(Hypothetical Question) Does cheating make you a monster?

[kittypw GG]

Imagine that you believe you are in a committed heterosexual relationship. You get the flu and it doesn't go away so you go to the doctor. After some testing and a lot of worry you are told that not only you are HIV positive but your Tcell count is so dangerously low that you have contracted a deadly AIDS related illness like PML (look it up it is fatal in 3 months of diagnosis). Now not only do you have to deal with your mortality but you have to deal with the facts of how you got hit but this truck that you did not see comming.
If you care so little about the life of your spouse that you hide your bisexuality and take away any chance of them protecting themselves from harm and you have found a way to not feel guilty then in my opinion that makes you a monster of the worst kind.

[FionaAlexis]

Its hard to imagine how such behaviour could be anything less than totally irresponsible. And if the spouse was aware they are HIV positive then they are callous in the extreme. Yes, monstrous, immoral and even criminal?

Fiona xx

[mellisa's wife]

In my opinion, wouldn't that be considered assault with a deadly weapon?

I'm not kidding.

[Wendy me]

for what it's worth i belive when you are in a relationship stright or gay or what ever , you should be committed to that person 100% . and to go have a relationship behinde their back is 100% wrong .. you owe that person the decency to tell them that for what ever reason you are thinking of haveing a relationship outside of what you have with them ...and let them have their say ..even if thay want to end your relationship with them.....

for gods sakes in this day and age have some common scence to at least protice your selfe when being with someone ......

how thought less and selfish a person that has a so and cars so little of them selfes that thay would endanger the one ( or souposaly) thay love....

[CharleneCD]

Aids and other STD's can be contracted from either sex. Cheating is wrong whether with the same or opposite sex. No more needs to be said.

[TGMarla]

Kitty, did this actually happen? Or are you just speculating? I have heard this scenario before, and it's truly a hideous circumstance. And it's not so far-fetched as it might seem. Charlene is right....HIV can be contracted from either sex, but due to the fragile properties of the rectal tissue, a greater percentage of the time it is an anal sex act that is the conduit. But to answer your question as it is asked, yes. It's a monstrous thing to do. Cheating is bad enough, but doing so without protection, contracting a death sentence, and passing it on to a spouse is absolutely reprehensible.

My first wife nearly died because her first husband did something similar the night before they got married. What a creep.

[MsJanessa]

I try not to judge people's sexual behavior or misbehavior---It is not Me in their relationship and I 'm not privy to all that may be going on---obviously any responsible person would take precautions to guard against STDs and any ethical person with an STD would refrain from having sex with anyone without first telling them of her health status----beyond that as long as the sexual conduct is with consenting adults it's not My business. I certainly wouldn't think somebody was a "monster" because they had an extramarital affair.

[Stephenie]

Kitty,
I agree with you. To do something like that to some one is inexcusable. If you are in a comitted relationship then you must be comitted to it. Cheating is wrong and killing your spouse/so is very wrong.

[Lissa Stevens]

Kitty all that I can say is I will hold you close in my heart. Anyone going through this has a right to feel angry. Just don't let the anger consume you. It will not help you in your fight.

[Tamara Croft]

Just a note, this is a 'hypothetical' question, this isn't 'fact'.

[Imogen_Mann]

Is it just me, or does the original question not read quite right ?

"Imagine that you believe you are in a committed heterosexual relationship." Ok, I'm imagining that.... then...

"After some testing and a lot of worry you are told that not only you are HIV positive but your Tcell count is so dangerously low that you have contracted a deadly AIDS related illness like PML " Ok... Taken that on board too... Understand the question so far.... then ...

"If you care so little about the life of your spouse that you hide your bisexuality " But hang on.... I was already imagining that I was in a committed hetrosexual relationship... so how can I be hiding bisexuality ? i mean... either I'm committed or I'm not ? so.... committed hetrosexual means what ? because to me, it would mean 'not bisexual'

Is it just me being a bit thick or what ? or does this question (hypothetical or not) make little sense ? to me, something seems awry, or is tha last part of the 'question' in fact a broadside intended for delivery to the hypothetical partner of someone who believes thay are in a commited hetrosexual relationship ?

