Are any alternative activities to CD effective in reducing dressing?

[ClosetED]

My wife feels I have not tried hard enough to find alternate outlets, so I post this in hopes of asking the largest group of knowledgeable people (my therapist had no data). So what other activities were tried and did any have any impact on reducing (or stopping) the desires to CD and how long did they help?

Things I can say worked:
Falling in love - lasted about 2 years
Alcohol - lasts a few hours
catching a 181 lb blue marlin - lasted a day

Of course, those who found permanent cures would no longer be here to read and post, but others here may have heard of them.
BTW, I finally had the courage to post a profile picture.

[Anna H]

Sure, but it depends on what someones perspective is.

From the viewpoint of persons around me, nothing is unusual at
all. Even though I have hair that's a good 5" past my shoulders,
long nails, and pierced ears.

I'm not dressed as far as they're concerned.

I am fully dressed as far as I'm concerned. Womens jeans, womens
t-shirts, and womens work shoes....(and the rest from view...lol!)

It feels right. I'm happy. Nobody cares or gets upset.

If the need is full on makeup and dresses & heels, then that's different,
obviously, but little things can make a huge difference. And keep
the world at peace with their standards.

Nice picture in your profile! You look Great! :happy:

~Kate~ ♥

[Marcelle]

Hi there,

I engage in a lot of activities "en boy" (sport parachuting, MMA, hiking, building computers, reading, spending time with my wife) and I can say one thing. None of them have abated the desire to dress or present "en femme". My wife and I have talked about this often and she agrees that rather than try and make it go away it is best to accept it into our lives.

Hugs

Isha

[Dianne S]

Are any alternative activities to CD effective in reducing dressing?

In my experience, nothing works permanently. Getting married and having more-or-less regular sex was the most effective and only lasted a couple of years.

[cdyoung114]

I haven't found anything either.... I have tons of hobbies which I'm very involved in but nothing gives me the same joy and happiness like dressing does

[MsVal]

If you are looking for a reduction versus an elimination, then I believe evidence is on your side that there is hope, and I have a suggestion.

Let's assume you have a limited amount of time, energy, and money. This describes everyone that I know. Now, anything that consumes a portion of those resources leaves less for the others.

Do you have other interests, perhaps some that your wife would enjoy? My wife and I enjoy traveling and camping. It's a bit tough to do during the winter, but spring is coming and we're looking forward to getting out in the forests again. I also enjoy photography. My wife doesn't care for it, but allows me to spend time and money (gotta have that next gadget) in pursuit of that perfect photo.

I suspect that your wife would endorse using your resources on "normal" things versus crossdressing, and that would be tacit approval for that next "cool" thing, whether it is with her or not. If that cool thing consumes lots of your resources, there will be a lot less for CD, leading to a net reduction.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Jenelle]

For me nothing has stopped the desire to dress completely. There have been long stretches of time where I don't want to dress but (for me) that is just the ebb and flow in life. When I really want to dress, nothing stops or alleviates the desire. I can do things that takes my mind off it but the desire is always there just waiting.

[ClosetED]

My financial resources are significant, so that is not an issue. I do many things with my wife-we bike, we walk the dog in the woods, we garden, we took tennis lessons, we are taking dancing lessons. We are now empty nesters. I just want a few percent of my life to be spent this way - not even 10%. I give all the rest to her, after work. I love my Panasonic GH-2 camera.

[Kate Simmons]

Most other activities are even more expensive and time consuming than dressing and buying clothes. I tried collecting comics and studying herbs and alternative medicine to name a couple. Haven't found any that are as personally satisfying though. :)

[Tina_gm]

Your wife and perhaps you yourself are wrongly believing that outside activities will bring a cure to the desire to cross dress. That Cding is like an addiction, the more it is done, the more it will be desired to do. The truth is, cross gender expression is just the outward expression of what is internal. progression that is being seen or experienced is due to self acceptance, an internal realization that prior denial did not allow, others acceptance and or modifications to a persons life which allow for a greater amount of cross gender expression. So, there is no "cure" no matter what you do. At best it can delay it or dull it for a short amount of time.

