Well its over

[Gina's dress-up]

Hi girls, sorry i have not been on site as much as i wish i could, as stated my s.o told me to move out, she stated she married a man not a women, we been married for over 30 years,we both have seek counciling/theraply over my issues as a women of how i am. in conclusion of all the meeting we both have attended, it turn out for me to remove myself from her due to her stress over my dressing. I am 51 years old amd i need to be who i am been in the closet for the last 35 years.

[Gardener]

I am so sorry that this is the outcome.

[Shelly Preston]

Sorry to hear it has ended this way Gina.

I wish you both good wishes for the future.

[PaulaQ]

I'm sorry Gina. Are you considering transition, or are you "just a crossdresser?"

I sympathize with you honey - my wife didn't have much patience for me when I came out to her as transgender.

And you are surely right - you do need to be who you are.

[trisha kobichenko]

Hi Gina,
You need to be who you are, regardless of the response.
Hugs,
Trisha

[Persephone]

Thoughts and prayers are with you, Gina.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[KristyE]

So sorry for you sweetie. But living in home with a totally unaccepting SO will only build resentment and leave you walking on egg shells for the rest of your life. You now get a "do over", rebuild and try to enjoy.
from an eggshell full closet,
Love KristyE

[Debra Sparks]

I am so sorry to hear of your out come Gina. I can relate to your position as I am in the same boat. my wife wants either for it to stop or I move out and I have been honest with her from day 1but now she dosent like it .

[Amanda M]

Sorry to hear about what you are going through. Stay strong.

I notice to that (and I am not talking specifically about Gina's situation here) that if things fail completely, it seems to be quite accepted that it's the guy who has to move out and leave the home. Thoughts anybody?

[PaulaQ]

I notice that if things fail completely, it seems to be quite accepted that it's the guy who has to move out and leave the home.

A lot of us feel guilt and throw ourselves under the bus because we feel we've betrayed our spouse by expressing who we really are. It's horrible, and it seems inevitable - or at least I haven't figured out how to avoid doing it myself!

[Sallee]

you only have 1 life to live and you deserve to be happy. Say you are sorry and move on. Definitely it will be hard on both of you but you both deserve happiness.

[Claire Cook]

It's always painful to hear about situations like yours. I'm so sorry that it's turned out this way, but in the end you have to do what you need to do. If your wife really can't deal with things, this may be the best thing in the long run.

[mykell]

how long has it been since you disclosed, throwing away 30 years seems wasteful,
i know you have to do what is best for you both, was their any effort on her part,
was in the same position in January, together 30 yrs, its DADT now, but it could always go either way,
i hope things work out for the best for you both....

[Raychel]

Sorry for your troubles Gina,
I hope you can get things sorted out soon and move on to a happy life
being the person you are. :hugs::hugs:

[Lynn Marie]

Divorce sucks, but it beats the hell out of living the rest of your life living with, and hiding the truth from someone you barely like. Being divorced means you've failed. It's humbling and character building.

[Maria in heels]

Gina...sorry to hear about the breakup. ITs good that you both have been seeking counseling over your feelings and relationship and after all these years, it's painful to split. On the lighter side, yes there is one, your last sentence says it all....you need to be who you have been in the closet for the last 35 years....

[CD_DIANE]

Please remember this.. When one door closes, another opens. You deserve to be happy !

Hugs
Diane

[Teresa]

Hi Gina,
You don't say how long ago you came out to your wife, although you've both had counselling has it had time to work ? I'm very sorry that you have to move out, I'm sure your Cding has not stopped you being a good husband and father, I hope you will still be able to have a good relationship with your children. I do hope you can find happiness at the end of the day.

[Marcelle]

Hi Gina,

I am very sorry to hear about this outcome. My thoughts are with you.

Hugs

Isha

[Maria 60]

It's always a sad day when a relationship ends for this reason, one would think there are worst things in life, like gambling all your money away, cheating, drug addiction. I can't totally comment because I don't know you and don't know how your relationship has been for the last 20 odd years and if it is all about the dressing. I told my wife if she ever makes me choose, that she doesn't have a chance I will just start packing. I hope you can still find a happy medium that if you both love and want to be with each other there's always a way. This is not the way I wanted to start a Sunday with a sad story and really feeling your pain. Don't ever give up. I hope you can let us know how your doing in the future.

