Is it common for crossdresers to ...

[DanielleInMI]

Hi everbody, I'm fairly new to the board here and am trying to figure myself out and understand this desire of mine. Is it common for crossdressers to question if they are transsexual ? I ask because sometimes I do, but then again dont really feel that I am.

[Suzanne F]

There are some of us that are in the process of determining how far we must go. Don't feel alone! Ask questions and listen to the women on this forum. Good luck!
Suzanne

[RADER]

Hi Danielle;
First, Welcome to the forum, Glad you found us.
As to your question; That is only for you to say.
Some want to go all the way and have SRS.;
Some like me just want to wear womans clothes,
And some want to wear womans clothes as much as possible, even full time
and still not have surgery.
Their is no law or rule to go by; I guess just by wearing womans clothes
you are one of us to some degree. Surf around the site, maybe others will be
able to shine better lite on it.
Rader

[Diana81]

I am also starting and yes, I've been thinking a lot about it for weeks. I think I'd rather have been born as a girl, I know that. I know that if I had learned about this all when I as 13, I would be a woman now.

But at the same time I'm 32, I don't hate my masculine self, I don't hate my body or my genitals. I do hate my body hair though. In any case I have promised myself not to take any life-changing decision for at least a year. I need to live the ups, the downs, the problems. I need to openly talk about it with some close friends or family first. And it's a long way to that if it ever happens.

I didn't know what I was or how I felt so sad and unfulfilled. Now I do know what I am. I am a crossdresser. And when I'm en femme I feel like a woman. And I feel natural. But that's it, I reckon what I am is a beautiful thing. What will I be 2 or 3 years from now, I don't now.

But I, myself, am good knowing what I am right now, for the first time ever.

[Anna H]

I think that's a normal question for many of us. I wondered many
times myself. And if it wasn't for lack of such easy access to information
that we have today, I''m sure my life would be very different today.

That doesn't mean I'd have followed through...but I'm sure I'd live
in a different place and be a lot more out and open with everything.

♥

[SuzanneS]

Danielle, I don't understand it myself. I've been doing this since my early teens at least.
I'm not sure that I should have a certain label.
I do know that if I was not worried about anyone except for myself that I would be doing this fulltime.
I'm not married, never have been, have no children, but have a girlfriend of two years and although life might be simpler if I didn't feel the urge to dress,
I still need to. I love dressing, acting, and being a woman. I need it. As much as I hate myself for doing it, I still need to do it to stay sane.
Call me a crossdresser, call me transgender, call me transsexual....I don't know. I love being a woman when I can.

Suzanne

[AmyGaleRT]

Danielle, I'd say it's fairly common. I believe myself to be bi-gendered, meaning my male side and female side are both present at all times (just one or the other dominates depending on how I dress), and I won't transition because of my fiancee, but even I wonder sometimes what it would be like. And I've had other TS ladies either think I should be on hormones, or think I already am...which doesn't offend me, it's a bit flattering, actually. But I like being able to use the gender binary to suit myself. :)

- Amy

[Marcelle]

Hi Danielle,

Very common sweetie as this thing we do is very, very confusing to our male identities. When you challenge your sense of self (being male) it is bound to lead to some confusion. If I want to dress like a woman then ipso facto, I want to be a woman. This is not the case for TG/CD gals as we are still very comfortable with our male selves, do not feel as though we are trapped in the wrong gender and like being a guy when the occasion calls for it. Yes, some of us (myself included) may wander a little further down the CD pathway (i.e., have body and facial hair removed by laser) but are still anchored in the CD spectrum. The only way I came to that realization was through the assistance of a therapist who deals with gender identity issues. If you are facing similar confusion, I highly recommend that you seek out a professional in this area to help bring order to chaos before making any decisions as to which side of the line you belong.

