Baby Steps

[njcddresser]

It has been 5 months since I came out to myself and my wife that I am a cross dresser. These months has been an exhilarating time for me of self discovery that has allowed me to learn just who I am.

A big question that I wanted answered was Why? and Why now? I still don't know the answer to these questions but have learned to accept that this is who I am and have accepted it, embraced it and enjoyed discovering the truly feminine side to me.

I recall as a teen sneaking into my sisters room and putting on her panties. At that time, it was something for sexual gratification. Throughout my adult years, I would periodically put on a pair of my wives panties but that was about it.

Fast forward to Halloween and I dressed in drag and went to work that way. I must say I really enjoyed it. In the days that followed, my wife brought it up a few times and one night when she mentioned it, I just sort of blurted out that I liked it and wanted to do it more. Though surprised, she accepted what I told her and has helped me where she can. I won't say that she's 100% accepting but she's fine with it.

So this leads me to my journey.

I started with 1 or 2 outfits and some panties. My drab underwear went by the wayside pretty quickly.

I added a set of breast forms and a few bras. Over time, I filled in a nice little wardrobe and continue to add to it.

My wife took my to her nail salon and began to get my nails done. At first with no polish but eventually having them put clear polish on me. I haven't had a nail tech put colored polish on me yet, but I'm sure at some point I will. I enjoy painting my own toes

Likewise, with makeup, I started with some eye make up and lipstick. Then foundation, concealer and powder. I practiced a lot. At this point, I'm not great at it but I certainly can apply it reasonably well.

When I started, I couldn't have envisioned ever going out enfemme. I started with just wearing forms under my drab clothes. Then a pair of women's jeans and a top. I even wore my women's boots out a few times.

Since then, I've gone out enfemme a couple times. It was much easier than I would have ever thought and thoroughly enjoy my time out now.

I went into it with an attitude that I wasn't going to care what anyone may say and have made several shopping excursions buying clothes, make up, lingerie and shoes and not once did I have any problem whatsoever. Each time, my confidence grew and at this point, I have no fear going into any shop at all.

I've only come out to one other person than my wife and thats her BFF. I certainly expect to come out to others as the need presents itself.

So where is all of this going to take me? I haven't a clue but I have learned that this is who I am, I came to really love the person that I am and I have no desire to stop.

I have learned so much from many of you and want to say a big thank you to each of you that has helped me. I couldn't have done it with out you.

Big hugs,

Jackie :)

[Talisker]

Nice post. Some nice photos as well.
why and why now is for you to work out.
People have mentioned lots of reasons - hormone levels, depression, lack of sex life / partner, finding transformation videos on youtube, reaching the point in life where you dont care what others think, the list goes on......

[DaphneMiller]

Sounds like the start of a great journey.
As to 'Why?', once I accepted that I enjoyed my feminine side, the 'why' just wasn't important anymore. Like the sky being blue, I just accept that it is. I don't need to understand it - it just is.
(okay, bad example - 'cos I do actually know why the sky is blue.. but anyway, hopefully you get my point.. :) )

Daphne

[njcddresser]

<<Sounds like the start of a great journey.
As to 'Why?', once I accepted that I enjoyed my feminine side, the 'why' just wasn't important anymore. Like the sky being blue, I just accept that it is. I don't need to understand it - it just is.>>

I have kind of come to the same point. I'm no longer fighting the why. It's just something that would help me to better understand who I am. Rather, I've learned to accept who I am.

[KayleeDahl]

It would be nice to have something to answer the "why" question. I think that is something that we all struggle with at some point. And of course every time new research comes out, the questions come popping back. I just read an article the other day (which sadly I can't find now) which said that they have theorized that some male brains develop to have somewhat of an defense against testosterone (the hormone that changes us from the girls we all were as a fetus into a boy baby). Thinking along those lines it would be easy to see why there could be such a spectrum of "masculine" rather than it being binary.

That said, when it comes down to it, this is just something that is a part of you for whatever reason. Daphne is right, once you have acceptance of it, its less of a big question on your mind. As you read that, you are probably thinking it would be easier to accept if you knew why right? :) some things we just have to take on faith.

I certainly struggled for a long time with accepting myself, and knowing who and what I was in this world. It's not been an easy path, and there have been lots of twists and turns. One thing that might be of help to you is talking to a mental health professional who is experienced with gender diversity. They know some of the shortcuts on your path.

From your post, you seem like you have a great attitude, and are adventureous, so i would say, "enjoy the ride" :)

Hugs!

[Vikky]

Hi Jackie

A great post, and so much mirrors my experience, although you are further down the line. I am closetted at present, but just bought a first wig and another skirt, so the wardrobe is coming along. Will I ever get out an about? I don't know, but I am here for the ride and see where it takes me.

Be good, if if you can't, enjoy it.

Vikky

[Tina_gm]

My wife had asked me the question, why me, why now. And I have wondered the same. Why was I able to fight it for so long, then suddenly no longer able to?? For me there is not one reason, but likely a few reasons.

One possibility is simply that a person only has so much energy in life to deal with something, and I simply ran out of the energy to fight this part of myself. Another is that I trust my current wife in ways I have never trusted another human being before. Another is that my wife has made me feel good as a man. When feeling good as a man, it makes it easier to accept other things about yourself. And lastly, I had finally convinced myself that I am still a good person. Being feminine as a guy does not make a person bad because of it.

[dana digs sweaters]

It has been 5 months since I came out to myself and my wife that I am a cross dresser. These months has been an exhilarating time for me of self discovery that has allowed me to learn just who I am.

A big question that I wanted answered was Why? and Why now?
I still don't know the answer to these questions but have learned to accept that this is who I am and have accepted it, embraced it and enjoyed discovering the truly feminine side to me.
So where is all of this going to take me? I haven't a clue but I have learned that this is who I am, I came to really love the person that I am and I have no desire to stop.


Interesting that you did not crossdress while young but have as an adult to present as fully female while shopping. Good for you Jackie.
The path you take will hopefully be with hose & heels.

[PaulaQ]

Congrats Jackie - I'm so happy for you that your wife is accepting! As for why now - gender dysphoria, even the mild type you have, tends to be progressive. It keeps cranking up the pressure until you can't take it anymore.

[Persephone]

So great, Jackie! Just never fly faster than your wife! It leaves her in a trail of dust and she starts coughing and looking angry.

But if she's onboard then the two of you can just soar and enjoy life!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Beverley Sims]

Jackie,
You seem to be progressing well although as others have said don't push too far or fast.
Things will work out to your advantage albeit slowly.