Who Gets Buried?

[Persephone]

I have a real concern about something.

I'm giving serious thought to doing a legal name change. But when I die I know my spouse and other family members would like me to be buried with my male name.

Is there a legal way to do both?

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Rhonda Darling]

Your legal name is just that. That is the one that will go on your death certificate. However, your tombstone, death announcements, etc can also indicate AKA (also known as) or an equivalent "aliases" listing. You should discuss that with family, even put it in your will, and perhaps write up how you'd want it.

Rhonda

[Jason+]

I think the key is in some fashion identifying how you wish to be handled after death before you die and getting the buy in of those who will be left to handle the arrangements. Of course that includes discussion with the respective significant other since the funeral at that point is really more about the survivors than the deceased.

[Gina's dress-up]

Hi i went to the DPS here in texas to get an I.D. as Gina in femme they look at me, and told me to go to court and change my legal name thur a judge proceeding. everthing i own and do is thur my legal name as per law, 9-11 change everthing.

[Shari]

What difference will it make? You'll be just as dead as anybody else.
Why muddy the water for your heirs? It will just make things more difficult for your loved ones.

[kimdl93]

As Rhonda observed your death certificate bears your legal name, but that gets filed away. You could leave instructions or have your headstone prepared in advance and get it to say what you want.

[Marcelle]

Hi Persephone,

Rhonda is right the death certificate is the legal document and as such it will bear your legal name at time of death. So if you change your name legally, that is the name which will appear. However, it is just a document and which is not what people will seek out when we have shuffled off this mortal coil. The tombstone can have whatever a person wants on it so this might be the compromise so people will know both sides of you.

Hugs

Isha

[mykell]

you have 2 sides, the tombstone has two sides,
maybe you can get both done....

[PretzelGirl]

I would like to give another perspective on the tombstone. I am into genealogy some and tombstones are one of the many tools for tracing family lines. If you do a legal name change, you want it clear cut as you want to live without the ambiguity. But I could see this being a barrier to tracing backwards through an ancestry. But a tombstone is done after many of us could care less. I say many as I would talk with your spouses/partners and children. They may see otherwise as you note. Discuss it out and see what matters to you and to them. If the problem is just for the burial, can arrangements be made for a AKA to be added after the fact?

This is really a tough one on the broad scope as some who change names don't ever want to be called the old name again, even in death. Other people here have stated they don't care about anything after they are dead. So the family's feelings carry more weight. Heck, if a person has enough saved up, you could have two separate plots with the viewing being towards the family's wishes since a viewing is more for them.

[BillieAnneJean]

Google Highgate Cemetery near London, UK. There is a tombstone with badminton racquets because the guy was an avid player. Other tombstones have intriguing messages. If you had a two sided tombstone, it would become a known curiosity. Just having a man on one side and a woman on the other, with the same dates, would be curious. But now days they can even put photographs on it. Perhaps crossdressing will one day be the norm (ha!) and you will be credited with originating it.

[Beverley Sims]

I think an engraving on a tombstone is what people prefer, nothing legally binding.
The info on the burial certificate is what matters.

"Here lies Beverley Sims... He had an interesting life". :)

This means Beverley Sims can lie forever.

[BLUE ORCHID]

When I'm gone it will be up to the remaining family's decision.

[sandra-leigh]

Your tombstone can say, "Here lies the StinkyCheese Man" if you want and the graveyard permits.

[Eryn]

In my earlier days my wife and I traveled extensively around the West and visited a lot of cemeteries. Lots of history there. We would occasionally run across a tombstone that was creative in some way or other. Pictures of airplanes, tractors, sports equipment, motorcycles, scrabble boards, parking meters (reading "expired") racing cars, computers, etc. lent amusement to the experience. The only limitation is how much you want to spend and the rules of the cemetery you're planted in.

In your case it might read:

[Male name] to some
Barbara to others
Loved by all

[Launa]

I'm sure the cemetery would write anything on the tombstone you wanted them to that should be no big deal to them, right?

As far as the legal papers for the death cert you could always have an addendum in the will that would annul your female name, right?

Where are the lawyers on the forum? Please speak up.

[NathalieX66]

Hi Persephone.
I see your posts on this forum a lot.
I have met a bunch of members on this forum. Some of them are transsexual. They talk of being born in the wrong body, and my observation, they are the real deal.
In the state that I live in, gender and name change seem pretty easy. I don't really need to do it since I identify as bi-gender, and not one or the other.
I have a grave plot in coastal New England, where my family is buried. But like my parents, I will be cremated, and the ashes will be scattered in the Atlantic Ocean, and the headstone just says our name. No body, no coffin.

I also prefer my male name on the family headstone. It doesn't really matter how I'm dressed , or who I present as.

If you see yourself as female, then go for it.