how to go unnoticed?

[FelicityMay]

hey everybody. i havnt been here for a while, but i have been trying to get out in some clothes without attracting any kind of attention. im not really in the mood for funny looks.

i dont care much for going full passable. i hate wearing a wig, and makeup gets annoying. i just like to wear clothes outside, usually walking in womens shoes.

mostly all i can think about is walking around the yard or neighborhood late at night. i dont have a car, but have a hard time thinking of any places that might be empty.

anyone know any good ways to hide it?

[lingerieLiz]

The worst time for walking around unnoticed is when no one else is around. If people don't expect to see someone out and about at that time you are sure to draw attention. Especially by the police. When I started I thought if no one is around no one will know. Guess what the police wanted to know what I was doing.

On the positive being out and about when others are around is not hard. Most people will not pay close attention unless you look unusual. If your in boy mode and wearing 5" heals people will notice. During the winter I wear women's boots with a couple inch heal most of the time. In summer I wear women's boat shoes and sandals.

[Beverley Sims]

Felicity,
I am afraid you do need to have long hair to avoid the stares.
If that is you in the avatar you do look quite pretty and it is a shame you do not want to progress much further.
That is your perogative though.

[heatherdress]

Felicity - You do look great and should not worry about attracting attention. The best way not to attract attention first of all is simply to be confident.

I wear women's shoes frequently in male mode. I wear boot cut jeans that are a longer. I can go anywhere. It is fun. I can also add additional clothing items, underwear, accessories. I call it Heather-lite.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Fellicity,

I have one of my wigs simmilar to yours just a shade or two darker , not much though it is a nice one oh for compliments last week end i wore mine for our Edwardian week end, and i was surprised that i had so many from our group compliment me on how lovely i looked, i got a bit embarried when my close friend told me i went a bit red in the face,

okay this may not mean much to you. i dont wear my wigs because of getting headache's, so for you you look far nicer than i as you can see from my photo with my head wear,

Its of little concern how i dress i will allways draw attention to my self because my facial features are more male you dont have the look i have,, and youd pass very nicely wheres as i dont,

i still say many here are better lookers than i am , i dont wear makeup or my wig.s the only time is for our group .

Ill put it this way i have a life i live it i have a few issues i work around them and my friends are just that real friends, they know who i am and what im like they wont me around them because thats what my freinds are like we just accept each other, and do lots together . i may not i know i havent got my female .....LOOK....and never will ,as most know ,

So what , if i stoped being who i am id be nothing a recluse and hide away, do as i have done face the world look it square in the face and say my life my way and go out and enjoy what you have if you dont trust me youll regreet your life later on and wish youd done what you should have,

Go to place's where there are people i know the place you live in of non acceptance to those of us who are different, yet really are we..... i'v been in those same place's, im just not prepared to bow to them, im a strong woman and i know why because of what i had to go through, .

Get this...... persitance keep turning up let your self be seen nerve wracking yes mam,. it sure is, well i did just that i kept at it , and you know regardless of certian people you know who . will just ignore you , how long has it taken me oh dear, a good few years,

and now no one will mess with me, i stand on my own feet i wont bow to those who cant accept im bloody different , any ways have a think about this lot, and take from my sort'es you may find sometimes we need, go with the Bull not stand in front of the Bull.= meaning work with these people not against them, thats what i'v done, youll figger a way,

...noeleena...

[jjjjohanne]

Going where no one is at night is dangerous. It is a foolish risk. 6AM is much safer. I have seen a CD on the Internet who would go to grave yards during the day just so they could get outside. I personally dress in women's clothes (with a skirt) and present male when I go out. No wig, makeup, or breasts. I have gone out in public and eaten in restaurants, etc. No big deal. There are some stares. Mostly people get a good look and then go on. I go out during the day while kids are in school. I go to places where decent people are. A couple times, I attended meetings where people in the room had to come up to me and meet me. We talked in a circle, etc. That was tough! But, it was not a problem. People treated me well. I now want to do some volunteering or attend a class this way. I am starting to feel like I could start going to work this way, but I doubt I will ever do that.

If I lived in a city without a car, like you do, I would take mass transit as a man to somewhere and then change and be in public. Most people will not even see you. It is extraordinarily tough the first few times! I started out wearing flats, khaki pants, and a white polo. It was all women's, but I was invisible. No one noticed. Later I went out in shorts with nude hose. No one noticed. Eventually, I went out in a skirt early in the morning and walked. I saw a few exercisers. I started going to stores and wearing in the store stuff I had tried on or bought. Then I tried the mall and walked it from end to end. Later, a restaurant. Later, I did all of my Christmas shopping in a skirt. Eventually, an airplane and the meetings I mentioned. It is like having a LOT of tattoos. Expect similar reactions.

