Did anything happen...

[Tinkerbell-GG]

...to make you want to 'shed' being a boy?

I see this written here a lot, that it's not just about being a girl - it's about discarding the boy, even just temporarily. So did anything happen to make you dislike the boy?

In my H's case, he noticed very early that everyone fawned over his sister much more than him and he remembers this very clearly and he felt rejected and just assumed girls were more special. Not to mention his father was the type of man he definitely didn't want to be like - disinterested, selfish, never home. You get the picture. He wonders if these things didn't play some small part in who he became, along with the usual genetic stuff. Did my H shed the boy because he was never made to feel special?

Anyone else?

[Katey888]

Don't think so, Tinks.. Only child here - and not particularly fawned over...

If I think back to when this started for me, at around 6 or 7, I believe I just wanted something more... being greedy, I suppose..?

Later - yes, there was a fair amount of sexuality involved.. :o

But it was always more than that - and something much deeper than just "I like doing this.." - more like: "I have no idea why, but I have to do this.."

This might sound weird, but when I'm Katey - there's nothing discarded... It's more like Katey is released as an extension of me - but I'm all there, and I like that extended personality... like being the two aspects of that whole... oooh - that is a bit odd - have to think some more on that one before talking again... :eek:

Sorry, that probably doesn't help kick off the theory very positively... :)

Katey x

[Tina_gm]

If anything, the reverse would have happened to me- I never bonded well with my mother. I am an only child. so no strong female influence at all. My father I did have a great relationship with. He was an awesome man. Incredible amount of honesty and integrity. He even passed away with incredible honor class and integrity while suffering miserably with cancer. So for me, it is just me, nothing contributed to this.

[MissTee]

Not sure, Tink. I grew up with abusive, alcoholic father. Family and I were on the run from him during most of my childhood. Eventually reconciled when he stopped drinking in his late 50's, but the damage was done.

I also spent a lot of time bare footed in my youth. For all I know that could have caused it, too. I'm sure one day science will find the answer.

[Wildaboutheels]

Both of my parents were good and never showed any favoritism between my brother sister and I.

But what you are describing is mostly Human Nature I think. Wittle girls will "usually" get more coddling, praise and attention than little boys and it only gets more intense and lopsided as time goes on and when the girls come into puberty, the pressure intensifies to "be attractive". [gather attention] I am not aware of any Beauty pageants or contests for 5 year old boys but some of these mothers on TV who are trying to make their 5 year old girls look like "adults" to win contests are downright scary.

IMO, anyway.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Tinker Bell, I'm perfectly happy being a Double Agent.

[KayleeDahl]

I've often wondered this myself, could there have been some first domino that started a chain reaction that brought me to where I am today?

When i was younger, even though i was the older brother, my younger sister and I often played together with things she was interested in. Whether it was putting on a mini play, playing with barbies, or some other activity, it seemed like we often played more typically female games. Was this because I also wanted to play these games? Did I set the field so that we would end up playing wth her toys? or did I accept that if I wanted company in play, that I had to play her games? I truely don't know the answers to these questions, and doubt that I will ever. But the truth for me, is that today - it doesnt really matter which came first - the chicken or the egg.

The presented question was more towards the other side of the gender. Was there something that made me dislike the boy? I don't think I do dislike or devalue the boy, the "me" though is not tied to being the boy or the girl. "me" encompases both, though i didn't always realize this was true. Untill I started to really explore and accept the girl side, I couldn't fully be me, which almost caused what seemed like a push away from the boy, but was actually just a push away from what society said I should be. (hopefully this makes sense to someone other than just me :) )

Hugs!

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Actually, I'm firmly in the 'genetics' camp as a reason for CD as it seems to cover too many backgrounds and cultures etc, to be anything else, but I guess I wondered if anyone else had any other moments that perhaps might have acted as a catalyst or affected the feelings behind it? My H definitely remembers this early jealousy of girls, and like Wild said, there's just no pageants for boys. I often think boys were actually meant to be the prettier ones (look at other species) and don't really understand why we ended up with all the frouffy outfits. Seems a little greedy on our side, so don't feel it's only you wanting more, Katey. We girls just want it all!

