the turning point

[GabbiSophia]

Dreamer_girl brought the point of hate. I really can not relate to hating myself but instead I have a question also. When did you stop the constant fight, you know that moment where you finally embraced your nature and did it willingly? You know the "turning point"? I find myself somewhat at that point now where I need to except and embrace.

[Rachel Smith]

About a week or 2 after starting hormones was my turning point. Don't get me wrong there were many little turning points on the way. Like the more I dressed the better I felt, as I got more acceptance the better I felt, things like that. Ahh but the hormones were the tipping point when I just knew it was the right thing to do. The GD was gone, I felt balance for the first time in my life. Thoughts of hating myself and my life ceased. I just felt so good and a year later I still do. That is also when some of the most challenging work began, telling my immediate family. For the first time in my life I felt OK and my thoughts were pretty much they can accept me or not but I am NOT going back to the GD no matter if they accepted my decision or not.

[Shapeshiffter]

Hi. Like Rachel it was after the meds kicked in. I felt right for the first time in my life.

[Ann Louise]

I agree with my friends above. After spiro knocked down the poison (very rapidly, two weeks tops), and then E gradually started to shift my mood and attitude (personal observations only here, YMMV), my perception of the world, and of my role in it changed. And so much for the better that I still have watery eyes when I think back on how profound my personal shift was. It was just plain old RIGHT, and I knew it within a month at most. Then the REAL work began... LOL!

[I Am Paula]

I remember the EXACT point I decided to transition, but my turning point, the moment I knew that everything was right, and my path was set, was about two weeks into HRT. It's like I woke up, and the lighting was better, my thoughts clearer, and a general sense of contentment had set in. It was a wonderful moment.

[Angela Campbell]

I remember it well. It was the first time I dresses fully as a woman and looked in a mirror. Something changed and deep down I knew there was no turning back. It took a while to stop fighting it and defeat the fear but I did.

[Jorja]

For me, it was at about age 10. I knew what I wanted after reading an article about Christine Jorgensen. I knew it could be done and I vowed to make it happen. It took another 12 years but everything I did was in preparation for that day.

[DeeDee1974]

I was at a gay club dressed. Trying to give myself a little relief from the GD. It was a week night and not very busy. Another transsexual woman approached me and we started talking. She told me she was post op and we had a nice long conversation. Aside from my therapist I had never opened up to anyone. She said knowing what I know about myself and what you have told me I think you'll be in the same place as me in the next 5 years.

She just told me so many reassuring things that for the first time I really felt transition was possible.

[GabbiSophia]

Angela I can relate to that. I had that feeling on night when I first came out to my wife when she asked what I wanted and I dressed. I buried that feeling deep in denial but it is starting to come out now. I seem to be eyeballing the mists and really thinking about it. I have started realizing I put on a dog and pony show while in male depending on the group or person I am around. I used to only realize this after these encounters though now I am starting to realize it while in the moment and I feel fake.

[KellyJameson]

I did not "want to become a woman" I wanted to "stop being a woman"

For me it was always about trying to escape the truth of my identity because I did not trust it as "the reasons for it"

I kept thinking that this identity was somehow put into me instead of being born into it so I tried to destroy my femaleness but it was impossible because it was like a shadow that was always attached to me.

It was impossible to hide from myself or others and severely impacted all my relationships plus kept me apart from myself as "always rejecting myself as a woman". I loathed the idea that I was transsexual (a woman)

I lived since childhood with two people always struggling for control. One pushing me toward transitioning which was the actual real me and the other trying to pull me away from it, which were all the people telling me I'm not a woman or that I'm crazy or that all transsexuals are mentally ill. Thousands of negative messsages to keep me in fear or hate of what I am

It was always a question of whose truth to believe. Mine or the "other truth" in me, created by others.

The turning point came when I started to only listen to that original voice before my head was filled with the voices of everyone else, which was about four years ago and soon afterward everything "clicked into place" and I have not looked back.

It has been a very long road to travel and I'm still walking it.

[melissakozak]

The turning point comes when self realization becomes your own reality. You finally, willingly, just accept who you are...that takes time....and for me, it was counseling that accelerated my own acceptance of who I am on the inside...denial is something every transperson goes through. It is powerful, it is sometimes necessary, but denial for most of us kept us mentally together until the undeniable truth becomes a reality. Hugs, Melissa...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

you can see there is all kinds of answers... i'm sorry but they won't help you..

it will happen or it won't... you are in a holding pattern and the way out is through you.

We can all share how brutal it was to go through it... nobody will pity you and very few or no people will understand.