I know half of my posts are probably gibberish of the worst kind, but this one seems, I dont know...odd.

THAT SAID.... If my interpretation of it is correct.... I am the hetrosexual, and a partner who'm I believed to be hetrosexual has lied and infected me with HIV AIDS etc... then how do I feel about it ?

I think the short phrase "PREMEDITATED MURDER" spring to mind. To knowingly expose anyone to a deadly virus, or a virus that you know 'could be' deadly is simply that, attempted murder.

As for dealing with mortality... We all have to do that one day sooner or later, no biggie (apart from I'd rather it was later.... MUCH later ! ). How would I deal with the chain of events leading up to it ? I can't know for sure, but I think I'd feel that life's a gamble... I could be diagnosed with cancer, AIDS, Parkinsons, Alzheimers, Bird Flu, CJD... I could get run over, shot, electrocuted, drowned.... I do my best not to take risks, but a life with no risk is so boring I migh as well already BE dead.

XX

Jayme.

[Bonnie D]

I would assume that everyone feels that they are in a committed relationship, however, the sex industry (ie. male/female prostitutes and call girls/boys) realises how many are not. I'm don't know what the stats are but I'm sure they are higher than what everyone would like. I for one always practice safe sex and also get tested. I would hope that all cheaters and anyone else having more than one partner would also keep safety a major issue.

Knowingly having AIDS and then having unsafe sex with someone is a crime.

Bonnie

[paulaN]

Who am I to pass judgement on anyone for cheeting. Until I walk a mile in their heels.

[Stephanie Brooks]

Imagine that you believe you are in a committed heterosexual relationship. You get the flu and it doesn't go away so you go to the doctor. After some testing and a lot of worry you are told that not only you are HIV positive but your Tcell count is so dangerously low that you have contracted a deadly AIDS related illness like PML (look it up it is fatal in 3 months of diagnosis). Now not only do you have to deal with your mortality but you have to deal with the facts of how you got hit but this truck that you did not see comming.
If you care so little about the life of your spouse that you hide your bisexuality and take away any chance of them protecting themselves from harm and you have found a way to not feel guilty then in my opinion that makes you a monster of the worst kind.
"Committed heterosexual relationship". I'll assume this means "monogamous heterosexual marriage", given that you mentioned spouses. What's important is that this is a closed relationship.

A monster of the worst kind? Yeah, I'd agree. The cheater shows complete disrespect for his (her - substitute as appropriate) marriage and his wife, as well as the person(s) with whom he cheated. He puts his wife's life at risk when he engages in subsequent activity with her.

"Hey, I'm married, and I've said I won't share myself with anyone else. You, who are not my spouse, have just what I want. Wanna play? Oh, and uh, I'll respect you as much as I respect my spouse. C'mon, it will be okay."

Promiscuity today is a game of Russian roulette. Play with someone else and you play with their partners too. Play with your wife afterwards, and she plays with them too; morals are now an issue, as you're exposing her to mortal dangers without letting her choose.

If the husband knew he was bisexual, then he should have told his wife. If the husband cheated on his wife, he should have told her. The reality is that the former information would likely be withheld for a variety of reasons, not unlike the reasons some CDs don't tell (for example, embarassment, thoughts that it might go away, didn't understand it, et al). The later would likely be withheld, as folks don't like getting themselves in trouble. He has no respect for his marriage or wife, so becoming all honorable by telling his wife he just spent some time with a guy isn't exactly going to endear him to her.

He's a worm.

[Lisa Maren]

I, too, completely agree with you, Kitty.

That is an absolutely heinous thing to do! I truly hope that your scenario is only hypothetical. If it's not, I know that the past cannot be undone, but please come back anytime for whatever comfort and support we can offer!

Hugs,
Lisa

[KathrynW]

Does cheating make you a monster?

Here's the short answer to your question...

YES!
YES!
YES!
YES!
YES!

