How many singles here, have few if any local friends?

[Alice Torn]

Since i had to move to small town area of Illinois, but near Rockford, I have no close friends of either sex, have no CDs near, and live a very lonely solitary existance. I have visited the nursing home, quite a few times, and used to go to a 12step group, before it dissolved. I had to get rid of internet and landline, because i have a low income, so i use the libraries.I will be 60 soon, and i am making out my will now. No girlfriend. No guy friends. Toxic family of origin. My cats are my only close friends. I find it all too easy to find admirers on sites , but am super cautious. I feel like from another planet, a real oddball loner, and Cding helps me stay a loner. Doany others out there feel like this, aor suffer lonliness, and solitude, feel like an outcast, like me. My religious beliefs make me more a loner too. Some of us never knew loving family, mates, children.

[Brenda B]

If you feel you need a 12 step group, by all means go. One dissolved? They're everywhere.
Be good to yourself!
Brenda B

[Alice Torn]

Thanks Brenda. Only one other 12 step group around here, though, but i will go.

[sandra-leigh]

I have local acquaintances of various degrees, but very few local friends. For example, the only people I could "just drop around" to visit would be one of my next door neighbours. One person that I could send a "Hey, let's do ____" message to and it wouldn't be felt "weird", but I do have to notify them a good three weeks in advance. There are other people who I am "on good terms with".

I figure that if I were to throw a birthday party and invite a bunch of people, that the number of people who would show up would be perhaps 2.

[Erica Marie]

Oh trust me small town life sux. But do some research and you will find crossdresses everywhere. They may all be at a different level but they are out there. Besides who says they have to be cd friends. First start with anyone. Barber, hairstylist, neighbor, church members. Keep your head up high and you will be fine.

[sherri]

People tend to live quiet lives in small towns, and keep more to themselves as they get older. In other words, it's not just you. There are at least 6 single people on my block, from middle aged to *cough* "mature" (like me), and I've noticed none of them have visitors very often, nor do they go out much. I mean, there's not much to do for entertainment. And like you say, CDing just exacerbates the situation.


Look for volunteer work, something a little more vibrant than the nursing home. If you're able, try to find some part-time work -- it will keep you occupied and give you a little mad money (see the next paragraph), maybe get your Internet back. Do some gardening, go for walks, learn to paint, get movies at the library.


Whatever you do, my advice is do not succumb to frustration and out yourself in a small town. News travels like wildfire in a little town and there's nowhere to hide. Far, far better to nip over to the nearest city often enough to keep from going nuts. Tap into the lgbt community, even if you're not gay, you will be accepted and find someone to hang out with.


Put your thinking cap on. You can do this. Just sayin'.

[MsVal]

Give this a try Alice,

When we travel, we like to stay in small towns and eat at those little Mom & Pop diners. It seems that every one of them has a group of old timers that meet for coffee and breakfast every morning. Those are pretty tight groups, but I have been able to engage them in conversations. Do you suppose that you could find some friends among them?

Consider too that while humility is a good thing, selling yourself as damaged goods won't help you find quality friends. You're better than that. Let them hear it, let them see it. Show them the best you can be.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Sharon B.]

I live in a rural area and keep mostly to myself because I enjoy cross-dressing. I would like to find someone I could trust with it and spend some time being girl friends sitting talking or out shopping.

[Jodi]

There should never be any reason to be alone. I live by myself in a smallish type city. I retired 10 years ago. I have volunteered actively with several organizations for he last 10 years. I also work a part time job.

I have met so many great people through the volunteering. I have so many friend that I can not count them.

Every non-profit group is looking for volunteers. There is no shortage of these organizations.

I also have breakfast several mornings a week at a mom/pop diner. I have met many marvelous people.

If you sit at home feeling sorry for yourself, nothing positive will happen. Get out among people, volunteer your time and energy to an organization.

If you don't make things happen for yourself, nothing will happen.

Jodi

[Kate Simmons]

I was pretty aimless until I found my purpose which is to promote positivity and help others while I'm here. Can't get a better resume than that Hon, even if others don't appreciate you for who you are or what you do. I have nothing to prove to anyone really and do what I do by choice and my deeds speak for themselves.:)

[sherri]

There should never be any reason to be alone. I live by myself in a smallish type city. I retired 10 years ago. I have volunteered actively with several organizations for he last 10 years. I also work a part time job.

I have met so many great people through the volunteering. I have so many friend that I can not count them.

Every non-profit group is looking for volunteers. There is no shortage of these organizations.

I also have breakfast several mornings a week at a mom/pop diner. I have met many marvelous people.

If you sit at home feeling sorry for yourself, nothing positive will happen. Get out among people, volunteer your time and energy to an organization.

If you don't make things happen for yourself, nothing will happen.

JodiExcellent advice.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Alice;


Loneliness can lead to depression and anxiety. The best way is to get out around people, a mall, museum's, coffee houses, McDonalds.


If you post your town maybe your friends hear can help you find some local events or places you can visit.


Keep reaching out to others especially here.


Hugs Kelly

[Alice Torn]

I am 13 miles south of Rockford Illinois. There is a gay bar/club downtown, in a very rough area, called, The Office. I have considered visiting the place, because it is LGBT friendly. I detest super loud noisy music, though. I would rather go toa symphony. I plan on going to a symphony a few times this spring and summer, but, making friends is not easy there! I have dreamed of dancing with a guy, me as the lady, and may go to the gay club, but it is a dangerous area. Would likely be hit on by admirers, too, if i show much legs. I go the library everyday to use the internet, as i cannot afford home internet or landline anymore, so i have met a few older people than me, there. I think we live in desperate times, fearful times, where most people are on guard. Who trusts a stranger? With all the crimes and crap we have to here on the news, people do not want friends, sometimes. Their quota of friends is full.