Hugs

Isha

[PaulaQ]

Yes Danielle, these types of thoughts are common. And some of us who identify at first as crossdressers are, in fact, transsexuals. Unfortunately, there's no real way to know this until a person decides they need to transition.

There's a good reason for this - both CDs and TSs suffer from some degree of gender dysphoria. Your crossdressing and the dislike of your body hair are pretty classic symptoms of GD. Severe and persistent GD is what causes us to transition. Or at least that's what did it for me - there are a number of ways a person can go here. Some symptoms:
- crossdressing
- discomfort or anxiety over primary or secondary sexual characteristics (genitals, breasts, body hair, facial features, etc.)
- belief one is a gender opposite their birth sex
- belief one has the feelings of a gender opposite their birth sex
- discomfort at one's image in mirrors relating to gender
- gender related depression
- gender related anxiety
- gender related suicidal tendencies
- discomfort with ones gender role

There's a bunch of stuff that can go wrong. Some of it is pretty terrible. I had most of these symptoms, and I know I missed a few because I'm tired right now. Feel free to PM me if you have questions.

[Beverley Sims]

Danielle,
It does take time to find out what you may be and where you fit in the scheme of things.
Do not despair or over think the situation, you will enjoy it less and have sleepless nights.
I say, go with the flow and take care in what you do.

[DanielleInMI]

PaulaQ
Yeah I definitly have alot of those symptoms to one degree or another. The biggest is the body hair, I hate it, but keep it most of the time as a comprimise to my wife. I was just curious because a lot of literature out there describes crossdressing as a guy who just happens to enjoy womens clothesor does it for sexual arosual. For me it is not about sexual arosual at all, and is much more than just enjoying womens clothes. I honestly wish I had a womans body at times. If I could have a womans body but have to wear mens clothing, I'd be happy as long as it was apparent that I was female.

But i do enjoy wearing womens clothing because it is as close as I can get right now to being a woman.

[mariehart]

Some symptoms:
- crossdressing
- discomfort or anxiety over primary or secondary sexual characteristics (genitals, breasts, body hair, facial features, etc.)
- belief one is a gender opposite their birth sex
- belief one has the feelings of a gender opposite their birth sex
- discomfort at one's image in mirrors relating to gender
- gender related depression
- gender related anxiety
- gender related suicidal tendencies
- discomfort with ones gender roleAll of those could be applied to me at on stage or other. Some of them are a daily companion even now that I have reached an accommodation with gender identity. The main difference between CDing and TS or indeed the main point of being TS is not the dressing or the body hair or any of external aspects of crossdressing. It's all internal and it isn't satisfied by occasional crossdressing.

For most of my life I considered myself a CD. I dismissed the notion that I was TS because I didn't fit within many of stereotypes popularised in the media which in those pre internet days were the only source of information. It didn't help that many high profile TS were either misrepresented or plain lied about their own experience. It also helped that I was in full scale denial.

Anyway long story, short I eventually realised that crossdressing was merely a symptom. I finally admitted to myself and some others that I was TS. You might think it would be a relief. It's not believe me. PaulaQ says a lot of things can go wrong. For me it was realising that almost all of my life was a lie and I had wasted most of it pursuing a quixotic career ambition that was doomed to failure while ignoring what was staring me in the face all my life. But I also knew I'd never transition and coldly decided to kill myself.

For one reason or another it didn't happen and as I write this I'm looking at two reasons why it will never happen, my children. But none of that means any of the feelings go away. They're just in control.....for now.

So what I'm saying to you is: Be very careful what you wish for. Being TS is a world away from crossdressing. It is not a natural progression to go from dressing up as a woman to becoming one. It's not a choice. It's not the same as being a man who's in touch with his feminine side.

You may indeed be TS but be warned it's no easy road to travel.

[Ezekiel]

Whats important here is identity, is mind, and there are three key questions you should ask yourself:

1 - Do you want to be, not to look, to be, a woman?
2 - Do you hate to be a man and anything related to that?
3 - Would you spend the rest of your life being, not only looking, but being a woman, identifying as a woman and living as a woman?

