getting caught...oh noooo

[sonialexis]

The fear of getting caught is so frighteningly unnerving that I have sometimes not dressed because of it. The paranoia, the doubts of having replaced things as they were...I've had a lot of those crazy extremely agonizing times in good measure. I've tried to be careful but I've been caught too.

The first was our maid, who caught me red handed in my parents bedroom. She thought me feet was first a snake because of the black patterned hose as I had ducked behind the closet door. Then a few times my mom found her stockings and pantyhose under my mattress. Then once much later, I came home after work, had a nice dress up session, then removed my makeup put on a blue nightie, bra, panties and well stockings to bed. I had accidentally left the window slightly ajar. my bed was just next to the low window. I felt something poking me in the morning it was a buddy of mine, he had his hand through the window, poking me with a twig and he saw me lying in bed like that. I could have just died. By the time I got to the door I was in male clothes but he did tease me a bit, I put on a brave front saying 'I brought a woman home last night and she forced me to wear her nightie' :brolleyes:...I know very likely, right? that was the best I could do. He asked me if I was gay, because he said that it would be weird then and uncomfortable. He is kinda popular and I fear and dread the fact that he may have told other friends too and since we did go to school together too the common friends between us is a lot. It's been about 5 years no one's said anything. Then I had another one, like always got dressed took pictures, hadn't transferred it to the laptop as I couldn't find the cable and it slipped my mind. So my brother the next evening says is that you dressed up in the camera? I felt a chill. wished the earth had just swallowed me up. I ask which, what. the photos there were kind of very provocative, heels wigs stockings, lingerie. wow. :eek: . My brother though was really cool about it, never brought it up again and never made me feel like shit. Then my present gf was checking her facebook, I hadn't logged out apparently and she saw my alter ego. I was a wreck. She didn't go through it thoroughly, i was sitting opposite her, I couldn't see the screen, I just saw her face fall. We talked about it for awhile and it was hellish, well we're still together, we don't talk about it much. She knows and loves me still.

I do so much to prevent these things from happening, double checking, taking pictures of how things are before I start playing dress up. I check the mirror, hundred times to make sure I haven't left traces of make up. I say to myself I would rather give up dressing than get caught. I fear it so much, and then it happens and sometimes it's not as bad as the stuff that goes on in your head and I have lived to tell about it. I can only be more careful and just hope there isn't a fire, while I'm dressed that would suck. :eek: :eek:

[Adriana Moretti]

hey girl very interesting story...glad you came around at the end there....I was gunna say with the amount of times you have been caught, you should be a pro at it by now LOL! Getting caught that is.....

[Tanya+]

i let enough slip in my share house to give my friends a sense of who i was.. i guess i was giving them a chance to hate me, because if they don't know me..how can they like/love me? Well, they passed my clumsy tests, and that was an important part of accepting myself. I have great taste in friends.

But, getting caught is a fantasy that turns me on, ever since i was a teenager..i used to imagine i was restrained in lingerie at my school and it was early morning.. something about it being illicit amps up the buzz.. i hade stuff from my wife even though she would probably be cool with it.

I guess i am wondering if your subconscious is outing You on purpose? could be a pretty rocky road and having someone to talk deeply with might help. Just an idea. Your stories of getting busted make me jealous btw.

[Kate Simmons]

Sometimes we get "caught" because deep down we want to I think.:)

[kimdl93]

Be more careful, limit your dressing, or...be more open. You can't be 'caught' if you're not hiding.

[Katey888]

I think Kate has a good point...

Looking at this history - which might only be amusing afterwards - objectively, I think you have two choices: either get much, much better at hiding things, or prepare for your secret to be out in a much more major way than currently... and ask yourself how you may feel about that...?

We all make mistakes - but not big ones for very long... :)

Katey x

[Krisi]

You are taking riskd and getting caught. Perhaps taking risks is what excites you.

If you really don't want to get caught you're going to have to give this a lot more thought. Leaving pictures on someone else's camera or one you share? You really were not thinking that day.

The good side is - once you've been caught you don't have to hide it anymore. People know you're a crossdresser so there's no reason to hide it. And if one person knows, chances are they all know.

[Babbs]

I agree Krisi...if one knows then many know. To the non cross dresser that info is to juicy not to pass around.....Remember what Ben Franklin said "Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead."

[Beverley Sims]

Sonia,
If you want to survive I would practice better security.:)
Or else come outside.

[Nadine Spirit]

Anytime anyone takes a risk, there is a chance of getting caught. The more times you take risks that more times you are exposing yourself to the possibility of getting caught. If you don't want to get caught, then don't take the risk, by not dressing, or by being more open. (Yeah a wordier version of what some others have said.) :)

[DaniCD1986]

The fear of getting caught is part of the emotional thrill. :D

[Nikki A.]

I was caught when young and caught partially dressed at home. Other than that I haven't been "caught" but I have been seen by others that I wasn't planning on coming out to. I do go out dressed and if seen by someone I know, that is the risk I take and I'm fine with it. I'm doing nothing wrong and just expressing myself.

[MsVal]

I suppose that when a person comes out after being caught a few times, the reaction to coming out would be "Yeah, we already knew, we were just wondering when you'd say something about it."

Best wishes
MsVal

[Jenniferathome]

Sonia, seems like you're pretty bad at hiding this, so why try? Your girlfriend knows and didn't run screaming. Your brother and parents know. Your school mate knows and likely a lot more. Stop worrying. Do your best to clean up and let life come!

