question about relationships

[Megan.]

hi there it's megan i am 32 and i do not have a girlfriend or wife but eventually i would like a relationship but the crossdressing is getting in the way of this.
How many people on here are in a relationship of sorts either married or have a girlfriend also do you have any advice for me either to feel happy on my own or to try and find a relationship.

thanks megan.

[josrphine]

Megan, you have asked the question that all of us would like to share. Now I have been in a relationship for 7 yrs now, an have just got married Nov.4 2013. We have a great time together an live as sisters , an go every were together. My simple advise is right at the very beginning , not the first words out of your moth is tell her. You will see many girls on here struggling to let there wives or S/O know. The longer you wait the harder it gets. At your age it might be easier as women now are more accepting in my mind. A little advice from me is like a women that is the same size as you. It is more fun shopping together an the sister act is great. Now one thing you did not say is your sexual preference , that could be a problem. But again be honest. good luck. JO

[Adriana Moretti]

GREAT question.......too bad I'm the WORST with this sort of advice...I am actually single, and want to stay that way...but IF the right girl did come along I would tell her quickly in the very early stages of dating to get it out of the way before any damage could be done to either person and nobody got hurt. I would butter it up with facts about makeup, and things average guys shouldnt know or discuss like shoes,earrings etc and get a read on her and see.

[Jenniferathome]

I'm married. I married my wife because I love her. No other reason. The fact that she accepts my cross dressing with a smile is just an added bonus. People, in general, are social beings. As such we tend to have girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, husbands, etc. Forgot your cross dressing for a moment and do what you need to do socially. If that means relationships, then find the right time to tell your girlfriend/wife about the cross dressing part of you.

[kimdl93]

Married and kids. The key is to get your head on straight first. Many CDrs suffer from needlessly low self esteem, shame and guilt. These cab stand in the way of forming relationships. Get ye to a competent gender therapist if this sounds like you. Learn to love yourself in your entirety and you'll be much better prepared for a future relationship when it comes along.

[devida]

The best advice I ever got on the person I should look for for a long term commitment was when I was coming out of my first, disastrous marriage of 14 years, 9 of which were ghastly. That was that their primary characteristic should be that they were kind. I wanted a lot more and I got that too but kindness, generosity, compassion are the qualities we should seek (and present) in any relationship we have, romantic or friendly. If you look for and meet someone who has these qualities your cross dressing will not be a problem. I've been with my current SO for half my life and I sincerely hope I'll die in her arms. She has always accepted me as I am and my relatively recent understanding that I was transgender was accepted with the same grace, equanimity, rationality and kindness that she has always expressed to me. You too can find a person like her but you need to mirror these types of qualities. If you are kind, generous, non judgmental, compassionate, loving and accepting or if you can work to become that person you will find it so much easier to attract someone who loves and accepts you as you are. Your cross dressing is not really the issue.

[Eryn]

Married with daughters in college. CDing doesn't preclude relationships, but it does provide an unexpected variable for anyone you meet. Some of us confuse interest in feminine things with interest in women. After I was married I found that the interest in things feminine didn't go away and fought it for years until I managed to separate the two and admitted that I was a CDer both to myself and my wife. You're miles ahead to have done so at this point.

My best advice: Don't let CDing be the center of your personality. You're likely a great guy and there's a person out that who deserves a great guy like you. The fact that you have a greater-than-normal appreciation for the feminine world can be a bonus, not a detriment if handled delicately. That's the tricky bit, but you have plenty of time to work it out!

[Kate T]

I suspect you will find a majority of CD's are married / in a relationship, mostly hetero, some other flavours.

The real question you are asking is how many have established a relationship with their partner knowing about the CD'ing from the start. There are quite a few here as well. The key from what I can tell seems to be as others have implied, Get your head right first. Understand your gender as much as you can, what it means to you etc.

I suspect that any person whom you are entering a long term relationship with will likely have the same 3 basic questions that most partners have. Are you gay (same sex attracted)? do you want to become a woman eventually? and do you really love me? Answer those 3 questions honestly and I would say you are halfway there to getting the relationship to work.