When you answer those I think that will start to get things clear, in my opinion.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Danielle, The first thing we have to figure out is, What is normal.

[lovetobedani]

Hi Danielle........

I've wondered this all of my life along with wishing that I was born female. The facts are.............I doubt that I'll ever get to that ultimate goal but want to be femme as much as possible up to living my life full time as a female. Only you can decide how far you want to go with this. You might try seeking professional help.

[Christen]

Hi Danielle! I've been doing the crossdressing thing since I was 5 or 6, 50 plus years. The question I've asked myself at several points in my life is 'Do I need to live my life as a female to be complete?'. Ultimately the answer has come out as a no. Oh, I've had times of dreaming of running away from family and living as a girl, maybe going through transition. At times it seemed like that's what I really wanted. But, in the end, I'm who I was born to be. I'm a guy who has a big bit of girl in there somewhere. I love the feminine, love getting in to girl mode, love the sensations, etc, etc. However, I'm not prepared to throw away my life to become someone else. I'm just a crossdresser.
You do have to work out who you are, but I'd suggest that if you are 40 odd years old, and you haven't absolutely, utterly felt an uncontrollable need, not desire, to become a woman, then you are probably just a lovely crossdresser.
We can all get a little excited about this thing we do. Talk about it here.

Christen x

[Lynn Marie]

Is it common for crossdressers to question if they are transsexuals?
Yes Danielle, it's as common as dirt. The never ending questioning of ourselves. Life gets so much easier as you get older and quit asking questions that have no answer!

[Julia Red]

Not only I've asked this same question to myself, I've been answering it to other people as well. My wife, my therapist, my friend, all of them asked if I wanted to live as a woman.

In the end, I don't think I fit in the TS category, for now. I like being a man and like most things men usually like. On the other hand, it's not all black and white, so I know I do have a part of me that would like to live as a woman (and I think all of us do), but it's not stronger than the part of me that wants to keep living as a man. I mean, living as a woman seems pretty good, but for me there would be consequences I wouldn't like to face, like losing my wife, respect among co-workers and everything that could come along.

[Jordan]

I am like you I think I want to be with a cross dresser but never have so I don't know if that is what I really want I would like to try it to see where it leads me

[Tina_gm]

I would imagine a majority of CDers who are at least somewhat regular with dressing will "wonder" about it. I too have thought about all kinds of what ifs. Would I be happier if I did, or if I went full time? Would I miss being a guy? Am I better suited to being a man or a woman? What would the impacts be if I did start moving to a more permanent role as a woman or at least dressing and presenting as one?

For me, I do not hate being a guy. I like a lot of it actually. My only true GD symptoms are a dislike of body hair. I do enjoy both sides of the gender specturm, although it has at times been quite confusing to me. I believe societies expectations are mostly the reason why for this. I believe now that by enjoying being feminine or dressing feminine does not make a man a failure as a man. I can and do provide all that any man has to offer. I enjoy that role too. Yes, there are times where I do enjoy the feminine side more, for whatever reason. then times when I enjoy the masculine side more, for whatever reason. I believe that if I were in some mythical way forced to be a woman or to present as one full time, I would miss being a guy and would have similar feelings as I do about being feminine and all that comes with it. for me, I am a person that has both genders within my personality, and to be my most healthiest I need them both. It isn't always easy, definitely a rare challenge we are faced with, but it is a livable one.

[DanielleInMI]

Thanks everyone for your input. It makes me happy to know that I am not alone in the way I feel. I've always suppressed these feeljngs, when I have tried to deal with them in the past I was too scared of what I would find. So hearing your input really helps.

Thank you.

[arbon]

When I came to this site it was to learn how to enjoy my crossdressing hoping that would give me enough relief to stop going crazy. Problem with that was I was still a man, and it all still felt wrong - the crossdressing really just made me more miserable and crazy and desperate.

