Do you judge others?

[Erica Marie]

I was just kind of curious, and Im truly hoping not to offend anyone with this.

Do you judge other crossdressers on their choice of clothing and hair or make-up styles? I know in real life, to a point, we sometimes judge others by their appearance. But do you ever look at another cd, even if its some of the members here, and say WTF?

I know we all have our own style and reason or level of crossdressing. But should we really be judgemental? I guess for me at times I say "Why would she wear that", I think I do that because its not something I would ever wear. Do we look at a partial dresser and say they are just half way there? But are they if that is what makes them comfortable?

I know I am far from perfect, maybe this is just a rant against myself. But maybe its also a step towards every one accepting every one else for who they really are. Instead of judging maybe it would be great to learn more about that person?
Maybe "judge" is the wrong term, maybe I should say create an opinion.

[kimdl93]

Of course, there are many WTF moments. Sometimes I'm appalled by people's choices, but I keep those thoughts to myself.

[Kate Simmons]

Th "pot" does well not to call the "kettle" black my friend. I don't even judge the "people of Walmart" pictures and that does take a lot of effort. To each their own I figure. :battingeyelashes::)

[Brenda B]

I resist the urge to judge other CDs based on their appearance because I know it's all about how it makes us feel. For me, at least, it's a sense of joy to express my feminine side. So if I see someone else expressing that, regardless of what they look like, I say "good for you, go for it"!

[Marcelle]

Hi Erica,

I guess it would depend on the definition of "judging a person". IMHO if you look at someone and say . . . "Well that clothing sure looks silly and that must mean that person is silly" then you are judging them. However as most people are want to do when they see something that is not their thing and you say "Not my style but to each their own" then you are not judging merely making an honest appraisal of the situation. It is the same thing regardless of who you are looking at. I still don't get the young guys who wear their pants with the crotch hanging at their knees (would not do it myself) but I don't think any less of them. Besides it is hard to be judgemental of people at a bus stop when you are a guy wearing women's clothing. :battingeyelashes:

We have all looked at someone at some point in our lives and thought "not my style" or even "really not a good look for her/him" . . . that is not being judgemental. If someone says "Oh no Isha not me", I'll call bul$%&% on that one. However when you begin painting that person with a broad brush of silly, weird, creepy or whatever now you are being judgemental.

Hugs

Isha

[Lynn Marie]

I make value judgments all the time. It's a completely automatic survival instinct. To me it seems that if I use those judgments to condemn and beat down others to elevate myself then I'm simply reacting to my own insecurity and lack of confidence. A pretty ugly condition indeed.

[Zylia]

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to look at pictures and NOT have an opinion on other people's outfits. There are some I like, there are a few I do not really like and there's a rare WTF moment every now and then, but that's just my opinion. We don't all have to like the same things to respect each other. Different strokes for different folks and all that. I will allow anyone to wear that leather miniskirt at age 56 if they allow me to have an opinion on it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Erica, If I can't say something nice I don't say anything.

[Karren H]

I admit it... I judge everyone... I just don't verbalize it.... ok I don't verbalize it all the time...

[~Joanne~]

I'll be honest here because we are so against lying ;) Though I FIRMLY believe that everyone has the right to do whatever it is they want to do in their one short life and one's happiness should be priority one, I have a lot of WTF moments. I have more of them in THIS section than I do when looking at pictures (though I have them there too, just not as often).

Part of the biggest problems we have in this world is from others thinking that other people should think like they do, act like they do, and believe in what they do and that just isn't my cup of tea. It's part of the reason a lot of us struggle to be who we are no matter where on that spectrum we realize we belong.

Like most, I keep it to myself for the most part , unless it's asked of me to give an opinion.

[biggirlsarah]

I suppose we all do to a degree, I am sure that most women look at what others are wearing all the time, and think my that looks really good or that combination goes really well together, or I wouldn't have put those shoes with that bag it really doesn't go, or even to coin the phrase OMG what are you thinking, but I wouldn't say it was being judgmental just having an opinion about what others are wearing. Just my thoughts.

[Launa]

Yes I do judge other CD's.

