Received my carry letter today...

[ChristinaMarie]

Well, today at my therapist appointment I received my carry letter. I didn't even know such a thing existed, but getting it is so scary and exciting at the same time. A few months ago I had again rededicated myself to just trying to be a man, and now I have a carry letter and a promise to have my HRT letter whenever I am ready for it. Life is funny sometimes!!

[sandra-leigh]

I hear that carry letters are not used often now in Canada or USA.

Still, what worries me the most about going fully female is the bathroom situation, the possibility of "Eeek! A man!" turning into An Event and so on. Especially on the days that I am in jeans (or jeggings). Likewise, my most comfortable long winter jacket is male and does not show skirts and dresses through, leaving people to form their judgement based upon my face that people almost always judge as male (and then can seldom say why.)

I have been telling myself that once I get my legal name change that I will use the authority of having a female name (and ID with that name) to "prove" that I'm not just a pervert... but walking into the woman's washroom that has teenaged girls is going to take me a while to own!

A Carry Letter would help me, at least psychologically, with the feeling of having the "right" to use women's washrooms. But it won't help me with the gaggle of teenaged girls when I am dressed down.

[Angela Campbell]

The "carry letter" seems useless to me. Why would you need it? If you are in a place where there would be a bathroom issue no one would even read the thing. If your ID says "M" they will not care about any letters.

The best thing is to get your "look" in order and no one will question you anyway. During transition it can be awkward. Be careful where you go. Once the name is changed and there is an "F" in your ID then use any public facility you like, but until then be careful.

[ChristinaMarie]

True but my therapist said it was more for if you get pulled over by the cops, or if you are traveling and want to show it at the security gate or something, I wasn't planning on carrying it literally with me everywhere :)

[mikiSJ]

I guess this could be an "only in San Francisco" thing, but Wednesday night I was in The City for a talk with Laverne Cox. I needed to use the restroom at the theater after my drive from San Jose. As I approached the restroom door I noticed a sign: "Gender Neutral Restroom". It was the only restroom in the building.

As I walked in all three stalls we in use and then 2 younger cisfemales walked in and had to stand in line behind me - what a trip!

[Angela Campbell]

The cops don't care neither does airport security

[sandra-leigh]

My recollection, possibly flawed, is that about 2 years ago one of the members here mentioned having gotten through a mall incident by virtue of a carry letter. In other case related here, the mallcops were willing to "push back" against the complainer once trans identity was demonstrated, but I no longer recall if that was a carry letter situation.

[Kathryn Martin]

I believe it is highly recommended and important to have a Carry Letter. I had one which I never had to use. But having it with me at all times meant that I had a first line of defence in case someone raised an issue. It made me feel a lot safer. It contained contact information for my therapist and stated that I was under her care for transsexualism. It also stated that I needed to use the women's bathrooms for safety reasons, even though I did not have surgery at that time. In my province at the time I was not recognized as legally female until the surgery was completed.

[ChristinaMarie]

Umm ok, glad you can generalize the entire population of police and airport personnel so well.


The cops don't care neither does airport security

[thechic]

Thank god we don't have carry letters in New Zealand ,Just does not sound a TS friendly way,Its like being labled.

[Rianna Humble]

This is probably another example of horses for courses - some of you don't see a personal need for a carry letter - fine! Don't use one!

But why on earth do you think that that entitles you to rain on ChristinaMarie's parade? :angry:

I could hear the excitement mixed with trepidation in her first post as loudly as I can hear the hurt in her follow-ups. :Angry3:

[ChristinaMarie]

You're awesome and you hit the nail on the head, thanks Rianna :)

[Maria in heels]

Congratulations Christina! a positive step!

[Nigella]

A carry letter, in whatever form, can help in some very sticky situations. Over here is the UK we have laws against transphobia, this only covers TS's not CDs, therefor a carry letter is another tool in our arsenal. In the UK, there is no law that will prevent any gender using the facilities aimed at the opposite gender, it is only our "backward" upbringing that says this is for XX or XY only.

If I was using the female toilets for instance, and a complaint was made, I could be charged with causing a "breach of the peace". Without the carry letter, proving that I had a "right" to be there, it would be very likely that I would end up in court.

I can support the fact that I am TS by showing my diagnosis letter from the GIC, but like some have said here, I don't carry it with me and have never had to "prove" myself. eventually the letter will be obsolete as I should get a new birth certificate, the only official recognition of gender in the UK.

[PretzelGirl]

Christina, I am happy for you. One of the biggest things that any letter means to me is a confirmation of how we feel. Not that we should need it, but it still can make many of us smile nonetheless.

In each post, I learn a little something more. Nigella explains where a carry letter becomes valuable where she lives. If you don't mind me asking, what country you are in and if you see the same advantages or maybe even some others to having the letter?

[ChristinaMarie]

Yep you are right Sue, just something to make you smile and give you some confirmation! I'm in the USA and I was told by my therapist that carrying it in the car in case the police pull you over or you are going through airport security, it can help when if your look doesn't match your ID. You may not need it but it can't hurt!

[I Am Paula]

My Dr. gave me a carry letter the other day. It reminded me of this post, so I questioned it. He explained that for the next few months my ID will not be congruent. It is technically illegal to have mismatched ID, but a fact of life, as I can't sit around in the dark waiting for things to happen. He said at least it will explain my screwed up ID enough to make a pull over less unpleasant.

[Janelle_C]

Christina I'm so happy for you. When I got my carry letter I felt a little more at ease. I'm lucky I live in a very good area were people are mostly accepting. I don't know where you live, but even in my area it made me feel a little better when I first started to go out into the world as my self. I wish you the best!

[PaulaQ]

Congrats Christina, I think a carry letter is a very good idea. It may not stop all incidents from happening, but I've known women for whom it did. And even if it doesn't - if the situation escalates, you can show others later "look - I showed them this letter - they ignored it." In major metropolitan areas, there's at least a decent chance the police will have had some training, or some experience, with transgender women, and if someone complains about your bathroom use, or other situations, the policeman will be probably be happy to have a tidy explanation for what's going on.

[Starling]

I carry a therapist's letter when I'm out dressed. I think of it as my ace in the hole, just in case I need "a friend" when dealing with law enforcement. I don't expect it would get me out of the average sticky situation; I rely on my wits and my self-belief to get me through that stuff.

Furthermore, even though I don't dress full-time right now, I'm always a woman inside, and I do not fear being "caught." Yes, there might be some practical and emotional difficulties associated with premature disclosure of my status beyond the smallish group of people who know the real me, but being publicly outed would not be the personal disaster it would be to a closeted heterosexual CD.

It might even be a blessing in drag, you should pardon the expression.

:) Lallie