Having said that- there are always going to be times where CDing is not going to happen, not the right time or place, plans change yadda yadda. It is how you can deal with that and not feel consumed by cross gender expression and lead, as much as possible a balanced life that can be accomplished.

So, take time out to do the things you truly enjoy that are not gender dependent. Stuff the masculine side has always enjoyed. Most of all though, do give your wife time with the man she married. None of this will end your desire, make it less frequent, or make it all go away. It may however, allow for a balanced life and will allow you to better enjoy the times when Cding is not happening.

[MsVal]

Aha! That was not obvious in your initial post.

So, if you have ~24 hours of "free" time per weekend, you'd like two to three of those hours to be CD time. Your wife disagrees and believes you aren't trying hard enough to reduce that time.
Ten percent is a pretty small amount to be affected by the solution I proposed. Someone else may have a better idea.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Beverley Sims]

Ed,
You have supplied the answer yourself.
If you keep engaging in other interests dressing will wane for a time.
Especially falling in love.
For those not attached finding a soul mate has the greatest effect.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

In many respects, this thread is one that I could have posted this morning. I have been trying SO HARD to rid myself of this cd curse. I want so much to have better control of my personna. I have refrained from reading this forum and focused on my "manly interests ". Sadly, like Adrianna humorously replied in another thread about a micheal corleone line from " Godfather III " , a paraphrase is "I just keep getting pulled back into this " . I hate this curse that cding has over me. Yes, it is inevitable to simply give into the need , but my life sure would be simpler if cd thoughts never registered.
It is great that you are having this open & candid discussion with your wife. Resign yourselves to the fact that there is no alternative. I wish you , me & everyone afflicted with this curse much peace. Mel

[Karren H]

Try ice hockey.... its amazing... expensive and takes lots of time... I'm playing in two leagues and skating on weekends... and you get to wear girdles.... garter belts and stockings! lol

[Debra Russell]

How can you make reality go away - born this way - been this way - and ain't no substitute - diversion maybe; just have to learn how to balence/juggle to make this part of us complete our lives.........................Debra

[Wildaboutheels]

ENOUGH sex with the right person.

Should at least "help" most here.

At least most under 50ish. [My best guess] after reading thousands of both questions and responses since I joined.

[avant1465]

I read Ken Follett's "Pillars of the Earth"... and it helped quell my desires for the first hour or so. Then, I donned my favorite night shirt and continued..... "Alternative outlets" is like asking someone to figure out what to breath, besides oxygen.....

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi ED, Crossdressing is like the Mafia , You just can't quit.

I have so many hobbys but Dressing is always there.

[LilSissyStevie]

This is easy! Buy a farm. On that farm plant an orchard and a vineyard. Have horses, cattle, poultry, swine and a garden big enough to feed the poor in your community. Decide that nothing can be fixed as good as you can fix it yourself. You'll still have some free time after this so invite a sick, elderly relative to live with you. Have some sick, elderly inlaws, too. Take a class at a college 40 miles from home.
Problem solved!:D

[bridget thronton]

Playing video games or visiting virtual worlds enfem (by creating a female avatar)

[Adriana Moretti]

how about eating?? eat so much that you cant fit into your clothes anymore...problem solved.

[Katey888]

So the short answer is, no.

Sorry... :surrender:

Katey x

[Christen]

Hmm.. know what you talking about. I'm trying to do the same right now. Got caught up in the pink vortex.
For me the desire to crossdress has never 'gone away', but there are times I've had it under better control than others, and there are times it slips into the background rather than being centre stage.
Regular yoga classes seems to help me. Clears my head, calms my mind.
Work on being in the moment, focus on what you are doing, who you are with. I tend to drift off to my little fantasy world far too much.
Watch the alcohol, god knows I need to. It doesn't help.
Get more accepting of your feminine side, you don't have to be a tough guy. You can be a gentleman.
Don't go out, there are girls everywhere :)
Maybe you just have to set parameters, how often, how many $, etc.