I can compare this to biking. It is never a question "if" you will fall, but "when" you will fall. If I worried about my crashes, I'd never get on the bike. Now, about every year I get some serious road rash or a broken bone or dislocated shoulder/wrist/thumb but every other day I have a blast. So I don't sweat it.

[Marcelle]

Hi Sonia,

You said the "fear of getting caught is so frighteningly unnerving . . . " Yet you have been caught several times and in the end it has not really made much of an impact on those who know you. My guess is those around you who have caught you know and it is likely others know as a result and probably have the good graces to say nothing. However, if you are truly concerned about getting caught again . . . then just exercise some discretion as there is no need to give up dressing.

Hugs

Isha

[Gillian Gigs]

The fear of getting caught is part of the emotional thrill. :D
The rush of possibly getting caught was what created a greater high within the experience of CDing for me! Knowing that the law of averages was starting to work against me was enough to finally come out to my wife. Having acceptance is really nice, but the rush is gone. Then the rush was doing my own shopping en drab, but that's gone now also. I guess that might be why some go out dressed up, but I can't speak about others reasons, only mine.

[CynthiaD]

Here's a thought: if you stopped being ashamed of your dressing, you wouldn't care if you got caught.

Just a thought.

[Michellegryl]

Sonia, Their is some very good advise here and I especially agree with CynthiaD. You say that "The fear of getting caught is so frighteningly unnerving that I have sometimes not dressed because of it." And also that your girlfriend saw your face book page and you have talked about it and are still together.

That is a very positive sign and one that I would say should be explored more.
I think you have an opportunity here to bring the subject up and talk about it more, if she is still with you after that initial reveal then she is obviously somewhat open minded and understanding, as well as a sign that she loves you. I think you have an opportunity here to possibly create an environment where you can dress without fear and at the same time have someone who knows your secret and with whom you can talk and share this part of you.

I know first hand as I am sure many others here do, just how much living like that can create unhealthy stress and anxiety. That is no way to live. Having that talk with my wife before we got married was the single best thing that I have done for myself. While she still does not completely understand (nor do I ), she is very accepting and encouraging toward this side of me. This also allowed me to finally accept myself for who and what I am. Who and what you are is nothing to be ashamed of, and those who know haven't disowned you, so stop trying to hide and give life to the rest of who you are.

Hugs
Michelle

[Eryn]

I used to worry quite a lot about being caught. I took steps, such as establishing a "no-fly-zone," to minimize that risk among people I know in my male life. Outside of that zone, I've really ceased to worry as, even if someone were to make me, it wouldn't make any difference.

[sonialexis]

thanks all, i would like to say that there is no, absolutely no thrill in getting caught for me and I do my best to cover my tracks well sometimes i slip. thanks michelle for the lovely advice.

"Here's a thought: if you stopped being ashamed of your dressing, you wouldn't care if you got caught". I like this thought Cynthia and I relate to it to an extent.

[Anna H]

These Get Caught stories can be exciting!

I sure remember avoiding getting caught. I came really close
several times, but some of these stories bring back memories and
make me want to go and get (almost) caught once again!

Kate...playing with fire!

;)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sonia, The only real way to not get caught is don't get dressed.

[cathie pantyhose]

so I got caught a few times. My first wife came home unexpectedly while I was wearing a very nice above the knee camel brown skirt with matching suede heels and nude pantyhose sitting on the couch watching tv. At first she was in a rush and didn't notice but stopped about 20 yards in to the house and turned around and ask WTF. I thought for sure it was over but we stayed together a couple more years after only to finally end the marriage because I had found someone else and was no longer in love with her after 10 years.

Another time I was caught by cops. I stopped on the way home one night and decided while dressed to walk around a business park on the sidewalk. A car went past and I didn't think anything of it till it came by a second time. It was an unmarked car and they wanted to know why I was there walking. When they realized I was a guy dressed as a girl it became an event. A couple other cops came by, lots of questions, lots of flashlights and in my mind lots of jealousy that I was dressed the way they probably wanted to be dressed.

My current wife found pics I had left on the lap top. I was moving the pics from a yahoo site to a fliker site I created and forgot to delete the pics. I noticed she was looking very upset and quiet at something and when I looked at the screen, it was hell. My heart dropped and I went in to panic mode. She burst in to tears and began to yell out of anger, betrayal and just the sheer horror of the pics. They were very provocative with various poses in various stages of undress. I've since progressed away from the provocative pics to more conservative pics but once in awhile I still take a couple and do a thousand time check over. I even have my own camera.

That was a quite 6 months but we are still together. I'm sure being able to take her on trips around the world has helped rebuild but I still feel terrible about hurting her that way. I should have told her from the beginning. There have been a few other close calls but I refuse to stop dressing because of being caught. It makes me happy

[Samantha_Smile]

I used to live in fear like yourself.
Meticulous returning of items to wardrobes, removing makeup even after there was none left etc
And I too, was caught by my computer, not in the same manner, but the effect was painfully similar.
That was 4 years ago, now.
Me and the Mrs get married next May, I'm dressing regularly and happy.
We talk about my dressing occasionally (as needed really) and I've only got to tell her that I'm running out of foundation/perfume/tights/whatever and she'll pick some up for me.
The hiding, lies and latterly 'The Talk' are the absolute worst things you can put yourself through...

But the situation you can find yourself in later is ultimately worthwhile.
I've never been happier, my GF knows and because she knows, I've had the courage to tell an old friend (who actually took my current profile pic) and my dressing side of life has never been so free of anxiety.
That's not to say it's anxiety free, my family, 95% of my friends, work colleagues and neighbors are all still unaware, and until I think that they too need 'the talk', I would prefer to keep it that way.

I know what you're going through, it gets better.