And Wild, I agree, toddlers just shouldn't be doing that. Those poor little girls are going to be a mess when they're older. Great, I probably just gave a producer another reality show idea!

[Rachelakld]

My older sister was my idol, and while neither of us were in to dolls (except for giving them haircuts), when I was 3 and she was 7, we both liked getting the tent and billy (I was an Australian in those days) and going in to the bush for the day.
But her clothes were always so pretty

[kimdl93]

It's my observation that everyone tries to identify 'the root cause' in their recollections of childhood. There are a couple of problems with that sort of thing. First, childhood recollections are notoriously unreliable. There are sporadic, infallible experiences glued together in memory with sheer fabrication....much the way the brain fills in the blind spot where the optic nerve emerges from the retina.

The second is that your H is a sample of one. Anecdotal evidence ignore the possibility, even the high likelihood that even if the recollections are accurate, ten or 100, or 1000 others may have had similar life experiences...or at least similar recollections with totally different outcomes....or no outcomes at all.

[Tina_gm]

I think for many CDers who bonded more with their mothers or sisters is or was due to their internal femininity so they were able to connect more to them then their male counterparts perhaps? In my case since I had none to bond with it may have only delayed my desire to CD. My 1st desires were not until about the age of 17. Had I had sisters or had a better bonding with my mother, it may have happened sooner, like many on here who began feeling it as early as they can remember.

[Jenniferathome]

No, my upbringing was a very good one. Both parents loved me and told me so. I was treated like a boy, always and it always felt right. I was treated special. I wanted for nothing, literally. I don't think I "discard the boy" but more an image of one. Maybe it's a break from reality in a sense, and hence the stress relief I feel, but I'm me inside at all times, I think. Maybe there is even a little less pressure to be "me" when I am dressed. My wife had a theory on it, I'll ask her to comment.

[Kate Simmons]

I think it's mostly a "mission" we assign ourselves early on, genetics or home life notwithstanding. "Your mission Ms Phelps, should you decide to accept it is to become a girl to the best of your ability." Evidently most of us accept.:battingeyelashes::)

[Tina_gm]

lol Kate, that was awesome.... your previous reality will self destruct in 5 seconds..... Or is there also a pink pill option we chose?? lol

[Erica Grace]

I don't think doing what we do "sheds" being a boy, at least for me that's not what it is about. It is about expressing my inner creativity, releasing stress, challenging myself to always do better (whether its perfecting make up or finding the clothes that fit just right), and embracing the other, more unfamiliar end of the gender spectrum. I'm still very much a boy when I dress, just don't look like one.

[Jorja]

I was the child at 4 or 5 that demanded I was a girl. My parents instructed me that I was not a girl but a boy and I was never to speak of it again. Later that same day I was found wearing the neighbor girls dress and cute shoes. This went on like this until I was 14. My father caught me dressed one day and had enough. He kicked me out of his house. I spent a few months on the streets until this wonderful lady took me in. Grandma Tita. She listened, understood, and taught me. Look out world, Jorja had arrived, finally.

[Mz Jenna J.]

When I look back, I always had wondered about how this all happened? I started I think around the age of 8-10 I believe. I had two older sisters and they were pretty popular back in those days. My dad worked so much I rarely seen him. My mother was the warden! Ha! I had quite a bit of buddies in the neighborhood I did stuff with, boy things like sports, fishing and getting dirty. But at home I was always around my sisters and mother. Is that a reason I started? Still not really sure? I am really close with my family these days. I've just learned, especially fairly recently, that this is who I am and plan on making the best of it!

[Tami]

I couldn't say but for me I have no intention of shedding the boy just bringing out the girl alongside. Two sides of the same coin. X

[sanderlay]

I think as a very young child I was more androgynous than boy or girl, which would be closer to my true self anyway. I was dressed in male clothing by my parents. But I wondered why I was not allowed to have or option to wear girls clothes? I think I even asked the question at some point, in a sly way, but I don't remember. I got that birds and bees book and that I'm a boy and boys don't wear girls clothes.

I think this was an indication of my gender conflict, my gender dysphoria, as I was loosing my outlet to feel feminine. I think around this time I did start to cross-dress and wear some of my mother's clothes. But for me I was not trying to "shed the boy" but feel feminine.