[Kate Simmons]

It's up to you to determine just how important CDing is to you. Only then can you make a real choice of a relationship with someone or not. :)

[Rachelakld]

Married, 4 daughters (all of who "borrow" my makeup and clothes)
I showed my wife my "collection" just as the relationship from friend to girlfriend started getting serious (about the 7th date) and we had a "dressup play time" for an hour before getting back to normal.

Let you GF know about the caring male self, before introducing the female self, but it's critical to show her your fem self before you try to put a ring on her finger or before you waste to many months on building a relationship that she might not want afterwards

[ShelbyDawn]

Thank you to all that answered this question. I didn't even realize how much this has been in the back of my mind or how much I needed to hear your answers.

I love you girls sooooo much... :)

:hugs:

Shelby

[Beverley Sims]

I can only advise, be patient and a soul mate will happen along.
When it happens, do not purge your clothing as the urge to do this does increase when you find an outside interest.
ust put it away for a rainy day, I assure it will return.

In the meantime, keep looking and you will strike the jackpot.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Megan, One of these days Ms. right will come along , be sure to tell her about Megan early on
if it works out that will be great, if not well that's great to.

[Majella St Gerard]

The best thing is to be honest about your CD'ing from the start and try to meet people that are more liberal in their thoughts. I told my wife from the start and she loved it and has helped me come out of the closet.

[Tina_gm]

Hi, I am married. My wife knows. Not thrilled about it. Struggles with it at times. I told her after 6 months being married, 3 and a half years total of us being together as a couple. It was a shock to her. I wasn't an active dresser before, but had always wanted to be. The hardest part for her is learning after making a commitment. That is almost always the most difficult part for wives and long term GF's who have made a life commitment. My wife cannot say that she would have continued or started a relationship had I told her very early on. She may have though, depending on how much it would have affected our relationship. She just cannot say for certain.

It is likely that if you tell early on, many may say thanks but no thanks. They may want to continue to be friends but will keep it to the friend zone. Not a bad thing to make accepting GG friends. While it may lower the potential romantic opportunities, I believe it is better to find a woman who will accept this aspect. While there are marriages that survive and some may even become stronger after a reveal later on, the CD/GG relationships that do well generally are the ones where gg's knew early on and grew into the relationship with it.

[herwannabe]

Newly married, less than a year. I told her right after we got married. She is fine with it I have a relaxed work schedule, as I am home before she is nearly everyday so I am dressed in fem everyday. but as I am dressed she comes home and strips to nothing so we make an unusual pair. I was divorced in 05 and was single for 8+ yrs and swore I would never find someone but then I did..... all I can say is it will happen just give it time

[Anna H]

I made sure my...girlfriend at the time...knew right up front. It's too easy
to make compromises when one really wants a relationship to get serious
and hide or minimize things that will make a difference later on.

I was married once for a few years. I didn't tell that one about it...i assumed
she'd be Ok with it at least. I didn't have any interest in dressing up at the
time, but I did know it'd come back sooner or later.

Well, she wasn't going to have anything to do with it. We broke up...but
not because of anything to do with CD stuff. But I did find out that it'd
have been a problem at some point.

I've now been with my wife for 25 years. I can do what I want, when I want.
No problems with hiding or feeling deceptive.

It's too easy to think it can be worked out later on. That can have some
very bad and costly outcomes very often. It's Far-Far best for anyone
to let a thing like this be known before anything really serious gets going
--if At All possible....

:)

[Michelle V]

I believe when you find your soulmate it gives you room to accept each other's shortcomings and faults. Pe hem you find the one she will accept you no matter what.

[Lynn Marie]

Trust me, finding a mate is really pretty simple. Finding one that will be a delight for a lifetime is considerably harder. My advice, consider not having a mate. A girlfriend that you can love for the moment without having to sell your soul can be quite satisfying. Otherwise find some woman you don't like and buy her a house. Pretty much the same result as most of the marriages out there!