Not a good day :(

[njcddresser]

So play plan for today was to spend the day at a local mall totally enfemme.

It would be my second trip out totally enfemme. Th first time I had a great experience.

I went out last night and picked up a new outfit consisting of black leggings, a purple scoop neck sweater that came to mid thigh and a lilac jacket. I also picked up a new pair of flats to complete the outfit.

I got up early this morning and spent lots of time getting ready. shaved, moisturizer, my make up looked great.

The new outfit looked fantastic and I paired it with some great jewelry.

I headed to the mall, parked and went inside. This is where my trouble started.

I don't know what came over me but I was so nervous and had zero confidence in myself. I could barely look up and couldn't look anyone in the eye.

I was practically shaking.

I only stayed about 45 minutes and only went into one store. I finally left, headed back home and changd back into drab clothes.

I'm not sure what happened to me. I'm going to try and put it behind me and just move on. I'll try again at some point, but at this point my confidence is surely shaken.

[PaulaQ]

It's really easy to lose your nerve when going out en femme at first. Don't sweat it, and try again on a different day. You look great, btw, and you really shouldn't have any big problems out and about.

The really good thing that you did was to go ahead and go in to the mall, and spend some time there. 45 minutes at the mall and visiting a store is a nice outing. I'd also suggest trying a restaurant next time, preferably in one of the more eclectic and tolerant neighborhoods in your town.

You really did OK, and this gets easier with time, honey.

[Debra Russell]

Relax hon, just hold your head up and continue on - unless you see someone with a pitch fork heading toward you! The shaking and looking down and being terrified will draw much attention - be yourself:hugs:.................Debra

[Rachel292]

OK you didn't spend the day there. You went out, you got there, you spent 45 minutes there and it was only your 2nd time out. You wore sensible clothes and you havn't said you had negative receptions or abuse. Don't forget you cant't get there or do everything first time, sometime you have to take a step back or stumble a bit. Don't worry. Plan to do it again and wear the same outfit. I'm sure you will be OK next time.

[Beverley Sims]

Jackie,
Some would call it a panic attack I think it is the realisation ow where you are and how vulnerable you feel.
I would try a few more times without going into the deep water.
You need to gain confidence and realise people are not looking at you and hold your head up high.
Even in drab mode I make eye contact with women and smile.
You should try that too.
It helps for when you are dressed as that is what women do.
There are a lot of natural interactions and you need to practicethem so a they become habit.
Hold your head up and look ahead, people will wonder what is wrong with you if they see your head bowed and appear upset.
Inwardly people do care. :)

[Persephone]

It has happened to all of us at one time or another. And frankly, the fact that you went into the mall and actually stayed and shopped for a while is better than most of us when that happens.

You probably did the right thing by heading home. As Debra pointed out, shaking and looking nervous can attract attention.

It takes a while to develop confidence, but keep at it and you will.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Laura912]

I took a look at your profile picture. If you looked that nice, you would have done fine. If a journey starts with one step, you are on the way with two steps.

[mechamoose]

“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.”
― John Wayne

<3

- MM

[Chari]

You did not say if you had any breakfast that morning. That causes many of us to have stress, nervousness, and fatigue. Consider having something to eat/drink (more than just a latte & bagel), then take a deep breath before you go out & about! Enjoy.

[MsVal]

As a member of the Stay At Home club I wonder how that wasn't a good day? As has been said before, you did everything you hoped to do, with a couple minor exceptions. You were anxious, but that can be attributed to an extra cup of coffee.

Perhaps the wonderful success of the first outing may have contributed to unrealistic expectations and goals for the second. Perhaps it would seem better if the first and second outing were reversed.

I've seen your photos and read your stuff. Overall, I think you rock.

Thanks for the vicarious trip to the mall, anxiety and all.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Nadine Spirit]

Nervousness is common upon doing just about anything new. You should be proud that you did what you did. My nerves have become calmer over time, but occasionally still I panic a bit. I just remember to breath and it passes.

[mickey4353]

wish i had the courage to go to the mall

[Jenelle]

I can relate to this in a non-CD way. A few years ago I finally managed to join a band that actually giged. I was very nervous and excited when it came time to play my first live show ever. I made mistakes (nothing major), had a blast and could not wait for the next gig. Next one comes and I am mortified. Even though the first time was great, I had no confidence I could pull it off. All the mistakes I made (some pretty big ones) kept running through my head for days. I almost quit the band telling myself I just was not cut out for it.