If I see a CD all made up with facial hair, hooker boots, fish nets, a cheap pink wig from the dollar store etc.... then I say to myself that's wrong and why would you do that? That's my opinion

[Shelly K]

I believe we all look at others photos and have those WTF moments. While everyone has the right to dress for their own pleasure, others have the right to their opinion of what they see. I often see posts where someone is in a strange contorted pose and think, “What makes them thing that is a flattering pose or clothing choice.
We all see photos and are asked our opinions all the time of hair and clothing and we all make our judgments. I often view these and think no that does not look good or that hair style, color is wrong but I keep that to myself and believe that it is up to the individual to make the decision on what they prefer. I believe that if we are asked for our opinion we should be honest if we think something does not look good but this is view as harsh or rude. The question should not be asked unless you can accept the true opinion of others. We can answer “I don’t think that is the best look for you”.
We have to remember that we all have our own distorted view of our choices and what we think looks good for us may not be so flattering or fit as well as we might think.

[Melissa73]

i wouldn't call it judging! but i admit, mentally i look at others outfits and either i like it or think they should wear something different. but on the otherhand, gg do that all the time to others, even sometimes verbalizing it! its called fashion



Melissa

[Adriana Moretti]

If I see a CD all made up with facial hair, hooker boots, fish nets, a cheap pink wig from the dollar store etc.... then I say to myself that's wrong and why would you do that? That's my opinion

me too...but I would never say it to them...no matter how much I would love to...I would never...well unless I had a few and was feeling frisky...then maybe.....but I WILL email a friend about it LOL. If you dont have anything nice to say....keep it moving...thats the phrase right??

[bridget thronton]

I do not offer opinions if I a not asked. I said before that I try to only look for the positive in a person's look. Just cuz it is not my style does not mean it another person should not wear it.

[Anna H]

Well, this place is an exception compared to many other CD places.

We communicate well and the tone is acceptance and support here.
So while there's always going to be the occasional WTF moment, it's
handled with politeness and good intentions.

I don't fear at all putting crappy pictures up. I 'WTF' myself often...
(what was I thinking at the time...LOL!)

It's not a fashion show here like other places. We're all real people
with different reasons for what we do and vastly different levels of
resources.

I appreciate the critiques and recommendations and opinions myself
and it's Great to have those dead-honest opinions. I know they're
well intended....which is more than I can say for some places...:P

I feel like ANY participation is better than none. So I'm always
very happy to see anyone post any picture they're comfortable with.
It's still a very scary thing for many of us....even years into it.

There's no feeling of competition, so it's easy to post "bad" pictures
and learn from them and be inspired by others and make whatever
"progress" means to each of us. The more of us participating, the more
will see that and come join in.

Kate's got plenty more WTF to come! Some days it works...and some
days it don't. Be gentle ladies! LOL!

:happy: ♥

[Chari]

Not knowing where a person is on the gender scale, or what their personal issues are, it is not for me to judge them. I do look at their attire for ideas of new/different fashion trends, and if I would be comfortable/confident enough to wear something similar. Enjoy.

[Katey888]

Well we are all human, at the end of it all - and I wouldn't believe anyone who says that they don't want people to think well of them, whether that's about the way that they look or how they express themselves in other ways (and sometimes those two are interlinked...) and given that a lot of folk here have probably never revealed how they look to anyone other than via this forum (yes - that's me...) you can't really do that without expecting to be judged a bit, can you?

If I look at some of my own pics I have WTF-squared moments - what have I been thinking, seriously... :eek: but again, if you're not prepared for at least some gentle critique, don't post. :)

There's always a positive to be found somewhere... we all come here for support and we should all be prepared to offer the quid pro quo to that, which is a degree of unconditional support to our sisters here. The one exception would be when someone is actually preparing to brave the big wide world for real and they want to do that in a pink wig, etc. I think at that point we wouldn't be doing anyone any favours by just focusing on any positives without at least saying: "Are you sure you want to do that, dearie..?" :D

Katey x

[Beverley Sims]

Of course I am judgmental.
If I think someone is making a fool of themselves dressing to make a political statement or cause unnecessary grief to those around them.
If you are in a group and everyone is feeding off the extreme dresser then it is fun and I approve.

Some dress just to make a statement and it is not in keeping in the bounds of decorum.

[Angie G]

I think we all do at some time. I try not to but I do find myself doing it. For the most part I wish to live and let live the way one wishes:hugs:
Angie

[MsVal]

Of course I judge people.

When a boy dresses like an inner city thug, my response is to judge that person as an inner city thug and treat him the way he apparently wants to be treated. It's a totally different treatment than the one that dresses in a suit and tie.

In the context of this forum, I may see a picture of someone dressed poorly (my judgement, my opinion, remember?) and have admittedly inconsistent responses:
1) I may say nothing at all. No hurt feelings, but no honesty and no growth.
2) I may find something that I can compliment. A little more honest, but not completely, and no growth.
3) I may point out the things I believe can be improved and provide solutions. Most honest, potential for growth, but least friendly.