I needed to be able to live as a woman and have that identity reflected back to me. Not just every once in a while or looking at myself in a mirror. I needed it because it is who I was, a woman lost in depression, anxiety and self hate because she was trying to live as a man.

It was not a fantasy, or pink fog, or a rush from wearing panties. I think a lot of times crossdressers get caught up in the feelings they get from wearing womens cloths and can mistake it for being transsexual. Be careful.

[PaulaQ]

It was not a fantasy, or pink fog, or a rush from wearing panties. I think a lot of times crossdressers get caught up in the feelings they get from wearing womens cloths and can mistake it for being transsexual. Be careful.

By the same token, don't assume your feelings about your gender are pink fog. Many here told me that last year - it nearly killed me. Or rather I nearly killed myself listening to some of them. (Not arbon - who helped me enormously.)

You know how many transsexuals who start out by crossdressing want to be "just crossdressers?" 100%.

If you are having serious emotional difficulties that seem to be gender related, get professional help from a gender therapist.

[devida]

Hello Danielle: The thought that a man who wears women's clothes wants to fully transition to being a woman is so common that whenever I tell someone that I am transgender my very next sentence is that I don't want to become a woman I just no longer identify as a man. It is extremely difficult for people to think about gender variability. Because of the immense social pressure to be either one gender or another just wearing some of the clothes of the opposite gender can make you start wondering if you have to declare that you want to transition, even if this is a statement you only make to yourself. This is very normal. I certainly have some of the symptoms of gender dysphoria that PaulaQ lists but I would not identify as transsexual. I do identify as non binary or gender fluid. I would prefer to be more feminine but just more feminine, not female. But understanding your real gender is not a goal, it's a process. I doubt whether that understanding will ever be complete. Even women who have completely transitioned from men and men from women still sometimes wonder and a very small number even change their mind after gender confirmation interventions. It is perfectly OK to wonder and really, it's just part of the adventure of understanding your gender. Welcome to the adventure!

[julia marie]

Danielle. I'll join in welcoming you to the site. I hope you enjoy your experience with the community and in the world of CD.
I'm sure there are some here who don't, at some point, question their sexuality or whether they destined for SRS. However, I suspect that most of us, once we put on boobs, wig and skirt, wonder, "Am I (fill in the blank)". Only you will know the answer.

[Milou]

Yeah, it's very common. Since not much is known about transsexualism, you might get lost in it. You might even trick yourself, since GiD, denial and identity are vague terms (for me). I don't know, thread carefully and possibly consult a therapist?


I think a lot of times crossdressers get caught up in the feelings they get from wearing womens cloths and can mistake it for being transsexual. Be careful.
This. The opposite is true as well.

[KimberlyJean]

If you asked me in the middle of a long time without being able to dress I would probably say I undoubtedly want to be a woman full-time. After about three days dressed my feet hurt and my bra and other parts are chafing and I realize that I am happy to go back to being a man. I think though that if you had a magical gender swapping solution and I could only use it one time I would probably choose to switch. I can't see myself transitioning from my current life, I am pretty happy being both.

[Miriam-J]

I think most of us wonder about whether we'll go on to being transsexuals, Danielle. After all, we don't really know what causes our crossdressing, so it's difficult to understand where it will take us.

I had been closet crossdressing for 35 years when I met the woman who became my current wife. I had only recently started to really explore crossdressing as more than closet fetish. When I told her about the crossdressing (early), I also told her I didn't know where it would lead but that I needed to follow where it went. After 5+ years, I now think that it's always going to be just a part-time gig - but I can never be sure. I certainly factor into this the various pressures on the process, including needs of family, friends, and work.

Logically, I see no sense being a part-time CDer. But I can accept that it's a reasonable reality. From what I've read in two years on this forum, I think that many (most?) here have reached the same illogical conclusion.

Miriam