But it doesn't disappear. When I get it to reduce from a clamouring to a white noise, I'm happy.

Christen x

[Lucy Lou]

I have to agree with another post to say, 'no' If it feels good then just go for it.

There is nothing better than dressing in my mind, well maybe a few things but not many. Lucy xoxo

[linda booth]

Inherent in reducing, stopping or purging is the idea that crossdressing is wrong - even sinful. I don't believe that so I just enjoy it.

[cdinmd206]

Golly Ed - The only effective thing that I know reduces and stops the desire to dress is death and that sure isn't a viable alternative.

[Michelle V]

Can't really say it is an alternative because as we all know there is no replacement to feeling like a girl. I would say exercise, it keeps you busy, get endorphins going and work on getting into that dress that is amazing but super tight.

[Jenniferathome]

Anything that occupies a substantive amount of time can act as a barrier. Great physical output will both take time and make you tired so that dressing is maybe too much of an effort. Still, the need or urge has never gone away, it just got forced back. I will rear it's head.

How about talking to your wife about boundaries she can live with such as x hours a week or a month, etc. AND come up with a thing you two can do together as a male/female couple.

Quitting is not realistic. We all know that.

[cathie pantyhose]

I personally am not aware of any distraction that will honestly work. My wife asked the same thing only for me to purge and end up buying more things to replace.

I've spent my time climbing mountains, running, cycling, back pack camping in the middle of no where for weeks in foreign countries all over the world and even if I don't take things to wear, the minute I get home I change in to fem wear. I've slept at 30,000 feet in pantyhose and wolford tights so I'm leaving it behind any longer

Personally it doesn't pay to try to avoid it. It always come back and I regret trying to avoid it. I wish I could dress more often with more gurls. Wife doesn't like to talk about it except when she comes across my "stash"

[Rachael Leigh]

Actually I'm working on stepping back my dressing right now. I'm trying a few things nothing specific but I'm just not sure it will totally go away. I think sometimes we need to step back a bit and hopefully I won't go crazy like I've been going over the last couple of months

[bimini1]

You just never know. It seems the more I pursue it outside the house (support groups, outings, etc) that seems to take the edge off the need to do it so often. You may find that once you get what you thought you wanted you realize you really did not want it all that badly in the first place I do not know.

[Barbara Dugan]

Gardening normally does it but lately lost interest on it

[dianne_1234]

For me, sometimes dressing more can reduce the need to dress.

If I "never" dress 'til I've had enough, then I've never had enough dressing.

[Angie G]

Almost all I do at home is done dressers my wife doesn't mind. So I haven't a clue hun. :hugs:
Angie

[Caden Lane]

It almost sounds as if your wife wants a cure. And if thats the case, no wonder your psychologist or therapist couldn't provide you with data, as there is no cure per se, and doctors are morally bound to not try and cure gender dysphoria of any type.

[kimdl93]

what does she think would be an adequate result? Does she feel that you should spend NO time dressing? It seems that she's missing the point. I doubt that you dress for lack of diversions. You probably dress because you like to. You could conceivably fill your day with activities of most any kind, and not allow yourself one minute of spare time, shower, hit the sack and repeat that process for the duration of your life....but again to what end. Maybe she needs to find a diversion for herself that will allow you a bit of time for an activity you have enjoyed for a lifetime.

[PinkieM]

Golly Ed - The only effective thing that I know reduces and stops the desire to dress is death and that sure isn't a viable alternative.

I would not recommend death as an option oh my!

[Babbs]

Curse? are you crazy? (I mean that in a nice way lol). I find it a blessing! I'm lucky to get a thrill in life that not many others experience. Not to mention it's safe and really pretty much non intrusive on others. I've read others equating this with a sin. Really? what sin? Most of us who are married don't cheat on our wives. Most I talk to here are nice, friendly, giving etc... How are they cursed? How is that a sin? Enjoy life and the good things in it. CDing is a good thing not a curse...just my opinion....Oh, Karren, pretty funny on the Hockey comments, lol.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Try ice hockey.... its amazing... expensive and takes lots of time... I'm playing in two leagues and skating on weekends... and you get to wear girdles.... garter belts and stockings! lol


The last time I wore girdles, garter belts and stockings FOR HOCKEY, I didn't feel at all femme in them, because the ones used for hockey are not at all feminine!