[Katey888]

I'm sorry to hear that Gina... :hugs:

All you can do now is take this opportunity to move on - I'm afraid we can never be sure how anyone will react to this situation, regardless of the relationship..

My thoughts and best wishes are with you...

Katey x

[Mollyanne]

It REALLY does suck when a marriage ends over an issue that can be negotiated. My heart goes out to you. Not to add fuel to an already burning fire, but why do you have to move out and not her?????? It is apparent to me that ALL this "so called" guilt has been heaped on you. Thirty years is a lot of time just to throw away. But consider this; at the very least you could be better off and "be yourself" without shame or guilt. I know it's of little solace but you have "sisters" here!!!!!!

Molly

[Melissa in SE Tn]

My heart can only echo the consoling words of previous posts. Your post certainly raises the flag that cding can be a disastrous variable in a marriage . However, I beg of you, can you tell us the important details of your cd life with your wife, why you think she was so intolerant of your dressing & if there were other factors , outside of dressing, that caused her to revolt yet place the failure blame on your cding? Like many previous responses, disposing 30 years of love , laughter & memories, solely because of your cding, despite going through counseling, is most sobering. I can only say a breath prayer that your pain will ease & that you will find peace in your life. May God always bless you, mel

[MissTee]

Oh my, so sad. I can't imagine living with someone unaccepting and don't think I could hang if that were the case. Good luck, Hon.

[mikiSJ]

I notice to that (and I am not talking specifically about Gina's situation here) that if things fail completely, it seems to be quite accepted that it's the guy who has to move out and leave the home. Thoughts anybody?


Divorce laws play a big part where one party has to find fault with the other and an unbalanced division of asset is allowed.
Guilt among some men that they caused the breakup and therefore defer to the female spouse.
Sometimes, women spouses act quicker after a decision is made to breakup and take the lead in capturing assets: bank accounts, investments and HOUSES.

[ChristinaK]

I'm very sorry to hear your bad news. It's a shame we're not more accepted by society and especially the person we love most. Good luck with the future.

[sherri]

First, my advice is don't move out until you've consulted a lawyer.


Second, I guess you realize that the odds are high that you will be single for the rest of your life. And your ex will probably out you. Not saying that's the wrong choice, just be sure your eyes are wide open.

[TxCassie]

So sad and sorry to hear this news Gina. I know you can't stop dressing, nor should you. On the other hand, one must acknowledge the fact that there are no guarantees that another, especially a SO/Spouse will or can accept the reality. I'm sure this is revelation was the furthest from her imagination, though we all know there certainly other realities that could be so much worse. I've never been married, but I certainly can imagine the emotional toll this is taking on each of you after thirty years of marriage. Take things without haste but I'm afraid you will have to make some hard decisions seems quicker than not. Be strong honey.

Cassie :love:

[MatildaJ.]

Being divorced means you've failed.

Just wanted to say that divorce doesn't have to be seen that way. When two young adults break-up, that's not a failure. It just means that they've changed and what they needed before is different from what they need now. The same is true with divorce. People change over time, and if they need something different now, that doesn't mean the marriage was a waste of time or a failure. It served its purpose, and has reached the end of its useful life-span.

Gina, sending you and your wife positive thoughts, in hopes that you can resolve your issues amicably after some time to adjust.

[Beverley Sims]

Gina,
It would be nice to stay in contact as friends, she may view you differently then.
Sorry about the outcome though.

[Davina4587]

Sorry to here your sad news

Daviva
X

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gina, As a couple have already said get yourself a good lawyer.

[~Joanne~]

Sometimes, women spouses act quicker after a decision is made to breakup and take the lead in capturing assets: bank accounts, investments and HOUSES.


That or it was pre planned and she waited for an excuse. I'm not saying "all women" by any means but I am sure there are plenty that do and finding out your CD, in their mind, is justification for doing so. Plus coming "out" probably isn't the greatest of ideas if you don't have a solid relationship to begin with.

[dana8656]

First, my advice is don't move out until you've consulted a lawyer.


