Reality Hits

[Krisi]

I'll get all dressed and made up, take some photos and think I look pretty good from the front. Then I take some from the side and I see a guy dressed as a woman. I don't know if it's the way I stand, the way I hold my arms and hands or what. If I'm going to go out I have to pass from all angles.

It's depressing.

[Adriana Moretti]

without seeing these pictures we cant really help....it could very well be something as simple as you stated..or it may be nothing at all considering how critical we all are of ourselves.

[Debra Russell]

Best not to dwell on it too much - keep trying, I know I do the same thing but you can make improvements so that you will feel more comfortable - and when you do go out it's better to be in a crowd = really less conspicuous ......................Debra

[Jaylyn]

Sometimes we see ourselves from the inside out and others see us from the outside in. We are often more critical of our selves than others. I know what you mean though. I feel if I ever did take that first step and go out I'd have to feel inside like every thing is perfect. Lots of factors in my mind and they all point to a male but my wife says I really sometimes look very feminine....

[Diane Edwards]

Fear not. That's how some of us have found out that we've only come part way! Having the side and rear view, if possible, is one of the ways to find out if everything 'fits', meaning clothing, deportment, etc. The mirror only gives us a single view so it's not surprising you missed something. But now at least you know and can work on the rest.

I was fortunate to have help from a GG friend who helped me get it right. Of course back when I first started dressing the only instant photo feedback that existed were Polaroids, and the camera wasn't always easy to use if you had to trigger the shutter remotely! Also, the film wasn't cheap and I didn't make much at the time, being a teen with a minimum wage job and a car to pay for!

[Katey888]

Krisi, I know what you mean... don't be depressed... :hugs:

It might be nothing, or it might just be that all of us underneath have a male frame and the stance that goes with it naturally... practice will override that natural stance, doing it over and over, and you'll get there - or you'll get close enough...

Still photos only communicate a one-off pose - videos are far more revealing; more real world - so don't try that yet... :)

Keep Calm & Carry On!

Katey x

[Michelle (Oz)]

I know what you mean Krisi. I was also not happy with my photo from the back and worked on my posture to resolve that one. Some suggestions:

choice of wig can help if it covers the edges of your face
use shadowing makeup to emphasise or hide features
photos capture a moment in time whereas life is more dynamic - perception is about how you move and your mannerisms not just a point in time

Really though, you are a 'guy in a dress'. It is empowering to accept that. You will be very pleasantly surprised at the acceptance of most in the community. Don't limit life's adventures by a photo.

[Jenniferathome]

In the real world, you are not a picture. You are seen from all angles simultaneously. Men are almost always wider in the shoulders and narrower in the hips than women. Our fundamental shapes are different. Try to blend and forget about passing

[dana digs sweaters]

Do you put your makeup on with only side views of your face?
Do you only finesse your hair from the side view also?
The frontal view you have is what counts the most to those that matter the most to you.

[franlee]

Mannerism and demeanor are absolutely obvious. But they are important only if you are being scrutinized by someone or people you have to interact with. Otherwise like most everyone has said just practice the points you find yourself lacking on, but you have to do the full dress rehearsals to refine them and maintain them. The biggest thing is remember you are focused on all the details that most people are to busy with their own activities to even notice. So go do what you want and enjoy it, it will get better if you want it and try. But blending is just a matter of "not standing out." That's all I want anymore, and hate that I wasted so many opportunities over the years by over thinking and borrowing troubles that never mattered.

[Wildaboutheels]

REALITY is that few out in the RW will notice or care how "good" your makeup, clothes, walk, voice, mannerisms, inflections, or anything else that is typically female behavior or attire. They have no reason to care.

Even notice at ALL or care ENOUGH to give you a grimace, snort, laughter or confrontation of any sort. And what they MIGHT think is totally irrelevant. There are still no documented cases of any Human being able to read another Human's mind that I am aware of. Some illusionists like to pretend they can.

Wanting to look your best is understandable but worrying about "passing" is both fruitless and pointless. No one can "know" that they "passed" just because they received no perceptible negativity when out and about.

A CDers worst critic is always the one staring back from their own mirror. Just do the best you can and go out and gain both experience and the confidence that will come from seeing that few people will care as long as you treat them the same way you would like to be treated.

[lynnef]

some of us (definitely myself (in guy *or* girl mode) included) are *not* photogenic, many years ago I had a girlfriend that knew about (and fully supported) me, she saw pictures, and thought they were nice, then she saw me in real life... said there was absolutely no comparison, the pictures were horrible and didn't look like me at all...

so if you have a GG friend that you're out to, ask her to look you over and give some suggestions :)

[KimberlyJean]

I had this same concern over my sideview, I was watching Fox News, early morning, and they regularly show some of the news girls from the side view. They look alot from the side like I do, and they are all very beautiful women. So that helped ease my worries.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Krisi, I think that your problem is that you are your own worst cretic.

[kimdl93]

Who says you have to pass from all angles. Everybody has good and bad sides....well almost everyone. Don't sweat that. Besides, darn few of us actually pass...as I'm sure you've heard here many times before. But many of us fly just below the radar, enough so that unless we are face to face, we blend in as just another woman.

[Taylor Ray]

Who are you trying to pass as? There are many beautiful full figured and plus size women out there. Perhaps our culture doesn't accept them as "beautiful", and maybe it has seeped into our minds as well. We automatically think of Kate Moss as our ideal.

[Beverley Sims]

Krisi,
A lot of women don't pass from my angle at any time.
You have little to worry about.
Just practice those gestures.
You will make it. :)

[Krisi]

Thanks for all the replies. I feel better now. Still trying though.

[Launa]

If you look good straight on then work on getting some good butt and hip enhancers and get on with your life. Accept the fact there will always be things that will tip someone off.