You may think this is slow, but its not. You think about it a lot, you post about it a lot, and so far progress has been limited, but for many of us, this was a year by year by year thing...

you've tried to walk away multiple times.. you can't. now you are facing fear..just pure fear... its a battle of fear vs your nature... and your nature's way of fighting back is to cause you distress.... fear vs distress....

when distress overwhelms fear, there you have it... you can't predict it, it may never happen, and its different for everybody...usually its some kind of event... a death, a work change, a family change..kids grow up..etc..

[DebbieL]

For me, the turning point was 4 days before my father died. I had always wondered why they wouldn't talk about my desire to be a girl with me. Dad explained that my mother (who died 10 years earlier) had talked with her therapist about my wanting to be a girl. He told her the "cure" was electroshock therapy, aversion therapy (torture), and if that didn't work, a Lobotomy. My mother had been through electroshock therapy and aversion therapy as "treatment" for being raped. She told me what she went through when I was 15. Back in those days, they didn't sedate you, paralyse you, or anything. It was 30-90 seconds of extreme pain before you passed out - and they did it to her every day for 30 days, every 6 months she'd have to go back for another round.

Prior to that, I thought they didn't accept me, or that they didn't want me to change. Change wasn't an option back then. My dad said "I want you to Be Yourself - even if that means Being Debbie". He had seen my Facebook postings as Rex and Debbie and realized that this was a very important part of my life, who I really was.

A few weeks later, I got back into gender therapy, got on hormones, and started transition. When I was getting "I can help you ma'am" even when trying to present as male, or having men turn around and leave the restroom, I realized there was no hiding and no turning back. But by then, I had already been clear that's where I wanted to go. I'm now happier and healthier than I've ever been before.

[Angela Campbell]

I see something common in several responses. The time is when you realize you can.

[Marleena]

Or you realize you have to do something....

[GabbiSophia]

well it is getting to the point of being very annoying...like being on edge all the time whenever I am not super busy... that is the point I am at... Kaitlyn the process of gd progression is not slow but the treatment process is. The feeling of being or going crazy is a realty and man ... it is exhausting

[Barbara Ella]

For me it was shortly after starting hormones. It was a strange realization that gave me the freedom to not do things without sacrificing the inner knowledge of who i was. I did not dress for nearly 8 months, but never felt more like a woman. Since last August I have begun to more integrate my inner and outer into a more congruent being, and only recently, have ventured back out as I did before HRT. I may never do more than HRT, but the comfort in the acceptance and knowledge of being a woman cannot be taken away.

Barbara

[Janelle_C]

For me it was about two months after I started hormones. I just came out to my church witch went really well, it was the last group of people that I needed to let know what I was doing. I hadn't been out to the store yet, but it was starting to get harder and harder to go back and forth. It was a Wednesday morning and I had just been to a support meeting the night before. I needed to go to the store for a couple of things. I told my self just through on a tee shirt and your jeans and go to the store (as a man), but I couldn't. I cried and cried, I was a mess. finally I told my self to just put on your big girl panties and go. So I called my daughter up and asked her to go with me, so her and my daughter in-law came over and we went to the store. No one look at me twice, no stares. After that there was no going back!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Yes it is exhausting for sure!!! and what's more, once you decide to do something you can easily be emotionally and physically drained...so its important to not spend your time and emotional energy on things that won't matter.

I was soooo depressed I had physical symptoms that included the constant taste of metal in my mouth....
The day I asked my therapist about HRT and she laughed and said its about time that taste went away, never to return btw...

[PretzelGirl]

As I read this thread, I wonder if there are continuous, escalating peaks. For instance, my answer to this question right now is that I knew it was time after working through my "barriers" with my therapist and accepting what I knew inside. Then the moment hit me. So will I continue along and have another realization after starting HRT and go "I didn't really know then, now I do"? Sometimes things are incremental and we don't know it until we are completely using hindsight.

[Nicole Erin]

When I got my name legally changed.
All I could think was, "Well, I need to start living full time as a woman. I knew it was time to "Poop or get off the pot".

[mbmeen12]

I have not have that magic moment yet. Though I finally found my therapist that is an expert in transgender women. It will be pricey but after 30 minutes talk on the phone and a long talk with wife I am ready. I was going to go to the VA in 3-5 years but cant dont want to wait. Everyday every moment Kara is there but I am still the shell within the shell. 1 April 2014 will be the one true moment when I see her/the doctor.

[Sally49]

I spent 40 years of my life making excuses why I couldn't transition
I am embracing womanhood and looking forward to surgery
The turning point - divorce!
My former wife has a new man and I have a new best friend