[Jaymees22]

Have you thought of joining a nudist group, no dressing there!!!

[ClosetED]

I agree my wife wants a cure, and I doubt one exists. But I can ask this group, because if anyone would know of one or effective reducers, this is the world's experts. I can see many are struggling with the same situation, and the more it can be confirmed, the better others may have of accepting us. I do think the amount of dressing varies from person to person, but I also agree that doing it does both help reduce the need to dress and the level of dressing needed. There hasn't much comment on whether having someone support you affects the dressing - does it increase the desire or reduce it? It may depend on the kind of "excitement" (to bother from another thread) it causes in the SO.
Having lots of sex sounds interesting, but I'm not positive it will really keep the desire away as it seems to fill a different need. Playing games with a female avatar also does not seem to be be a valid substitue-Bridget, can you say it really reduced your desire to dress?

[Tina B.]

First I had a great answer, then thought of something serious to say. I think a lot depends on a couple of factors. How often are you dressing, how important it to you, like what happens if you don't dress.
There are some here that say they do it for fun, others do it for relief, because not dressing causes a lot of stress. I'm sorry, but if you fall in the latter group it will be hard to stop for any real length of time, certainly not enough to suit your wife.
Now for the answer I wanted to start with. I found a heart bypass stopped me from thinking about dressing for at least 3 months, but in all honesty, as soon as my chest was well enough for it, I had a bra back on.
Good Luck, if you find something that does work, and doesn't leave you unhappy with it, please share, many here have been looking for it.

[Lorileah]

a cure would imply that being TG is some sort of medical illness. I think maybe education would be a better idea.

Yesterday a client was telling me about her male friend who came out as gay a few years ago. His parents are very strict religiously and forced him to be "cured". Now he is dating a GG and is engaged. The client was not convinced the marriage would be founded on love but was more his way of appeasing his parents. I agree, there is no "cure" for who you are. You can be manipulated into pretending to be something or someone else. Forcing someone to be who they are not will lead to other issues, things that could effect your life in the long run. In my opinion, learning as much as you can about a lifestyle and if you love the person, learning to live WITH that lifestyle is better

[Sallee]

I sure don't know anything I do think physical activity helps but why not try it in drag. I have and didn't enjoy drag that much Didn't need a sweaty stinky bra and forms.
My arn is in a sling now for 7 weeks and that is keeping me out of bras but may be I'll just be flat chested for an afternoon. LOL

[ClosetED]

In case any were interested, the therapist suggested a method which can be found at http://selfleadership.org
He had no data to show it helped in CDing, but it did help those with stress and anxiety. His hope is that if you control those, you get more control over CDing. Claims it can be worked on in a few sessions.
I did show him this thread, but he did not read many. I summarized for him.

[Jordan]

There is nothing that can stop me I love it to much

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Believe for most of my life I've tried and nothing worked because it was never an option. No matter what I did the desire or thoughts were always lurking in my mind, and even if I went through periods of going cold turkey it was as if the entire purpose of my life was to be all male and never cross dress. This was very similar to another area during my younger years which caused lots of pain and torment for me and that was dating. Due to a lot of the heartache I experienced from in that area I attempted to find ways to go through life without the need for dating, relationships etc. What I started discovering was that desire to meet the girl of my dreams was something that I was born with and there was no way trying to get around it. Same with the cding/trans thing, or as the term I to use is "its permanent file on the internal hard drive that cannot be deleted."

[suchacutie]

What we are really talking about is a set of distractions, not an abatement of inherent desire or need. We can list work stress, having someone else living in your home, committed group memberships, and 'man' tasks that involve getting filthy!

The negative from the point of view of your wife is these activities will generally take you from her as well. So, the only real answer is to find activities you are both happy doing together. Even with that, it's just putting off the inevitable need to experience your femme self, which is also the best activity the two of you can do together.