[Kate Simmons]

What kind of attention do you think you are going to attract? It sounds like you want to hide in plain sight with dressing. Whatever you want to do you need to formulate a plan to accomplish your goal.:)

[deebra]

First go to WalMart or Macy's and buy some bootcut girl jeans that are sized LONG. They will give the added length to cover your girl heels or boots. If they are heels hope you have mastered and are comfortable walking in them. If you can go to a cementary during the day they are usually vacant, you can walk around and look and see anyone coming so you won't be snuck up on. Also go to WalMart during the day, grab a shopping cart which will help you while walking in heels, help you blend and not be noticed. You can walk the whole store and look at everything for as long as you want including the womens section and not be outed. Know what you'll find disappointing or a confidence booster, no one will notice you or give a hoot, you'll just be another shopper among zillions going about their business and locked into their own little world. I've been to Payless Shoes, walked to the women's section and tried on and walked around in several pairs of womens shoes and even when women came in and were trying on shoes right next to me they said nothing. They were locked into their own thing. By the way this was really enjoyable, to try on and walk throughout the store in womens shoes and heels, it just made me feel so good and happy doing it. I selected a couple of pair, went up to the counter and purchased them, the sales person acted like it was as routine as any other. So like so many have said, the biggest fear is you, just dress not to call attention and you'll be invisible. Don't forget to wear your bra, panties and stockings.

[I Am Paula]

With some planning, and careful shopping, you can wear ALL women's clothing with out garnering a stare or a snicker. Women's jeans, flats or women's sneakers (keds are cool), T-shirt (There is a difference between a woman's T and a men's). Earrings, lip gloss, and a black purse. Now go out and be as public as you want to be. And you do want to be public don't you?

[Ressie]

Felicity, it sounds like you live with your parents and can't dress at home. When I lived with my parents I would dress in the basement or in my sister's bedroom. Of course it had to be when no one else was around. Once I was on my own with room mates I had even less freedom to dress. Living alone is wonderful, but that didn't happen until I was over 50.

[ophelia]

Attention? Aren't we talking about the "kind" of attention we are attracting? Attention from bigots and thugs...no thanks. Attention from those who might recognize your manself under the Dermablend and Old Navy. Or the kind of attention as in "I really like your hair", "Dior really suits you" or "I love your pumps, are they hard to move in?.

[Marcelle]

Hi Felicity,

I am not sure what you mean but "not in the mood for funny looks". If it is just clothing and shoes you prefer to wear then have at it. If you are looking for privacy to do so, you may have to stick with your backyard or like you said neighborhood. However, walking around the block late at night can bring some issues if you happen to run into someone. If you are thinking about going mainstream (public places) I can't really think of one that would be empty at any given hour.

Hugs

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Felicity May, Just be careful when you are out alone.

[Lorileah]

:idontknow: stay in the room where your clothes normally live?

[FelicityMay]

I have plenty of freedom within my own house. i live with an aunt and uncle who dont really care, and i spend most of the time here alone anyway, so i have a fairly full closet and i can dress up around the house all i want. i just like to get a feel for walking outside sometimes.

I just want to find some place to walk around by myself without having anyone come around. im not looking to be accepted by people, i just want to enjoy it on my own

[PaulaQ]

@Felicity - just go out en femme hon. Mostly nobody will care, and fewer still will say anything. A lot of it comes down to effective beard cover. Going someplace alone is insanely dangerous. I've got friends who've been accosted, and two who've been raped, and it was ALWAYS isolated places where they were victimized.

[Wildaboutheels]

Nice to see you back FM. The simple answer to your Q is what you had written in your profile yesterday but have since changed for whatever reason.

THAT thought is the only way you will ever be "free".

Plus, make no mistake about it, being 19 is tough - caught between a rock and hard place - but it's hard to see till way on down the road.

At least you have already figured out that the right way to CD is the way that makes YOU happy and that you are comfortable with and that you don't need a CD goal to be happy.

[Eryn]

If you aren't concerned about being seen, you can spend a lot of time at a mall and not have to interact with anyone. I will echo the warning about going out completely alone. If you are within sight of witnesses few miscreants will bother you. If you have isolated yourself you are vulnerable to anyone who comes along.

