What would you do if confronted in public

[GenieGirl]

I have often contemplated this scenario in my head, as most probably have, of what would you do if someone confronted you in public about being tg,cd,etc. I have had nothing but nice compliments since I have been out. I do often wait for the moment someone has something nasty opinion to share so i can share my own opinion too. Is it wrong of me to feel so confident and defensive in such a situation if it ever arises. while i would like to stay civil and respectful as a lady, if someone is completely rude to me as a girl i dont think it would bother me to speak my mind. I will not be bullied! I would first try to inform them of who i am and why its ok. But if they continue being ignorant then i might give them what they deserve. Is that wrong of me? Have any of you ever had this experience?

Ginger

[Anna H]

I'd also be inclined to defend myself...If...I felt I had to.

I've seen some drag queens whip a few asses in the past.
It was Great!

LOL!

:happy: ♥

[Babbs]

nice attitude but it could be dangerous...is it worth lowering yourself down in the gutter with the lowlife and risk physical harm over his ignorance...probably not

[Jorja]

Back thirty years ago when I transitioned it was a common occurrence to be harassed on the street as soon as they realized you were TS/TG/CD. You just learned to keep your mouth shut, smile (no matter how much it hurt), and keep on moving. Never, Ever, get into a verbal confrontation with them and bring yourself down to their level, no matter how much you want to kick the crap out of them.

That being said, today it is much different. Yes, there might be an occasional incident depending on where you live but for the most part, everyone just keeps quiet, smiles, and goes about their own business.

Only defend yourself as a last resort. Otherwise, you are a lady and a lady does not fight with scum.

[ClaraKent]

I rarely think backing down is a good idea but I try to fight more battles with words instead of flesh. I have learned from personal experience that there's a difference between a normal social bully and someone who is intentionally out to hurt you. If its a run-of-the-mill fool then let him keep his close mind while you keep strutting your fine self onwards to better things. I have seen a few feisty drag queens that inspire me when they get confronted though!

[GenieGirl]

I would never want to lower myself to that level at all. I was bullied most of my childhood and never stood up to it till I was a teen till I started fighting back. My experiences made me tougher than most men will ever be. I began fighting back and started kicking bully a#$. While I am the easiest person to get along with I have always had to defend myself and show others that I am not weak and am a force to be reckoned with. I have taken guys physically twice my size. Unfortunately I have plenty of experience with fighting in my past...its nothing I wish to do now but its something I am more familiar with that than most men. It actually helps me feel more comfortable with going out as me because most guys don't scare me if they ever want to start a fight I know I can defend myself really well. I am not proud of it or wish to ever have to fight again. I just want to be happy and be surrounded with people who are OK with me as I am. I always strive to talk it out first if possible and if we have our differences then walk our own paths respectfully. But if they can't handle our differences I would never throw the first punch...never have. As a lady and gentlemen I always give them the chance and wait for the first punch to be thrown...Its sad that I am always waiting forc he first punch I could never throw but that is reality...for some reason some people have always found a reason not to like me while most love me....so I must always stay friendly but always stay ready. I hope to live the rest of my life in peace but I will not forget my past andcthecthings I had to stand up to in my past. The same thing applies to any tg I ever see in public being mistreated...I couldn't stand by and let them be abused. Sorry if this seems too violent to you....Just have had too much personal experiences with bullying growing up..

[Rachelakld]

umm, if they were in my face, and looking for trouble (I'm not really in to arguing or exchanging words - I'm a quiet type ) I'd probably start with a fast blow to the adams apple and see if that changes the situation. Hope it never comes to that

[Wildaboutheels]

Sometimes there is no alternative... but to fight.

BUT... keep something very important in mind. I had my fair share of "organized/sanctioned fighting"...where there were no weight classes. Regardless of your own size, it's a big mistake to assess the danger from someone based on THEIR size.

[Nicole Erin]

Most time when people run their lip, it is from a moving car, at a distance, or they are trying to impress their friends.

But let's look at something you missed -
So far you have heard compliments. If you have not had any bad reactions yet, you probably do not have to worry. But even if you do, what does an insult here or there matter compared to all the approval?

I do not look as good as you yet I get plenty of compliments. Once in a while there is someone who has to be smart ass but it does not matter. As tempting as it would be to smart off, it is better to not give them the attention they seek. Low lives thrive on attention even if it is negative.