[kittypw GG]

I am sorry that some of you thought that I myself was the victim of this situation. The truth is that my best friend of 14 years admitted to me a month before he died of PML that he had had unprotected sex with two men. These two men did not consider themselves homosexual nor did they want to admit that they were at the very least bisexual. One was living with a women but not married and the other was married. Their sexual encounters would take place over the lunch hour. They were always home at the proper time after work and their so's considered themselves involved in a heterosexual, monogamous committed relationship. I often wonder what happened to these unsuspecting women. I wounder if their husbands shared the letter they got from the dept of health offering them testing. Infidelity has got to be the biggest fear for women in general but. For women in my shoes whos husband has fantasies of having sex with male partners the fear is unbelievable. What makes a man cross the line from fantasy to reality? Will it ever become a reality? Thanks for all of your comments. I just wanted to state how serious this problem is especially when the new cases of HIV infection are on the increase.

[Fallen Angel]

I will have to agree with the other girls here abulutley unforgiveable!!!! With all the information out there protecting ones self is the most importaint thing ever! And all i can say is Im very sorry for the one that has to suffer by it.

[KathrynW]

I am sorry that some of you thought that I myself was the victim of this situation.
Well, I'm glad to hear it's not your personal situation...
However...I could name a handful of others who've posted here recently...and they should REALLY be thinking about this post. Do I need to give names? No, I don't think so...
To those (who know who they are)...fool around and have sex with all the guys you want, be as gay as a day at the circus for all I care (I don't)...
But if you do it within the context of a marriage....you will eventually pay...trust me...that's just the way life works. ;)

[Holly]

Let's see... a violation of trust, a violation of vows, deliberately putting another human being's life at risk, lying; yeah, I'd say pretty monsterous!

[Sarahgurl371]

Kitty, yes i would agree that cheating is a very bad thing. I would never do it. I also feel that there can be emotional infideltiy as well.

[Rainbow6562005]

My view of this is that name-calling is pointless (though labelling such persons is very appealing as an emotional release) , but there is a crime being perpetrated by the infected sexual partner, commited or casual. Simply as a matter of ethics, one doesn't threaten harm to another. It's no different than waving a gun around someone's head and firing off a bullet with one's eyes closed.

Years ago, before AIDS appeared, there was a Herpes epidemic. Some infected individuals proceded to have sex with as many people as possible, to punish them, as a gender.

Then there was a man in New York State a while back who deliverately spread the HIV to as many girls as possible.

My emotional response to such persons is rage and fear: my thinking is "kill the *******."



Rainbow

[Jenny Beth]

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your best friend. I firmly believe that having extra marital sex is wrong. To me there is nothing worse than bringing home a disease to the one you supposedly love, in fact it is criminal and has led to prosecutions.

[Bonnie D]

Ok. You can all scream at me if you want but concerning the topic question.
Cheating does NOT make a person a monster otherwise you would be calling many Presidents, Prime Ministers, Popes, Cardinals, Bishops, people of power, and on and on throughout history, all monsters.

Secondly, knowingly giving a sexually transmitted disease to anyone is criminal. Some are implying that giving it to anyone other than your SO is alright. I don't think so.

Cheating is definitely wrong but doesn't make a person a monster. Catching someone cheating and then beating them or killing them, what would that be? Justifiable, he or she's a monster, it should be okay. No, it's not.

Anyway, I understand everyone's concern regarding the SO who is being cheated on.

Please don't PM me on this. I've been called enough names already.

[KathrynW]

Cheating is definitely wrong but doesn't make a person a monster. Catching someone cheating and then beating them or killing them, what would that be? Justifiable, he or she's a monster, it should be okay. No, it's not.
Is violence justifiable? Is cheating justifiable?
No, it's not.
I would really have no problem with someone who's cheating on a spouse receiving a severe beating.
I wouldn't say they don't deserve it.
What goes around, comes around...
If you wanna play...you better be prepared to pay.

