When your fem fantasies don't match your reality, what do u do?

[docrobbysherry]

I have my own issues rite now. But, they're small potatoes compared to the past difficulties I experienced. And, which some of u have suffered thru:doh:

For many years I struggled with fantasies of having real breasts and thots of becoming a female. But, I believed I was too old. Plus, I had children, family, and friends that would have made it too overwhelming for me to act on my "fantasies". 6 years ago those fantasies disappeared and I came to the conclusion I am "just" a CD. What worked for me is not likely to help other trans, tho. I began wearing a female suit!:eek:

I'm wondering what u do when your fem fantasies run head long into your reality? R u currently struggling with this issue?:sad:

Maybe you've successfully moved on, as I have, or your fantasies r now your reality? In which cases your experiences MAY help others here.:thumbsup:

[Shari]

I've accepted the fact that I'm "just a CD" too.
But I've also accepted the fact that Shari must remain in the closet. No good could come from an emergence.
And I'm good with that.

[Marcelle]

Hi Sherry,

As many who have read my posts may note, my movement from realizing to understanding to accepting and going out has been quite quick. In that dash across the finish line there was a brief point when I got confused about where I was heading . . . " Did I really want to be a woman and all this CDing thing was just a cover?" It took a lot of introspection and work with my therapist to bring to my current place . . . I am CD but may tend to slide right of the line but still happy in my guy world. So yes, for me fantasy and reality did collide at some juncture but I walked away with a greater understanding of myself.

Hugs

Isha

[stephNE]

Hi Sherry, I too have had all those fantasies. But the bottom line is I'm "just a cross dresser". There are plenty of times when I enjoy being a guy. I don't think I'd want to be woman full time- that would be a lot of work! But as a crossdresser it allows me to escape the reality of my life, even though it's just for a little while. Getting away from my problems helps to keep me going.

[kimdl93]

Their re fantasies and wants, competing with obligations, needs and other realities. Sometimes it's hard too clearly sort out a fantasy...even to distinguish a want from a need.

To me the dividing line is this: you cannot live without fulfilling a need in some way. Wants are optional, like leather seats and a sun roof. Fantasy is something that you safely engage as a dream, but may or may not want if faced with the opportunity in real life.

I'm pretty good at distinguishing fantasy from that which I want. I can prioritize my needs and wants. I do not need to become a woman in the full physical sense. I can survive without it. I do need to find a way to express it in my daily life, however. So I am working on at least living a meaningful part of my life as a woman.

[Ms. Alexis]

Hi Doc, You don't know me directly but I remember you from the forums on dateacrossdresser, I used to spend a good bit of time there myself under femguyinnc, Good to see you here!

You're very right and hit the nail on the head for me too (now 51).. Lot's of fantasies but time really isn't very kind to our fantasies, and the truth is not just our feminine ones.

I guess the biggest thing that I've found with age is that when you are young the window of opportunity is like a huge panorama with endless possibilities as far as the eye can see in all directions aside from the one you are going..
But as you get older the window shrinks just a little every year until suddenly you look up and the panorama you remember is now a portal and the directions you can realistically take become much more limited.

Not sure if there is a moral of the story or not, but if there is it is to embrace who you are when you are young and dare to be you and follow your passions because if you don't someday you will look back and realize that your window has shrunk so choose wisely.

[Erica Marie]

For me I dont want to call it fantasy. Its a part of me that I can not figure out how to bring to reality without creating waves. For me crossdressing was a stage in the process of trying to figure out who/what I am. Yes I am still a crossdresser but it goes way deeper than just the cloths.

[Teresa]

Hi Alexis,
When I photographed weddings I use to have a lot of fun with the older relations often they would say I'm too old, my reply was it's not what you're too old for, it's what you're young enough for ! Cding makes me feel 10 years younger, to hell with what the mirror is telling me, makeup will cover that ! I've got 10 years on you but my panorama hasn't shrunk yet !

[CarlaWestin]

Hi Sherry, Similar story for me. I've been obsessed with breasts since I first saw a Playboy mag in my preteens. At some point, I figured out that it was easy to obtain bras and various materials to fill them and just began emulating the imaginary woman of my desires. With big breasts, of course. I've determined a long time ago that I am just a CD and that is my desired activity.

[Candice Mae]

So you want it look like this?
http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u498/crystal8812/41_zps41e1596a.jpg

Good luck passing for a man, and I hope you like wearing bras. At 5'7" and 135 pounds I'm skin, bones and boobs. Unless you transitioning stick to fantasys.

[Kate Simmons]

I basically changed my life conditions and I was good to go RS. :battingeyelashes::)

[Beverley Sims]

Sherry,
I have always made the cloth fit the suit.
As time and attitudes change so we do move on to other interest and projects.
I am thinking you have a change or a tweak in what you do coming shortly.
Whatever, it will still fit in.
I must change my avatar again. :)

[Karren H]

To date.... my realities have exceeded my fantasies.... maybe I set the bar too low? Good thing is I don't get disappointed... lol

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sherry, At 71 years old my fantasy's balance with my real life.