My personal preference is to have my work critiqued honestly. Politely, but in the end, honestly.
What's yours?

Best wishes
MsVal

[Lynn Marie]

Of course I am judgmental.
Some dress just to make a statement and it is not in keeping in the bounds of decorum.

I just love it when you talk dirty Beverley.

[Tami]

You can't control what pops into your head, it's what you do with those thoughts that is important.

It's surely impossible to not think Wtf to yourself on occasions but that doesn't mean one goes and blurts that out.

I think it's important to understand that people have varied time and money to put into this and others feel exhilarated just by wearing a cheap pink wig and fishnets. WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT .

Here As in any walk of life everyone has their own sense of style.

Saying that, I am terrible at judging other peoples clothes in my head when I walk through the city particularly blokes.

[Debra Russell]

No I don't judge anyone just because they have bad taste, sense of style/just wrong or poor judgement....no not at all - never hear it from me:shutup:..........................Debra

[Rachael Leigh]

Oh I have to admit I do but than I judge myself against the girls here who are so incredibly beautiful as well.
We all have our styles likes and dislike so it's hard not to judge but I try to be positive to all at least that's my goal

[Joanne f]

Hello Erica Marie,
I judge no one on the base of clothing , what they like to wear has nothing to do with me and I really cannot see that it will affect me, I respect that it is their personal choice , it is the actions that other people do that affect other people and in my opinion you can't help but judge that ( but that's just me) :D

[Alice Torn]

Yes, I judge a lot.So do you, and so does everyone, everyday. HOWEVER, though i judge, I dare not CONDEMN, and there is a huge difference. You judge, or discriminate, every time you choose one dress, over another , or one pair of pants over another. Or one pair of shoes over another. You may see a person in one dress, that makes you cheery, and on cloud nine, but see that person in another outfit, and think, "What were they thinking?" And, others do it to us everyday. The key is not to condemn.

[Lorileah]

Oh H*** yeah. It's what I do. When you are perfection you simply have to tell others what to do and wear.
(right now there are several members here who are agreeing with the fact I am a diva)

[Dianne S]

Of course we all judge internally, even if we don't say anything out loud. That's only human.

I tend to be a little put off by CDers in our local social group who wear short-short skirts, fishnet stockings, stiletto heels, etc. because I can't help but get vibes that it's a fetish for them more than a gender identity question. But I certainly wouldn't say anything to them... it that's what they like, then fine. It just isn't for me.

[AllieSF]

I admit it... I judge everyone... I just don't verbalize it.... ok I don't verbalize it all the time...

That is how I feel too. We all make judgments, some intentional after analyzing the situation and others naturally and automatically and these are actually mostly out of our control, they just happen. Now the key is, what do we do with those judgments? I tend to keep mine to myself.

[docrobbysherry]

The only people that don't judge live in Forest Lawn. I don't live there quite yet.

[natcrys]

I automatically form opinions when I see people [-]dressed[/-].. and I do make assumptions. Usually they are right (if I may say so ;) ), and sometimes they're wrong.

Within the context of CD-ers, I follow my mom's rule when in public: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

This goes for photos that are being posted in a public place, such as this place or Flickr, for example. But also, when I meet CD-ers at social gatherings. I might think that "even Anna Nicole Smith thinks that outfit is tacky", but I wouldn't say that to their face.

However... if someone really asks for my opinion.. and explicitly states that I should be brutally honest... oooh boy! I'll still try to be diplomatic.. but that person would hear the unvarnished truth! :facepalm:

[Teresa]

Hi Erica,
I'm slightly guilty of speaking my mind because after thirty years of photography people expected me to correct things to improve their picture, so if I give an opinion I feel it has some validity. Clients would bring in different outfits and let you choose the best for them, so I had to pick up on what went together and how it fitted them and pose them accordingly.
I guess the problem is we're male trying to look female often with very little guidance, but then it depends what we want to portray, if GGs can make mistakes we're bound to. The real no-nos are dressing with facial hair and I feel sorry for people who can't shave their legs, but if their outfit looks Ok they may decide themselves to take that next step. I suppose there are WTF moments, you've got to accept I wouldn't do that but they might have such limited funds that's the best they can do and they're proud of it.

[sandra-leigh]

Do I judge? Yes. I probably won't say anything to that person, but I might perhaps summarize a class of people when talking to someone else.

I have been making mental judgements on some of the cross-dressers I have been seeing on dating sites.