The whole thing was a very confusing time in my life and I felt like society was very unfair to have these strange rules. At some point somebody asked me if I felt like I was a girl trapped in a boys body. I said I don't think so. And these were my only options at the time, boy or girl? Girl or boy? I have male parts so I must be male? This was the conflict that made no sense and yet that's what the book I had said in the mid 1960's.

Years later, in my teens, when my mother caught me wearing some of her clothing she asked if I was Gay. I said no. I gave a lame some excuse that I was cold. I got flannel male PJ's almost every Christmas after that. And we never spoke of that again. After that I learned to be more secretive and fit in as a male. But my urges to cross-dress remained.

I do believe that nurture had nothing to do with my conflict. That it was societies gender rules that were the issue. They were not allowing me to be my true self and wear feminine and masculine clothing to be more androgynous in my gender presentation.

That's my theory for who I am. :)

[Chloe75]

For me, my family was great growing up. I had loving parents. I always had a ton of girls around me who wanted to date me but I fell in love with one when I was in my teens and she became my wife several years later. I cannot point to any single event. Since I'm a geeky science nut too, it doesn't seem to be something linked to alleles.
I like to dress because it is an escape, no, a secret identity that I do for me. It's not about discarding the man but becoming something else, something different than what I usually am. Though I don't ignore who I am inside. My soul is still the same and that is clearly seen in Chloe. I want to blend in as a woman and not stick out like a man in women's clothing. Perhaps it is about putting aside my regular life and slipping into another's shoes...especially if those shoes are 3 inch pumps.
I'm still trying to understand this desire and relate it to who I want to be. It is a fun adventure and I'm not sure where it will take me but I hope for it to be used in a way that builds others up.

[Carmen]

These past weeks I have been reminiscing about this very question.
I come from a large family, droves of boys and girls, cousins, neighbors, kids everywhere.
I did all the things that any post Vietnam Cold War boys would do.
Perhaps the only exception was that I was experimenting with womens clothes.

In retrospect, I remember that I had a greater appreciation for everything. I read every book that I came across, wrote stories, watched many movies, listened to music...on and on.
The one moment that I realized that I was different, was in elementary school, probably 5th grade. It was the weekly classroom film day.
My cronies were curious about the days film, wondering if it was any good, I told that it was a good film.
I had seen this short film before during summer school. Essentialy, it was a chick-flick about a teenage girl that finds herself pregnant and all the drama surrounding her situation.
When the movie was shown, all the girls in the class were rivited to the screen.
Well when my friends realized that it wasn't going to be an action flick about sports or cars or whatever, they were dissapointed and I caught some bad remarks about liking a 'girls movie'.

For me, that was my defining moment. The moment that I realized that I had a greater appreciation for things beyond the typical adolescent male constraints.

[Joni Beauman]

First, I must say, Kimdl93's take on this is spot on. Nevertheless, I think it started at about age 5 when I was made to wear a dress to a party of some kind as punishment for swimming "like a girl" at swim practice early in the day. Ever since, its just a form of self abuse. But really, I'm OK with it. Joni

[Emogene]

I have been seeing a counselor for some little while; as a late bloomer who suddenly starting dressing in my mid-sixties with no prior interest or experience, my counselor (and yes she sees a number of other transgender and transsexual people) suggested that as I had recently undergone a very stressful traumatic situation (police, child threatening suicide by gun, extreme alcohol intoxication of said child, keeping the kid talking on the phone until officers were on scene and set up, hang up the phone and then wait while the officers take the door, et al) that I may have had a personality split in an effort to preserve my sanity. Yes, I was very broken, after the aforementioned incident and no neither my son nor any of the responding officers were hurt.

Anyone else start feeling, acting, being female following a severe mental trauma or as part of PTSD?

Just wondering?

[Angie G]

No not at all. I just love being girly.And have for a long long time.:hugs:
Angie

[ShelbyDawn]

As best I can tell, I was born this way. I have memories from age five and six of dressing in my mothers clothes.
For most of my life it was pretty much hit or miss until about ten years into a very abusive marriage; the ex was verbally, psychologically and physically abusive and I let her convince me it was my fault. My guess is that I retreated into dressing as a safe haven and, as I healed, it just stayed with me as a comfort.
Either that or I was abducted by a band of roaming gypsy aliens and reprogrammed...

