Jillian310
01-10-2006, 03:22 PM
I had a tremendous experience today that I must share with my sisters and solicit any comments it may generate: I had a morning date with a guy, which was a disaster. On the long drive home all I could think about was a need to be with another CD, and the new skirt that I had purchased yesterday that was in my bottom drawer. When I got home I fairly leaped into the new skirt, reinserted my breast falsies (no breast forms yet), changed from diamond studs into dangly earrings, and reapplied makeup, which I had removed when I bolted. Then I had to make several telephone calls concerning a rather significant personal financial matter. When I placed the first call, "IT" happened. My brain turned my male persona completely off, and switched me into a fem, or Jill's, persona! This was not a concious affect, I became Jill! My behavior on the telephone calls was entirely different from the male norm. I was kind, patient, 'understanding', and very gentle with the other parties. The norm would have required me to be tough, ruthless, and to go for the jungular. That behavior was completely gone from my head! I could actually feel my body becoming Jill in so many ways. After I finished the calls, I was thoroughly shaken to my core. I sat and meditated about this for a long time. How I longed for a sister to take me into her arms and let me have a good cry on her shoulder. Instead the tears just started flowing and continue as I set this down. I have only been dressing for a couple of years (I'm 68+), didn't know why I started, and why the urge continued. I think I learned the answer today. Jill has been lurking behind her male captor for ages, and for whatever reason today, she has come to at least an equal status with him. I am Jill and Jill is me. Now I know. I am feeling such a profound peaceful sense that I can't describe. I am happy and weepy at the same time. For the first time in this odessy I have truely become one with Jill, and Jill has taken a truely equal place with my male part. I think I fell in love with Jill today! I will hate to put Jill back in her drawer as I must in a few hours. I know I will miss her like I have never missed her before, and will count the moments until she can return.
I hope this isn't too schmaltzy or self centered. But I just feel the need to share this with my sensitive sisters, and would like to know if anyone else has had a similar experience. I expect that I will weep quietly for many hours as I reflect on this wonderful day.
I hope this isn't too schmaltzy or self centered. But I just feel the need to share this with my sensitive sisters, and would like to know if anyone else has had a similar experience. I expect that I will weep quietly for many hours as I reflect on this wonderful day.