Some of them dress fairly tastefully and are more or less hoping to find someone who will accept them; those ones I tend to think of as being brave.

But others, who might classify themselves anywhere from crossdresser to transgender or occasionally even transsexual, are there dressed up in slinky clothes and black nylons and every picture of they have posted shows them in sexualized form. See-through pantyhose over erect penis is not uncommon (including in their public pictures). I'm there trying to get people to take me seriously, a person who just happens to be a transsexual who is trying hard to avoid "trapping" anyone, and these people are there with their "to be transsexual is to devote one's life to being a sex plaything" profiles. Am I going to make judgements? You bet your bippie I am.

[Michelle V]

We are all here to get support and encouragement from like-minded people. To read criticism from people is rough when some of us always question our appearance as females. I appreciate the brutality of comments from people like Karren Hutton who is able to throw a jab with grace and intelligence. I disapprove of those members who are either too forward with compliments (feels like they are fishing for more than a friendship) but it is alway nice when another girl takes the time to show their support and makes the right comments, sometimes it is all it takes to carry on and feel accepted. Those moments show a real sisterhood, those comments make this forum what it is intended for; a safe place to be ourselves and continue growing.

[lovetobedani]

Who am I to judge another when it's so easy to judge me??? However when I see another not dressed or looking the way I feel is appropreate I tend to recoil. Not because I'm judgemental more than I disagree.

[Stephanie Julianna]

There are as many facets to this dressing thing as there are different kinds of GG's with varying taste. I don't judge a woman for wearing a dress that may be too tight for her shape than I do one of us. If it makes him or her happy so be it. For me, I want to pass and that is my slant on what I do. I don't know what I will do when I can't pass. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

[Cheryl T]

I would not say I "judge" others in that respect. I try not to judge anyone on what they do, or wear, or whatever.
Internally critique, certainly !! Wonder why that particular choice, absolutely !! Tell them they have poor taste, look terrible, should run and hide...NEVER !!


We all make comparisons, it's human nature, but this is a support area, not a tear down and hope they rebuild area. If someone asks my opinion I will be happy to share that opinion. Just don't judge me on what I say. What works for someone may not work for me or someone else and that's fine and dandy. We are individuals and we should not all be the same.

[Tracii G]

I'm sure I do it but I will never voice my opinion in a harsh way to them.
I will give a tip or suggestion every now and then to maybe help them.

[Megan Thomas]

I do and I won't shy away from admitting it. What I won't do is publish my thoughts in a nasty mean way directed at the person involved. Each to their own and all that jazz...

I think sometimes we may overlook the damage a poor representation can create in our world. It's also very easy to forget what we post on forums such as this can be seen far beyond the confines of those with our proclivities. It doesn't take much for someone exploring our world to come across pictures which totally misrepresent what I am about (and quite a few more of us I suspect) and form an opinion that is very hard to change once in place.

I don't think such opinions are limited to exposure to questionable photos either. Do natal females really go about discussing what style or colour their panties are on forums? How many fawn quasi-sexual overtures over their choice of clothing? For those who encounter our world without the benefit of an open mind or a CD partner to set the record straight it is all too easy to see us in some diminished perverted light.

And that makes acceptance in the wider world all the harder...

[Kate T]

Yes I do Judge sometimes, and I try and consciously "correct" myself. I mean please, who am I to judge!!

HOWEVER what I do comment on is attitudes and dressing that objectify women. What you do in your own home is your business but I think it is inappropriate to dress or more importantly behave in a manner that objectifies women. Our male dominated society does that enough already do we seriously need to add to it?

[Carmen]

I do not judge anyone here that has the intestinal fortitude to post their photos.
However I do form an opinion that I keep to myself. This world is full of criticism and I don't want to contribute.

There are many members here at varying comfort levels with their dressing. Some choose to stay indoors, and some choose to venture out into the world.
When I have a WTF moment...I remind myself about peoples choices and go with that.
I tend to see the positives in people. When I see a sister here that is trying out clothing styles and practicing their makeup, I put myself into their shoes and think about what would work best to bring out that 'hidden' girl for them.

Granted, I have been dressing since my early teens and I recall those days of trying on everything under the sun no matter how flashy or innapropriate, that is a stage that most of us go through.
For a sister that is starting out dressing, those times are special for us.
For myself, I think that sometimes I'm trying to recapture and relive the feelings of those early years.

