered why I could not wear the pretty yellow dress . . . so one day, I did :)

Hugs

Isha

[Karren H]

I heard that the "phase" does subside after you die.. but I have no first hand knowledge.... :D

Personally except for a 10 year period caused by a brain tumor.... mine has been going strong for 55 years.....

[Beverley Sims]

Penny,
The phase of crossdressing that you are going through will last for many years....
I would say look forward to the rest of your lifetime.

On a more serious note phases such as purging usully happen when a girlfriend comes along and you feel all virile again.
You are a man and you want to impress the lovely lady in your life. :)

You are right in saying just store it away with a few mothballs.
The urge will return when your relationship levels out.
Discovering dressing late in the game is much the same, all excitement first off and then a period of boredom and deep thinking, "why".

It is difficult to analyse it yourself and I say just go with the flow, it is as normal as speeding, looking at pornography, and a myriad of other activities that males engage in.

Do not despair just enjoy what you do, in private and later you may go public.

Read others experiences here and you will find that you are not an oddity at all.

Just part of the furniture.

[Chari]

Where ever we are on the gender scale, it is recognized that there are many degrees of CDing, which can arrive at any moment in your life. Some enjoy just wearing certain feminine items once in a while, (but that need can grow), while others need to emulate the entire feminine body, look, and actions. Do not try to suppress your feminine side, but rather embrace it, learn from it, as it is a natural part of you, and will never go away completely. Thus purging is only a "Band-Aid" solution. IMO, we all need acceptance, understanding, and still be allowed to be an individual, no matter how we choose to present. Enjoy.

[Katie7]

Thinking of saving my stuff bring back bad memories. After my last close call (which I mentioned in a recent post) I went through that phase and got rid of EVERYTHING! Sometimes I wish I didn't do that. So, yea been there a few times it comes back no matter how hard I tried to get over it.

Katie x

[Barbra P]

There have been times when I didn’t dress for one reason or another. A tour in the Marines put a real damper on dressing – but then there was a Halloween party thrown by the wives of some of my fellow Marines and the wives thought it would be fun to dress up their husbands en femme. My best buddy’s wife took it upon herself to adopt me for the occasion. Another time I got disgusted and purged, for several years. In the end I was sorry when the urge came back stronger than ever, meaning I had to buy everything needed. Now I’m seventy, my Wife knows, many of my neighbors know, my Doctor knows, and I’m seeing a Therapist. My Therapist stressed that the urge would never go away completely and I should accept and embrace my cross dressing and enjoy being Barbra. Kelly, my Therapist, encouraged me to come to see her as Barbra; the first few times it was rather scary walking into a crowded medical center as Barbra, but now I enjoy going en femme. I’d dress more and go out more but my Wife has limits to her acceptance.

[Rachell Carter]

Hi all . I don't bother getting rid of my things now iv done it in the past now I just keep everything that way I don't regret anymore . We sould live and enjoy living our lives as we want no one bats an eye if a woman is in pants but a guy in a dress maybe one day things will be ok for every one xx

[kimdl93]

I'm sure that if you look hard enough long enough you can find someone who really did quit. If this is a phase, it's been an awfully long one!

[bimini1]

There has been alot of talk lately on the boards about purging, quitting. Which is ironic because for the first time in a long time I am starting to feel some genuine guilt. My daughter is starting to get older, I need to be a good father, a good example. Professionally I need to be respected by peers. All of this causes alot of stress. Afterall, one has to live in the "real" world.
I was able to simply rise and walk away from beaucoup years of heavy pot usage. Walked away form excessive drinking. Walked away and haven't looked back since. Things outside of me that I put into me. But I just don't feel I can ever walk away from this. This must be somehow different. It's inside of me and wants to come out.

[Darla Jean]

I think PaulaQ's comments are perfect...this urge we have will ebb and flow like the tide, but never go away. Sometimes it is stronger and sometimes not so strong. Sometimes we want to "pass" as women and feel absolutely female inside...sometimes just a pair of soft silky panties seems to meet our needs. But I started wearing panties at 10 and am now in my mid-sixties and I still am a CD and love to dress from time to time in various different ways. You'll be fine once you recognize it is part of your being...nothing wrong, just who you are. Good luck!