You pick. :)

[Talisker]

Not really. I like being a low maintenance boy but every now and then like to have some fun pretending to be a girl.
Often feels as good to take the clothes off as put them on.

[Beverley Sims]

I don't think I wanted to discard the boy.
We live happily together. :)

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Either that or I was abducted by a band of roaming gypsy aliens and reprogrammed...


Ha, I think this might be the best answer!

And Emogene, that sounds awful :( I actually knew another CD wife for a short while whose H started dressing after severe sexual abuse. His story was equally horrific but in a different way. I'm sure anything can come of abuse to be honest, and maybe the genetics just pushes a person in a certain direction? I mean, why dress as a woman and not Batman? Perhaps being a woman is the natural opposite for a man so the ultimate emotional escape? Who knows.

I'm just sorry you went through all that.

[Marcelle]

Hi Tink,

For me I knew when I was little that I liked my sister's clothes more than mine but there was no real event which caused that to my understanding. I did have a brief full "en femme" session with a girl when I was 17 but again no real event beyond the typical 17 year old boy caught up in a shall we say "out there gal's" fantasy fun. I came back to CDing late in life (32 years later). I was at a point where things were bad, I was angry all the time, my wife and I were going down hill relationship wise. Once I came out I began seeing a therapist who specializes in gender identity issues. We explored many possibilities for the late "come to CDing moment" and one as Emogene has talked about is traumatic stress. With several combat tours in Afghanistan and seeing the worse of people in such situations (myself included) this may have been the trigger to re-explore my CDing side. It was not the cause mind you but possibly one of the triggers.

Hugs

Isha

[Kate T]

Nope, no memorable "trigger" or trauma. I was an only child and brought up by my mother but had a multitude of uncles and lived with my grandfather who were all fantastic male role models whom I loved dearly.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

Isha, I guess that's what I was wondering - whether there were 'triggers' and if it was about shedding a part of yourself you don't like or maybe even a coping mechanism - bringing out the feminine side you'd always hidden with all that stressful male stuff. I mean, what causes crossdressing is clearly just a genetic lottery - we're all different and like different things - but maybe many men are also born like this but they don't have anything trigger it? Maybe it's a part of you that isn't always needed or accessed, if that makes sense?

But as many here said, they can't recall anything happening, so who knows. This could be a memory issue as young children don't recall much, or it could just be this is different for everyone. My H seems convinced his upbringing helped his along and he's content with that. I guess as long as the person knows who they are and are happy that way, the triggers (or lack of) are irrelevant.

Thanks for helping me ponder this. It was interesting :)

[Amanda M]

Tinkerbelle, the fact is that nobody really knows the root cause of cross dressing behavior, and for my part I am sure that it is different for different people. For me, something that you said strikes a chord - about shedding part of yourself that you don't really like. I hate the macho "I'm bigger, better and stronger than you" attitude, and the prediliction to "solve " problems by using violence, and simply will not go along with it. I have never been competitive - I don't see the need, perhaps because I get on well with most things I do. However, I do wonder if I crossdress partly to escape the male machismo thing.

If I do, and it works, I'm fine with that. I do not need to shove it peoples' faces, nor do I feel the need to justify what I do. My wife is totally OK with it.

Interestingly enough, I've taken a few (for fun) on line tests to see what professions I would be good at, and without exception they have come down to doctor, chaplain/priest, nurse, social worker.

I guess I'm just one of the fortunate ones. Hope things get better for you!