[julia marie]

Hmmm, do I judge other CDs by what they wear and how they look? I haven't run into a whole lot in public, so there haven't been that many opportunities. If I saw a lot of CDs, would judging them be any different than what we do as guys who see other guys. Tell me you don't thing when in guy mode and you see other guys: "Maybe he should buy tee-shirts that cover the beer gut." or "Jeans are supposed to go above the butt." or "Dude, the comb-over doesn't work on windy days."
Are we any more judgmental in fem mode than the GGs are when they view other GGs or drab guys? Nope.
I think that when we view other CDs we have to be particularly careful and diplomatic with what we say (and write) about other CDs. We all have feelings to respect. So, yes, we have to recognize the different approaches that people inthis community take to CD, and we have no right to criticize others for what they wear/don't wear. Control what we think? That's tougher.

[Nadine Spirit]

Yes, I judge others. Some choices I see people make, I wish I would make them, some I think I do make, and some that I am glad I would never make.

[Sometimes Steffi]

In some ways, I'm less judgemental than I used to be. Since I have some first habd experience about how hard it is to look beautiful, I'm a lot less judgemental of those CDs, TSs and GGs who for whatever reason are not the most beautiful on the outside.

But I have to admit, I just don't get guys who go out half way girl. But to each his own.

Also, last year a Keystone, they were a couple of guys dressed up as very young (baby) girls. So here I was out in a dress and judging these guys dressed as baby dolls. Wha can I say, except I'm sorry if I've offended you.

[Julia Red]

I judge others, it's inevitable, but at the same time I try to police myself on that, because I don't like it. I think this "judgement" thing and the reaction it causes is exactly the same reason why a lot of CDers cannot be out and be themselves, including me. So I don't think is a healthy thing to do. I consciously try to minimize it the best I can.

So in mind it happens like "WTF is this guy wearing and his face is... wait, stop that, Julia. Let him be. If he likes it that way, it's cool."

[Stephanie47]

I do not judge the persons on this site because I do not know them. I see the clothing they are wearing. When I am viewing the pictures that have been posted many times I will go to the bio page to check the age. I do judge their attire in the same manner as I judge the attire of a woman at the mall. For argument sake, if you're a young 21, a mini dress that hits several inches above mid thigh and five inch heels is attractive on you. If you're 65 and have not aged well and your skin looks like a dried out lake bed, then that mini dress is....well... I would shriek if I saw my grandmother wearing it.

That being said it does not confer upon the person nothing more than poor sense of fashion. There are many women AND men out there that can use an "ambush makeover."

[Gardener]

The predominant feeling I have is one of envy. Envy at how plausible so many of you can look when dressed as women. Envy that you seem able from your words to express this part of yourself with much greater freedoms than I can. I think judgement is the wrong word for me. It implies right and wrong and by golly if nothing else I have reached a position of personal acceptance.

[tiffany_ann]

no judging here. we are all learning as we go

[MsVal]

It occurred to me that the word "judge" seems to have quite a strong negative connotation in this thread.
Are there positive judgments? Can we judge someone to be artful, passionate, compassionate, or do we fail to recognize positive contributions?

Best wishes
MsVal

[kendra_gurl]

Publicly not so much, but in my own mind of course I'll give a thumbs up:thumbsup: or thumbs down:thumbsdn: to anyone male or female that is dressed in a manner that attracts my attention. We have all seen GG's whom are simply breath takingly beautiful. How can one not appreciate what it took for her to look that way. Same for some of the girls photos on this site, they are amazing.
When a male or female is in public looking totally ridiculous ( what ever ones definition of that might be) I think to myself WTF and I don't feel bad for thinking that because I figure they don't give a **** about what I think anyway.

For the record as it pertains to this forum I must admit to judging those here who do make a point (meaning they purposely do this) of going out in public as a "man in a dress" as a thumbs down:thumbsdn:

[Krisi]

It's human nature to judge other people and not just related to crossdressing. You may think you don't but you do. You may repress it but you're still judging them.

I used to wear slacks, dress shoes and shirt and a tie to work. We would have visitors (strangers to me) who also wore shirts and ties and they would usually smile and greet me if we passed in the hall. One day I had some cleaning and rearranging to do so I wore a work shirt, jeans and sneakers. The people who passed me that day looked away and said nothing. Just by the clothes I wore that day, they judged that I was beneath them.

Deny it all you want, you (and I) judge people based on many things including clothing and demeanor.

[Katie7]

I think we are allowed to have an opinion about people regardless of them being a CD or not. I too had some of those WTF moments, though, my opinion would be regardless of who is wearing those cloths, a GG or a CD

Katie x