The ever-present roommate

[Erica Grace]

So I am moving next week from an apartment with 4 other roommates to an apartment with only one roommate = less people to discover my secret. This is good, but I wish I could just tell him and be out with it. I don't see that ending well. May just need to tip-toe around for about another year before getting my own place...

At least my new room has carpet and my heels wont be as loud!

[Marcelle]

Hi Erica,

I would exercise a bit of discretion on coming out until you get a chance to know the roommate. Perhaps in the future there may be room for the big tell but in the meantime the "tip-toe" approach seems the better option.

Hugs

Isha

[mykell]

wait the year,
sounds like your young and have plenty of time to reveal when you are more comfortable,
why risk bad reaction and lose this place as its only a short time,
hang tight and enjoy the carpet....

[Zylia]

I only ever lived with housemates in places where I could lock my own bedroom door (and really, you in a dress isn't the only thing you don't your housemates to walk into), but some discretion is advised nonetheless. People might wonder why it's taking you so long to open the door when they knock and you're obviously at home :D

It only takes one careless moment for other people to find out, e.g. that lovely new top still hanging over your seat or crossdressers.com still open in your browser window. I don't envy you :D

[Teresa]

Hi Erica,
You never know you could be sharing with another CDer looking for a carpet in their room, you're not the only one with secrets !

[dana digs sweaters]

You must know the new roommate well enough to be a roommate eh?
If he collects chainsaws, Run!

[TxCassie]

Roommates can be close as spouses, or then can be strangers, so you'll have to honestly gauge your relationship with your new roommate. I'd concentrate on the relationship first, then consider the possibility of being open with him.

[Adriana Moretti]

yea i would tip toe.....and get your own place if you could afford it.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Some roommates and housemates are more inquisitive then you may like. Not much time will pass before you will be found out, unless you have a lock on your room. All it takes is one item left out for you to be found out. You may want to just be yourself. In this age it's no real big deal among the younger generation.

[Beverley Sims]

My ever present housemates were always rummaging through my closet.
They were not curious, just that they thought it was a community closet.
Most of their stuff found it's way into my closet because they wanted me to wear it.

A word of warning to the younger ones, don't go into a share house with a bunch of girls....



Unless you want to. :)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Erica, Be careful what you wish for, You may end up living in a cardboard box under a bridge.

[Wildaboutheels]

It seems apparent that at this time, you can't afford a place of your own.

And... it's also a FACT: [one very well documented at these very Forums] There is positively, absolutely no way to tell how anyone will take this CDing "thing".

I think, it makes waiting a year till you get your own place, the obvious prudent choice.

Just because you have gone from 4 > 1 is also no reason to even relax or get careless is there?

[Erica Grace]

Thank you all for the advice, sorry I could have offered more info at the beginning when I posted it.

We have known each other for about 7 years now since I was a freshman in college. Both joined the same fraternity, been roommates for 6 out of the past 7 years. If I didn't have a brother, he would most likely be the best man in my wedding. So we are definitely close, but he is really religious and I don't see a definite need in telling him because of the potential negative results. I wouldn't be kicked out of the apartment, but I wouldn't want to make it uncomfortable. The only gain from telling him would be to not be so cautious and just be myself around the apt.

[Michelle V]

I know I'm a little late responding to this post but I do have a story that may help you with your dilemma.
When I was young and single (many, many, many years ago) I had a very good friend from school who was looking for a roommate, we moved in to a one bedroom apartment, we became like brothers, often double dating, going out with girls and just having the best times. I was still a very closeted CD, lack of space and privacy allowed me to have just a few items of feminine clothing which I always got from girls just leaving their clothes in my place (used to be extremely active in my youth). Anyway my friend and I were super close but not close enough for me to know he was actually gay, he eventually moved out and came out but in the process drifted away, I think he thought I would not treat him the same or he was ashamed, whatever the reason it hurts to know he was not honest with me and I was not honest with him. I imagine things would have been different in my life had we been honest from the beginning. I imagine I would have told him my secret and we would have had the best time, him with his sexual preference, me with my lifestyle. I think it is a shame we did not take the chance to be more open with each other. Moral of the story, don't let life pass you by, take a chance you just never know what the future holds.

[Krisi]

You are making the choice to have a roomate. If dressing is really important to you, choosing to live somewhere you can afford without a roomate would be a better choice.

If your roomate finds out about your dressing (and he will), it may not be a problem but it might and you will never know if he tells anyone.

[PamelaMiller]

I've shared apartments with 4 different roommates between college and marriage. None ever snooped in my room (to my knowledge) and none ever found my secret. One of them is still a very close friend. I'm not saying that the same experience is universal, only that it isn't a given that anyone will find out.

But I also never transformed if they were home and when they were out I still confined my dressing to my own room (and to tell the complete story, back then I did not wear makeup so if someone were to come home I could un-femme in no time flat).

[natcrys]

So you know this guy for a long time.. and you know that while you two could still be living together... things would definitely be uncomfortable.

The question is more.. do you think you can handle being super private, careful and secret for one more year? In any other case than a 100% NO.. just wait it out.

[cdkateinboston]

Well I can say, from very recent experience, the roommate reaction can surprise you immensely! My roommate walked in on my dressed and had no idea. Aside from the initial shock since he had no idea, and from my being upset that the "unveiling" wasn't on my terms, it was a good outcome. So keep that in mind, but of course telling a room mate is a difficult decision.

[Adriana Moretti]

or......OR......you COULD get a roomate who dresses too...do you know anyone like that?? hmmmmmmm