[Jenniferathome]

Penny, I know cross dressing is IN me. I was born this way. I think of it like a seed. For some weird reason it germinates later for some. For me, it germinated at 7 or 8. The urge does wane from time to time but it's always there.

Now, don't confuse "purge" with properly thinning your wardrobe. My wife is adamant that some things should get tossed every season and some every year. Few things last years, the LBD being one of those exceptions. Move with the general trends, not the crazy ones. You can't keep everything.

I think that is where men and women really differ. I have t-shirts from a decade ago that barely have the property of solid but I wear them. Shorts too! Just seems like a waste to throw them out as they still work (although my wife conspires to pitch them, I know). Now in girl mode, new is always good. Funny how that works.

[kimdl93]

....where men and women really differ. I have t-shirts from a decade ago that barely have the property of solid but I wear them. Shorts too! Just seems like a waste to throw them out as they still work (although my wife conspires to pitch them, I know). Now in girl mode, new is always good. Funny how that works.

I have shoes that are 40 years old.

[natcrys]

Each CD-er's story is and will be different.. but during the last 10 years I've spoken many CD-ers (100+) personally IRL and read and followed many many more stories over the internet of CD-ers whom I consider to be friends.

And out of all of them.. less than one hand full of fingers more or less managed to stop CD-ing. And this was always because of an SO threatening to divorce, babies being born or moving back with family.

And if I were a betting person, then I'd be more than confident that all of them will be dressing within 5 years.

So yes, while perhaps the desire and the urge to dress might increase and decrease over a period of time.... I'm totally convinced that it is an integral part of us.. and it will not go away. YMMV

[Lexi_83]

:) <3 Isha - 17 isn't very young, honey. I started at 10. I have a very good friend who started at 5. A lot of us start around 12-13. :hugs:I was 9 or 10 also. Got busted by my parents. The first time they considered it a "phase" and were fairly mellow. The next time they caught me I was older and they made much more of a deal about it and not in a good way.

I'm in a new place now but this is part of me, for sure.

[Christyheely]

It took me until I was 38 to accept that it wasn't going away and now it is a positive force in my life and my wife's. This is where for most people a good therapist and a lot of honesty can be essential.

[Katey888]

Penny - it's not just a phase, but it does have phases. :)

My first recollection of being fascinated by a girly thing was 6 or 7 years old, so couldn't have really been sexual - no siblings, so no sister's clothes. I probably started crossdressing properly when 11 or 12.

Like some others here I have been able to supress it for long periods - longest would be 7-8 years without a slip (pardon the pun..:heehee:) but that is not for everyone... it seems clear to me now that there are many differing variations of this 'gift' - and yes, it's definitely a part of us, that we struggle to understand sometimes, and can be both frustrated and fascinated by...

I can't explain it, but I also know I don't want to supress it or lose the feelings that it gives me...

I think the ultimate 'management' of it (for those of us where it can be managed) is to find a balance and harmony in one's life, whatever that means for us as individuals... it's tricky though, where such stigma still exists for participants of this passion... :)

Katey x

[Caden Lane]

I started at age 3...Or some might say I imprinted at 3. I believe I was born this way with this need to experience feminine life. Anyhow, At that age I would run around on my wooden horse wearing my moms nighties. At age 7 I found some lingerie and secretly began wearing it. I May or may no have ben known to pilfer my best friends sisters and moms stuff from time to time when desperate. I also wore my moms square dancing crinolines and petti-panties. During my teen years from say 14 -19 I didn't do much, which i regret. But around 21, I got married for the first time, and came out to my first wife. And its been a steady factor in my life from that time onward. There were several purges during all these different times, and even several purges both voluntary and forced after the age of 21. Please do not try and con yourself into thinking that it will simply go way. It does not. No matter how hard we all try to make it. Heartbreak will surely follow as you loose your fought for and treasured items, and heartbreak will come when you realize it did not go away. The absolute best course of action, is to simply embrace it, seek a gender therapist to learn to accept it, accept yourself, love yourself as you are, and help you understand what you are. And when someone special comes into your life, have your therapist find the best way to let them know about this aspect of your life. Or choose a partner who'd accept it without special ovations being made to help them understand. Because heartbreak only follows if you hold the secret in and do not tell your significant other. This is a quick and dirty set of advice, but over time, you will probably see similar or better advice similar to mine while you are here. I wish you well, and hope to only see you flourish. Good luck!