I'd have to agree with sherri, if you are going down the road of divorce, don't move out, in many states it's considered an admission of guilt and typically the courts favor the other (the one that doesn't move out). so by all means, stay, if she wants to move out, that's on her, but do consult a lawyer. do some research. me and the wife don't get along too well, I was thinking about moving out, after research, I'm staying, she can move out (but I don't think she is that stupid) so we are in stalemate.

if kids are involved. find a lawyer that is pro husband parent rights.

p.s. I am not a lawyer, nor do I pretend to be.

p.s.s. as far as I know, being a cross dresser is not grounds for divorce.

[Shadeauxmarie]

First, my advice is don't move out until you've consulted a lawyer.


Second, I guess you realize that the odds are high that you will be single for the rest of your life. And your ex will probably out you. Not saying that's the wrong choice, just be sure your eyes are wide open.

My sentiments as well. Sorry this happened to you.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

First, my advice is don't move out until you've consulted a lawyer.

This seems a little mean. The wife is suffering anxiety about the CDing (I know what this feels like and it can really affect your health) and I'm guessing she didn't know this side of her H until now? I could be wrong, but if she didn't know before marriage I think she has every right to request that he be the one to leave as this is life-altering information she deserved to know about 30 years ago. The marriage was never on even ground. Not to mention she tried therapy but just couldn't get past this, which many women can't. I'd bet she's utterly heartbroken and doesn't deserve to lose her home on top of all this!

[Tracii G]

Sorry it turned out this way for you.

[Caden Lane]

Nobody deserves to loose their home. And both parties have rights, and neither party should be forced to compromise those rights to the benefit of the other until things have been equitably split. As was said earlier, in some states, the OP moving out can be construed as abandonment, or admission of guilt, or them giving up rights. The wife is not the only victim in this, nor the only one suffering anxiety or the ordeal of being heartbroken. It always saddens me when the vow of "...for Better or worse isn't adhered to." But it saddens me more when the victimization of one is deemed more important than the victimization of both.

[NathalieX66]

Hi Gina,
So sorry to hear this.
You have my support.
There are no easy answers in the transgender world.
Peace & love.....hope things get better.

[Alice B]

Also sorry to hear that a long marriage has ended, but you are still young and there is a lot of good times ahead. Keep your head high, nylons straight and strut your stuff.

[Eryn]

I'm sorry to hear about this. It is always sad to see a long-term partnership end over something that can be accommodated if both parties are willing to compromise.

Now to practicalities. You should not leave your home, period. It is yours and nobody, including your spouse, has the right to tell you to leave at this point. As others have said, the person who leaves will be painted as "abandoning" their spouse. Better to stay put and tell her that you are there for her and willing to work to make things work if your spouse is willing to make a reasonable compromise. If someone is going to abandon the relationship, let it be her.

[MatildaJ.]

It always saddens me when the vow of "...for Better or worse" isn't adhered to.

When people say "for better or for worse," do you think they mean "even if we make each other miserable"? I think they mean they will try to work together through the ordinary obstacles that life provides: difficult financial decisions; issues with one's children; ordinary health problems. But if they can't find a way to cope with the obstacle and live well together, I don't think the vow means they promise to stay together anyway, as miserable roommates.

[Rachel Morley]

I'm sorry Gina. Are you considering transition, or are you "just a crossdresser?"
This is (IMHO) the whole crux of the situation ... I do happen to believe there is a way back if you are a CDer. TS? .. err.. well that (statistically speaking) is another whole kettle of fish. Are you saying there is no compromise here? What about your history together? If you are TS then I agree with other others that have said that you should say your goodbyes and make your own way in life as the woman you should have been born as, but if you are a CDer then I would (if it were me) try to find some common ground where you can be a "part timer". Good luck.

[MsVal]

I echo the sentiments of the rest of the posters. This is a very trying time for you. All we can offer are words on a screen, but hopefully they provide emotional support you sorely need.

If living with a TG/TS upsets your wife to such a degree that she believes you two must part, I would think the onus is on her to remove herself from the situation. It seems to me that she, not you is the one that should leave.

Of course, there are probably a hundred other factors involved. Factors that we do not, and cannot know.

Best wishes
MsVal