[kittypw GG]

Bonnie,
The whole point here is that the men who had sex with my friend did not know he was HIV positive and about to die. Hell my friend did not know he was about to die. He refused to deal with his HIV status because of familial religious beliefs (his family is Dutch Reform) and self loathing. You can still pass on the HIV virus and not test positive. There is a window where you think that you are disease free but you are not. If you are cheating with men and your wife does not know you are taking from her an ability to defend herself from harm. Think about what you are doing and even though you say you have no guilt I am here to suggest that nothing you do bounces off you without a consiquence. It may be affecting you in ways you are not aware.
I am praying for all of the women who may be married to men like you and my friend.


Ok. You can all scream at me if you want but concerning the topic question.
Secondly, knowingly giving a sexually transmitted disease to anyone is criminal. Some are implying that giving it to anyone other than your SO is alright. I don't think so.

Cheating is definitely wrong but doesn't make a person a monster. Catching someone cheating and then beating them or killing them, what would that be? Justifiable, he or she's a monster, it should be okay. No, it's not.

[Deborah]

Cheating is wrong either way. It's happened to me twice and i frown upon those who do it.
Does it make you a monster? Not in my opinion, but i would be disgusted and not want to be around him or her.

[KathrynW]

Think about what you are doing and even though you say you have no guilt I am here to suggest that nothing you do bounces off you without a consiquence. It may be affecting you in ways you are not aware.
Kitty, you got that right...
It doesn't matter what anyone's spiritual beliefs are in this case. You can be the world's biggest athiest and it doesn't matter. It's really simple. Right is right - and wrong is wrong. If you're cheating on your spouse, you will eventually pay the price. And if you have children, you will likely devastate some lives along the way. Ask yourself this question: Is it worth it?
I have zero tolerance for anyone who does something like this, and I believe they richly deserve the very worst consequences that comes their way. No names are necessary here...but if the shoe fits, wear it.

[Christina Nicole]

Cheating makes one worse than a monster. We assume that monsters are lower forms of life. They are creatures without knowledge and without consciences. Since men and women who cheat have (or should!) both knowledge and conscience, they must, by definition, be worse than the monsters that don't know the evil they do.
The quote below is from this web site (http://www.cdcnpin.org/scripts/std/std.asp) which belongs to the Center for Disease Control.


Common STDs and the Organisms That Cause Them
Many people are aware of the most prominent STD—HIV. However, many other STDs affect millions of men and women each year. Many of these STDs initially cause no symptoms, especially in women[emphasis added - CN]. Symptoms, when they do develop, may be confused with those of other diseases that are not transmitted through sexual contact. STDs can still be transmitted person to person even if they do not show symptoms. Also, health problems caused by STDs tend to be more severe for women [emphasis added - CN] than for men.


That being true, makes cheating on the behalf of men more egregious, because if a man infects his wife, she'll be less likely to know and more likely to suffer more-- for something that was not her doing nor her fault.

Warm regards,
Christina Nicole

[danielle_bc]

Imagine that you believe you are in a committed heterosexual relationship. You get the flu and it doesn't go away so you go to the doctor. After some testing and a lot of worry you are told that not only you are HIV positive but your Tcell count is so dangerously low that you have contracted a deadly AIDS related illness like PML (look it up it is fatal in 3 months of diagnosis). Now not only do you have to deal with your mortality but you have to deal with the facts of how you got hit but this truck that you did not see comming.
If you care so little about the life of your spouse that you hide your bisexuality and take away any chance of them protecting themselves from harm and you have found a way to not feel guilty then in my opinion that makes you a monster of the worst kind.

If a partner in a comitted relationship cannot manage to stay faithful to the other then they need to take a serious look at this so called relationship. If a partner after cheating brings into the relationnship a s.t.d. then the guilty party has gone beyond irresponsibility. If you don't care about your own health and life then you don't deserve to be with any caring partner. You take upon yourself the self appointed right to dictate someone elses life outcome. HOW DARE YOU !

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Cheating is definitely wrong. (Although I've known situations where the marriages was dead in all but name and people were staying together "for the sake of the kids," which I think is arguably extenuating circumstances.)

But potentially exposing your partner to an STD, let alone a potentially fatal one, is reprehensible and monsterous.