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Penny, good questions. I am in my late 50's & a very recent cd practitioner. When I finally accepted that I was a cder, sometime in the fall of last year, I was overcome with the incessant thought & need to dress. I was immersed in what appeared to be " terminal pink fog " . Now 6 months later, I am confronted with little , if any , thought or need to dress. Yes, as many have said, my cd retreat is probably temporary, but since I have no experience from which to gauge, I don't know how long this "transitory state " will exist.
There is no cd rule book . You will be enveloped in the fog & then retreat from it. It's the many unknowns that help keep therapists in business. I would recommend that you give your cding intense scrutiny , and then wait some time , before making any life changing decisions such as revealing yourself to family & friends. What seems realistic & logical now may only be a transitory emotional cloud . I truly wish you much peace in your journey, melissa

[Deedee Skyblue]

Penny, you will find that the idea that a crossdresser absolutely cannot stop, no matter what, is very common here. It is very politically incorrect to suggest otherwise. And it does seem to be true for most of the people here. My feeling is that there are people who can, and have given up dressing, and they don't come here any more to tell us. So our viewpoint is heavily biased.

You are the only one who can decide your path.

Deedee

[MsVal]

... does the urge to crossdress ever really go away?

Hello Penny it's good to see you active on the forum.

I have had a number of hobbies that have consumed my time and resources but eventually ran their course and I moved on. While not truly a hobby, crossdressing exhibits some of the same characteristics. Unlike my hobbies, crossdressing comes with a substantial amount of guilt, difficulty in relationships, and anxiety. As a fellow latecomer to the party, I wish it were so, but evidence exists to the contrary.

<sigh> ...as I sit here fully dressed as for a business meeting

Best wishes
MsVal

[lovetobedani]

Penny.............

For me it's not a phase nor was it ever one. I have no idea how or why I'm this way but I am. Once it's in you it'll never go. It may wax and wane, you may purdge and try with all of what you have to crush the urge only to experience what I did. The older I got the more I needed my feminine side. Now I accpeted and embrace the side of me and understand that I cannot be me without it. My suggestion to you would be to stop fighting it. Accept it and celebrate it. Just know this please. You're not the only one and there's there's nothing worng with you. After all, look at how many of us are here and have similar stories and issues.

[Tina B.]

Just a phase, well let see, there was the period between 6 and 18 that would be "borrowing" from mom and sis phase. Then from 18 until around 39 there was the fight against it phase, followed by the 40 to 70 year phase, of if you can't fight it and win, you might as well embrace it.
Yeah, it's just a phase.

[Adriana Moretti]

"Just when I think I'M out........they pull me right back in''.........Al Pachino ..The Godfather ( showing my roots here) LOL !! It may go away....but it will creep up on you again...it may take 2 or 3 times for you to accept that fact...maybe more....

[MarcellaMcNul]

I have to agree that the urge/compulsion to crossdress for me has been (and is); "episodic", "like the tide coming in and going out" and "having phases".

That having been said there has also been a handful of instances where I have been free of the urge long enough....one time for over two years... that I assumed I had grown out of it.

Most of the time my personal mental picture of the ebb and flow is like the old biorhythm charts with the gentle undulation of peaks and valleys. In my valleys cd'ing goes no farther than my thoughts, as I head into my peaks I can feel compelled with the need to indulge.

[Janine cd]

I've been crossdressing for more than 60 years and have never been able to stop for more than a couple of months. You learn to accept it as a part of life and go on from there.

[Kristyn Hill]

I have been dressing to some degree since I was 3 is the earliest I can remember. I purged over the years. Don't fight it. Embrace the difference. It will save you lotsa moolah.

[Andrea Renea]

Don't think it's just a phase for me.

I always thought it would go away, but it never did. Soon to be 57 years old.

Final broke down and told my wife after 17 years of marriage. celebrated 33 years of marriage this year.