[Eryn]

So you want it look like this?...

Showoff! :)

In many aspects of life we have fantasies and they seldom match reality. Being TG is no different.

No, I'll never know the feeling of having real breasts or of having my panties fit properly against my body but I'll also not be 20 years old again, six inches shorter or have millions of dollars in a Cayman Island account. I just live the life I have as well as I can and I'm thankful for the privileges that I do have.

-wtYGZt7aI4

[julia marie]

The whole idea of a fantasy is that it has to be a couple steps (or a mile) ahead of reality. Otherwise, it's not fantasy.

[noeleena]

Hi,

A Fantasy. for myself .

Reality for myself is im a female who does not look facial wise any way like one, so i surpose in your words whats my fantasy. gee this is scary for me to look like a normal female with out masculine facial features, not sure id cope with that,

Im being honist here, this to me is like saying im embarrast with how i look fact is it does get to me and it bloody well hurts, so no i cant go down that road, it hurts too much.

...noeleena...

[Candice Mae]

Showoff! :)

Just trying to make my point that sure it is nice to think of these fantasies, but rarely do people think of what the reality of living life with that fantasy. In my past being a guy with breasts and a feminine figure was not as great as everyone seams to think it would be. Not only do you not look like a man, you do not feel like one. or are treated as one by society. When you look like this your life as a regular guy is pretty much over.

http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u498/crystal8812/4_zpsc2f8b388.jpg

[stephNE]

Hey Candice - just for the record, yes, I would like to look like that!

[Felicia Dee]

I feel like I struggle with dual realities. I'm as much a man as I am a woman. As mentioned in an earlier post, I went full time for a while (in my twenties) - even started HRT, thinking I was going to go all the way (srs). But I found that I missed my guy self, which was kind of surprising to me, considering how comfortable I feel en femme. It was a long time sorting it all out but I now feel like I have little more sense of balance. Like the GORGEOUS Candice, I am small and thin... This "life" thing is pretty complicated.

[Katey888]

An interesting perspective, Sherry - and one that is bringing out all the aspects and 'degrees' of GD we experience.

When I was really young, I think I recall fantasizing about the possibility of switching between male-female - but only in the same way I used to fantasise about space travel or winning lotteries... I find it strangely curious after being here for several months that I have never had any real fantasies about needing to transition or modify my body - I feel like I'm missing something, but in fact I think this is just another example of the complexities and multi-dimensional nature of what we all experience.

My one current fantasy (and will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me here, even just a little... ;)) is just to get out! If I struggle with anything beyond that it's not knowing where that might lead... But I am quite content just being a CD... plenty to explore there before my reality needs to expand... :)

And yes Candice, you do look lovely in pink :D - and I fully accept your point that reality is often a country mile from what one fantasizes...

Katey x

[Angie G]

My reality is I am a CD! with no furtheraspiratioms then to dress as a girl.I sometimes wish I had biger natural breasts. But I.m happy where I'm at.:hugs:
Angie

[Jenelle]

Just trying to make my point that sure it is nice to think of these fantasies, but rarely do people think of what the reality of living life with that fantasy. In my past being a guy with breasts and a feminine figure was not as great as everyone seams to think it would be. Not only do you not look like a man, you do not feel like one. or are treated as one by society. When you look like this your life as a regular guy is pretty much over.

Such a great point for me. What I love about being a CD is I can cross gender lines when ever I choose, I am not stuck in one. Sure I would love to have breasts and a nice female figure when in girl mode but then I could not go back to guy mode. It is not a trade off I ever want to make. Of course that is just me and my take.

[sillycdlover]

So you want it look like this?
http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u498/crystal8812/41_zps41e1596a.jpg

Good luck passing for a man, and I hope you like wearing bras. At 5'7" and 135 pounds I'm skin, bones and boobs. Unless you transitioning stick to fantasys.


Just trying to make my point that sure it is nice to think of these fantasies, but rarely do people think of what the reality of living life with that fantasy. In my past being a guy with breasts and a feminine figure was not as great as everyone seams to think it would be. Not only do you not look like a man, you do not feel like one. or are treated as one by society. When you look like this your life as a regular guy is pretty much over.

http://i1070.photobucket.com/albums/u498/crystal8812/4_zpsc2f8b388.jpg

Yes I do, so very very much want to look like you, but I can also see what you are saying. It must be very difficult to loose "guy mode", I think maybe I could get used to it, but "guy mode" is my safe spot for now, so I will keep it. LOL
And I must add that you look amazing!

[sanderlay]

I have a vivid imagination and I do fantasize what it might be like to be a GG woman, bare and raise a child, to have a family and be attracted to a man. I have dreamed of one morning waking up in a GG female body and never wanting to go back.

