Was going to meet admirer. Last minute decided NO!

[Alice Torn]

For about a week, have been emailing an admirer, and spelled it out what i would and would not do. Of course, he would not give me a face photo. It sounded good, though, and it seemed like we might meet somewhere, in a public place. But, we were going to meet tomorrow, however he got pushier and pushier about sex, and more impatient all the time. I finally told him,that is it. Not meeting him. Ball buster! This has happened a number of times. They were all so similar! Though, he did not seem to be a violent man, i could see more signs, that he may be prone to anger. We have to be extremely cautious , and though, many admirers may be decent gentlemen, many are not.

[Zylia]

You probably made a good call. I don't think that anyone should ever have to spell out what he or she would and would not want to do on a 'date' in the first place, but I guess it's those kind of expectations that gets the occasional cross-dresser (and woman) beaten up by some neanderthal. If the other person isn't willing to hand over something as simple as a photo, I'd be worried about my own privacy (and safety) as well.

[Alice Torn]

Zylia, Right. Too few are willing to give a face photo. Some may give false photos, too. I have been very close to meeting a lot of men, but so far, only have met three in the years i have dressed. I am lonely, and have few friends, and lonliness makes some of us dressers, very vulnerable.

[mechamoose]

It pays to listen to your instincts like that, and to not let loneliness color those choices.

Part of being good to yourself is protecting yourself.

<3

- MM

[Alice Torn]

Lonliness for lifetime singles is always there, sad to say, and makes loners very vulnerable, just s it makes orphans vulnerable It can destroy us. if we don't use sound reasoning, and good advice.

[Katey888]

Sounds like you made the right call, Alice.. :)

I think the ground rules should be rigid rules for you for very good reasons... if you are tempted to breach the rules, then your safety may be at risk...

I cannot imagine any sort of 'date' would be worth that risk, but that ultimately is your call..

Take care... :hugs:

Katey x

[Princess Grandpa]

You made a good choice. One of the girls at the club we attend left one night with an admirer. I didn't know her well at all but I can't tell you how much her death affected me. I have met some of these admirers. There are many who are genuinely good people. There are some who are creepy as h**l and give me the shivers.

Please continue to be careful!

Hug
Rita

[Tracii G]

Best to follow your instincts Alice.

[gennee]

Good call, Alice.

[Alice Torn]

Thanks Gennee, and everyone. I was going to meet him tomorrow, and really looking forward to modeling my stuff, but things got dramatic. I would like to meet a decent admirer, better yet, have a nice GG friend, but it seems so easyto find male admirers, and so utterly difficult to find as gg !

[jessica2009]

As always, go with your instinct. too good to be true it prob is!

[Alice Torn]

Princess Grandpa, I wonder how often, Cders are killed, or mistreated, beaten, by "admirers". It makes me scared to meet any. I am not a clubber, but it seems like a gay/straight club would be a place to meet some. But, creepy ones must go there too.

[Kate Simmons]

You definitely don't need someone like that Alice. I wish we lived closer my friend so we could hang out and do girl stuff together. :)

[Adriana Moretti]

sounds like you made the right choice......it also sounds like you are fishing in the wrong pond.

[MsVal]

Dear Alice,

It is apparent that you are lonely, far more lonely than I could ever imagine. You have also posted of depression, and guilt. These can be a very powerful motivator to do whatever it takes to find happiness, even if doing that can be quite harmful.

It is also apparent that you are a good person that has had a long streak of misfortune. These things have a way of running their course and vanishing. You've already dealt with the family issues and those are now behind you. You deserve a big ol' pat-on-the-back for that accomplishment. Please don't let your loneliness drive you to desperation and foolish risk taking. You're better than that.

They say that spring is coming, and with it sunshine, fresh air, and people outdoors. It is unlikely that you will see any crossdressers among them but you will see potential friends. (Wasn't it Will Rogers who said "There are no strangers, only friends I haven't met."?)

Now, as to that meeting:
In my not so humble opinion, spelling out what would and wouldn't be done prior to the first meeting just sounds dangerous, scary, and a whole lot other negative adjectives. It is like blood in the water for sharks that prey on desperate people. It is certainly FAR, FAR outside of my comfort zone and raises big red flags. I suggest putting that stuff off until at least the first face-to-face meeting in a safe place.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Annaliese]

Great call, the fact he would not give you face picture, was the first sign, you are lucky girl.

[sherri]

Alice, ime the net is a viable resource for getting to know other tgs, but a waste of time for meeting guys. Usually when I tell guys I won't meet them in private, that instead we must meet at a club for a get acquainted drink, and that I won't go anywhere private with them until we know each other better, the gutless wonders melt back into the woodwork. And even if you do meet someone in public, you still don't know for sure, right?


There is a better way. From personal experience, I can tell you that if you can find a good lgbt club in your area, start going regularly and make an effort to be outgoing and make friends, it is quite likely that over time you will be "adopted" by a close knit group of gays or lesbians, and even fraternize outside the bars. Lgbt communities are close knit and discrete, and you never know when the socializing might bring you into contact with an interesting and interested person. The beauty of this approach is that it's not anonymous and someone you meet is far less likely to be a dangerous creep. I can't promise you it will lead to love, because even in gay circles there's a lot of awkwardness about being in a relationship with a tg, but you might get some safe companionship out of the deal.