[ClosetED]

Tink,
Great Thread and something that many have opinions on. This site is the best place to discuss rather than a therapist or books. Some thought provoking material would be Anne Vitale (http://avitale.com) and also Quiet: The power of introverts (book/Audiobook or for summary see http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts. There are genetic differences in us and the are there for a reason. I think we are the introvert/highly sensitive types who also happen to be a society that puts different burdens on men then women (as all have done). Some the combination makes about 6% of the men try on women's clothing - why may vary as well, possibly based on A Vitale description Group 1, 2, or 3, what we call TS vs CD. You have the opinions of several MDs in this thread, and no one has a clear answer. There may be no one answer for all. But will a reason be of use to you and H. What you do with your life is more important. But it nice to understand if possible, which is why we all ask this over and over. Society makes many of us hide this, and we anguish over what we might have done wrong or to assign blame to someone. Will that really help us? I think we are better off thinking no one is to blame and let go the guilt/anger. And then let loose the virus that makes everyone crossdress so we don't have to hide! :)
Hugs,
Ellen

[Julia Red]

As a child, I was fine to be a boy, so I don't think that I started CDing because I didn't like the boy, I started because I LOVED the girls.

I aways loved the hair, the mannerisms, the clothes. I think I felt the need of a girlfriend too early, so I became my own girlfriend instead. It may be totally off, but that's my theory.

I think this is something I could bring up with my psychologist.

[suchacutie]

From my perspective, the original question points to what brought out our imbedded proclivity to express our feminine selves. We have the brain we're born with and it's only a question of what the process is to understand that brain's gender associations.

I had a clear moment of realization one day when my wife and I were just joking with each other. Suddenly we realized it had stopped being a joke and my comfort with being dressed was completely out of character. Quite suddenly Tina was born. However it was certainly not a shedding of my male self but the realization that both genders were important.

[mariehart]

Really interesting stories in this thread. But I do believe I was born this way. Had a fairly normal upbringing. My Father was a bit hard on me but he didn't drink or anything like that. My Mother would be a typical Mother. Too soft at times. I have four younger sisters. My childhood was if anything a bit of a cliché. Lot of good memories and long summers. There was nothing that I could point to as a trigger. I did play with the girls and even had a favourite doll but I also played boy's games. I cannot think of a moment when I gave any thought to my identity as a boy and I had no real interest in clothes. The only moment I can think of was when I went to my Mother and asked her if it was true boys grew up to be women and girls to be men. I've no idea what put the idea in my head. She answered yes and I went away happy and looking forward to growing up to be woman. To this day I don't know if she misheard the question or was being mischievous. But that was it until I was about 11 or 12 when I began to try on girls clothes and wishing I could turn into one.

You have to remember at the time it was even deeper in the closet than it is now. I had no idea why I was doing it and there was no information other than occasional articles in newspapers. One thing I did realise early enough was that I was quite different to other boys.

I believe I was born this way and if it didn't surface as small child it as because my personality is rather passive and accepting. I was a boy but the difference between boys or girls wasn't something I gave a thought to until later when my body began to change but my mind didn't.

[CarlaWestin]

Hi Tink,

I've always reveled in being a boy as my primary gender expression with going all girly as an added bonus. I couldn't imagine adhering to one gender at this point unless I transitioned and portrayed a butch tomboy type. What's the point in that? Being the youngest of five, I was generally in the company of mom and sisters growing up. My father was a florist and a gardener in his spare time and worked long days and weekends. I guess I just became familiar with the female existence and continue to enjoy its emulation to this day. Why not do what you love?

[Jenniferathome]

....There are genetic differences in us and the are there for a reason. I think we are the introvert/highly sensitive types who also happen to be a society that puts different burdens on men then women (as all have done). ....

Nope, I can't buy into this interpretation. SOME cross dressers may be introverts and highly sensitive. For every one such example, I am sure you will find an example like me: extrovert, risk taker, not highly sensitive. That is the conundrum of cross dressing. One can find an example to prove a point but that point is lost when one looks wider.

[Stephanie47]

I have no idea why I became a cross dresser. I cannot remember any incidents in my very early youth that would have driven me to wearing women's clothing. I probably developed that inclination on my own. I discovered the wonderful feeling of my mother's nylon slips which I encountered in the sole bathroom of the apartment. I thought that nice feeling fabric would probably feel great on my body-nothing more, nothing less. I loved, and, still do, the feel of nylon. Of course, after the nylon slip then came the nylon night gown. And, so forth.