[heatherdress]

I cannot think of any scenario when it would be necessary or smart to confront anyone who might be making ignorant comments or questioning about me crossdressing. I do not have to explain, or justify, or convince. I would just be wasting time with a jerk. Best just to ignore and go somewhere else. It would be even worse to engage someone in physical confrontation unless attacked.

[Jason+]

Sometimes there is no alternative... but to fight.

BUT... keep something very important in mind. I had my fair share of "organized/sanctioned fighting"...where there were no weight classes. Regardless of your own size, it's a big mistake to assess the danger from someone based on THEIR size.

Having had my clock cleaned by more than one person half my size I would have to agree with this. Growing up I would as happily talk or walk my way out of a fight as punch my way out but sometimes you get cornered and don't have much option. I would prefer now to disarm someone with an "I'm sorry you feel that way, thanks for your opinion." If the comment comes from ignorance sometimes you can educate. If it's just malice or a deep seated belief the best answer is to move on from an un-winnable argument. But as a work colleague described me as a "cheeky monkey" there is a good chance even in a good religious argument I might ask if they feel that way all over or just in spots. :D

[Lorileah]

Walk away. No reason to antagonize the other person

PS lets get off the violence gig here ok?

[Isa]

Simply do what you feel is right..

[adrienner99]

While I was bullied as a child too, I have never been physically attached while dressed. Good thing, because I am not sure how to fight in five inch heels. But stupid, offensive remarks are a possibility anytime we got out, I think. Compliments or indifference may be more common but hate crimes still exist and lesser levels of hate and ignorance do, too. We would be crazy not to be thinking about the potential to be harassed, esp. in some parts of the country. There is no one standard way to deal with this. And usually such comments are based on fear and cowardice. Really macho guys might insult us to "pre-empt" any accusations they might think crossdressing is ok...Crude comments can stay with us for a long time, and the butthead who made them forgets them five minutes later. I used to tell my children, "You can't control what people say but you control how it affects you. Do not give these people power over you."

[Deedee Skyblue]

It is very dangerous to get in a verbal confrontation with someone in a public place, you never know who might be carrying a knife and whose bruised 'self-esteem' would lead to using that knife. My feeling is that if you don't have a very good reason for a confrontation, find a way to avoid it. The ignorance of another person says a lot more about that person than it does about you.

Deedee

[Launa]

The scenario you have in your head could happen but its more likely it would be under different circumstances. I forsee that most people who will confront you in public will be in groups of 2 or more. Its rare that someone will confront you 1 to 1 so your at a disadvantage right there if its a group verbally attacking. You "always" need to assess the type of footwear you are wearing because the first thing your going to want to do is get those heels off and you'll then be in bare feet. If you're wearing boots then how good is the grip? You don't want to be sliding around on the pavement in slippery boots or shoes and chances are the other guy is wearing running shoes or something with a good grip.
3rd thing is are there other people around to witness whats going to go down? I am always aware of these things when I go out and have never been confronted, there is that possibility though. I have a friend/ acquaintance that was dressed at a mainstream pub, he started getting harassed by some individual and the fight broke out. When the dust settled my friend had won and the other guy was laughed at by all his friends. They were saying ha,ha you were beaten by a girl!!!!!

Anyway remember your circumstances and your footwear. A fight in the street is different than in the ring, there is no Ref to stop it or declare a winner.
If you can avoid any situation from getting physical then it is declared as a win.

[Davina4587]

As previously mentioned, unfortunately in this day and age you don't know who's carrying a knife and what damage they are prepared to do to look big in front of their mates. I think I'd walk away

X

[Marcelle]

Personally, I have had one bad (confrontational) experience when out but that was quite early and my choice of venue was probably not wise. Did I handle it well . . . meh could have been better but there was no Spartacus Gladiator death match just a few chosen words which could have gone bad if they guys had not backed down . . . lizard brain thinking can get you in trouble fast.

If the altercation was a case of "giggles, finger pointing and laughs at my expense", I would most likely ignore it. In my line of work we have a saying "Pick the hill you want to die on" and that is not the hill. I find standing up and having an all out verbal confrontation over giggles, guffaws and the likes will only help their cause and make you appear defensive . . . in this I prefer to take the high ground.

If we dial that up a notch such as "rude or vicious comments" depending the severity I may verbally engage but will do so in a polite and non-confrontational manner. This happened once and when I engaged the individual in conversation they just shut up and went about their business. Could it escalate? Quite possibly but you will be able to tell by the situation. If I feel it is possible that my "witty repartee" might cause a physical altercation then I would normally prefer to disengage and from the field of battle and live to fight another day.