Every show got easier and easier as time went on until it almost became second nature. I stuck with the band for about a year and then had to quit because I moved. If I had quit after that second show, I doubt I would ever again get the courage up to join another band. So I am very glad I stuck with it.

[Jamiegirl1]

totally normal to be that nervous and shaking your second time out,practice makes perfect..the more you go out,the more confidence you will build....then you will love going out dressed........you will be more relaxed and feel sooo fem and calm....

[Erica Grace]

You went further and had more courage than many of us can say. You look great! Hope the next time goes much better for you, keep us posted.

[dana digs sweaters]

Hi Jackie, not the best day out for you but you got out and that is what is important.
You said you will go out again and that is good to hear that you have the confidence to do so.
All the effort you made as a man to present as a woman to the public is just more experience to bank on.
The next time you go out, you just might laugh at yourself for being nervous this time.
Relax, you make an attractive woman and enjoy the feelings associated with what some of us do that go out.

[Katey888]

Jackie - I'm sure this is just a temporary feeling... probably one of those reverse psychology things where, because you have already been out, your subconscious knows exactly what to worry you about even though, rationally, you know you have nothing to worry about... :)

Sometimes we just have bad days and we need to go home, relax and be comfortable.

You'll be fine some other time - another day will be yours! :D

Katey x

[Tina_gm]

Sometimes I wonder if the many times members who do go out and often strongly encourage others to do the same can not always be a good thing. It just sounds like you were not ready for whatever reason, even though you did have a good outing before. In time I am sure you will be fine, but maybe trying a little too hard to get to that point, or not understanding the nerves and thinking you shouldn't be feeling it which then makes them even worse?

I am a stay at home partial dresser, and lately I have been busy without a lot of time to dress. Because of this, while not necessarily a lack of desire itself, but with life being hectic and all, what little time I do have, I feel drained and just not "in the mood" so I am not pushing it. I think it is better to wait until we feel better about what we are doing rather than to push it when we are not sure or if it just doesn't feel right just because of opportunity. I know sometimes I feel like I am wasting opportunities.... but overall it is better to enjoy our dressing time.

[bimini1]

It happens. Stay in your comfort zone and don't bite off too much. If you are going to do it go slow. If it don't fit don't force it. I go a lil further every time out. And in progression become a lil more comfy in doing so. But initially I think we can all relate to what happened to you.

[kimdl93]

Ever been thrown from a horse? I have been...more than once. You gotta get up, dust yourself off and get back in the saddle.

[NathalieX66]

njcdresser, I had the exact same thing happen to me a couple of years ago. What you went through is stage fright. This is the situation were we freak out, and get nearly frightened to death. There can be a variety of reasons ranging from not feeling comfortable in the public eye to feeling your presentation is off, i.e. wig is not staying on right, my beard stubble is showing through my makeup, that woman over there gave me a dirty look, this that, whatever.

I have been out in public dressed as female for four years and two months as of today , and i have been treated great by everyone I've ever met, except for one incident a while back where I was coming out of Nordstroms and walking to my car wearing a denim skirt and a wig (which I no longer wear since I grew my own hair beyond shoulder legnth....turns out I have Michele Bachmann hair, I can't stand that woman), where some woman kept yelling 'faggot!' at me. ......This never happened again. Ever.

i find it a joy to interact with people, and enjoy going to nail salons and getting mani/pedi's, and dining at any restaurant. But it took a long time to develop the courage to do so. The reality is, the biggest obstacle is ourselves, and the acceptance of ourselves. In other words, it's all in your mind.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jackie, Next time just act like you own the whole place.

[sanderlay]

Jackie,

When you feel ready to step out that door again... My advise would be to take it slower next time.

Build your confidence with small trips in fem with little to no expectation of even getting out of your car. Each trip is a little step to built confidence, to feel more normal in fem when you're outside.

Wear clothes that you have worn before at home so they feel familiar. The more normal you feel the easier it will be.

Enjoy these experiences and let them build on each other. Before you know it you'll be back at the mall in fem enjoying being yourself and telling us your success story. :)

[Lynn Marie]

I whole heartedly have to agree with Nathalie here. We are most definitely out there "acting" a part, and the audience is important. I have no problem with nice restaurants and individual stores, but I avoid busy malls and Walmarts like the plague. Just not the kind of places for the Lynn Marie stage show!

[Janelle_C]

Jackie you did great, the first time I bought a pair of shoes while in drab I thought I was going to pass out before I could pay for them. Get back out there, you find that no one cares. But the one thing you need to know is the more you do it the more you want to.