[Beverley Sims]

Alice,
Visiting the nursing home is a good outlet, have you thought of volunteer work in a charity shop?
It is a way of meeting a wide range of people and friendships do spawn from such an occupation.
Yes get out more. There is no vitamin B intake by staying out of the sunshine. :)

[sherri]

You're right, it's too hard, it can't be done. You're doomed.

[MsVal]

Hey, you're already at the library, you're a familiar face, do they have a volunteer opening?

Best wishes
MsVal

[Alice Torn]

Well, I am a survivor, friends, have been through a hell of a lot. Maybe too open about my problems. In a week or so, it will be warm enough to fish around here, after four months of bitter cold. Fishing beats a lot of things, even crossdressing sometimes. Bicycling, too. I would not ride my big old bike as a girl, though. Sometimes, it is best, to walk alone a lot, and not go along with the crowd. I am looking for a part time job, too. On disability, you can only work 16 hours a week. We are in a great depression, in spite of what the news says. Jobs are rarer than gold.

I have asked if the library would let me start a beginners cartoonist class.

[Adriana Moretti]

most of my "local" cd friends i met through facebook....they probably have local groups in your area on facebook...you just have to join, and meet.
Anyone with the balls to have a facebook account en femme is 99% going to be legit and out & about. Most of my long distance friends come right from here...I am going out with a few from here soon, traveling to another state to spend the weekend with them.

[sanderlay]

The choices I make in life and how I feel today put me in my own current circumstances, my mood. But that does not mean my circumstances are set in stone. They can change for the better or worse if I allow them to, but that means change which is not always easy. Opportunities present themselves all the time to change if I allow them in and act upon them.

What I have learned along my path in life is to be grateful for this moment in time. Smile. Each day, each moment is a gift. How I choose to receive and use that gift, that day and moment, is up to me. I've also learned that nothing is imposable. My self doubts and unbelief can hinder my life, like stereo type thinking. So it is best to keep an open mind and think out side the known box. Be open to change.

[Alice Torn]

Sanderlay, My life has been all about a lot of change. 48 moves, suicide of my guy friend. Suicide of my first girlfriend, lots of layoffs, starting my little business , and 26 yrs later, having to quit and move. Moved from Illinois to Washington, notknowing a soul out there. Joining the service. A calling into an odd religion. Going into recover for family toxicity.Knowing that i will love to wear women's clothe all my life. Going through rejection by hundreds of ladies i wanted. Moving back to Illinois from Washington, hqaving to help my 93 year old dad. You are RIGHT. Change is inevitable, and can be good, even when it hurts like hell. I know that i have some mental illness, or emotional illness. Others have had much worse lives, and terrible injuries,and looses i cannot imagine, such as the victims of the Washinton state mudslide. Life is all about change, You are right. Some people are more able to bee cheerful throughit all, and others, who are more emotional, take things harder.

[beatrixmarie]

The office isn't in that rough of a neighborhood, actually. But if you don't enjoy clubs and that kind of atmosphere then you're probably right that it's not a good spot. For the record, I live "up the street from there and have never felt unsafe going there.

There is a support group in the area, but yeah, things can be lonely around here.

so it goes

bea

[newbiecdmd]

I'm hoping to connect with friends on here since finding CD friends while you are closeted is almost impossible!

[RADER]

Hi Alice:
I live near Grayslake, about 30 miles east of you.
If some day, you would like to meat for a cup of Coffee, It would be great.
I am 67 years old, been dressing for ever, but do not go out dressed.
I am willing to travel to you area, so let me know if I can buy you a cup
of coffee someday.
You can PM me if you want.
Rader

[Julia B]

I have plenty of friendsnthat know my guy side but i don't have any CD friends. Would be so much fun to share my CD side with someone, GG or CD. Did that with my wife for a while but that ultimately lead to divorce.

[WhisperTV]

I'm single, but I'm not here to get picked up.

I have no local friends because I just moved here. But just prior to moving I went through a very stressful period of several years where I was constantly having to deal with people. So, for now, I'm enjoying my alone time.

[amyjacks2014]

^.^

Alice,

I feel very much like you do. I have two room-mates, a couple people at work that I can chat with, two cats, and whomever I hook up with for the occasional date/sex, but that is it. My room-mates tend to stick to themselves, I only work part-time for four days a week, and the cats are not really a substitute for human interaction. I am very lonely and solitary. My religious beliefs have done the same to me, between that, the fact that some in the religion would criticize my cross-dressing, and the fact that others do not share my religion is another thing that also alienates me from the rest of the world.

On top of that, I am also diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder. The most recent depression lasted from April through the end of May of this year, following a depression from October through December of 2013. My family seemed to hate each other more than anything else, I grew up in an abusive origin family, and I was abused again in one of the foster homes I was in. I don't see myself having a girlfriend, a wife, or children, although I would not mind them.

When I think about all of that, and I ask myself if it's really all that bad, the answer I come up with is ... nope.

The depressions are annoying (especially when the suicidal thoughts come around), but I tolerate them and wait for them to go away. My friends are not completely anti-social, I have places where I can cross-dress and be at least tolerated, if not accepted. The CD exploration is absolutely contributing to my life, and my cats think they rule the planet, and I am put here to feed them.

I can always use new friends, if you wish to friend me up. As for additional support, it's sort of why I came here, and if you ever need a shoulder to lean on, or an ear to listen, please let me know.


Amy M. Jackson