Hangin' with transfolk

[I Am Paula]

I have often opined that a huge part of transition is breaking away from the safety, and security, of only socializing with other trans people. Get out in the mainstream, because cis women don't spend a whole lotta time at transgender meetings.

I have not really spent any time with a transgender crowd in the last few years. I didn't think I needed to. Now my interaction with other TS is all online.

Last night, for reasons of my work, I ended up at transgender night at a LBGT bar. I met a few ladies, and we pulled a some tables together, and had a wonderful evening of chat. Mostly about trans issues. (The fact that we all shared the same endo is coincidence). It felt REALLY good to just sit and share with others who are on this rare and wonderful journey together.

The point....I was wrong. We do need to share with like individuals. I still spend most of my time in the cis world, but meeting a few people I can call friends now was very special.

Balance.

[kimdl93]

This is something for me to ponder. Most of my real life experience is in the CIS world. I haven't socialized at all, nor met with other TG people in a group setting. Like you, I've made friends here, but not in real life. I may not have fully considered the value and enjoyment of getting together with fellow travelers.

[Dianne S]

For me, hangin' with trans folk is vital. My trans friends who are at various stages of transition (or sometimes "just" plain CDers) have given me insight into my possible paths and a safe place to talk about what's happening to me.

[arbon]

I've always liked being around transgender people when I am able to.

[Jorja]

You see, we're not so bad. ;)

[Nigella]

In our neck of the woods there are few groups for transgendered folk of any ilk. There is a thriving community "across the water" from us, but we never bothered to seek out any specific group. I believe that the earlier you get away from remaining a part of the crowd and stand out on your own, the easier your transition will go.

[Suzanne F]

I have both as Suzanne and I like it that way. I agree it shows me there are many ways to transition or live as a crossdresser. My Cis friends are important because I do not want to lose those connections. I want to have the as friends along with my other loved ones!
Suzanne

[Angela Campbell]

One thing you may not have thought of....yes cis people do not usually go to trans meetings.....and people who are not into cars do not join a car club.....people tend to collect in groups with a similar interest. For many of us it is quite appropriate to socialize with people who are experiencing some of what we are. Why wouldn't you? It shouldn't be your life but it is nice to meet with folks with something in common.

For me it isn't my world. I have some trans friends and they mean a lot to me, but then again I have other interests as well.

[Rianna Humble]

I can almost echo Arbon's words. I've always liked being around people when I am able to.

[lovetobedani]

For years it's been difficult to make close friends with thoes who could never understand this part of me. It's a lonely sort of life and stressful as well thinking that I could be caught and ridiculed for the way I am. One of my reasons for being here is to make friends with and eventually meet in person others who are like me. I say that if you don't do it you can't understand it.

[mechamoose]

I'm planning on going to my first Trans event later this month down in CT. I'm gonna dress nice, but I just can't part with my fur.

Hope to see some of you there?

- MM

[Kathryn Martin]

I really appreciate what you said Paula. For me the lack of a group in my area and some participation in a group that catered to anything from gender queer to crossdressers to fetishistic transvestites and transsexuals was not a good experience. I have some great friends, mostly women who transitioned years ago and who I turned to when there were issues which I did not even know how to tackle. In this sense I have people I share with. I have also had my workplace, six awesome women working together. I love that.

[PaulaQ]

Well, I spend most of my time in the cis world too - just in the LGB part of it. I do attend several trans support groups, and really appreciate the folks I've met and befriended in them. I'm always more comfortable around other trans*.

[steph1964]

I didn't transition very long ago but I was very keen to make cis friends and didn't want to hang out with other transsexuals. All my friends in Phoenix are cis women or gay males. I love having cis female friends and thought that I didn't need or want trans friends. But what I've noticed recently is that as great as the cis friends are in treating me as a female, they have no idea what I am going through. They don't understand why I have body issues or why I want FFS to name a few.

I've recently become friends with a girl on this forum who lives in California. I've only been able to meet up with her twice but it is so nice to have someone who really understands.

It's very important to have cis friends, but now I am seeing that it is just as important to have the support of another trans woman.

[PretzelGirl]

My view is pretty forward looking at this point. Right now, I am very detached from the cis world as far as friendships go. Probably a function of finding myself. So I know I will still be getting together with trans groups because those are my friends. But I will want to develop friendships outside of that also to achieve the fore mentioned balance. After all, I am not doing this to say I am trans, but to normalize my wife as a woman. But friendships are dear to me, so I don't see me fracturing that because of the people I care about.

[DreamRin]

I think that there must be a balance between socializing with normal cis-gendered women and transgender folk.
The need to adapt into a cis-gendered world can be easened if you learn from someone who has lived all its life in this atmosphere. Still we, as humans, seek people with similar experiences to bind and share, that is where the transfolk come! Its really important to have people that are in the same 'boat' as you, people whom you can trust and that won't judge you at the first sight.

Unfortunately for some of us it is hard to find such groups, or to find at least ONE person near you that is experiencing the same feelings.

[PaulaQ]

But what I've noticed recently is that as great as the cis friends are in treating me as a female, they have no idea what I am going through. They don't understand why I have body issues or why I want FFS to name a few.


I've experienced this too.

What frustrates me is that many cis women I know really try to minimize my issues. As if having a full beard, male face, male body, and a penis is sort of comparable to not having the same body one had in high school now that one is middle aged... "We all have body image issues!"

My standing offer to someone who feels these are comparable, is - I'll trade you all your cellulite and other things you aren't thrilled with about your body, plus your vagina, in exchange for my penis. Hey, this is a solid offer - my penis is one of only two parts of my body that have ever consistently gotten compliments! Lightly used, too!

(It's a shame this isn't really possible - there are FtM's who'd love that deal, I think.)

[Marleena]

The point....I was wrong. We do need to share with like individuals. I still spend most of my time in the cis world, but meeting a few people I can call friends now was very special.


Paula good for you, I wish I had TG friends here. There is nothing in this city for us and everybody that is TG is in hiding. I was serious when I told you this city is transphobic and homophobic (the gay guys behind me were harassed to move out.) This is most likely the worst city in Canada to be TG or TS.

Luckily I met Trisha Girl in person when I went to my endo appointment in London. It's just nuts I have travel that far to socialize with anybody.

[vikki2020]

We're pretty lucky, here in Chicago--there are a few really good groups that meet regularly. I've started going to a newer one, that has been gaining momentum, and it's near the house. These are always fun events, but, there is something to be said about hanging out in the "mainstream" places too---and just being one of the crowd. I really enjoy that also. But I love hanging out with the girls from work--now, that's FUN!

[Janelle_C]

It's funny I read some where here a couple years ago some one say that they have more friends now than before they transitioned. And I thought that would never happen to me. I didn't have very many male friends, I just didn't know how to relate to them other than small talk. But know I do have more Cis women friends. But I do love my support group that I go to a couple times a month, and just being with other people that share the same experiences as you.

[Nicole Erin]

I do not mind kicking it with other trans folks. I noticed at our meetings (on the seldom times I make it) that when people are in conversation, not much about trans-related stuff even comes up. Kind of an afterthought unless it is someone who is new to this life.
Mostly people are just chatting about their work, some house they bought, some vacation they went on, and other boring crap.

So really, yeah it is nice to have trans friends in case you need to talk about something related to this but mostly it is no different than any other company.