Physical altercation (hitting, pushing or in my face stand-off) it will depend. I try to stick to venues where this is not likely to happen but if it did, I would try to talk my way out of things. If that did not work, I am not going to engage unless someone attacks me and then it would be defensive only. The thing to remember, when dressed, you do not have the advantage of being in familiar guy clothes and even girl jeans make a difference. I teach unarmed combat and just for an experiment I dressed in skirt and heels and sparred with my wife . . . she kicked my ass in a matter of seconds. I tried again in girl jeans, boots (slight heel), top and purse. I managed to hold my own but still got taken down quicker than I should have. IMHO fighting should be a last resort and only if your life is in danger.

Hugs

Isha

[sherri]

In all my years of going out, there have been two incidences in which a Neanderthal hurled a verbal insult from a distance, but I consider that harassment, not confrontation. To me, "confrontation" would be someone getting in my face about being tg, passing judgment on my life choices and/or challenging my right to do so, and should be distinguished from someone just wanting to know why I do what I do etc. I've been the object of a few -- very few, actually -- disapproving looks or whispering, pretty much inevitable in our culture. The next level would be physical confrontation and I've never experienced that, thank God.


I think if I was at a club or gathering and someone chose to be snide or critical of my appearance or gender expression in the presence of others I might fire off a good-natured rejoinder if I had the presence of mind to think of a witty comeback, but I would swiftly disengage from a protracted or escalating exchange. In my early days I might have been cowed in embarrassment, but now I would simply prefer not to allow myself to be sucked down into someone else's stupidity and meanness.

[Adriana Moretti]

I would never want to lower myself to that level at all. .

me either......i did see a pretty funny video though of 3 cd's take out a guy harrassing them...it was pretty funny.

[Beverley Sims]

Nothing wrong in walking away to live another day, unscarred.

[Tracii G]

Its best to walk away most of the time but that one time if you have no choice stand your ground.
Had 3 guys give me a hard time and said they were going to kick my a$$.
I said OK lets start with the big guy first with a big smile on my face.
I guess that un nerved them enough they walked away.
Being around 5'5" I grew up being taunted and picked on so I had to learn to fight.Martial arts taught me never use my knowledge in anger and only to protect myself and others.At least it took the fear aspect out of being confronted by some jerk.

[BLUE ORCHID]

If there's a problem it's there problem not mine turn and walk away.

[Miriam-J]

No matter the subject, confrontation only exists if you accept it. If another person attempts to confront, you have a choice of responding with confrontation, retreating, ... or trying something more creative. It's generally more effective and satisfying to take the third path. This could take the form of humor, education, distraction, or some combination of the three. As long as you stay cool, anything's possible.

Miriam

[cdinmd206]

Step 1 Try to avoid going to places that a confrontation could occur
Step 2 Attempt to walk away form the confrontation
Step 3 Smile and attempt to talk the person out of doing you physical harm
Step 4 Smile very nicely and inform the person you have CCP and are about to exercise your right to defend yourself.
Only got to step 4 once and the person apologized profusely. I accepted his apology and we departed the area

[kimdl93]

You have the right idea. But really, the odds are so small as long as you stay out of clearly inhospitable terrain. In four years I've never had one confrontational moment.

[Eryn]

I agree. The best approach is to avoid places where such confrontations are likely to occur. These are pretty much the same places that reasonable GGs also avoid. No biker or sports bars on the bad side of the tracks for this lady!

In the unlikely situation of being confronted with someone asking "Are you a man?" in a more civilized locale, I would simply respond "No." I am the gender that I am presenting and it is no business of theirs how my flesh is arranged under my clothes.

[sanderlay]

I agree with Jorja's post, #4 (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?211330-What-would-you-do-if-confronted-in-public&p=3468537&viewfull=1#post3468537), and I would just Smile and keep on going, leave the area to a more public place if needed.

I've had polite conversations over the years with different persons like a older lady said... "Am I Scottish?" I smiled and replied... "No." Another time a lady said... "I like how you put your outfit together." I smiled and replied... "Thanks."

There have been others that were polite and I knew were reasonable persons that did not have an agenda or were simply trying to get a rise out of me or provoke something.

Verbal Confrontation is just Not Worth It. They probably have an agenda and a very closed mind. Keep your dignity, be calm and reserved, and Be a Lady no mater how you feel about them. Walk away.

[Megan Thomas]

Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with their experience.