[MsVal]

Thought: This forum is frequented by practicing crossdressers. With a couple exceptions we generally do not know about those that are not here. So I wonder: how can we, in this biased sample KNOW that it never goes away?

Best wishes
MsVal

[Cheryl T]

Of course it's just a phase....
Just because my "phase" has lasted nearly 60 years and survived a dozen purges doesn't mean it's going to last forever!!

[Jules Spirit]

Maybe you should enjoy whatever "phase" you're in; if you want to dress then dress, if you don't feel like it then don't. Being able to enjoy yourself however you are is probably what's good for all of us. :)

[Robin777]

I have gone through phases with my dressing. sometimes I will dress a lot,then I will dress a little. It all depends how busy I am with projects. The thing is it never really goes away.I get busy in the summer and the urge kinda goes away for awhile. Then all of a sudden I will get the irresistible urge to dress. I know this is a part of me that will never go away for good. I've been doing it since I was 11 or 12, and I am 56. So I think it is a part of me until I pass away or get too old to care. I just think it is part of my DNA.

[marshalynn]

Penny, I have been doing this for 65 years, started wearing my mothers high heels at 5 years old, I am 70 years old now, I don't think you go in and out of dressing because of phases, I think you never stop thinking about it. but things in your life make it hard to do at times, so you just don't do it at that time in your life, now I dress 24/7, time in my life is good now.. Marsha

[Maria 60]

Welcome! All I could do is give you my opinion, we are all here for different reasons but have the same interest, just like a finger print we all dress for different reasons and we all want to get to different levels. When I thought everytime I could stop, just like a circle it come back around. When I got married I threw everything out to begin a new live without women's clothing part of it. The first moment alone I put on her pantyhose, and that same day I realized this is not going away, this is who I am, and that same day I told my wife which thank God she was very good about it. I believe it's in our blood, it runs threw us, and no matter how much you try it may not be tomorrow or next year but when you least expect it just like a circle it comes back around. Welcome again and enjoy and learn on this site, it has really helped me and feel free to ask anything you like we are all in some way walking in the same shoes.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Penny,

I will soon be 60 years old, and I began wondering why I was different and wanted to dress in something frilly, soft, and flowing at the age of 6 or 7. I tried on my mothers things and nearly wore out the pages in the ladies section of the Penny's catalogue as a youth. Darn, maybe that is why both J.C.Penny and Sears are having a tuff time, they both did away with their catalogues.

Anyway, I digress.... I have always had CDing as a part of who I am somewhere in the back of my mind (and often towards the front). I believe dressing is something a person will always manage in their life, some embrace it as a gift, others will fight internally with their alter-ego as if it were a devil living inside them.

I personally choose to embrace it as a gift some years ago, I felt I am a good person and God somehow offered me an opportunity to have a glimpse of what it is to be both Male and Female genders in a strange sort of way, and what I wear and how I feel is a personal issue that we all deal with in our own way.

I hope that you too can choose a life style that offers a happy life for you and your family.

[Gillian Gigs]

It is a phase, and the best way to describe it, is this way for me. The tide goes out, and then the tide comes in, and then it goes out again. So who can stop the tides? On occasions you could get a tsunami, and no wall seems to be able to hold it back. For me the first step was acceptance, then I could manage it, and not let it effect other areas of my life. Life is to be enjoyed, so just like other things that you like to do, enjoy it and don't let it control you, but you control it...just like you would control the tides!

[CynthiaD]

I'm 65, been crossdressing since I was 3. Perhaps it does go away after a while, but I doubt it. :)

[telka]

A lifelong recurring cycly collect dress purge sart over thats me

[Confucius]

First of all, I would say nothing is impossible to you. Never let anyone tell you that you cannot over-come, cannot conquer, or cannot win. Your fate rests with you. However, if cross-dressing is hard-wired into your brain, and if your brain automatically and unintentionally releases dopamine and other neurotransmitters which produce a gratification response just from fantasizing about cross-dressing, then it would be very, very difficult to change. It would require reprogramming your brain over a very long period of time. There are people who are determined to to just that. You can find some of them at this link: http://healingcd.wordpress.com/