[Adriana Moretti]

a cure would imply that being TG is some sort of medical illness. I think maybe education would be a better idea.

You can be manipulated into pretending to be something or someone else. Forcing someone to be who they are not will lead to other issues, things that could effect your life in the long run.

Lorileah makes some VERY valid points....I hate to see people go through life like that....you are here (on earth) for such a short time to begin with. Why be unhappy and uncomfortable .

[ClosetED]

I agree that what my wife wants me to find is a distraction. Or for the hard drive metaphor, "Since you can't delete the file, then just don't open it". We do many things together, but they do not distract the desire. She is willing to give up time with me in exchange. She mentioned buy a boat (her father had a boat). I like to go fishing, but why add to the hassle and stress of caring for a boat, maintaining it. She still thinks any relaxation method will work. This group is the best evidence that nothing has been shown to work for this particular desire and this particular outlet. But how can I get her to change her view/belief without trying or showing something she will believe? Only when she is willing to change to tolerate/accept me can we live a better life (or return to the life I thought I had with her when she pretended to tolerate it).

[ClosetED]

Lorileah makes some VERY valid points....I hate to see people go through life like that....you are here (on earth) for such a short time to begin with. Why be unhappy and uncomfortable .

I agree they are valid. But with 3 months short of 25 years married, the alternative is divorce based solely on this. Everyone around us think we are the perfect couple. Marriage is full of compromises - each couple needs to decide how much each needs to bend. With both of us passing 50, we do see more evidence the end is not very very far away. Both are getting more selfish in wanting to be happy. Yet my happiness in this is her unhappiness. So a compromise must be reached if we stay together.

[Julia Red]

I did several things to reduce my dressing because of my relationship, and they paid off.

I started by limiting the dressing to just once a week. I was dressing almost every day before it. The problem is that the need just don't go away, so I developed ways of getting in contact with my crossdressing without actually doing it. Here's what I've being doing:

- Taking A LOT of photos: everytime I dress I take lots of pictures, so I can look at them the days I can't dress. The high amount is important, because it will give you a lot to look at and choose from, what ones are best, what outfits worked and what ones didn't, and so on. You can browse them while en drab, getting in contact with your female side while at it.

- Playing videogames: I've always been a gamer, but there are a lot of games out there where you can be a female, and a lot of games with an emphasis on creating your own character and customizing. I started to prioritize that kind of game. That's a good way to be a woman without dressing and having fun at the same time. Some games have different outfits that you can try to match and create a good look, and even use that look as inspiration to your own CD sessions afterwards. You don't need to do that while dressed.

- Browsing girls' stuff on the internet: I do all my shopping online, so I love to do "window shopping" on the PC. There are many, many websites dedicated to that, and you can keep wishlists and go after sales, and even if you can't afford to buy everything you want (no one is), the act of browsing girls stuff and see what's going on in the fashion world is fun by itself and keeps you in touch of your feminine side. You don't need to do that while dressed also.

- Talking about it: I have a weekly session with a psychologist where I can talk about my CDing. Things I can't talk with normal people, I speak with her. I go en drab, but Julia is with me. I also talk about it with a female friend, altough it's hard to talk about girly stuff to her because she is a lesbian who don't use skirts or make-up, but it's good anyway. And now I've became part of this amazing forum so I can talk all the stuff I want.

Some of these things may be hard if you have a controlling wife who monitors everything you do, but it's worth trying, I assure you they work for me.

I don't think doing stuff unrelated to CDing works, because your mind will always wander in that direction, so I do the opposite, I keep contact with my CDing but without the dressing part. Nowadays I have it well under control and solved a lot of problems with my wife, and even increased the frequency of my sessions (now it's not only once a week).

[sanderlay]

In my life I found no cure for CDing, and I searched for over fifty years. You can throw yourself in to a male role and act. You might convince others that you are cured. But you are only hiding it and I became miserable hiding it.