[Rachell Carter]

Iv been out a few times at night some how I feel safe at night guess it's because no one really looks at you that much in the dark xx

[Kate T]

Felicity

I think you need to really look at what you want. Personally I think that a majority of CD's who want to go outside the house and "not be noticed" are basically looking for validation. And I think the search for validation is in response to a need to define ourselves personally and who we really are and reinforce our self confidence. I also think that our desire to "not be noticed" or "pass" is not so much that but would be better expressed as a desire not to be ridiculed but to be admired. I don't mean being admired in a sexual way but more in a social way. Work out if that is what you really want then you must determine what will make you feel that way.

[Eryn]

Iv been out a few times at night some how I feel safe at night guess it's because no one really looks at you that much in the dark xx

Unfortunately, some people do look at us in that situation and they view lone women at night as easy victims. If they find out that we're not what they expected the outcome can be even worse than it would be for a GG. Be very careful!

[PaulaQ]

@Rachel, and anyone else -

What part of "I know more than one trans woman who has been violently raped at night" is unclear to you?

Maybe this will help. Consider this - TG women, when victimized in a sexual assault generally face much worse violence. You're lucky if they don't kill your or beat you within an inch of your life upon discovering you aren't a genetic woman. Oh yeah - you get raped anyway.

Seriously ladies - be safe. You put on a dress, you no longer have the "don't mess with me" male privilege working for you. You are now a potential victim.

[PretzelGirl]

Felicity, it is good to see you back around. Maybe we need to get you out? Or are you just wanting a neighborhood stroll?

[FelicityMay]

no, this has nothing to do with anything emotional or progressively expressing myself. i just like the feeling of walking down the sidewalk in the wind more than walking around my bedroom. im not in a dangerous neighborhood - i have done lots of normal walking and biking around my area at late hours and nothing even close to a problem has ever come up. sometimes i even walk over to the park, that is mostly what i look for. and even then, its usually just after the sun goes down, like at 9 or 10

[annecwesley]

You could do a couple things. Go out in "guy in a skirt" mode. There are styles of skirts that don't draw much attention to the wearer. A short denim skirt can be almost indistinguishable from shorts - and who's to know what you're wearing underneath?

You could also find some walking paths in the woods. I walk often in a skirt (and even women's shoes) in the woods and very, very rarely encounter anyone. You just have to find the right place.

[Teresa]

Walking my dog is the easiest way of cding outside, I under dress to a safe area, I usually wear a black skirt and Tshirt but you could pack anything in a rucksack to wear. If you don't have a dog perhaps you know someone who needs their dog walking, no one ever asks why you're there because of the dog.

[jjjjohanne]

People do not care about what you are doing. I see you live in SLC. I don't know how the increased LDS population there might react. I have heard of CDs being escorted out of Mormon churches. But, I predict that you will get very little reaction if you go outside walking in feminine clothes. As I said before, start androgynous to get past your nerves. Mornings are much safer than nighttime. You feel safer in the dark, but so do bad people. You could put on a dress and grow a beard and go right into the grocery store. You would be OK. But it takes a long time for your mind to get to a state where that does not make you throw up due to fear. :) Oh, I've gone to the store in a skirt (without the beard or vomit). It was a non-event. The cashier who watched me and tried to tell her co-worker to look acted like she didn't notice when I was at her cash register. And that's about as intense as it gets.

[sometimes_miss]

Being in the middle of any huge festival party would be the best bet to start out. New York, Times Square on new years eve, Mardi Gras, there's some kind of TG convention of sorts somewhere in New England every year, gay pride parades you can just stand on the sidelines and enjoy being 'out', stuff like that.

[Lynn Marie]

So why would anyone want to be unnoticed? It's so much more fun to look good and be noticed!

[Tina_gm]

FM, I get where you are coming from. One of the reasons why I do not try to do a full transformation and I do not go out. I do not want the attention either. I will say though, that those on here who think people do not notice, I am certain that while not everyone does, some always will. It is more a matter of if they care or not, plus, most are not going to want to say anything anyway, no matter their personal feelings about it all. A good thought from someone who posted, being in a more crowded area actually hides you more in plain site, as there are so many other people around. You are more likely to be noticed for anything "different" if it is an uncrowded area, so a person passing by will be more focused because it is just you and hardly anyone else.