Of course, if you're just after nsa hanky panky, PM me and I'll tell you about another approach that is better than online hookups. But I'll tell you up front that while it might satisfy your libido, at least temporarily, it's not likely to satisfy your heart.

[Rachel292]

Alice, you made the right choice, and there is a lot of good advice here.
Go somewhere TG friendly and build some friendships, even if those friends are not immediatly suitable, they may well introduce you to others who will provide you with the companionship and relationship you need.

[Beverley Sims]

Alice,
The right call this time, I have suggested in another thread some options for you to meet friends.
Desperation meetups on the internet are not recommended. :(

[Alice Torn]

Thanks all of you for the advice and support. There is a gay club in downtown Rockford Illinois, but it is downtown, and a dangerous area, in a dangerous town. I have considered going sometime, but not real late at night. One person was murdered there many yers ago. I suspect there is security precautions now. I have dreamed of actually going , and dancing as a woman, with some men, or women. But, i als o am fearful. I hate super loud mind bending music, where you can't hear yourself talk! I would guess there are admirers who hang there at times, and some may hit on me. The church that i have been associated with, does not approve of GLBT, or CD, but, everything else it teaches, i have no problem with. If i start attending again, i just cannot tell anyone. The Pink Fog hits me super hard at times, where i am willing to meet admirers. i have met three , and all three were ok. I even met one widower a second time. Several sites have dating for CD. I have turned down many men, who were married. I WILL NOT meet any married admirers.

[KayleeAnn]

I think you made the right call with the admirer you were going to meet and the idea to go to the club may be a good idea but still be careful... before I met my bf I did meet a guy at a club and while I didn't tell him about me being a cd we still did decide to go home together... but before we even got to his car he got really abusive and making very unwanted moves and I ended up with a black eye and a lot of bruises so just be careful hun.

<3

[Chardonnay Merlot]

smart move...if it feels wrong...don't :)

[Alice Torn]

Kaylee Ann, I may be best to just forget about admirers. It is more an ego trip for me, wanting guys to admire, and desire.

[ArleneRaquel]

Alice,
It sounds to me that you did the right thing. He sounds like an arrogant, sex obessed fiend to me.

[KayleeAnn]

Alice, hun, I wouldn't say that you have to give up on admirers, you just have to be careful. I'm lucky I found a guy who is great to me but unfortunately there are a bunch of idiots out there but you can't let that deter you. I learned from what happened to me and am more careful now, well was before I met my man. If you want to go out and get some admirers to have some fun with then go ahead but set some ground rules for yourself to follow if something happens and just remember that you are a great person and are INCREDIBLY beautiful and they are lucky to be around you.

<3

[GenieGirl]

Scary to hear such stories about abusive admirers. I agree you made the right choice Alice. I haven't really ever considered meeting any admirers in person, only have hung out with other cdss/ts and their friends/SOs. I wouldn't be opposed to meeting an admirer, but would definitely only in a public place with others around...I don't trust many admirers, they mostly come off as pervy and scare me a bit. I have met some that were really sweet online and very RESPECTFUL and POLITE...those I would not mind meeting on a friendly basis. Im not into men, don't mind the compliments, as long as they don't get SEXUAL with their talk...can't stand it when they do. You were so right to call it off when he go to sexual and demanding....could have been a bad time. I wish you better luck in the future and be safe :)

One thing to add on a past experience I just thought of. I did have one scary experience a year ago. I was walking back to my car to leave a bar downtown alone. A guy walked up to me, reffered to me as dude and man etc so he acknowledged me as a guy. He seemed like a street walker, came up to ask for a ride to one of his friends house. ( I have a bad habit of giving strangers rides all the time, picking up hitchhikers, crack heads, etc. I always try to help people like that for some reason, feel so bad for them even though I know it is super dangerous I have actually met some interesting stories/people especially from hitchhikers going across country.). Like a crazy, I agreed to give him a ride being the nice person that I am, this was the first time I had ever done this as a girl and will be the LAST as a precaution. Just note that I was very nervous the whole time for my safety. Anyways while he walked back with me to my car we carried on pretty normal conversation about each other etc. In between conversation he would out of nowhere comment about how sexy I looked and just check me out and smile. Freaked me out a bit since that was the first in person compliment of that sort for me. I don't think he was an admirer or anything, I just think meeting me might have made him think outside his sexual box. (I wasn't dressed as conservative as I normally do when going out since I was at a bar downtown). Anyways while I was driving him to his destination he did proposition me for sex. At that point I was extremely afraid, thinking in my head that if I turn him down he might force himself on me and try to rape me or something. I told him no thanks and told him I had a girlfriend. He was respectful and dropped the subject. He asked if we could be friends and I declined with some excuse which I can no longer remember. I didn't want him knowing me or where I lived out of fear of him stalking me. Luckily I dropped him off at his destination and we went our own ways...One of the scariest experiences I have ever had as a dude or girl...I'm so grateful that nothing happened and that I made it home safely...That will be the last time I do that. Sorry for rambling on so much, didn't mean to steal your thread like this but thought it could really help the subject with my similar experience. I think I might start a thread on this with any other scary outings/encounters. Good luck and don't do what I did!