For me it's a part of myself that can be pushed down for a time, or so I think. But like a volcano it will come out, erupt or show itself in other ways in my personality. I become moody, unhappy and generally feeling wrong unless I acknowledge both sides of myself.

And analogy to describe this is kind like like having two persons, one male the other female. I can stop acknowledging one side of myself. I put my male or female side in a box and lock them away in my mind. For a time it works but eventually one or the other keeps knocking... and knocking... and knocking till either he or she finds a way to be acknowledged.

One more hidden way that can help is under-dressing. Every morning my girl inside puts on her panties and bra and she is acknowledged for being part of me, part of the whole. Over the top would be his clothes and he is seen as a male.

But underneath it all are her clothes as a reminder that she has a say in this life. She will not be locked away only to be brought out for a few hours. She is in this body. It may look male and have the sex of a male but she is here. She wants her say on how I look and present.

Eventually she conveniences you to start adding more feminine clothes on the surface. That's where you may have to hold the line because she'll want more and more. It is a desire that never stops and keeps at you day after day after day till you give into it.

Those who don't feel this usually never seem to fully understand it. Even I struggle to understand why I do what I do sometimes. But I am convinced that it is a part of who I am and it by design by my creator.

Over time my girl inside has matured. She understands my budget and respects it. She has learned self control and has matured in her dressing. She buys practical clothes that fit properly that can be worn outside, most of the time.

However there is this string two piece bikini she just ordered... :eek:

:doll:

[Tanya+]

Sanderlay and Julia speak right to my heart.

Repress it and it will gain power and lose reason. I have the luxury of choosing my addiction. Bondage, Porn, Second Life playing as a female, straight out Gaming, Xdressing all take the same kind of energy and time for me. Doing things that grow me spiritually make me less unhappy, less stressed and less inclined to lose myself in any of the above. I think the most honest word to use with Yourself and Your wife is "minimise". Who knows what that all look like? Put energy in to being your best self, share with her the difficulties just as part of your process, not to justify them. And 'minimise' out of love, or resentment will flourish.

So if there is something else that can grab you that isn't destructive or unacceptable, that is a little addictive, maybe that can take up some of the slack. Cross Fit seems like the most addictive form of exercise i've come across ever.

Whichever way You go, i think you should gently ask her to understand that it is more about keeping it under the radar than eradication and that you do this with love and effort, and will need her understanding when you misjudge.

Can i ask what her difficulty is with CDing?

[Princess Grandpa]

how about eating?? eat so much that you cant fit into your clothes anymore...problem solved.

This doesn't really help. You just wind up buying new clothes. Clothing for us fat girls costs more and there is far less cuteness!

I suppose if one were able to isolate why he dresses in women's clothing, one could address that and succeed in curtailing the dressing. Perhaps that is why so many of us have spent so much time trying to figure out the why. I have other activities. I own a home based business we run. We are on duty 24/7 (recently managed to arrange one full day off and one evening every week) I play video games, and I sail (not really, I just work on my boat in the hopes one day it will be in the water and I will be sailing again). Almost everything I do I become somewhat obsessed with. Still through it all the desire to dress remains.

I hope you and your wife can find a place of peace.

Hug
Rita

[Chickhe]

Try self acceptance and take a serious look at what life would be like if you could dress up 100% of the time. I found that having 100% freedom to do it gave me the chance do discover what it means to me... If you keep trying to suppress it, it will come back even stronger until you deal with it. Just dive in, do it, learn and have fun with it....it is only a problem if you make it one.

[Lainie]

... Ummm ...

If in fact there are people who used to cross dress and don't any more, they won't be here looking at this thread.

Unless they are transsexuals who used to cross dress when they were men, but now that they are women, don't.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I tried to stay in the closet for the last few years. I think this was my 10th trip there in 60 years. Anyway, I found the internet. thought that would help but after reading every story on fictionmania and visiting other sites that got sicker and sicker I realized that I was more to my own character if i went back to dressing a normal girl when I can. So the answer is "No." There is no alternative. If there was I think I would have found it after all these years. I just feel so complete when dressed and out.