I was all boy in the 1950's and 1960's. The entire deal-sports, male game playing, playing in the dirt with cars and trucks, baseball cards, shoplifting candy bars, scrounging for money collecting pop bottles, sent to the principals office tooo many times, drafted into the infantry and went to Nam and did all those wonderful things expected of boys turned into killers defending truth, justice and the American way.

Sensitivity- I developed my sensitivity to women, kids, the less fortunate after I became a cross dresser. I realized, if I was to be accepted by myself and any person who found out my secret, then how could I be judgmental about them? Maybe, I'll make a further comment about that on your other thread.

[CynthiaD]

I think what caused it for me was sneaking into my mother's closet and trying on her clothes. If I just hadn't done that so much things might have been very different ...

[Nadine Spirit]

Tinkerbell-

I honestly used to wonder about this all of the time. Because:

1 - I was molested by my female babysitter at age 5
2 - My sister dressed me up in girls clothes like I was her little doll
3 - I always thought my sister was more well liked and got more things than I did
4 - I was forced to shave all of my body hair while being a swimmer
5 - My first girlfriend practically forced me to let her paint my fingernails
6 - ?????

Did these things make me want to shed being a boy? I really don't think so, because even though I do like to dress as a woman, I also like to dress as a boy. I really do like both and I don't see doing one or the other as avoidance of either. Was I forced to shave for swimming? Yeah kind of but I also was super excited by getting to be able to shave. I clearly remember I was excited by it while the other boys really did not want to.

I can point to any number of things and say, see here, this is the cause, or at least pushed me along, or helped me along, but at the end of the day, this is just me and I would have turned out this way regardless. At least that is my $.02 on the topic. :)

[NancyJ]

I know that for me there are multiple factors and not go way back. I never liked the roughhousing of the other boys, competition about which boy was tougher, and the expectation to play (and be good at) boys sports (b/4 Title 9). I always wished that I could be w/the girls on the playground as they seemed to have more fun, but I was afraid to be "different" (still am). Also, most women in my life were kind and nurturing and most men we're mean, distant, and strict. Plus, from an early age I was fascinated w/women's clothes: the fabrics, the colors, the straps, etc., and a whole big section of the department store devoted just to underthings. So, yes, early on I wished that I was not a boy, and now have (mostly) accepted that I am a man, but wish I was a woman. And when I dress I pretend that I am, Nancy

[Abbyru1]

I grew up with three other brothers. Both parents had enough love for all of us and nobody was forced to do anything that would've even been
girl like.So, I never gave up the "boy" - I just added to what was already there! Even now, the boy stays and the girl is there too. Not close to being a dual personalty. I like the both of us. Women's clothing fit much nicer and the colors are great but I'm still a boy who likes women's clothing.

[LilSissyStevie]

This is an interesting subject because I've come to realize that for me the idea of "being a girl" or having a "feminine side" is a red herring and that "shedding the boy" is really what it's all about. Another word for "shedding the boy" is emasculation. I think it is a more honest and accurate word in my case because I have other interests (Femdom, BDSM, etc) that do not necessarily involve overt femininization but are also emasculating in their nature. Most masculine identified CDs will equate emasculation with humiliation because the worst thing that can happen to a man is to be emasculated (the amount of cognitive dissonance here is astounding) but to me it is absolute bliss. Trying to be a macho man is where I experience humiliation.

I really don't know why I'm the way I am but I could be a poster boy for the "childhood emasculation trauma" theory of autogynephilia (as opposed to the "erotic target location error" theory or any kind of genetic theories.) I thought my life would be better if I were a girl and I fantasized about it until it almost became my reality. Maybe I do it because each time I re-live the trauma under safe and controlled conditions it takes away a little of the sting and that is why it feels so good to me.

[mikiSJ]

Anyone else start feeling, acting, being female following a severe mental trauma or as part of PTSD?
i was raped when I was 15 and hid the injury and humiliation for nearly 50 years. But after the 'event', I developed a deep fear and resentment of males and never developed any close male friends. Even though I am a 'Nam Vet, you don't need to see combat to suffer PTSD.
I was forced in retirement when I was 65 and with no prospects for future employment, I began to explore who the real me was during the past 50 years and out popped Miki. I am not CD, I am a transgender woman.