But none of these experiences I will ever know. And that can be a let down. But if I were that fantasy woman, would I know what is is like to be a man and have a male body. Would I remember feeling masculine? Why do I have to choose, or should I have to choose?

And yet in reality I've been given something far different, a gift that few get to experience. I feel in my mind what it is like to be feminine with a body that is masculine.

It's inconceivable to some who can't seem to wrap their minds away from only two choices for gender. And yet history shows us that those like myself have been around. This is why I love these exciting times. We are learning to be respectful of differences and not fear the unknown.

So while I may not be who I imagined I am in reality someone who feels both sides. That I do not have to choose and can be happy being my true self.

[Diversity]

I take as much of the fantasy that my present urge is desiring me to do and do my best to live it out at the time in order to fulfill myself and have some fun - without there being any implications on anyone else. For example, as much as my urge today wanted me to dress en-femme, it was not a reality for me to do so. So, I took a piece of the fantasy and partially underdressed and wore femme jeans, nail polish (clear) and nude colored lipstick. I went to the mall and bought a pair of female jeans from a female SA, who, when she asked how I was doing with the jeans, I asked her to give me her opinion when I came out of the changing room. The expression on her face was priceless. She asked her colleague, a male SA to come see and they both said that I looked great in the female jeans. She said that she now understood why I chose the female jeans over the male jeans as I said I did not like all the 'extra' material that male jeans have. She also said that she would now suggest this particular jean to other males who did not want skin tight jeans, but also did not want all the extra cloth to wear that comes with the male jeans.
Anyways, I digressed, but the point is that I had fun, and she never noticed (or if she did, she never said a word) about my nails or lipstick.
It was just a fun day living out a bit of my fantasy, without hurting, or putting anyone else in a compromising position.

Di

[Danielle11]

I can only balance the fantasy with real life. basic makeup every day with dressing when the so is away.
Danielle

[trisha kobichenko]

uhhh, yep.
I have all those thoughts... A-cups that fit nicely into a bralette. Not sure I have 'sucessufully; navigated this hump...but am working on it

[Diane Edwards]

I know I am not "just a CDer." While it may have started that way for me, sort of, back when I was in my early teens, as time went on it became less about fantasy and more about how I felt when I'm en femme. As time has gone by I have found I have been becoming much more Diane and less 'Dave'. I am much more comfortable with myself in female mode. I believe I am approaching the point where I will leave the last vestiges of 'Dave' behind and Diane will be the only "me" there is, 24/7. For me it is not fantasy, but a certainty.

[Jessica.w]

This is a subject that is really close to my heart. For a while now I've been really confused as to whether I'm simply a CD or is there more to it than that. I certainly don't fit with the stereotypical male. I probably stick out like a sore thumb around other guys. We just never really had much in common. I feel much more of a connection to women. Not just in a physical attraction sense, but a more spiritual one. Perhaps it's more admiration than anything but I often fantasize how life would be as a woman. Not just externally with a feminine body and clothes, but to experience actual day to day life as a women would. To see and feel the world from their point of view. The good and the bad. Although, something I've recently realised is that maybe I've been using these dreams as sort of an escape from my own crappy life. Running away from reality. A reality that is boring as hell when I think about it. Typical dog eat dog male bullshit. That's what I love about CD. It gives me a way out. It enhances my dreams and makes me happy. Yes it kinda hurts that I'll never truly realise my dreams but I think I can live with that.

[Candice Mae]

Glad to see you ladies understand what it is like to live this fantasy, the day you wake up and realize that you have to try to look like a man when you were born male is a real eye opener.

[PaulaQ]

Yes I do, so very very much want to look like you, but I can also see what you are saying. It must be very difficult to loose "guy mode", I think maybe I could get used to it, but "guy mode" is my safe spot for now, so I will keep it. LOL


Honey, the only way you want to look like Candice is if you don't want to be a man anymore. That's great for me - I'd rather die than present as a male ever again. (I'm serious about that!) However, for most people on this forum, you might discover that:
- your wife
- your kids
- your boss
- your friends
- your neighbors
all had thoughts about your new changes, possibly not as supportive of thoughts as you'd like.

BTW, I'm transitioning, and I wish I had Candice's figure too!

[Talisker]

Would be fun to go clubbing looking as hot as Candice in that pink dress...... but thats just one night at the weekend. Don't want to keep up the maintenance all week long.
Bras are fine for a few hours but couldnt put up with it 24/7.

[Candice Mae]

Honey, the only way you want to look like Candice is if you don't want to be a man anymore. That's great for me - I'd rather die than present as a male ever again. (I'm serious about that!) However, for most people on this forum, you might discover that:
- your wife
- your kids
- your boss
- your friends
- your neighbors
all had thoughts about your new changes, possibly not as supportive of thoughts as you'd like.

BTW, I'm transitioning, and I wish I had Candice's figure too!

Thanks for the support Paula.