[Teresa]

Hi Tinkerbell,
There's never been time when I wanted to shed the boy ( they can have fun too !) but every day I have Teresa thoughts. At an early age I was attracted to certain clothes which lead to an auto sexual response which got locked in my brain, I have lived with it ever since. I had no outside influences and no one else was to blame, I wonder if I didn't have access to the clothes would I still be a CDer ? or would it just happened later ?

[Caden Lane]

Hi Tink. Good question. I started cross dressing at the age of three when is run around the house wearing my moms nighties while playing around the house. Based on some things my mother has said about dressing my younger brother in dresses a few times because she wanted a girl, I cannot help but wonder if perhaps she did the same to me, and it somehow imprinted on me. But as openly as she admits doing that to my brother, she has never admitted dressing me up. So I tend to dismiss that theory on that basis. If she had done it, I sincerely believe it would be a family anecdote the same as my brother's.

I tend to lean towards genetic predisposition. Some of us with that disposition require a trigger, others do not and simply fall into it. That also would not elleminate the possibility that severe emotional/psychological trauma may be a catalyst for someone who was hurt or abused. They may make an association that "maleness" equivocates hurt or pain and wish to distance them self from the mere association.

I do know that I'm in a point in my life where I do not question the why. I simply enjoy who I am, the Love and amazing support of my GF, and I simply wonder at ways that this aspect of who I am can further enrich my life. I do not look at it as shedding my masculinity. Unfortunately, no amount of Lane Bryant or Dermablend will make it go away. I just look at my feminine aspect as a facet of a jewel. The same as my masculine aspect, or my desire to cave dive or write. They are all things that make up who I am, and contribute to the bigger picture of me. To eliminate any of those facets would be like crippling a person by removing an appendage. So in my mind, for me, to shed my masculinity would be crippling.

[adrienner99]

I was bullied pretty badly as a skinny boy and have always wondered if that somehow connected with wanting to dress..or at least intensified the desire to dress. Where and when I grew up, girls were not bullied as they are today....I do feel a sense of ...relief when dressed. Relief from constantly feeling, "Could I take this guy if I had to?" whenever I meet another male...I am not aggressive or confrontational (nor do I take "stuff" from people) but there is no question that when dressed I feel less of need to be on guard, or tough...as a male I feel a certain, constant pressure to be somebody like chuck Norris.

[JenniferR771]

Good question, Tinkerbelle. Genetics--that is possible--but I don't think cding runs in families. Middle of three brothers. Myself--I was a bit small and skinny--struck out in softball every time. I think I had sexual thoughts early--but--no girls seemed interested in me. As a quiet, non-social, shy and a nerdy kid, I didn't date much. But what a thrill it was to sneak into my mom's closet and try on her underwear, nylons and dresses! I had a few fetish interests, also. With persistent effort I became more or less successful--kids and grandchildren now. Gradually I came out to myself. And finally came out to my wife--who disapproves. Tolerates cding slightly. And true--I have more dresses and high heels than she does.
Clearly its internal; it begins very early in life (with some exceptions). Should mothers keep their closets locked to keep their sons away from temptation? I doubt that would help. Sexuality is a necessary part for the success of our species. In a higher order of intelligence organism--its an inexact--but primordial drive.

[sherri]

I can look back and see little indicators here and there, but had no cognitive awareness at the time. I was raised well but very strictly, and my parents would have been apoplectic over a tg child. They might not have kicked me out of the house, but had I been insistent, I think my dad would have effectively washed his hands of me once he realized he couldn't force his will on me.

[sometimes_miss]

Even though throughout my early childhood, it appeared that girls had it better than boys in many ways, there was still no feeling that I wanted to stop being a boy. It was only after being molested and being told that god made a mistake, and that I was really a girl, that I felt I had to prepare to live my life as a girl, and so (in private) I did whatever I could to 'ditch' the boy in me and do everything I could to learn how to be a girl. Of course, doing that to myself on a daily basis for about seven years took it's effect, and by high school, I really felt that I was a girl, and had abandoned a lot of normal boy activities. Theory is, during some point in those years of development, something clicks in our minds and our gender ID becomes permanent. Sure, later on I learned the errors, but the feeling that I'm supposed to be a girl has never gone away.